Chris,

      As a child, many people didn't understand how consequences work. You cried when everything fell on you, you felt betrayed, or you were just plain out confused. Like, Why did all of this happen? You know? Growing up, you begin to see that life is a game of UNO. Your actions are the cards you put down, but your consequence will be the player next to you who makes you draw 4. I spent the last year of my life trying to understand these shitty ass cards I've been dealt. I tried to allow myself to except my consequence, but I couldn't. I only managed to realize that consequences never cared for your intentions. Whether I forced myself on my student or not, I still broke the rule of being a teacher. I knew my actions were wrong, otherwise we would'nt have been hiding it like we were. I'm the player with the most cards in my hands. Right now, I can either lead a path straight to victory or give up and lose hope. One thing I do know is, Christopher Maurice Brown never gives up. Never.

      "Congratulations Mr. Brown, you are officially off of probation. I will allow your record to be expunged of the false aligations pertaining to sexual offense of a 19 year old Kamryn Reed. Although, Your teaching certification will still remain terminated due to your violation. You may be dismissed immediately. Please, stay out of trouble and do not let me see you again." the judge said before banging her gavel on the wooden plate. My probation officer gripped my shoulder and gave me a nod of pride.

      "It's all over now, son," he commented. "Let me know if you need anything, you know I'm here for you."

   "Yeah, I know." I chuckled, causing him to join in laughter. Tony and I grew close over the passed year. He wasn't like my P.O. back in NOLA, he cared for my success. Back in NOLA, it's like they prayed for my downfall. I left from there because I felt trapped. Sadly, It's time for me to go back home. Cali ain't give me nothing but bad karma. I close my eyes in relief, inhaling my reality. For the first time in a year, I smile. My pearly whites stretched across my face, allowing me to chuckle lightly. I'm free. Man, I'm finally free.

      "Man, whatcha' trynna do ta'night?" August asked staring at his phone while we sit in the car. My boy Eric is driving us to Carmen's house to drop Aug off and hopefully to see Kam, which I assume he only volunteered because he just bought this 1979 Cadillac Baritz that his buddy Alex repainted for him. I must say, this joker look nice as hell. But, I prefer my Cadys to be its original color. Besides, We all know Alex's paint jobs come weak anyway. He's just the cheapest kid to go to around here. I sink into the white leather seats as I gather my thoughts. Rubbing my face, I lean forward, and rest my elbows on my knees.

      "Aug, you know I'm leaving tonight. I'm going home right after I handle my business." I replied with a stern voice. August looked up from his phone and frowned a little. I sighed and shook my head because I already know what he about to say.

      "No celebration, no nothin'? I can't hang wit ma boy befo' he decide to leave a nigga hangin'? Wow.." He said with a pinch of pain. With a nod of his head, he plugged his eyes back to his Samsung Galaxy SV with the cracked screen. I wish he'd just get that fixed. I told him my brother's girlfriend, Shawny, can fix it for free. But, he waited until she went to prison last month to want her to fix it. Always late on something. He just never liked listening to my suggestions, anyway. I removed my eyes away from him and out the car window. I wasn't ready for this conversation, because we both know that I've been avoiding it. August and I have been best friends longer than I've known my own pops. Him and I moved out here to L.A. together and here I am, attempting to leave without even having to say goodbye.

      "Don't think of it like that-"

      "Like what?" he cut me off. "Like ya not bouta leave without even acknowledging da fact dat we brothas? Like ya didn't care dat I don' wantcha ta go? or don' think of it like ya haven't forgotten who I am, what I did, or what I do for you? As if ya not the only fuckin' fam I have." He argued with a strong NOLA accent that seems to get that way when he's upset. I grew speechless and let out a deep breath. He has a valid point, I can't argue with that at all. But, I still have to go.

      "Breezy, we're here." Eric said as he pulled up infront of Carmen's house. August hopped out the car with out a word and walked to the front door. I followed, preparing myself for the best moment of my life. This will be my first time meeting my kid, I'm kinda nervous. Sweaty palms and all, I just hope I didn't miss out on too much. A whole year is a long time to be absent but Im not even sure when the baby was born. I don't know the gender, nor his or her name. I feel like a dead beat already, I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this. What if's are really killing me inside. I inhaled all the doubts and exhaled my hopes as I knocked on the door. Surprisingly, a pregnant Carmen opened the door with a big smile on her face. I'm shocked at the little baby bump, which caused me to look pass the fact that theres a strange energy I'm beginning to feel.

   "Hey Chris, Hey Baby." she greeted us with joy as she opened her door for us. Reaching out her arms, she pulled me inside of the house as I landed into a hug. She soon disappeared into the bedroom with August as they walked hand and hand. Closing and locking the door, I'm stuck in the living room alone.

      I wandered up the stairs to Kami's old room, which obviously seemed occupide. Her door is locked, I know because usually you'd hear the door shaking as you climb the stairs when her door is unlocked. I knocked lightly on the wooden door, causing shuffling to occur from the bedroom. Why is her door locked? I thought she moved.. Soft steps trailed to the other side of the door and soon the door was unlocked.

   "Yes, Ma- C-chris?" Kami said stunned. She looks.. different. Like, really different. Her lips quivered as she said my name and she froze. I'm not surprised she's wearing a big t-shirt with nothing underneath but I am confused as to why there is movement in the sheets behind her. I hope she does'nt have my child under the damn covers, that's not safe at all. I pushed her aside only to see a dark skinned woman with long hair, wrapped in the sheets. She looked just as confused as I was.

    "Kamryn, what the hell is going on? and where is my kid?" I asked concerningly, furrowing my eyerows and squinting my eyes.

    "Bae, who the hell is this?" the woman blurted to Kamryn. Kamryn pushed me out the doorway and shut the door behind her. Bae? What type of crazy shit is this?

    "Why are you here? W-what are you doing here?" She asked. I chuckled and shook my head. I know this isn't happening. I know this isn't, it can't be.

    "What am I doing here? Are you ser-" Not even able to finish my sentence, I gave up. Snatching her hand, I yanked my engagement ring off her finger. "Now, where is my kid? Kamryn, why haven't I gotten any pictures? Why have I been sending baby shit over here and don't see not one item? Why am I the only fucking person who acts like they exist, but yet I'm the only one who hasn't seen them?!"

    "That's because, there is no baby.." she replied with tears in her eyes. She dropped her head into her shoulders and turned her back to me. Enraged, I gripped her forearm, pulling her back around to face me.

    "What the fuck you mean there is no baby? I saw the, the test, I know for a fact that you were pregnant. Where the hell is my child?!" I shouted, startling her and causing tears to rush down her face.

    "I lost it," she cried.

    "Lost it? W- how do you lose a baby? They can't fucking walk." I glared at her.

    "Miscarriage-"

    "When?" I asked wanting an instant answer.

    "What?" She replied in confusion.

    "When did you have a miscarriage? Kamryn Reed, don't fucking play with me!" I demanded.

    "About- about a year ago." she hesitated as she trembled in fear.

    "A year?" I frowned as an overwhelming pain flushed me. Looking down at Kamryn, I forget who she is. I forget why I am even here. I suddenly stopped caring and walked down the stairs, putting the ring in my pocket. I took one last look at her from the bottom of the stairs, only to be filled with hate as I watched her tear up. With a shake of my head, I storm out of the house and slam the door, causing the windows to shake. I've had enough of these damn Draw 4's. It's time to call it quits.

    Don't waste time. Don't ever waste your own time. I sacrificed my first honest career for wasted time. Some people are a catalyst in those situations. Some people need to be punished for ever crossing that boundary to cause your time to become a waste. Today, I'm making sure that catalyst won't cross my boundaries again. I'll make sure she bleeds her apologies and hopefully she learns how to waste her own time 6ft underground. Why is it the pretty ones that never seems to understand the reality of life? I will make Cara comprehend that shit very well, she'll have enough time to do so.

    "Bro, I told you I got it handled for you. You ain't gotta lift a damn finger." My little brother De'Mario said. He's the KingPin of this warehouse i'm posted in at the moment. My pops trained him to take over a few years ago, this all would've been mine if I hadn't been so mainstream at the time. D is crazier than I am, though. He killed more niggas than the white man and police combined. Rumor has it, he took his own moms out for his girl who's actually in prison for him now. He got the connect for every illegal thing there is in Cali. Hitmen is one of his main businesses. Need a hit, he got it quick. That's how it goes. I asked for his help with this hit but he trynna have his hitters do all the work for me. I want to finish this shit for myself, for my kid. I'm in the middle of loading my gun but D continues to play with me by snatching it away.

    "D, I don't have time for the games right now. This is my business, my hit." I said annoyed and mostly impatient.

    "You asked ME to help YOU," he started. "So, let me help."

    "Right, but that doesn't mean waste time by trynna to preach to me. I need to do this shit ASAP. She can't get away with what she did." I complained. D chuckled and shook his head.

    "Get away? They don't get away, Bro. We have all the time in the world to kill this jawn. Its you who has the time limit." He explained. August smirked and hopped off the ledge he was sitting on to walk out into the hall.

    "Look, miss me with the speech to keep me here. I'm leaving and that's-"

    "That's fine, I don't care where you go. I'm just not about to have you go on this hit and think you finna just leave me to clean up ya sloppy mess. That's what's not finna happen. So, like I said, I got it handled. Just chill out until its done then you can go to neverland if that's what you wanna do." He interrupted me. I sighed and nodded.

    "You know I can get my hands dirty with no problem, D." I replied. He chuckled and nodded in agreement.

    "Well of course, Do you know who our pops is?" He laughed and I joined as we dapped each other. "Look Bro, Ion want you to have any fresh blood on your hands. I got people to do it for you and besides, I damn sure can't have you sitting like Shawny."

    "Yeah, I feel you. Well, how's she holding up?" I asked.

    "Don't know, she told me not to come back up there, remember?" He sighed. "I regret ever doing any of the shit I've done man. I don't even know what to do anymore."

    "Man, I feel for you, Bro. That whole situation is fucked up. I just wish you two the best. Stay strong, she'll be out soon. How's Maria?" I mentioned his daughter he has with this psycho chick named Kacey. She even set up Shawny to get raped once. Shawny just got some bad ass karma.

    "She's not so good. Been confused as to where her other mommy is." he said sadly. I can tell the subject was really getting to him, so I pulled him into a hug.

    "I'll let you handle this hit, Bro. But promise me you won't do nothing stupid. I don't want you back in prison. Shawny would be pissed." I said with a little chuckle from him which slightly turned into a cry before he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. Shawny  was the one who took the wrap for D at the courthouse a while back. Judge told D he was in there serving 3 life sentences and Shawny wasn't having it. She confessed to the murders and they hesitated until she threatened to kill again if they didn't take her instead. That's the true definition of a ride or die. They don't come like Shawny no more.

    "I promise man, Imma get her outta there. She's not supposed to be there." He shook his head and walked away to his office. A moment alone is all he needs. I don't think he'll heal right from this one.

    I pulled a blunt from my pocket and lit it up as I walked slowly down the long corridor. I found myself reading old text messages through my phone between Kamryn and I. Hearing footsteps close behind me, I back out of the messages. August leaned against the wall next to me, causing me to stop walking and turn my attention to him. He crossed his arms and looked at me as if he's ready to talk. Now that he knows that I know there isn't a baby involved and that my fiance had a girlfriend the whole time and he never bothered to tell me, we both have a reason to be upset with each other.

    "You knew the whole time, didn't you?" I asked, he nodded confidently. "Why didn't you tell me?"

    "Dat was ha business ta tell ya. Ya'know I ain't no snitch." He replied.

    "Nah," I shook my head. "Don't give me that shit, Yungin. You know-"

    "Ya didn't want da kid in da first place. Why ya actin' brand new, Breezy?" He cut me off mid sentence. "Ya lose ya bitch to anotha bitch and na ya all tender inside but a whole year ago, you was denyin' ha and dat baby"

    "Yo, what the fuck is your problem, man?" I asked. "Are you or are you not my brother, Aug?"

    "Ion know, am I?" he replied. "Every since ya found out D was ya blood, it's like we don't kick it no more. Howcome ya ain't tell me ya asked him to help ya? I would've did dat shit for ya a long time ago, easy."

    "You serious? Do you hear yourself right now?" I said with a chuckle. "You-"

    "Ya see, ya always thinkin' dis shit is funny. Right chea, ain't no game." He patted my chest.

    "So, what you saying? I didn't deserve to know about my dead kid and cheating fiance because I aint tell you to handle a hit for me? Yo, you got some serious control issues man." I chuckled and shook my head.

    "Thea you go. Don't listen fa shit." He smacked his lips and walked in the other direction.

    "I wish I hadn't, I wouldn't be here in the first place." I scoffed.

    "You got it," He waved me off.

    "I know, always will." I said before taking a puff of my blunt. With a sigh, I began looking through old pictures of Kami and I. I smile a little on the inside at how happy we were. I had no worries in the world. I was startled by a pat on my shoulder, which caused me to press the power button instead of closing out the window on my phone.

    "It's finished, Bro." D said before looking at my phone. "Um.. make sure you're done reminicsing before you go back home. You don't wanna leave with any regrets."

    "Thanks man, but nah I'm good. I won't be regretting anything. It's my time to go." I said as we walked through the hall.

    "No problem, but I'm just looking out for ya. When I left Indiana, I was happy as hell. But, I couldn't leave if my moms was still alive. She needed me, you know?" He explained.

    "Yeah, but this is different. I'm going back home." I chuckled.

    "Right, something I will never do." He laughed with me.

    They say that life is what you make it. So, I guess I made it this way. Sadly, I have to make mine from scratch while everyone can fake it. When you fuck up, you gotta start all the way over. This is me, starting over. Rewriting my story, and making sure this is my last. I never knew I'd be going back home. I never wanted to go back to that bitch even if my life depended on it. But it's the only way that I know how to become a better person. not only for myself but for the ones I love. I just wish August could see that shit happens. Shit like this happens to regular people everyday and that this is just a minor set back for a major come back. Will I come back to Cali? I don't know. But as if right now, I'm not sure if I ever want to.

    "Here you go sir, one way ticket to New Orleans, Louisiana. Next flight will be at 11:15pm." the woman said. I checked my watch which read 10:59pm. Right on time.

    "Okay, thank you." I nodded and smiled, walking to a seat. I suddenly got the urge to call Kamryn and tell her she's the reason I'm leaving. Tell her that she's the reason my life is fucked up. But, that'll be a lie. I just want her to feel what I feel. Which is  nothing at all but a whole lot of something at the same damn time. I want her to feel what it's like to be in my shoes. I want her to know that her actions affected me. I need to know if mine affect her. Did they ever affect her? or was I really trapping her? Did I really force myself onto her? As I scroll through our pictures, I fail to understand why did this all turn sour this way. Shit all seemed so sweet once upon a time.

    "Ya really doin' dis, huh?" a voice said. I shot my head back to see August, with a flushed expression on his face. He walked towards me slowly as I stood up. "I'm sorry bout everything, I just dont want ya ta go, fam. Ya all I have here."

    "You have Carmen and a baby on the way." I replied.

    "A bride with no Best Man, a daughter or son  with no god dad or uncle. I'm losing ma best friend, Chris. Ma only family dat I have left. Ya know dat." He said as he got teary eyed.

    "I know, but-"

    "But what?!" he shouted. "Ya can't explain dis shit ta me. I won't get it. I won't get over it either. You a grown man and I'm not telling you dat ya can't go. But, I wont forgive you for this if you leave now."

    "But I have to-"

    "No, you dont!"

    "Yes, I do!" I shouted.

    "Why?" He asked. "Why are you giving up?"

    "I'm not giving up." I sighed. "I'm moving on."

    "How is that fair to me? I need my right hand mans. My brother, and bestfriend. What about my opinion? Does that shit even matter to you?" He asked.

    "Yes, It does-"

    "Then why are you going?" He asked.

    "Because, you're the only opinion I care about who wants me to stay." I admitted. He smacked his lips and looked away.

    "I'm coming with you." He said.

    "No, you're not." I said sternly. "Stay here, I only really came out here because I wanted a better life for you. I was hoping mine would change but I guess not. You got a family now, Bro. Make me proud." I smiled a little. He nodded and gave me a fake smile. I know he wanted to cry instead. "Bring it in, man." I pulled him in for a hug before checking my watch. It's about that time.

    "You stay outta trouble, okay?" I said to him as we departed.

    "Yeah, you too." he nodded.

    "Love you, Kid." I dapped him. Which he pulled me into a hug again, but this time tighter.

    "Love you too, Bro." He said as his voice cracked. I rubbed his back as he gathered himself before he pulled away. I wanted to say goodbye, but yet I wanted to say see you later. Instead I left it at that.

    As I walked through the double doors that lead to the ticket exchange, I glance back at August. He nodded and that would be the last time I see him in I don't know how long I'd be gone. This by far is the hardest thing I have to do. Leaving my brother is something I wish I didn't have to do. But, I value his happiness more than my own. His family needs him more than he needs me. I will see him again, he did'nt lose me. He just don't know it yet.

    Finding my seat on the plane, I pack my luggage above me. This brings back so much memories to when Aug and I flew out here back when I was just a teenager with a weak ass scholarship to UCLA. Aug was only 14 at the time, just a kid. He had just lost his mother to Cancer and his brother Mel had got shot. His neices were taken by the state and Aug couldn't do a thing about it, he was too young to do so. Me being the only friend he had, I took him to Cali with me. He was homeless at the time anyway, so I didn't think anything of it. Besides, back in NOLA, Aug and I have history together. In the streets and growing up. Stories that I'll never tell. Some I just won't ever speak of even if he asked me about it himself. I can't believe I'm going back to this place. I used to have nightmares about it when I first moved to Cali and here I am, coming back. Who knows what life has in store for me now. I'm curious to what I'll become. Low key, I'm hoping this shit is a dream and that Kami and I will wake up from the baby crying at any moment now. This feels so unreal. Looking out the window, I watch us depart from LAX. Soon the sky of California fades in the distance. A tear drops from my left eye before I could catch it. Keeping my feelings under wraps is harder than I really thought. I'm restarting a new game of Uno with my old deck of cards before I could even lose. This time, I'm dealing.

Kamryn,

    The rumbling of the Airplane that just flew over head, muffles my moans. Music of ecstasy fill the room as our bodies dance between the sheets. Aggressive but passionate thrusts of ebony, which so happens to be strapped onto Alex's waist and thighs stretches my tight vaginal walls. My legs lose strength while my vocals become faint. Panting lungs, racing heart beats, and beads of sweat drip onto my body. Our tounges create a new rhythm. Together we cause the bed to tremble, and squeak, and pound. The pounding we create will wake the neighbors, the pounding we create will wake the sleeping souls in the graveyards. Our pounding, my screaming, and your thrusting will annoy. Our pounding, my screaming, and thrusting will embarrass. It will, it has, it did. It did, it has, it will make me speechless. I lost my oxygen and my soul has left the premises. Soon, I am revived and panting. You retire to the restroom, but I am stuck. I am stuck in position I was in before. Mentally alone with my demons. Sex was just a dose, it isn't a cure. I need.. I need.. I want.. I have to have.. Him. Chris. Where is he?

    I rise from bed and wrap myself in a sheet. Walking out of my old bedroom to the balcony, I look up at the sky. I close my eyes as I raise my chin and breathe in fresh air. Almost as fresh as the air Chris breathes. Not a moment after I open my eyes, Alex wraps her arms around my waste. She brushes her lips against the crook of my neck and I am unaroused. Please, don't do that, I want to say. I do not want to be touched no longer. Give me Chris, now. I remove my body from Alex's grip and fight the urge of unlocking my sadness.

    "Alex, please. I'm not in the mood to be touched right now." I snapped, causing her to become surprised and frown at me.

    "Since when?" She asked. "Just a second ago you were all for it."

    "Well, I'm not now." I replied.

    "Fine, I'll just go home." She said walking back into the room and getting dressed.

    "See ya" I said with a shrug. She finished getting dressed and packing her backpack before walking back onto the balcony.

    "I should be mad at YOU, you know?" She chuckled.

    "And, how'd you figure that?" I frowned and crossed my arms. She began laughing sarcastically.

    "You're gonna find this really funny," She chuckled some more. "Remember we when we had sex for the first time after making it official and afterwards we had that talk? Well, anyway. I asked you about a ring and you told me your father gave it to you when he died. That's funny, because that ring magically disappeared from your finger this morning after a certain someone left this house."

    "I didn't tell you my dad-"

    "Ah, before you lie to me. I want you to remember that I was here on both occasions when the ring was taken off your finger and when you put it on after we had sex that night. I'm far from stupid. So, since we established your father didn't give it to you. Which I knew he didn't from the beginning, for the simple fact that, that would be very odd for a father to do and a very wierd place for a daughter put her ring from her father. Which was also awkwardly beautiful just like an engagement ring, correct?" She analyzed.

    "Alex, I di-"

    "Am I or am I not correct?" she interrupted.

    "Y-you are.." I looked down.

    "So, you sat up in my fucking face and lied to me. Wow." She chuckled. "This whole time, you were engaged to a whole nigga?"

    "I-I was gonna tell him-"

    "You could've told him from the beginning when I started fucking with you! Congratulations, you done played all three of us including yourself. This is why Ion mess Bisexual females, this is exactly why. You lost him.. now, you're losing me too. I'm nobody's fool." she said before walking off the balcony, grabbing her backpack and leaving my life. Wow, this must be what judgement day looks like. I manage to take a shower and put on my Victoria Secret sports bra and panty set with basketball shorts to go over my panties. It wasn't long before I burst into tears which I have been saving all damn day. I fell to my knees on the side of the bed and cried silently. I heard my door creak open and I heard my mother's voice.

    "Come talk to me, mamas." My mom said as she sat on the edge of my bed.

    "You knew he was coming, didn't you?" I sniffled and glared at her.

    "Of course-"

    "Why didn't you tell me?" I cried.

    "He needed to know and you weren't going to tell him." She replied.

    "You didn't give me the chance to." I argued.

    "How long has it been, Kamryn?" She asked as she looked at me. I looked down in shame, I never even planned on telling him. I hoped he would never find out.

    "I never meant for this to happen, I need to go talk to him." I said slipping on some socks and nike slides, looking for my car keys.

    "Um.. I don't think thats a good idea" My mom commented and glanced at August.

    "Why not?" I paused and looked at August who stood in the doorway. "Is there something you're not telling me? Am I missing something?"

    "Chris went back home, he doesn't live here anymore." My mom said.

    "What? Where is back home?" I said worried.

    "NOLA." August chimed in.

    "NOLA, as in what?" I asked.

    "NOLA, as in, New Orleans, Louisiana." My mother finished.

    "Wha- Bullshit!" I shouted and looked at August who had the most serious expression on his face. I began to tear up as did he, and we both looked away to regain composure. I swiftly ran down the steps and out the front door. I hopped in my car, pulling out the driveway and speeding to Chris's house. This can't be happening, I must be having a nightmare. I need to wake up as soon as possible.

    Racing through traffic, my thoughts run through my mind. This really can't be happening. Chris can't leave. He can't be gone. I need him to stay. I need him to be here. I don't know what I'll do with him going ghost. I pulled into his driveway and parked instantly to hop out as quickly as I can. I ran to the front door, banging my hardest on the wood. Knowing there won't be an answer, I cry. I cry his name as hard as I could. I want him to hear. Wherever he is, whoever he's with. I need him to hear my cries... I love him. Dropping to my knees as I drown in my own tears, I notice a note. In the bottom of the door is a folded paper. I pulled it out, opened it, and read the words that replayed in my head on my whole way home.

    "I loved you more than I loved myself. You hurt me more than I've ever hurt myself. I won't be back for you this time. I know you regret it, but shit, it's too late. You should've loved me as much as I loved you. Don't bother looking for me, I already forgot who you are."

Yours Truly, Chris..

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Do you think Kamryn should fight for Chris?

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