It's been around three minutes Yoongi would guess since he's stepped into Jungkook's penthouse and he has yet to say a word.

At first he was rendered speechless by the smell.

But besides being hit with the nostalgic smell of food, he was also struck with the sight of the gorgeous man.

He had his blonde hair (Yoongi forgot about the fucking blonde hair) parted so his forehead was exposed– which was devastating enough– but then... then there's what he is wearing.

Although Yoongi may have failed to pay enough attention to Jungkook's hair when he surprisingly showed up at their party, he did remember Jungkook's tight pants and flowy button down with the sleeves rolled up.

Even when they went to dinner before he was dressed nicely– they both were– but now he is in his clothes. The clothes that were and have always been just so Jungkook.

These are the clothes Yoongi remembers Jungkook wearing back then.

His t-shirt where the sleeves stop just above his elbow to show the expanse of tattoos on his forearm.

His black pants with the cargo pockets on each leg that taper at the ankles. The ones that fit to his legs just enough to show their definition without being "constricting" he used to say.

These are the things Yoongi is used to seeing Jungkook in. This is the Jungkook Yoongi remembers.

This is the man who found his way into Yoongi's little world and swept him off his feet so suddenly it made his head spin.

This Jungkook opening the door floored him, and now he's forgotten how to form words.

He's been silent since the door was opened, but Jungkook hasn't seemed to mind.

In fact Yoongi is pretty sure he has been and is suppressing a grin even now as he fries two eggs, one for each of them, on the stove.

He blinks in surprise as he watches the younger place each egg atop one of the bowls of rice, vegetables and meat before doing the same with the other.

When he turns to Yoongi, each bowl in hand, Yoongi is still speechless.

Jungkook clears his throat, looking from Yoongi to the bowls of food, almost insecurely.

"I try to keep the ingredients on hand because, as you know, not only is this one of the only things I've mastered how to cook, it is also my comfort meal."

Yoongi nods, watching as Jungkook makes his way to the round dinner table, setting both bowls down near two sets of chopsticks and a few napkins that have been set out for them.

"I remember," Yoongi gulps, voice nearly cracking, still not moving from his spot near the opening to the kitchen. "Your brother would make this for you and taught you the recipe. You made it quite a lot."

"Only for you," Jungkook smiles softly, speaking in a lowered voice.

Yoongi sputters, watching dumbly as Jungkook stands up straight to look at him.

"I don't know if you've eaten already but I'd really like it if you had dinner with me. And before you protest, I'd like to point out that the dinner table is one of the best places to have conversations; which is the goal of tonight, is it not?"

Yoongi moves his eyes between Jungkook and the table a couple times before agreeing with a quiet "Okay," walking slowly to the table. Jungkook doesn't move to sit down until Yoongi does, but just as he's about to be seated, he stands back up.

"Drinks!" He exclaims suddenly. "I forgot drinks. Do you want water; Coke; milk; whiskey; soju-"

"Water is perfect, Kook."

Jungkook grins hearing the nickname he's been waiting to hear Yoongi utter again before he rushes to the fridge to retrieve the drinks.

As Yoongi watches Jungkook practically run to the fridge, he can't help the small smile that appears on his lips.

He's glad things seem to be starting without the intensity he anticipates their conversation will adopt later on.

It seems that things are on track to start out a bit lighter, which he is in full support of.

He'd rather procrastinate the hard conversations for as long as possible.

After his glass is set on the table in front of him and Jungkook has taken his seat, the younger eyes Yoongi as he picks up his chop sticks to begin lightly mixing the ingredients in the bowl, which reminds Jungkook of the most important part of this meal.

He quickly uses his chopsticks to remove the partly cooked yoke from his bowl before reaching across the space between them to place it in Yoongi's.

Yoongi's movements still, watching Jungkook's hand closely, not tearing his eyes away until Jungkook's hand in retracted.

"You remembered I like the yolk..." he says, almost in awe.

"Of course I remembered. We used to eat this like five times a week and I learned pretty quickly that the yolk is one of your favorite parts of the dish."

Yoongi smiles and Jungkook doesn't fail to notice the endearment coloring his features.

Jungkook smiles even wider. The food seems to be doing what he'd hoped; bringing back old memories.

"Anyway, what did you do today?" Jungkook asks casually before placing a piece of steak in his mouth.

"I had work until two-thirty, piano lessons until four, then I went home and cleaned my house, waiting for you to tell me your 'dishes' were done. Little did I know that dishes meant cooking a whole meal," Yoongi chuckles, "Which explains the late time you told me to come over much better than the first excuse."

"Awe, still do your stress cleaning then?" Jungkook chuckles, smiling wider when Yoongi's cheeks dust that pretty shade of pink he hadn't seen in a while. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I just kinda wanted it to be a surprise," Jungkook softens his expression, tilting his head. "Piano lessons you said?"

"Yes. There are a few students I started giving lessons to after school."

Jungkook begins mixing the contents in his bowl with a raised brow. "School?"

"I am a music teacher at an elementary school," Yoongi says, sounding proud.

Jungkook sputters at that, eyes widening. "You have a masters degree in Music Production and Composition and instead of being a professor or a producer, you teach kids how to... what, sight read music and play the piano?"

Yoongi chews the bite of food in his mouth as he observes Jungkook, thinking of his answer.

He should be offended– Jungkook's tone is borderline mocking– but after swallowing his bite, he laughs lightly, playing it off rather than picking a fight.

"You sound like I've personally insulted you by not being more, I don't know... Successful, or something."

"No, not at all!" Jungkook assures. "I'm just surprised. You were so excited to create music and be a part of the music industry in university. To 'make an impact and change it for the better' you used to say. I didn't expect you to be working with second graders instead."

"First, second and third actually," Yoongi chuckles, looking down at his bowl as he mixes the ingredients mainly to give him something to fix his eyes on besides Jungkook.

"How did you come into a job opportunity like that?" Jungkook asks, genuinely curious.

"It's an interesting story actually. It all starts with my dreams crashing and burning," Yoongi smiles fondly, knowing everything turned out for the better while Jungkook looks at him with pity.

"Fresh out of school, I submitted applications to seven companies in different cities," he sighs, shaking his head slightly. "Four never got back to me, the other three reached out to set up interviews but none hired me.

"I had to travel for each of those interviews, which I gladly did because I wanted the jobs. I spent so much time preparing and had my hopes up so high, but it just didn't work out."

Jungkook frowns, his lips pouting out a bit.

"I was depressed– really depressed– and my funds were draining from all the travel," Yoongi pauses, not liking remembering that particular part of his journey to where he is now, but he reluctantly acknowledges looking back that it was all necessary to get him to where he is now.

"As you know, I moved back to Daegu after graduation. After Tae and I reconnected, he would commute back home as often as he could to visit me.

"On one of his visits, when I was feeling particularly down, he suggested using some of my knowledge to help with a music program at a local school."

Jungkook nods along, lips pressed tightly together in thought and Yoongi would bet he knows what he's thinking.

Yoongi is not known to be particularly fond of or good with children. He is probably the last person one would expect to work at an elementary school, but alas; that's where life took him.

"Tae spoke to some people, with whoever he has connections with, and set up a meeting with a school, which was actually the one he and I had attended growing up, to help the main instructor there a few times per week. Just to give me a chance to see how I liked it. From the very first day, I loved it," Yoongi smiles happily.

"Loved everything about it. Since coming here I've transferred to that school's sister location continuing as an instructor in the music department, and have been there for a few weeks now," Yoongi sets down his chopsticks to reach for his glass of water.

After taking a sip, he looks up at Jungkook.

"You said you expected me to be a part of the music industry. To help 'change it' as I used to say. Well, what better way to contribute to making an impact, or inspiring change, within the industry than to help kids develop a passion– discover their love as well as hone their talents– for music. It's almost like going straight to the source to make a difference, so to speak."

"That is amazing, hyung. Truly. I'm sorry if what I said came across as rude. I didn't mean for it to be, I was just surprised. But I can tell you really enjoy your job... Not a lot of people get to experience that," he says and Yoongi notices his smile lessen just a little.

He keeps his eyes on him for a few more moments, long enough to finish the vegetables in his mouth before speaking.

"How is work going for you?"

"It's been a good quarter. Our profits are up, we have a record number of building requests coming in. The company is thriving," he answers in a monotone voice with a shrug of his shoulders.

Yoongi studies Jungkook, who is no longer looking at him but instead at the table.

The answer was so disingenuous and automatic. So practiced. It doesn't sit well with Yoongi.

"But, how is it going for you, Kook."

Jungkook stays quiet for a few long beats and Yoongi allows the silence to settle.

He watches Jungkook take a breath, about to answer with a strategically placed smile, but Yoongi speaks first.

"Open and honest," Yoongi reminds him.

Jungkook's shoulders stiffen and he keeps his eyes down.

His whole attitude is a stark contrast to the confident, smiley man from just a short time ago.

Right now, he seems much more unsure of himself.

Jungkook takes a shaky breath, placing his chopsticks across his bowl. He exhales once more through his nose before meeting Yoongi's stare.

"I know you have probably been asked that a million and a half times, but I would bet you have yet to answer honestly," Yoongi voices. "Have you at least spoken to Jimin about how it's been going?"

Jungkook shakes his head in a way that is barely noticeable and Yoongi is immensely surprised at that answer.

He wants so badly to ask why not, but this isn't the time.

"You didn't come here for us to talk about my work, hyung..." Jungkook answers, voice sounding unexpectedly small.

Yoongi bites the inside of his cheek, thinking over his answer carefully.

Open and honest he reminds himself before saying, "That's true. There's actually a few things I came here to talk about. I wanted to try to make amends and work out a way for us to be on speaking terms, maybe even friends, again.

"Additionally," he clears his throat, "I wanted to try to get you to give me some sort of insight on your plan to sabotage my engagement before your meeting with Tae this week."

Jungkook tilts his head, not looking particularly surprised but also not looking very happy with what's been said either.

"All that aside, right now I do want to talk about your work. And I want you to tell me honestly how you've been feeling as well as how you've been adjusting."

"Like I said," he reiterates, sounding more defensive now. "It's good."

Jungkook keeps his face neutral for a few seconds, and Yoongi can tell that he's trying to appear strong. Indifferent.

Yoongi can tell that he is hesitant to speak, so– with the intent to show that despite the distance they've had, he still wants to know and support him– he slowly slides his chair away from the table and walks around it to Jungkook.

Jungkook follows him with his eyes, turning his head with Yoongi's movements. Once beside him, Yoongi crouches down, placing his hand on Jungkook's forearm.

"Bun," Yoongi says as gently and it's probably unfair to use the nickname, but it does the trick because as soon as the word leaves his mouth he sees Jungkook's eyes widen and his shoulders drop ever so slightly as his walls begin to crumble.

"I don't know why you didn't talk to Jimin, but I hope you know you can talk to me. I won't judge you. I would never-"

Jungkook slides his chair away from the table abruptly as he surges forward, wrapping his arms around Yoongi.

Yoongi stays still for just a second before adjusting his arms so the two of them can fit together a little more comfortably.

Jungkook's shoulders begin to shake with his sobs as Yoongi holds him tightly with one arm while the other rubs his back soothingly.

This is not what Yoongi had in mind for this visit at all.

But, the longer he looked at Jungkook after asking such a simple question the stronger the notion became that no one has asked Jungkook how he is doing.

No one he trusts enough to tell the truth to. No one who cares for him enough– who knows him well enough– to know when he's not okay even if he insists that he is.

He doesn't and hasn't had anyone. No one he felt like he could open up to and be honest with.

But Yoongi's here now, and he makes a promise with himself then and there that no matter how the rest of the night goes– whether he can talk Jungkook into accepting his engagement and then remaining friends or not– he will never leave Jungkook alone with no one to talk to ever again.

.......

"This is not how the night was supposed to go," Jungkook sniffles.

Yoongi chuckles above him. He then reaches over Jungkook with his free hand= the one not currently combing through the younger's hair= to the low table in front of the couch, to get Jungkook another tissue.

"Oh, I fully expected tears. I just thought they would be mine, not yours."

"Why would you cry?"

Yoongi takes a deep breath. He keeps his eyes forward, saying quietly, "I want us to be friends. I want you to be a part of my life, but... I can't be what you want me to be."

They are both quiet, Jungkook making a small amount of noise as he blows his nose.

They stay like that for a while, Yoongi's nerves building the longer the silence stretches.

His eyes snap down to look at Jungkook when he feels him shift from where his head was rested on his leg to sit up.

Jungkook had been resting his cheek on Yoongi's leg. Now that he's eye level with him, Yoongi can more clearly see his face.

His red-tipped nose from his sniffling and using the tissues while it ran. His puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

But he also unexpectedly sees something else in his expression. An emotion that looks akin to anger beneath the hurt.

It catches Yoongi a little off guard. As does the next thing out of Jungkook's mouth.

"Why did you ask to meet with me?"

Yoongi blinks. "I told you before. I wanted to try to resolve all of this that's gone on. I want us to be friends again."

"I get why you wanted to talk tonight. I mean why did you text me that day? The day you told me about your engagement."

"I wanted to be the one to tell you. I thought... I thought I owed you that courtesy instead of making you hear it when it was formally announced."

Jungkook searches Yoongi's features closely as he asks, "But that wasn't the only reason was it."

Yoongi physically leans away from Jungkook, looking at him with a confused frown.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You hadn't spoken or seen me since the funeral. Then, out of the blue, you text me to tell me you were in town. You had already been ignoring me. If you felt like you needed to tell me you could have easily done it with a phone call. Even by text. But you asked to see me. Why?"

Yoongi considers his words, and he isn't wrong. Yoongi could have done any of those things, but... truthfully– selfishly– he wanted to see him.

Yoongi doesn't say that out loud though. He doesn't give an answer at all, so Jungkook continues.

"You were standing outside of that restaurant and when you saw me– when we first locked eyes– I saw it, hyung. You looked at me just like you used to look at me."

Yoongi's brows crash together. "Wha-"

"You looked at me like I was the most important person in the world. Then we sat down at the table and you basically told me that I wasn't. That you've found someone else to build your world around and it hurt like fucking hell. It still does."

Jungkook keeps his eyes locked with Yoongi's, a look of offense in them Yoongi had yet to see from him.

For a moment Yoongi wonders if this is some sort of manipulative ploy to test him because this is a stark difference to the Jungkook that was just lying in his lap.

Maybe it still is, but Yoongi knows Jungkook. Or at least he believes he still does.

He'd like to think he at least knows when he's being cheeky or flirtatious or calculating, and this doesn't seem like any of those.

He looks hurt. Genuinely.

"I-I don't know what to say," Yoongi stammers.

"Open and honest, right?" He says, sounding a bit patronizing, but Yoongi nods.

"Tell me why I never got a chance to be with you. Why I didn't get a chance to take you on dates and ask you to be my boyfriend. Why I didn't get a chance to spend every day showing you how much I love you. Why I didn't get a chance to ask you to marry me. Why?"

The first tear falls from Yoongi's eye in that moment, but he quickly wipes it away.

"You-" Yoongi gulps, his throat feeling incredibly dry. "You never seemed like you wanted that. Like you wanted to be serious and settle down."

"I could say the same thing about you," Jungkook retorts coldly. "I was always there, always ready when you decided you needed me. You may not realize it– I don't think you ever did– but you used me."

Yoongi gapes as Jungkook continues.

"Whenever you were feeling stressed; you came to me. Whenever you had a bad day; you came to me. Whenever you got overwhelmed with exams or assignments; you came to me.

"Anything that happened that you felt you couldn't handle– that made you feel stressed or upset– you came to me. I never had a chance because you never stuck around long enough to give me one."

The last part comes out with a lot less venom, the hurt more apparent in his words again.

Yoongi's eyes widen in realizationc thinking back. More tears fall at a faster rate as he realizes that Jungkook is right. He's absolutely right.

Jungkook was labeled as the player on campus.

The guy who didn't do relationships.

The guy who would fuck you once then never talk to you again, but he was nothing like that.

When Yoongi got to know him, Jungkook disproved every rumor that was spread about him at every turn.

He was kind; thoughtful; intelligent; shy at times, and tender hearted.

Every characteristic was wildly opposed to the things people would say– the things they would assume– about the guy who only wore black and had an arm covered in tattoos.

The mysterious, motorcycle riding enigma who kept to himself but was apparently very skilled in the art of seduction when he was in the mood to get his dick wet.

Yoongi heard all those things and more about Jeon Jungkook but in reality he wasn't like that at all.

He told Yoongi he had a motorcycle simply because he liked the feeling of freedom he'd get from riding it.

That he did go through a bit of a rebellious faze after his brother left for school and he was stuck with his unemotional Grandparents.

He shared with Yoongi that he'd only ever slept with two people– only one of them being since he'd started University– so he had no idea how the rumor started that he was some sort of Casanova seducer.

Jungkook didn't recall ever being rude to anyone on purpose so he also wasn't sure why some people thought he was an asshole either.

Even before Yoongi knew all of that, he was drawn to him almost immediately and it was the same for Jungkook.

(It was most of the reason why Yoongi had asked so many people about who he was.)

They just– clicked. Everything between them was so easy.

Even the transition– although rather fast– from being friends to sleeping together was relatively smooth.

Once they did cross that line their friendship still didn't really change.

They weren't suddenly all over each other all the time.

They still saw each other every day, had their home made dinners, their weekly movie nights– usually watching the flicks that are so bad they're almost good– as well as their little back and forth banter about silly, meaningless things.

It was easy. And because of that ease, looking back now, Yoongi can see where he took advantage.

He knew Jungkook would always be there. Would always be waiting in his dorm or lounging around his own, ready to listen to Yoongi complain, comfort him when he was feeling overwhelmed, ready to give Yoongi whatever he needed.

Not because he was just such a good friend like Yoongi naively thought, but because he loved him.

Because he was in love with him.

It's a harsh truth, but Jungkook is right. Yoongi would always come to him, yet he let his own stupid guilt deter him from extending the same courtesy when Jungkook needed him for once.

"I'm sorry that I reacted the way I did when you told me the news of your engagement. I know I could have handled it better. More maturely. I know that, but honestly, I panicked," Jungkook gulps, "I was so happy when I saw your message. So fucking happy, because I thought you were finally coming back to me... Instead, you told me you found someone else."

Yoongi is staring, eyes wide in shock and realization.

What took you so long?

That's what he had said the first time he'd seen Yoongi again.

He didn't insult Yoongi or tell him off for abandoning him when he had no one else.

He got a little upset when they were at the table, but not as upset as he had the right to be.

He didn't even really raise his voice. Not when they were at the table that night and definitely not when they saw each other outside the restaurant.

Instead the first thing out of his mouth was a simple question. He asked Yoongi what took him so long.

What took you so long to come back to me is what he'd really meant.

Yoongi feels like a complete asshole all over again. His lips quiver as he raises his eyes to look at Jungkook with disbelief and sorrow.

"Kook..." he begins, voice on the edge of a sob. "I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry."

And this- this is how he expected tonight to go. Himself crying, begging for Jungkook's forgiveness.

He reaches for Jungkook, fisting his shirt in his hands to pull him to Yoongi so he can rest his head against Jungkook's chest.

Jungkook puts his arms around him after a little hesitation.

As the first sob leaves him, Jungkook begins rocking him from side to side.

He then pulls Yoongi into his lap to continue holding him while the older cries, to comfort him and, again, this isn't fair.

Jungkook is comforting Yoongi when he doesn't deserve it.

After a few more minutes, Jungkook speaks again.

"I love you with all my heart, Min Yoongi," he says, cheek rested against Yoongi's head. "All I want is a chance to prove that to you."

And, it could be Yoongi's spiraling mind clouded by guilt and regret, but it seems reasonable, doesn't it?

He didn't know Jungkook felt so strongly for him.

He didn't know he was willing to take things with Yoongi to the next level. He should have known, but he was an idiot. Is an idiot.

But– doesn't this sound quite familiar?

The same could be said about Taehyung.

Taehyung who knew Yoongi at his worst, yet still cared about him. Taehyung who spent years pining after Yoongi when he was oblivious to how the younger felt and... Isn't that so similar to Jungkook?

Yoongi raises his head off of Jungkook's chest to look at him, at an utter loss.

His mind and his heart are a complete and total mess. He isn't sure how to deal with it.

Isn't sure what to do, because all Jungkook is asking for is-

"A chance, hyung. That's all."

His train of thought completely derails when Jungkook's star-filled eyes drift from his eyes so so slowly to his lips.

Jungkook's mesmerizing, dark eyes are already fluttering shut in anticipation and Yoongi can't help but marvel at the site.

It's all so familiar and it sets his skin ablaze.

Yoongi's mind empties in an instant, the only thing going through it being the memory of what Jungkook's lips feel like on his.

How soft and pliant they were and how– in this moment– he wants to know more than anything if they still are.

If they still move so easily with his own. If the content sighs and small moans he could draw out of Jungkook still sound the same as they used to.

With all of these wants, Yoongi finds himself leaning forward, his eyes fixed on the younger's lips.

But, suddenly, Taehyung flashes through his mind.

His bright smile and his voice saying how much he loves Yoongi ringing loud in his ears.

He halts his movements, averting his conflicted gaze from Jungkook's lips to his eyes.

His heart breaks completely when he sees the knowing look in his gaze.

It's like he knows what Yoongi was thinking as if Yoongi had explained it all aloud.

With as much apology as Yoongi can put into his expression, he brings his hands up to gently cup Jungkook's cheeks.

"I don't know what to do," Yoongi mutters honestly and Jungkook leans into his touch.

"I wish it wasn't such a complicated decision, but I understand," he says, tears filling his eyes. "I understand."

Yoongi does lean forward this time, placing a kiss in the middle of Jungkook's creased brows.

"It is quite complicated," Yoongi whispers against his skin.

He pulls away just enough to bring his lips to kiss the tip of Jungkook's nose and each of his cheeks and he knows this is toeing a line, but he also knows Jungkook needs it.

He needs Yoongi close, and Yoongi has spent far too long denying him of that.

When he leans his head back down against his chest, Jungkook's body is noticeably more relaxed.

Yoongi feels that some of the tension has left his body too, but not much and not for long.

He doesn't understand how these two men, neither of whom he deserves in any way, shape or form, love him.

It's overwhelming and nerve racking and he kind of wants to hide away.

But– and how ironic a realization it is– but is he not currently in the arms of the very man he would turn to whenever he felt like this?

Whenever he needed to be held and comforted?

It's beautiful almost. Poetic.

But also terrible.

Terrible in the way that this all will lead to inevitable heartbreak.

Either Jungkook's, Taehyung's, or his own.

And that... That just isn't fair. For any of them.

"I'm sorry," Yoongi cries quietly. "So so sorry."