there is a slight tremor in my bones,

     a slight rumble in my heart,

           a slight waver in my voice.

there is a sea green ocean held in my eyes,

      a glistening treasure of gold in hers,

           however, i am the dragon that guards this castle.

i have wings that bind me to the ground like chains,

      yet they set me free to roam the skies,

            but, i do not know where to go.

my mind caves in on me, and red is all i see,

      i am at unease, and the only place that gives me peace is her,

            with tangled hair that of which resembles a proud lion, she sets me free.

yet these wings seem to turn from dark leather to feathery white,

     i do not deserve this color, for i have sinned, and am tainted,

           heavy with black, inky guilt, will i be able to take flight?

feathers carved from the gods, eyes dark as envy, and hands burnt from evil,

      i hope my family can forgive me,

             and commence my sinking minds retrieval. 

one day i will wither away to become dust that rests upon a desk,

     one day i will fall from the skies because i do not deserve to be aligned with the stars,

           one day i will have her in my arms.

i hope this mundane life will turn into something beautiful, something worth it,

     because repetition will be the death of me, from waking up to face my existence,

           to knowing i'd never have the one i love, i wish i could reword it.

perhaps my swirling colors looming above me at night will crawl underneath my eyelids,

     and paint my world a better way than i see it,

          for all i see are faces of the damned, the lost, and the tired.

i wish to fly up above the clouds, cool breeze atop my skin,

     my constantly decaying body will finally be at rest as i float above the dark,

          and when night comes, i shall finally be close to the stars.

yet i always am close to them, and this specific star is right across the street,

     with a daisy tucked into her hair, i wondered to myself,

          why did i pick a daisy in a field of roses?

maybe it was because i figured yellow would look better than the red,

      that leaked from my canvas and spread everywhere, staining my white feathered wings,

            if i were anything divine, i'd be a fallen angel, and her, a goddess that sent me falling through the skies.

so here i lay on this bed, arm atop my brow, and eyes full of burning stars,

     i wonder if she thinks about me, as i do, after three years,

           has she grown up? has moving out made her mature as a person?

it feels unfair that i barely get to see her blossom into her halo,

     however, i do not own her, nor does she owe me anything,

           even if she took my breath, heart, and soul away from me.

yet, i cannot help but wonder why her lingering eyes on me, and a lingering hug,

      had meant something to her? or the sincerity glowing in her eyes?

            or the letter that sat on my stomach with her handwriting?

what am i supposed to do? with nerves wracking my brains, i tenderly pick it up,

       cheeks hot with anxiety, i take a deep breath,

             will this letter be the cause of my undoing?

and so i read.

      three words stand out.

            my breath hitches.

"ezra, how have you been? 

      i'd say my courses are easy, but you'd know i'm lying,

                somehow, you always do. maybe i do something, like raise my eyebrows?

i don't know, but please tell me,

      i want to know how you're doing. how you've been. where you've been,

            who you've met.

are you still as cold at a distant, but so warm when close?

      do you have someone close to you there?

            i hope you forgive me for not writing to you sooner, i mean it's been three years, for god's sake.

i'm sorry.

       there's this feeling i keep getting, and i think i'm upset,

             upset i can't sit on the grass with you and stare at the stars and tell you i'm not okay.

i don't think i'll ever be, i'm unsure about that though,

      what i am certain about is, ezra,

           i miss you.

i hope you do too,

      hope we meet again, 

            with love, your favorite ex-neighbour."

- the damned, the lost, and the tired