Be Somebody - thousand foot krutch

The talk with Diane had given Hope a lot to think about. And when she needed to think, she was drawn to the water. Walking distance from the campground was a small dock with a paddle board rental. Hope figured paddle boarding would be a peaceful way to think so she got on her suit and a cover up, because it was still pretty cool, and dug out her water shoes from the bottom of her bag. After pulling her hair into a messy bun, she walked over to the dock and rented a paddle board.

The guy working the rental stand gave her a quick intro, promising that even though she had never done this before, it was really simple and she should be able to make it all the way to the sand bar. Just past the boats docked, there was a natural sand bar that blocked the south side of the marina from the ocean currents, in the same way as the man made jetty blocked the north marina. The two overlapped in the middle making a channel for boats to enter Morro Bay. In all her years camping here, Hope had never been across to the sand bar so she was excited to try.

After a few wobbly and heart stopping moments, Hope found her balance and was able to start paddling to the sand bar. She was unhappy to discover that it was further than it looked and had to travel against the current to get there. She kept trudging along and after who knows how long, she made it to the sand bar.

It was shallow near the shore so she jumped off the board and landed in some sea muck of some kind. Eeww. Hope persisted through the muck, shaking it off her water shoes and pulled the board up out of the water. It was safe enough left on the shore considering there wasn't more than 3 other people on the bar at that time. She hiked up the small hill created by the sand and as she made it to the peak, Hope caught her breath. The ocean seemed calmer on this south end than it had just last night on the jetty. She could make out a break in the clouds to the south, with the sun shining through. The other cities were not socked in like Morro Bay. The water was a beautiful bluish green under the light. Hope sat right there on the peak of the sand bar and took it all in, breathing slowly and deeply.

She was starting to feel a peace that she hadn't felt in, well she had never felt it. Hope's talk with Diane had put many things into perspective. First, she realized her parents were doing the best they could, especially after realizing that she hadn't spoken up. Hope never spoke up and that was a big part of the problem. If she wanted her parents to pay attention to her or care about her needs, she needed to speak up and say something about it. Second, Hope started to see some of the same traits in her mom that she had seen in herself, namely that she kept things in. Hope didn't ask questions of her mom just like her mom hadn't asked questions of her. That thought gave Hope a ton of insight into their relationship. Two people who never asked each other questions could never really develop a relationship. Hope was just worried that it would be too hard to change the pattern.

The last thing Hope realized was about herself. She made a resolution on that beach that she would let go of her negative thoughts. At eighteen she had already had enough bad opinions of herself to last a life time. She decided to do something she had seen in some tv show, throw her bad thoughts away.

Hope got up from her spot on the hill and walked down toward the ocean. At the shore were a lot of little sea stones. She examined them and found the most jagged, rough looking stones in the pile and put them in her hand. Then she stood up and grabbed one with her other hand, throwing it into the ocean. As she threw one after the other she called out a thought she wanted to banish from her mind

Too short, not pretty, too quiet, unlikeable, unfriendly, shy, not talented, too simple, hair too wavy, skin too light, unpopular, forgotten, not memorable... Each thought matched with a rock and tossed into the awaiting ocean as far as she could throw it. As she finished she went back to the pile of stones and started looking for the prettiest stones she could see. As she put one after the other in her pocket, she called out the thoughts she wanted to keep in her mind.

Kind hearted, understanding, respectful, cute, loyal, nice, helpful, encouraging, enough. Hope put the pretty little rocks in her hand and gripped them tightly, wanting to hold onto the positive thoughts. Letting them go back in her pocket she knew they would serve as a reminder.

Hope went back to the edge where she stowed her paddle board and trudged through the muck once again, feeling yet another weight lifting. No longer numb, she now felt hopeful, perhaps for the first time. With a little nervous excitement she headed back to the dock. She needed to get ready to go meet Will.

*************

Hope had spent a little more time cleaning up and getting ready than she usually did. Diane had let her use her shower, although she hadn't "moved in" to the spare room yet.

While Hope was gone, Diane had talked to her mom and calmed her down a bit. Diane hadn't mentioned anything about the idea of Hope staying longer, she wanted to wait until a bit later when her mom had really cooled off. And since Hope hadn't had the conversation with her yet, she didn't want to get settled into the bedroom until that decision was set. She decided to call tonight, after going to the elephant seals with Will.

Hope had styled her hair in a simple side braid, applied light make up and picked what she thought was a cute outfit: dark skinny jeans, an adidas shirt and pullover hooded sweatshirt. She had eaten a sandwich for lunch, provided by Diane, and read the same paragraph on a book who knows how many times while watching the clock, waiting for the time when she could leave without seeming too eager or being too early.

Finally the clock said 2:15 and Hope jumped up, grabbed her phone and bag and ran to her car. So much for trying not to be too eager!

Hope got to north beach in record time. So much for trying not to be too early! She got out of the car more slowly than she had gotten in it, steadying herself and her heart. Her little stones were in the pocket of her sweatshirt so she grabbed them and let them roll around in her hand. She recalled each word they represented and then stepped away from the car, toward the beach.

As she stepped onto the shore she could see someone walking toward her in the distance from the opposite side. After a minute of heading in the direction of the other person, she could make out a tall form, male, with shaggy blond hair. As he got closer still, she could see the smile on his face, it was Will. He had on a simple blue v-neck shirt that hugged his body, showing off his muscular form and dark brown board shorts. He had black converse low tops without socks. So handsome Hope thought to herself. She caught her breath when he smiled.

"Hey, you ready to go?" He asked, sparkling eyes flashing at her.

"Sure, are you?" She smiled back, not feeling awkward or uncomfortable, yet.

"Absolutely. Would you mind driving?" He asked without explaining anything about his lack of transportation. "You look great, by the way" he added.

Hope blushed and said, " sure I can drive, just tell me where to go. I haven't been there since I was a kid. And thanks, you look pretty good yourself" she couldn't believe she had just complimented a guy, or that he had thought she looked great.

So far this was going better than she had thought possible. She gestured back toward her car, "I'm this way" and they both started walking side by side to her car. Will didn't reach out to hold her hand, like he had walking back from the bonfire, but he did help with the small talk.

"How has your trip been so far, since you are here by yourself", he asked as they walked.

"Pretty eventful actually, especially since I've only been here for 24 hours!" She added with a laugh. Hope started to tell him about her mom finding out she had lied, and her talk with Diane. She didn't tell him about her revelations at the sand bar or melt down at the jetty, that felt too private at this point. After all she really didn't know him well.

To Will's credit, he listened to her with interest. It didn't feel like he was just being polite or humoring her. "Well it sounds like you are working out more than you thought you would on this trip"

"Yeah, I guess so" They had reached Hope's car and climbed in. Hope got the car going and pulled onto the road, heading toward highway one. Will seemed to be humming some song she didn't recognize. When she pulled onto the highway, Hope turned to him and asked, "So when do I get to hear your version of the famous bonfire?"

Will turned his gaze her way and smirked, "soon..."

Okay, she thought, let's try something else. "So, how long have you lived in Morro Bay?"

Will seemed to be thinking something over before he answered, "my whole life". And then he finally started talking. It seemed to be Will's turn to spill his guts, but it was mostly just details about growing up here. He didn't get into any heavy emotional family issues. Hope wasn't sure she could have handled anymore family drama, even if it wasn't her own. "My whole family has always lived here. My dad is a fisherman, as is his whole family. They have a small boat over in the marina. My mom stayed home to take care of everything that my dad couldn't take care of. He would be gone before the sun came up and then not home until dinner. He would be exhausted and go right to bed after he ate, so we didn't see him much during the high seasons.

"And that's how I met Ethan. His dad was a fisherman too, so our families spent a lot of time together on the off seasons. We became best friends practically before we could walk. We knew everything about each other." He stopped after that, looking out the window silently.

"Knew?" Hope asked.

"We've kind of lost touch." He stated simply, without further elaboration.

So Hope kept driving.

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Author's notes

Here is an example of the story writing itself. I had no plan for the first part of this chapter, the sand bar. But after her talk with Diane, Hope needed some reflection. At first I thought it would just be a few paragraphs but Hope had other ideas. I thought her relationship revelations would happen much later, but it seemed like she was ready, so now we have this chapter!

By the way, I'm almost done writing it! I have three chapters to go, planned ones anyway but who knows. There have already been two surprise chapters, this and one other that comes later, so who knows!

Notes on chapter title - be somebody

I love this song because it's all about understanding yourself. Hope is naturally intuitive about herself which allows her to see her flaws, even though she's had a hard time also seeing her strengths.

The words are very fitting to how she feels during this chapter so I'll post a link to the lyric

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]