((Requested by grian-senPai ⚠️Extremely large warning of suicide⚠️ Enjoy! This is longer, I hope you don't mind :D ))

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°•Mumbo's POV•°

You never realize how large a home is until you are left alone. 

Living off of the clawing isolation trapped within the dark cornered depths of my mind, living life has become incredibly harder than dying. I would have considered death, but I'm afraid of my existence dissolving away, no matter how many times I crave for death to slaughter my soul.

I'm so tired.

The condition I am withdrawing is causing critical impacts into my health. I cannot stop, the pouring thoughts of that night always seeping into my mind so it can come out, myself sobbing or making an outburst mainly towards Xisuma. The thoughts, the memories, that I cannot undo or unsee are always going to plague my mental health.

Xisuma suggests that I get therapeutic help. Living without... 

A sigh tugs out of my mouth, my shoulders slouching as I embrace another day of agonizing memories. Every single item I look at, everything that comes into my field of vision, reminds me and my flaws, flaws that have encouraged an action that cannot be undone.

My heart is unbelievably hollow, all the pain portrayed in my life has made more room within my humdrum heart so pain can fill up that space. No matter how much comfort I receive from Xisuma, no matter how many apologies and tears Iskall sheds, it wouldn't make an impact on my emotions.

I try to make my life worthwhile, seeing how I used to genuinely enjoy my life. How I enjoyed the bright days, no worries in the world.

Just me and... 

My boyfriend...

We never broke up. I never made it official, neither did he because he doesn't have a voice on this planet anymore. I feel like I am walking on a tightrope, one that is wearing down under the rainfall every single day, ready to snap under my weight because of the intense pressure I press down. My foot would slip, a slip up in my life, and the horrible nightmare of falling caught my attention. I luckily caught myself on the tightrope, dangling for a long time and eventually hoisting myself back onto the thin line of life.

I wish I sent him messages. Another flaw inside of my life. There was a moment of time I was pained because he began to cry, asking why I wouldn't send him a message. The piled minecarts with chests is always a nagging reminder of all of my mistakes as vines begin to creep along the edges. 

Plants have been permeating inside of my vacant hobbit hole ever since I started my real base. It's completed, my massive base, and it is a marvelous sight when passing by in the air. But everytime I look at it, I can hear his message, I can see the italicized ink along the water damaged parchment, I can smell his faint scent of moist jungle aroma flooding my nose.

Your base is looking great!

Everything hurts. 

When I entered inside of my abandoned starter home, I noticed the KGOOMR instantly. There was no use of it now as I observed all the broken redstone components and watching as natural life seizes the contraption to claim it. 

Scar insisted on keeping his. By printing a sad smile, he said Grian was always going to try to get into his resources whether he was here or not. I decided to keep mine since a large piece of my brain still believes he is here, going to show up at my door to steal it any moment, beaming at me while chuckling an eager greeting.

I look over my slumping shoulder.

The door is already missing since I haven't bothered to replace it. It was obvious that mobs had passed inside the empty home, evidence being the muddy footprints etched on the ground, some dry, others still wet. Xisuma told everyone to get rid of their doors and bring it outside of Grian's base as I ring the ceremonial yellow bell to signal that he has completed his Hermit Challenges, challenges that are now officially over under my command.

No one dares to go inside of Grian's hobbit hole.

I'm surprised I have the nerve to even come remotely close to his first home. The only time someone came in was to take Professor Beak, which Stress adopted, later on, promising to take care of the blue parrot through the rest of the seasons. She dedicated the bird to her lifeline and stating she will forever keep it close to her side unless she is in danger.

Stress is a good girl, she never did anything wrong to deserve the depression that has settled in the server. 

I, on the other hand, deserve every single drop that falls on my head. Knowing full well that this is my entire fault, this whole well being of unfortunate events was forever going to leech onto my heart. I see no point in trying to be happy or forget because everything was caused by my doing.

Iskall still blames himself for it. I try to tell him, to reassure him countless times, that it wasn't his fault. But he can't stop his hopeless sobbing, the endless tears that fall from his bloodshot eyes. All the tears that travel down his cheeks will always remain pointless, the same going for my constant shed of tears as well. No matter how many apologies, how many tears or wails to call for his name, begging for his return, everyone knows that he is gone.

The jovial shining ray of light, the cure for anyone's gloomy day, has now disintegrated because of my actions. Everyone on Hermitcraft had a little sun they can hold, the little sun being him, a tiny sun within their grasp to follow around and cause mayhem across the world.

I crushed it. 

My fingers wrap around the miniature shimmering sun to crush it and I watch as the remains dive to the darkness. The darkness that I shortly fell down into because of my curious nature of love, depicting more than I can handle. 

I can see it clearly as if I am living inside the memory once more. The delightful sun jostling inside my large window, my nose brushing on Iskall's as I smile warmly. I sincerely thought we were alone inside of my hobbit home, pressing our lips together while enjoying each of our embraces. Iskall caressed my cheek as we laughed together.

I knew it felt wrong, so wrong, but my heart also yearned for two men. It was heart-wrenching, large amounts of affliction coursing inside of my body when kissing, but my heart also craved for Iskall as much as it did for Grian.

But I fucked up. 

The happiest day of my life came when I asked Grian to be the one and only love of my life, knowing that he reflected the same exact feelings I did. But I also wanted to have Iskall. My heart tugging violently towards both men, like fate, can't decide my proper love option because destiny wants to shake my tightrope. Fate and destiny were very curious about the choices I will make by sticking me in the direct center of this strong battle.

It was clear that my choice was the worst one to sprint towards. I pressed my delicate lips on Iskall, severe stress overwhelming my brain. Iskall comforted me through my hardships and when I sobbed one day because of my negative mindset during building, he hushed my tears, driving my heart toward him during that special moment.

I felt an endless quantity of sparks fly into my aching heart as Iskall's thumbs wiped my tears dry, his gentle smile and hushed voice giving my tension some significant ease. At that moment, I sincerely thought it was just Iskall and myself alone in this infinite world, all memories of commitment for a relationship with Grian just flew over my head.

I would have never imagined the worst to come in that complicated swarm of feelings and thoughts molding together. Time just took a very hard halt, shaking the fabric of my tightrope as Grian came by. He broke my door, being a part of Hermit Challenges after all, before noticing that Iskall was holding me closely. It was when I broke off the kiss, realizing another presence inside of my home, looking at Grian. 

His blue orbs were wide as we both locked eye contact. I couldn't read the emotions swirling in his beautiful crystal gaze and all the words that cluttered in my throat wouldn't choke out. That was the last thing I saw from Grian, seeing his face contort with sheer pain, dropping all the items in his hand since his body began to noticeably tremble. 

I tried to reach out, to call, to do something but I was frozen, stuck, still inside of my racing mind. Before I had the chance to reach out, I was already too late as he fled away. My tightrope wobbled, almost knocking me since I knew this wasn't meant to happen.

Why did I agree to be in a loving relationship and then destroy it quickly after settling on the concept? Grian and I were new to dating, trying to comprehend it all, enjoying our smiles and cheers while holding hands. 

It was everything that I wanted in life.

But at the same time, it wasn't enough for me. 

Looking back at Iskall at that moment, I didn't know how to handle anything. No one knew that we were dating and when everyone discovered after I confessed to the server, a good handful of my friends turned their backs on me, some even giving out threats that violently chipped at my heart.

I set up Iskall because of my pitied heart, making people dislike him as well when everyone should blame me for the monstrosity. A beast has risen from the profundity of everyone. Yelling, screams, cries, curses; they all broke out on the new battlefield, most of them directed toward me. I got ignored by Grian for what felt like centuries, all the hours that ticked by without his shine, the warmth he always spreads, felt like they were dragging longer and longer.

And longer felt as if it was too late, for when I went to see him for the first time in weeks, I sensed a pit inside my stomach in bold apprehension. I made inviting sweets for him, with the aid of Scar who forgave me and informed me of what I should try to do, and I decided that I will at least apologize for the intolerable pain that I pushed inside of Grian.

I knocked a few times on the doorframe since his door is missing. If he peeks out the window and discovers my existence at his doorstep, I knew he would shut all the blinds and ignore the little knocks. I knock again, wrapping my fingers into a fist so my knuckles can knock on the wood alone. 

I still didn't get a response.

I look down currently, flashing back into reality for a split second. I'm holding nothing in my hands and all the walls of Grian's hobbit hole are chipping away or have vegetation lining the chipped spruce wood. I accidentally slip back into my memories, seeing the day as luminous as usual. 

I decided to enter. 

Professor Beak happily chirps at my arrival, being ignorant with all the hatred erupting. I was about to greet the adorable pet but when my eyes settled on the dismaying sight in front of me, I discerned all of my emotions crumbling down. The tightrope almost snapped. This was the moment where the tightrope shook aggressively, fate and destiny now taking control as I latched onto the tightrope with fear.

The cookie sheet in my hand clatters on the ground. All the noises, all of my senses, dissolved until my entire body was numb, not a single sense was alive. I couldn't feel anything, my ears clicked off, I couldn't taste or even smell the spruce wood. 

I can only watch as all-time stopped running, all the movement around me paused.

My knees collide to the ground, my eyes wouldn't peel away. I couldn't feel anything.

And yet, I can feel absolutely everything. 

All the pain that has been collecting inside of me finally burst, every single strong profanity and cry that was specifically pinned towards me has passed from one ear to another as I understood what I truly did. In that cut time, watching his body gently sway under the rope's control, I didn't feel anything physically, but all the mental pain has ruptured.

My finger grazes on the empty noose now. The only life that is using it are the flowers embedded around. My dull eyes, drained from any tiny sparkle or emotion, stare at the looped rope, noticing the little bristle strings that are sticking out of the rough material. I don't understand why I keep coming back inside his empty property. My heart is tugging on a thread, my flashbacks always leading me closer and closer to the most important item in his home.

My eyes blink and a startling gasp falls out of my mouth. I trip backward over the chair he used, seeing as I have now touched the rope for the very first time. It is still hanging there, no one has the courage to take it down from the wooden frame right in the center of his base.

As I remember TFC and Cub having the bold determination to take his lifeless body out, I can only view.

I step up on the chair, tracing the very tips of my fingers along with the delicate petals on the rope. 

And now my friends hate me...

"Grian... will you wait for me? I'm coming this time, I promise. I owe you an apology."

. . .

. . .

. .

. . 

.

.

"Mumbo didn't mean it!"

Eye roll.

"Hey, Mumbo is genuinely sorry!"

Eye roll

"Did you get that from Mumbo's shop?"

Eye roll.

"Oh wow, have you seen Mumbo's base?"

Eye roll.

"Hey dudes, did you see Mumbo today?"

Eye roll.

"Where is Mumbo?"

Eye roll.

"Guys... Mumbo hung himself last night."

Eye roll.