Life isn’t worth living for, unless you have something worth dying for.

I smiled as I saw the blue and red flashing lights behind me. They were on my turf now and there was no way they could win. I had been taught almost everything I know how to lose cop cars in this area and smiled as I saw the ally way that was more like a maze then anything. I sharp turned and drifted into the ally while some of the cop cars had kept going straight and one had followed me.

I took sharp turns and forced my vehicle to run faster. I saw a truck beginning to cut me off and I cussed before shifting gears and making my car go faster. I just made it before the truck and police car realized there was a big crash and I felt a little guilty for what I did but blocked it out. I raced home and parked the car after changing the license place to the “legal” one.

“Where the hell have you been?” Jasper asked crossing his arms with a scowl on his face.

“On the news,” I said and he frowned walking away from me making me role my eyes. I ran to my room and started my homework that consisted of five major papers due the next week. My door slammed open and Jasper came in with his face red and hands clenched.

“Are you trying to die!?” he yelled at me igniting my short temper.

“Puh-lease, life isn’t worth living for, unless you have something worth dying for.” I said and I could see his veins beginning to pop out from his neck.

“Then tell me what was worth dying for?” he asked and I shrugged. He threw a frustrated sigh before slamming the door and walking away. I sighed and realized I felt empty, this was the first time in days he’s talk to me and I still felt hollow.

I stood up and walked to the secret door. I stared at the grand piano once again and let my fingers fly across the keys not caring to play a tune but just try to fill an empty void.

“You play the piano?” A voice whispered making me shiver at the intensity of his voice.

“Jocelyn use to say I was a prodigy,” I said running my fingers slowly across the keys soaking in the sound.

“I can see why, your incredible,” Jasper said walking in the room and my cheeks flamed.

“Why do you blame yourself for her death?” he asked lightly and I hit a wrong note making me wince.

“Truth be told I don’t even remember the entire situation but bits of her voice telling me it’s my fault, I hear her asking me why did I leave, and I hear her yelling at me to come help her.” I said wondering why I was telling him this.

“That’s just the things you hear after a traumatizing experience.” He said brushing it off.

“She was my first and only friend,” I whispered. He sat next to me on the bench and I could feel his body heat radiating off of his skin.

“She saw through things that no one else could, not even Melinda. She could tell when I was lying, when I was upset and sometimes I thought she was able to read my mind.” I said laughing lightly. My hands stopped playing the piano and he began to play.

“I loved her like she was my real sister; she would cheer me up and defend me no matter what. I never realized how weak I was until that day.” I leaned on his shoulder and closed my eyes listening to him play the sweet melody.

“She always wanted me to become a famous pianist but I don’t think I can anymore. Sometimes these missions are tough and downright scary but others were challenging and made it kind of fun. Jo was always uneasy during missions and it was the only time I could ever encourage her. She was so pretty too,” I whispered feeling sleepy as the melody sung to me.

“I’m sure you would have found her gorgeous and fall in love with her,” I whispered before feeling a pair of arms lift me up.

“I doubt it,” I heard him mumble and I couldn’t help but smile as he put me on my bed. I grabbed his hand before he turned around and my eyes were big.

“Please don’t leave,” I whimpered afraid that if he left now I would dream of Jo and her blaming me. I hate being alone.

“It's okay you’re not alone,” I heard him say as he wrapped me in a hug. I guess I said that out loud. I said good night but my voice was muffled by his chest.

“Good night Madison,” he whispered and I couldn’t tell if his heart was beating faster or my heart. Either way I fell asleep to the beat of our hearts.

I was in a white room and heard gun shots in a distance. I looked down to the floor and Jasper was covered in blood with a cold look of fear in his eyes. I touched his face and my arms were covered in blood and I began panicking. I looked up and Jocelyn looked at me with hatred and she was covered in blood as well. I backed up as she moved closer to me.

“It’s your entire fault. You let him die, you left me behind and now everyone you love is going to die.” She said pointing a pistol at me smiling evilly at me.

“Mads,” I heard a voice yell and I woke up gasping for air. I was sweating and I was trying to focus on my surroundings but all I kept seeing was blood everywhere.

“Madison!” Jasper yelled and I grabbed his face. I focused on his blue eyes that seemed darker and filled with concern and something else. His black hair was messy and he was looking in my eyes for something and I let go of him and hugged myself trying to keep myself together. Arms wrapped around me and I started to shake as I gripped onto his shirt.

“It was just a dream, your okay,” he kept whispering in my ear and my eyes began to water. He gripped me tighter and I felt that if he let go I would break. I knew I was on the verge of a breakdown and I didn’t want him to see me like this. I pushed him away or at least tried to but he wasn’t having that.

“Let me go,” my voice breaking and his grip tightened.

“Let it out, you’ve been holding it in for so long now,” he whispered as I fought back the tears and tried to struggle out of his constricting arms. I felt a few tears escape and then the tears would not stop. My body shook as I cried, sobs wracked my body and I screamed into his neck.

“It’s not your fault, think of Jocelyn,” he yelled sounding strong. I thought of her and it made me cry harder.

“You know her better than anyone, do you really think she would blame you for leaving her. You were shot three times,” he said and I could practically hear the gunshots in my head. I screamed more and tried to pull away but he never let go.

“You need to stop blaming yourself for this, your guilt is going to eat you alive at this point and there shouldn’t be any guilt on your plate to begin with.” His voice was strong and so were his arms. I felt my breathing begin to calm down as I thought about what he was saying.

“Jocelyn would have probably hit me on the side of my head calling me a dummy for blaming myself.” I said laughing a little. He let go of me a little and repositioned me so I was more comfortable. His back was against the wall and I leaned my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me never letting me go.

“Jasper,” I mumbled half asleep.

“Yeah Mad?”

“Thank you,” was the last thing I said before drifting off to dreamless sleep.

Light poured into my room making me groan and I nuzzled into my pillow deeper. Only thing was my pillow wasn’t soft, was warm and I think was moving. I felt a finger brush a strand of hair behind my ear and I opened my eyes slowly to see a pair or bright blue eyes staring at me. Memories of last night’s breakdown made me blush and look away.

“How you doing?” he asked huskily from sleep. I sat up slowly and my head began to pound.

“My head and throat hurts, but other than that, good I guess,” I said hoarsely. My voice was broken and sounded dryer than the Sahara Dessert. I actually did feel good, it felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders and I felt light.

“I’ll get you some aspirin,” he said lightly and got up. He looked at me with a struggled expression before walking away. I stood up and stretched my sore muscles before taking a fast shower and getting dressed. I walked downstairs and my mouth watered smelling pancakes and coffee. He turned around and gave me aspirin and some water which I took gratefully. I smiled brightly and he handed me some pancakes which I quickly scarfed down.

I drank the coffee and smiled at the warmness it gave me. He drank his coffee slowly studying me. I looked away still embarrassed that he saw my huge breakdown. He was wearing a tight black shirt that emphasized all of his well defined muscles perfectly. His black hair was ruffled and his blue eyes looked like they were glowing and his gaze was warm. Our eyes locked and my heart sped up and I broke eyes contact first.

“How much of the incident do you remember?” he asked sitting down across the table from me. I tried to keep my heart in check because every time Jasper seemed to talk or move closer to my heart sped up like a maniac. At this rate I was going to give myself a heart attack. I tried to focus on the question and my stomach dropped thinking about it.

“Not much, I try to block it out as much as possible but it keeps coming back,” I said sipping more coffee and this time the warm drink did not comfort and made me cold.

“I think you should try to remember,” he said and I looked away. I didn’t want to think of the incident again but it’s really getting to me. I felt my brain say no but something was telling me I needed to remember. I nodded not trusting my voice and closed my eyes thinking of that day.

*                             *                             *

“These terrorists are planning to plant a bomb in Disney World, the Golden Gate Bridge and possibly the empire state building,” Jocelyn said. Her red hair was tied back into a pony tail and she was wearing a black skin-tight cat-suit like the four other girls in our team. I was the decoy and was wearing a short black dress and my hair was down and all ruffled up. I was supposed to be the dumb drunken blonde that lost her way and found this secret location by accident.

“You need to get in as soon as I give the signal and stay with your partners. Everyone knows what they’re doing right?” I asked and they all nodded curtly.

“Onyx, you need to find the bombs location and disarm it before they put it in a package. When you find the bombs make sure you page us,” I spoke swiftly and the girls nodded. I looked at Jocelyn and grinned, missions were always fun for me but she was always uneasy no matter how much confidence she speaks with I could see her uneasiness.

“Alright girls, wish me luck, Jocelyn you know where to meet me.” I said and grabbed the Vodka bottle that was filled with water and sprayed my mouth with the real thing. The taste burned my mouth and I grinned at the girls before taking drunkenly steps towards the two guards in the front.

I stumbled on the 5 inch stilettos and took a swig of water and began giggling. The guards looked up at me and their eyes scanned every inch of my body. Fighting the urge to yell at them to keep their eyes up I ignored it and stumbled some more.

“Well what do we have here?” the taller man asked. He was built like a bulldozer and his veins were popping out just talking to him, the dude was a monster and I felt my stomach tighten. I hiccupped and smiled walking over to them.

“Do you know where the party is? I seemed to have gotten lost,” I slurred and the buff man looked at his comrade who was not as built as him but more lean and held his gun expertly.

“Yeah, the party is right in here,” he said gesturing to the house and I smiled widely. The lean guy let his guard down and I stumbled over to him and he held me up, he looked up to the buff guy and grinned making my skin crawl in disgust.

“Your hot,” I whispered in his ear and moved my hands to his neck seductively. I looked at his neck and found the vein I was looking for, pressing it tightly I made the guy eyes widen and pass out on the floor. I turned around quickly and kicked off my heels; the buff man shook off his shock and grinned evilly at me. He lounged towards me but I side stepped him making him fly past me.

I punched his jaw but I think I felt it more than him. He smirked at me and grabbed my waist crushing me against his body. I head butted him and he let me go for a second before grabbing my arm and twisting it. I hissed in pain and pressed his pressure point in his shoulder and his whole arm went limp. His eyes glowed in shock and rage as he tried to regain feeling but that wouldn’t happen until a few hours. 

“What did you do to me bi-” but I cut him off.

“Watch your tongue mister, or I’ll make you jaw go numb so you can’t talk,” I could see he was about to call for back up and I thought quickly of a plan.

“Wow you can’t even beat up a girl without calling back up?” I asked mockingly and his jaw clenched. He lounged towards me again and surprised me by stopping when I side stepped and clipping my jaw sending me a spike of pain. He grinned at me and I grinned back at him.

“Nice shot,” I said before running to him and as he was about to punch me I punched a few of his pressure points before he was on the floor crippled. He looked like he was spazzing out and I decided to just knock the guy out. I chopped the vein on his neck and he was out cold in a second, I smiled and looked around for my shoes and glass bottle that was now halfway filled.

I waved towards the bushes like a stupid person and I giggled taking a swig of water and walking in the building. There were two more guards and they looked at me confused and began walking up to me as I twirled my hair looking at them giggling. Just as they reached me I quickly knocked them out as well and dragged them outside with the other guys. I could make out the shadowy figures as Jaelyn and Onyx run quickly to the wall and pulling themselves up with ease.

Jocelyn walked in and handed me my backpack as we made our way down the hall. I put on my cat-suit as well and put in my ear piece and pressed a button on my watch.

“Mads we have you a Jocelyn’s location and Onyx and Jaelyn have set up the heat sensors already. Do you want to take all of them out now or later?” Sara asked and I looked at Jocelyn who was listening in on her ear piece. She mouthed two, and I nodded.

“Later, let’s just do this job quickly and Terry can blow this place up.” I could hear Terry squeal in delight and some sort of whacking sound.

“Alright then, go straight and take the next right there will be four guards guarding the first door and a person walking by. You have about a 30 second break when he walks away and do whatever you do best to knock em’ out,” she replied and Jocelyn nodded to me.

“Now,” Sara said and Jocelyn and I followed the directions we were given and I quickly knocked three of them out and Jocelyn did the sleeper neck choke on the last one that was trying to get away.

I grabbed a straw in my backpack and took out a needle with the sleeping poison on it. I leaned my head slightly able to see a bored guard watching the ground. He didn’t have any coverage on his neck making my job easier as I grinned before shooting the dart out of the straw and into his neck.

He stumbled a bit before falling and we moved on out. We were getting deeper into this maze of a house and lost connection with Sara by the fourth staircase we had taken down and were on our own now. There was a big steel door at the end of the hallway and me and Jocelyn looked at each other knowing we had reached our destination.

I opened the door and saw the terrorist I was looking for. Ali al-bin Side, he was roughly 50 years old and had a nasty looking scar running down his left eye. His beard was long and reached his belly button and guards were all over the place holding guns pointed right at us.

“Why hello girls, what brings you here this fine evening?” he asked smiling at us. Before we had a chance to react I sharp pain hit my head and I black out. When I wake up later my hands were tied behind my back and Jocelyn was looking at me worried, her hands were also tied up. We were both on the floor and she crawled over to me when she realized I was awake and turned around and began untying my wrists. She quickly undid mine and hers came off super quickly when I undid hers.

I could practically feel the red flags go up in my head but I ignored it and as I looked around, there were no guards anywhere and I could feel my body tensing for an attack at any moment. We walked out the door and I knew something was wrong as soon as we walked out the door we were surrounded and I cursed.

I looked at Jocelyn and she looked slightly nervous and kept glancing at me. I felt sick and I looked at my wrist and noticed my watch was gone, actually all my weapons were gone and I looked up at our target in the middle of the room. My ears began ringing and everything became fuzzy.

*                             *                             *

“That’s all I remember,” I said taking a deep breath. Something was definitely being blocked out and I grimaced in pain trying to remember.

“There has to be more,” he said looking deep in thought. I felt sick for some reason and laid my head on the table. Jasper looked at me and his gaze softened.

“Let's watch some movies,” he said and I nodded my head weakly. I got up and followed him to our game room and I noticed something shine in the light on the pool table and went to investigate the item. My breath hitched when I realized it was Jocelyn’s dog tags; we all had them and were suppose to always keep them on for multiple reasons.

I held the dog tags and they were cold and I clenched them in my fist. I walked over to the couch and I sat down waiting for Jasper to put on a movie. He sat down next to me and pressed a button on the remote starting the movie and turning off the lights. I don’t know what movie we were watching because all I could focus on was the heat radiating off of Jasper.

I leaned my head on my shoulder and realized how tired I was and took a deep breath smelling his sweet scent. I heard him chuckle and pulled me closer to him and I got more comfortable in his safe inviting arms.

“It’s not your fault she’s gone,” he whispered and my hands tightened on Jocelyn’s dog tags and the way he said it made me want to believe him. I nodded my head a little before drifting off to sleep.