SAANCHI
✨

'Aunty can I talk to Nishchay!!! I promise I'll only take a few minutes' I tried telling Preet aunty who was obviously trying to stop me saying groom shouldn't be meeting his bride before the wedding.

Now who is supposed to explain to her that I don't really know if there is ever going to be a wedding tomorrow!!!

'Aunty please!!! It's for the sake of Kayu...Just once I wa-' but my words were cut short when I heard Nishchay's voice

'Mumma!!! Let her in!!!' and Preet aunty didn't stop me. I slowly walked into his room. I noticed how the room looked much more neat and clean now. Preet Aunty had insisted that the house must atleast get painted once. Nishchay had got that done. His room however stayed the same pitch white however was much brighter now.

'Why didn't you tell me before?' Nishchay's voice boomed in the room and I looked at him. He was sitting on the floor leaning his back towards his king sized bed. I wanted to see him personally so I walked towards him.

'Stay there! You...you can take a chair kept there but don't come near me. I need my space Saanchi!!!' he said and I respected his privacy. I pulled the wooden chair next to the coffee table and sat there. I knew there was no point in hiding anything further. It was time we get talking.

'Whatever you heard was true Nishchay!!!' I said and pin drop silence followed in the room.

'Since when?' he asked and I closed my eyes shut and gathered my guts. Taking a deep breath I said

'I realised when I saw you with Sudeshna!!! Ofcourse I missed you when you left to Chandigarh. Every single day felt like a punishment but after a year when you came back home and said that you found the love of your life. That's when I realised!!!'

Flashback begins...

'Mehek please!!! You organise it!!!' I told Mehek who was busy decorating the garden area for Diwali. It felt so incomplete without Nishchay. He was the one who did all this but his absence was killing me.

'Sannu...he will be here soon!!! Remember he told he will come!!!"

I looked at Mehek and said
'Yes he said he would...but he said he would come a week early!!! Mehek it's Diwali tonight. He didn't even come for Choti Diwali. What is so important to him that he's ok to miss all this??? His phonecalls have reduced, he is always busy ...I don't understand if he didn't want to join us why did he even promise!!!' saying I threw the decorative paper roll away and walked aside.

I needed fresh air.

It was almost a year that Nishchay had shifted to Chandigarh. Initially he would call everyday which gradually turned into once in two days and then he began calling on weekends. He said he was busy and that BBM wasn't easy for him.

I did understand because he wasn't a commerce student new subjects were new challenges for him. People around consider only science students have tough subjects but Nishchay told me understanding accounts and economics is nothing less than fighting a war on the battlefield where you don't even know if you will ever win or lose. Nishchay kept telling me his accounts never tallied and he could never understand economics.

Given the fact that he was a busy bee and a determined busy bee I let him be but then his phonecalls almost began a rare phenomenon. At times I would get frustrated and call him up asking if he was free and he would end up telling he's busy and wouldn't even greet me a bye. It's like he was in a hurry. It more of felt like someone disconnected his phonecall.

One day when I was going through his friends book profile I saw him being tagged with a bunch of people. But then one girl was a constant. Nishchay kept holding onto her shoulder in almost every photograph. It seemed they were close. When I asked Nishchay he said 'She is just another classmate and her name was Sudeshna!!!'

It was all ok until this name Sudeshna became too frequently heard.

Sudeshna and I are going for a college fest!!!

Sudeshna made me Atte ka Halwa (Sweet made from flour and jaggery)!!!

Sudeshna and I are going to the library!!!

Sudeshna and I were on the call... never realised you called!!!

Sudeshna's mom is such a nice lady!!!

Sudeshna Sudeshna Sudeshna!!!

Urghhh!!!

I had begun to hate that name so much. I didn't know what was so special but I also slowly realised how I was been replaced by her in Nishchay's life and that feeling was painful.

✨

'Sannu...stop overthinking!!! He has his exams coming up...he must have been bus-'

'Mehek please!!! Don't give me explanations...he...he must have gone with his Sudeshna somewhere!!! After all she is more important na!!!' I said seeing a smirk on Mehek's face.

She cleared her throat saying
'Looks like someone is clearly jealous!!! No wonder you denied the opportunity of having your MBBS done in Sydney!!!'

'What do you mean?' I asked Mehek sternly

'Meaning!!! No sane student would deny the opportunity of doing your graduation that too having your medical degree from the best university in Sydney where again you could stay with your cousins. You picked Chandigarh Medical college over that!!! We all know what's in Chandigarh!!!' she said trying to tease

'Mehek shutup please!!! There is nothing like that!!! I....I....I...don't want to leave India!!!' I said

'You don't want to leave India or you don't want to stay away from Nishchay!!!' she said leaving me speechless. I didn't have an answer to it.

'Rubbish...there is nothing like that!!!' I denied Mehek's claims and got busy with the decorations while Mehek chuckled saying

'Wellll...if you say so...but mind you Sannu... anyone and everyone will laugh at you because you scored a whopping 98 percent in your 12th. You topped your entrance exams too...you have a scholarship sponsored for Sydney's best university..your family wants you to go to Sydney... you have your aunt and cousins staying in Sydney which means you will always feel at home and even then you want to study in Chandigarh. Can't digest that baby!!!'

Saying she walked away leaving me with my thoughts. Was I really that possessive about Nishchay?

Did I really so desperately wanted to be around him?

All my doubts however turned into reality when Nishchay came home for that Diwali...

Not alone...this time he was accompanied by Sudeshna!!!

And that Diwali I realised Nishchay wasn't just a friend...he was more...much more...

Nishchay was special

Flashback ends...

Nishchay is special!!!

'Was I the reason for your heartbreak and depression too?' he asked leaving me numb.

'You....were the man I fell for Nishchay but that doesn't mean you were the reason for my heartbreak and depression. It was one sided. I never told you how I felt because you loved Sudeshna!!! So stop blaming yourself!!!

He was still not facing me.

'How can you marry me Saanchi? Isn't it tough to marry someone who never acknowledged your emotions?' he asked. His tone had gone softer.

I got up from the chair and walked towards the bed. I wanted to sit next to him but he wouldn't like it so I simply stood near the bed.

'Nishchay it's my emotions. My feelings. You were not responsible for anything so please stop blaming yourself!!!' I whispered when I noticed him wipe his face.

Damn! Is he crying?

I wanted to console him but still couldn't gather enough guts to talk further but that's when he said

'I don't think we must marry Saanchi!!!'

What?? Is he insane?

I stood infront of him and looked at him. His eyes had gone red and he looked extremely low.

'Nishchay!!! I have already told you I have no expectations from you or this marriage. I don't want you to think from that perspective!!! Listen...It's all in the past so let it be!!! It's a new beginning for us from tomorrow!'

That's when he stood up in one go and took a step closer to me which made my heart skip a beat

'Are you telling me those emotions are off your mind now? That you don't feel anything for me?' he asked and I couldn't face him. But I knew if I say the truth he will never agree for this marriage, so I looked elsewhere and said

'I am marrying you because I want to be Kyra's mom Nishchay! Rest doesn't matter!!!' and that's when he turned me around clutching my shoulders in his strong hands and asked me looking into my eyes

'My question was something else Saanchi! I am asking you if you still feel for me or not!!!' and now it was getting difficult for me. I couldn't just deny my emotions for him when he was standing infront of me

I didn't have a go.

'I love you Nishchay!!!'

My confession made him hitch at once such that he took a step back. He was amused, shocked and surprised altogether. I could see tears in his eyes too.

'I can't love you Saanchi. I don't have it in me to love someone else. It's only Sudeshna for me. I can't fe-'

That's when I took a step closer and cupped his face in my palms and whispered
'And I don't expect you to either Nishchay. Look!!! When I realised my feelings for you I was an amateur. I was a kid. I couldn't handle it. It was tough but when you said you wanted to marry Sudeshna it killed me from within. It hurt me a lot but now I have learnt to cope up with it. I have consumed it absorbed it all. And look Nishchay you were not responsible for anything. I was not strong enough to see you being someone else's...and believe me when Sudeshna was pregnant with Kyra and you needed my help... Believe me I did not know...I swear...I was undergoing my therapies and treatment...my doctor...Keshav Ajjo (grandfather) who treated me had asked me to stay away from you...It was the only way. I swear I didn't have the least idea.' I said softly when he touched my palms and said

'I know Sannu!!! But.... I am ashamed to call myself your best friend. I wasn't with you during your toughest!!!' he said boring his brown ones into me. My eyes filled with fresh tears as I said

'But now you are!!! You know it...you know it all...so what's the problem now? Why don't you want to marry me? I'm healed Nishu!!! All healed!!!' I said and he looked elsewhere saying

'Its wrong because it's unfair. It's only fair if you get a normal marriage and not a compromise!!!'

'Its not Nishchay! This marriage is not a compromise! It's the most beautiful package of both father and daughter who have all my heart. Love need not be returned with love. It can also be returned with respect and care. You don't need to love me back Nishchay. It's enough that now...you respect my feelings. I always feared about your reaction thinking how will you behave when you know that you were the one but now I'm relieved and now I am more than ready for this new beginning.

There need not be only one kinda relationship between two people Nishchay. Romance isn't the ultimate. Something beyond romance exists and that's trust..and you can trust me.

I will never come in between you and Sudeshna. She will always be your love and I am happy staying your most trusted buddy! Believe me' I said and the next second I was pulled into a bone crushing hug from Nishchay.

He wept like a baby continuously muttering 'I am sorry but I'm helpless Saanchi' and I simply caressed his head. He digged his face into the crook of my neck and cried non stop. I wanted to stop him. But the other me wanted him to feel good. So I let him cry.

Walls of complaints...pain and tears were all broken down bringing in the new beginning of our life.

✨

'Saanchi...here make him wear the garland' Pacchi gave me the garland and I looked at Nishchay but suddenly Kyra tugged Nishchay with her little hands saying

'Paa...me too!!!' and Nishchay simply carried Kyra and she looked extremely amused of the 'Jai-Mala (exchange of garlands)' ritual.

I planned to make it extra special for both Kyra and Nishchay, so I simply wove both Nishchay and Kyra under the same garland by circling it across both of their necks and Kyra looked extremely excited and she began calling and giggling.

'Nischay... make Saanchi wear this garland!!!' I heard aunty tell Nishchay who still looked dazed with whatever happened last night. When he didn't react I took a step closer and simply bent a little and pushed my head low like a tortoise and his eyes filled with tears. He slowly made me wear the garland.

Everyone clapped and in one go Kyra jumped into my arms.

During all the wedding rituals I had Kyra sit on my lap.

Kyra looked the happiest when Nishchay filled a pinch of vermillion into my hair partition and Kyra was cutely adjusting my Maang Tika (head piece - jewellery) and I kissed her cheek.

When Nishchay was making me wear the Mangalsutra I felt a tingling sensation in my chest which I quickly tried to push away. I am not supposed to feel like this. I promised Nishchay...to myself that I would never expect anything from him or this marriage. Just then I felt two little hands across my neck saying

'That was Pa's and this is Kayu's!!!' and soon Kyra made me wear a little chain with a 'Mumma' pendant and that filled my eyes with tears and my heart was swollen with love for this little angel. The feeling of being her mother is beyond anything. Everything was worth this feeling

Even if it means having yet not having your love didn't matter anymore because I was gifted the most pious form of love...

I had a daughter. I was a mother.
I had been blessed with Kyra.
More than Being Mrs Saanchi Nishchay Mehra...the feeling of being Kyra's Mumma was unexplainable...It felt out of this world....I felt special.