Yurika had not had a chance to process the journey. She had simply found herself in the car. Ferid had thrown the vehicle into drive without bothering to speak to her.

Was it seriously possible that he had believed Kureto's words? Her mind knew he didn't, but her heart couldn't help but process all the possible scenarios for her. She didn't have the courage to look at the vampire to confirm or deny her theses, she could only point her gaze to his hands entwined in her lap, visibly anxious. She was certain that her feelings were perceptible to the vampire's keen senses.

She was taken aback when they finally arrived home. Perhaps she was just afraid to face Ferid. She saw him get out of the car and head for the door. Yurika stood still for a moment, uncertain of what to do, blocked by insecurity. There was only one solution: make sure Ferid believed her and not her brother's empty words. It was essential. She decided to follow him inside.

"You took a while, my dear." Once again the icy coldness that shone through his words struck her deep.

"Do you... do you really think it could have all been calculated? That I did it just to manipulate you?"

"Admit that Kureto's words make sense. It would explain so much..."

Yurika felt her tears slowly fall. "I never pretended." She whispered.

The vampire remained completely still as he watched the girl cry. Evidently a certain streak of sadism had still remained in him to reduce himself to make the one he loved cry so often. Now they were safe, he could put an end to the pathetic farce he had enacted on the battlefield. Yet he had to admit that for a moment he had actually believed the words Kureto had spoken. And Yurika could not have imagined what they might mean to him.

They gave an explanation as to why the girl had fallen in love with him. Or rather, pretended to be in love with him. Because after all, maybe it really was impossible for a human to fall in love with a vampire.

The second after such thoughts he had been deeply ashamed of himself. To question Yurika's love was unacceptable. He had shown her right away on the battlefield that she cared for him and continued to do so now. He let the disruptive force of his emotions take over. Those emotions that had seemed to invade him ever since the girl had entered his life. Without bothering to contain his strength he pushed the girl violently against the wall, joining their lips in a kiss that was perhaps too passionate.

All this had taken place in half a fraction of a second and the girl had had no way of understanding what was happening. She felt the wall against her back, but also Ferid's passionate lips. Too passionate. Greedy for her. She sought out the vampire's body with her hands, while the vampire's hands held her neck tightly, as if to erase any distance between them. The vampire only broke away from Yurika's lips when he sensed the need for her to breathe. His eyes watched her as she tried to catch her breath.

"I love you Ferid. I love you." It was she who returned to his lips. She moved her hands, trying to undo Ferid's bow. But her hands were shaking. The vampire sensed what she was trying to do and understood her motives. She wasn't lucid. Not clear enough.

"Yurika, stop..." The girl looked at him with bewildered, confused eyes. "Are you trying to tell me that you would refuse?" She stroked his face with her fingertips.

The vampire shuddered. If her intention was to make his animal spirit prevail and make him lose control, she had almost succeeded. The animal in him was almost ready to take possession of him, without critically analysing the circumstances. Why do it? Yurika was giving herself over and he was not forcing her in any way.

He growled. He had to bring her back down to earth. She had to process and vent everything that had happened on the battlefield. He would surely be able to make her forget, but he knew that wasn't what they wanted at that moment. Neither he nor she. That trembling in Yurika's hands shouldn't have been there. He could sense the tension in her physique. It wouldn't take much for her to collapse. She would not be able to take it much longer. He resumed kissing her with the same fiery passion as before, moving to the sofa not far from them. As expected, the girl's body tensed further.

"You're the one who doesn't want to do this right now. This is not what you want Yurika, this is not the way." "It's to show you that I really love you... So you wouldn't have any doubts..." Ferid cursed himself for the words spoken as soon as they returned. It hadn't been the best time to decide to play with the poor girl's psyche, that day had been tried enough by events.

"Look at me." He lifted her chin, making sure their eyes met. "You don't need to prove to me that you love me, do you understand? Not like that at least. Because you show it in other ways. And that's enough for me. I don't need anything else. I don't need anything else." Now he could see them forming in her eyes. He was sure she was trying to hold them back. Quite in vain as shortly afterwards she was no longer able to. He drew her head to his chest and held her close.

He didn't say a word as he felt the girl's warm tears wet his clothes. He waited patiently for her to let it all out. He felt her clinging to him as if it was the only thing that could help her stay whole. "I'm sorry. I caused you pain unnecessarily. We could have avoided all this."

He was partly sincere, only once he was on the battlefield had he actually realised the enormous emotional effort he had asked of the girl. But, after all, he was a vampire without feelings, how could he understand the intricate and endless possibilities of the human psyche? As much as he had been exploiting them for centuries to his advantage he had long since stopped being directly subject to them.

"It's not your fault." Yurika whispered weakly. "He actually thought I would be willing to seduce the enemy to get information for them. To use my body... When all I really wanted to do was run as far away as possible from this place where no one would ever come to retrieve me."

The girl's words struck the vampire like sharp blades. His body tensed. That was the effect of dealing with a monster.

Yurika felt the sudden change in the vampire's body. She slowly slid her hand down his shirt, imagining for once what it would be like to caress his skin. Perhaps her warm touch would be enough to relax him? Could she really have such power over him? Automatically her mind thought of the reverse situation. His hands caressing her bare skin. She blushed.

"That's what I thought at first, I think you already knew that." She continued to tease the vampire with her fingertips. "It hurts to hear that." Yurika's hand froze. She pulled away from the vampire's body, keeping her hand locked there. "Things have changed." "But thinking back to everything I put you through... Even today. it's only because of me that you find yourself being against your family, having to choose..."

The girl silenced the vampire with a kiss, catching Ferid completely unprepared. "I already told you once that my choice is you. Always." "I don't deserve that. Even for my outing in battle, when I went along with Kureto's words. I got you in trouble. I'm sorry." Yurika lowered her gaze, too mindful of that moment.

"On the one hand, I could tell you that I did it to make them feel guilty. To make your brother feel directly responsible for whatever would later happen to you once you were alone with me, but I'll be honest. There were far less noble motives behind this gesture of mine. I was hoping that the other vampires might also register this sudden change in my attitude and perhaps report these rumours..." Yurika laughed, displacing the vampire.

"Surely anyone can report my dejection. Perhaps you have a point. You really are a monster." The girl looked amused at the vampire's confused face. Every now and then she had to have the upper hand, not just him. "But I don't know if that will be enough to make your dear queen doubt." Ferid sighed. "But who knows, maybe next time Kureto will avoid speaking out of turn." "You want to talk about it?" "You are supposed to be the monster within the story. In their narrative, as much as they are the first to trample on other people's feelings. I remember coming back from the mission that time we met and I decided to go report to my father. He implied that I was just trying to seduce the enemy if I managed to get you away without even trying to kill you..."

Ferid sensed that the crying session was not over yet, but he also noticed how the girl's tone had suddenly dropped. It always happened when she mentioned her father. It was a wound that was always open, perhaps destined to bleed for a long time to come. Perhaps irremediable. Nothing and no one could ever heal such a scar. Not even his love for her would ever be able to heal it completely. He could listen to her outbursts, try to understand her, but he could do nothing to fill the void left by such a great lack of affection in the most important years of her life. He could only offer her his understanding. There were many father figures who did not fulfil their duties in the best possible way, perhaps too many. 

"You managed to seduce me without doing anything, imagine if you had tried." Yurika wiped away her tears. "You had the strength to stop me before..." "When you seemed determined to get fucked?" He sensed how the use of that sharp word had confused the girl.

"It would have evolved more as an outburst than a demonstration of love. I've done it several times with the sole intention of venting or having fun. And I don't think you were lucid enough to focus on what we would have done without interference. I don't think you would have been able to relax and enjoy the moment. And my goal is not to just fuck you, but to show you how much I love you. I want our first time to be special too. Today it wouldn't be. Not at all." "I wish others could see what you show me too." She stroked his face with one hand. "That they could see how you show you care about me more than anything else."

23/10/2021