“Ladies and gentlemen, we are gather here today to celebrate the life of a fellow friend and family member. Jimmy Craig was a loving father and who have been taking from us…”

I didn’t want to hear all that. I already knew all about my dad and how he died. It was my fault just like mom’s death. I didn’t see the reason why I had to be here listening to that priest talking about my father like he knew him. He didn’t just like half of those people crying over his body. I never saw any of them helping when we were struggling. They were not there when he was alive why were they here “honoring” him after he was dead. Why? Why?

Jill and Roxie had to drag me out of bed for me to come. I was submerged under a long cold shower to clean the body I’ve been neglecting for more than two weeks. They forced me into a dress then the car. I’ve already said my last goodbyes to my dad, I didn’t need a bunch of people I barely knew to be present for me to say goodbye to my dad.

Solemnly I watched the snow fall on the ground covering the usually blossoming greenery with white. Oddly enough, there was merely any flakes of snow on the coffin. The cold air was freezing my bones but it didn’t affect me. My heavy heart made it impossible for me to feel anything. My thoughts came back to the funeral when I felt a strong arms around my waist. I turned to see Ken standing next to me in a black suit and tie coated by snowflakes. It was the first time I’ve seen him in two weeks. I’ve been avoiding everyone by locking myself inside Jill’s guest room. I would have starve to death if she hadn’t come up daily with a tray of food and practically forced feed me. I didn’t know what happened. I was usually excellent at hiding my emotions and putting a composed front for everyone but not this time.

 I leaned into Ken grateful for the support. I stood watching the coffin that contained my father’s body. It didn’t occur to me that I was crying until Ken wiped away my tears with his palm. “It’s going to be okay” he whispered in my ear, placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

An uncomfortable feeling on my chest told me that somebody was observing my every move. I lifted my gaze to find none other than Jake’s eyes focused on me. What was he doing here? He wasn’t related to my family as far as I knew and there was no way he could be call a family friend. The last time I saw him was at the police station when he gave me back my phone. I tried looking for him at school but lost hope after the first few weeks with no results.

He didn’t stop staring so I narrowed my eyes at him. He smirked smugly at me. Someone cleared their throat, every pair of eyes were on me.

“Babe, it’s time to say goodbye to your dad, first” Ken reminded of the ritual I was taking part of. I walked up, carefully placed the white rose that Jill gave me on the coffin. I went back to my place besides ken and everyone started to follow suit one by one.

In less than ten minutes I was left all alone in the cemetery watching my dad being lowered in to the ground. Each inch increased the distance between my dad and me. We will no longer share any father-daughter moments, awkward meals. He won’t be cooking his disastrous dishes. I’ll never see him again.

“Nikkie?” interrupted a voice next to me.

I turned to see Kyle looking at me under his eyelashes. I rose my eyebrows at him silently asking him why he was interrupting my moment with my dad.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your dad.”

“It wasn’t your fault so you don’t have to say sorry Kyle. But thanks.”

I turned my head toward the coffin, silently dismissing him. However, he didn’t move, he stayed next to me shifting on his feet.

“Is there something else?” I demanded irritated for losing precious alone time with my father.

“Nikkie, it’s time to go.” I heard Jill said behind me. Her voice sounded strong but when I face her, I saw nothing but pure agony in her eyes. I attempted a comforting smile but it came out more like an ugly grimace.

 “I have to bring my brothers home so I’ll see you later” Roxie hugged me. “You’re going to be okay.” She reassured me, releasing me from the hug.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” asked Ken

“Yes, I’m sure. Just go, I need to be alone for a while.”

“Take all the time you need.”

It was painful to be in the house with all those people roaming around, little kids carelessly touching my parents’ furniture and pictures. The urged to throw them all out was powerful but I managed it. I smiled at everyone, accepted their condolences, and hugged them. After I’ve greeted everyone, I ran to my room and hid under my covers. I was supposed to be packing up my belongings to go back to Jill’s. She proposed for me to stay with her for my final year in high school. Then, I could decide what I would want to do with my life. When I checked the mailbox this morning, I found my acceptance letter from John Hopkins University. I didn’t know how I felt about going there anymore. It was after all what led to my father’s death. On the other hand, it was the perfect opportunity to leave all my misery behind and start a new life.

The snow had stopped falling outside but the air was still freezing. I tossed and turned before realizing that I didn’t want to be alone. It was depressing in my own head. I needed someone who could bring a little joy in my life at the moment. I was going to be alone for a while now anyways.

With new determination, I swiped my black knee-length dress for a King of Leon shirt and black jeans. I put on my heavy sweater, gloves, ear muffs, and snow boots then I was out of the door. While I weaved to the crowed in my house, I saw Jill signaled me to come to her but I waved at her and slipped out. Walking in five inches deep snow should be an official sport, it took me five minutes to reach my car which I usually did in less than ten seconds.

The drive to Ken’s house seemed impossible. The snow was falling heavily blurring my view of the road. I shouldn’t have be driving at a time like that but I absolutely needed to see Ken. I needed someone to hold me in their arms, to tell me everything was going to be okay just like my parents used to do when I was little during a thunderstorm.

Finally, after endless driving, I saw the McCall’s house appeared in my windshield. When I pulled up in the driveway, there was another car parked there already. One that didn’t fit in with the McCall name. It was oddly familiar. It was a small red Honda with a scratch mark on the passenger door. It reminded of Roxie’s car but it couldn’t be. Why would Roxie’s car be in Ken’s driveway when she was at home with her brothers? But there wasn’t many other possibilities, how may red Honda’s in Spokane had the same scratch mark that I gave to Roxie’s car when I was learning how to drive.

With my heart in my hands, I rang the doorbell. I was being irrational. Roxie was my best friend even if I had doubt about Ken, I should trust her. I trusted her. But why was my mind telling me that another heartbreak awaited me.

“Hello, Ms. Craig. Nice to see you again” Ella, the housekeeper, greeted me with a warm smile. The elderly woman with her uptight professionalism but gentle personality reminded me of my late grandmother. “I’m so sorry about your father. How are you holding up?”

“I’ve been better. Is Ken here?” I asked not wanting to continue with the discussion about my father. I’ve had enough condolences in the past week to last me a lifetime.

“Yes, I believe he’s in his bedroom with his new friend. They’re studying for his SATs but he didn’t want to bother you with it with everything that’s happening with your dad.”

If my intuition was right, his new friend was Roxie but they’ve never been that close. To him, Roxie was just the redhead girl that tag along wherever we go. And I knew for a fact that neither of them needed to take the SAT again. Ken’s first scores were not marvelous but with his football stardom he received early acceptance with full scholarship to many Universities including the University of Tampa. It wasn’t a big University but it was across state in Florida where he could be away from his parents. I didn’t know if Roxie had been accepted to any universities yet but I knew her scores were solid enough to not need a retake.

“Can I come in?” I asked her trying to keep my emotions on hold.

“Yes, of course. Come right in” she opened the door wider to let me in. “I’ll be in the kitchen. Call if you guys need anything.” I smiled at her keeping calm on the outside but in fact I was freaking out. I took a deep breath and walked up the stairs.

I was getting ahead of myself. Roxie was at home with her brothers. She wouldn’t leave them by themselves even though they were old enough. I should call her. No, she was my best friend and I trusted her. Why was I even thinking about this? Ken had a friend over. He was allowed to, I wasn’t his mother or wife. But I couldn’t shake the nagging voice at the back of my mind telling me I have been betrayed again. It wasn’t true. I just have been watching too much TV. I blamed all those real housewife reality shows.

But they weren’t to be blamed. All the responsibilities fell on whoever was in Ken’s room right now moaning their life away. I speeded up and barged open Ken’s door. I stopped dead on my track. My eyes popped out of their sockets as I watched the scene playing in front of me in slow motion. I wished I had never left my house, that I never came here, and that I wasn’t right.