CHAPTER 15

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there were only few things that jimin could so eloquently do when a breathtakingly sleeping beauty laid out in front of him.

even with how much of a sly and shameless fox he was sometimes, he was left agape with the adorable sight. it felt like there were butterflies inside his freaking stomach that created the urge for him to disembowel whatever messing with his body right now. it was apprehensive with how fast his heart beat just to see a rosy plump lips, golden hair splayed around the head like a halo, sickly pale skin, and long eyelashes--he actually just came to a realisation that taehyung debatably looked more like snow white than sleeping beauty, holy fucking apple! jimin clapped for himself in victory inwardly but soon straightened himself when he recalled it was totally not the time to think such nonsense like that.

there was an indiscernible feelings when he found that he wasn't the first to visit taehyung. at first it was pure madness then it turned frivolous as soon as he saw taehyung's face, quickly his brain short-circuited and another feelings barged in trough. the ravishing sight of the sleeping male was blooming a smile on his face and brightening his day despite how bad had a few days been passed. he was overwhelmed with happiness to finally see the younger, but at last, a new feeling started to eat his heart when he knew someone before him had seen taehyung in this state. the rage was multiplied that it permeated within any bit of his cells, boy had jimin never felt like that before. the closest thing he felt that was when he was still a child and broke his little brother's scooter so his dad bought his little brother a new one whilst he got nothing except scoldings and could only see his brother happily played by himself. easily told, it was jealousy what he felt that long time. but was it that too now? or was it not?

he pulled a chair and sat next to taehyung, staring closely to the younger. the view was really intoxicating but jimin forced his eyes to focus on other details such as how big taehyung's eye bags were, how sickly pale he was, how his cheeks looked a bit sunken, how skinny he was, and how sick taehyung had actually looked.

there was suspenseful presenting inside his jumbled mess of feelings. had he not been noticing this? had he been pontificating himself about taehyung's condition all along? sure, he realised how taehyung had been distanced from others aside jeongguk, that it actually pissed him off to no end and blamed taehyung. but he couldn't lie to himself when all this time the ones that he had seen from taehyung was how annoying the younger hiding his secrets from him and how close his friendship with jeongguk. he hadn't taken notice how bad taehyung dealt with the said secrets and what he did that time in the practice room now sounded so fucking wrong and unforgivable. taehyung's expressions and motives had been fathomless these few days and if jimin were not taehyung's best friend he wouldn't notice this at all. taehyung seemed to be able to hide easily from his suspicion, what had happened to him? what secrets had he been holding? jimin was dead curious.

yet as much as he wanted to know, he felt agitated to think what taehyung would do to him when he wake up later. would he be mad at jimin for scaring him? would he shut jimin up? would he ignore jimin for the rest of his life? jimin was scared shitless, he didn't know what what would he do if the younger decided to erase his existence from his life.

he still got time, though. taehyung hadn't wakened up yet so he would enjoy and suck as much chances as possible to treasure taehyung's sight, to relish and bask inside the sweetness of taehyung's presence beside him, eradicating his longing towards the latter. he scruntinised taehyung's face clearer. there was no smile attached to his lips, had not been any sign of small, gentle smile, let alone a big rectangular one. jimin missed taehyung's smiles so badly, he would give everything to bring back those. but, what could he actually do to make taehyung smile again?

the sleeping male fluttered his eyelashes in his unconscious state and the heart-pounding fluttering feeling was coloring jimin's heart once more.   

jimin's stubby fingers moved to hold the slender ones of taehyung lovingly. alternately, kissing each fingers and stood to gaze at the owner's face. "i'm so sorry, taetae-ah... i don't know what you've done to me to be like this... whatever have changed between us, please forgive me," jimin pleaded in a voice close to whisper desperately, face so close to taehyung as their breaths mixed.

just one inches of moving forward, could jimin taste the sweetness of those sinfully pink plump lips. he wasn't one that could easily dodge temptation so he did just that, meeting the cold, sweet taste of taehyung in a fleeting, full of bliss, moment. as preposterous was it sounded, jimin felt like something was unlocked his body and a drive of lust and allurement was rushing, making jimin deepened the kiss as taehyung unconsciously let out an incoherent adorable whimper. the sound stopped him completely from whatever trance he was in, bringing him back to the world when jimin found himself hovering over taehyung so dangerously close.

one incomprehensibly question lingered inside his mind: what the hell was that? and then he ran outside.

---

namjoon used to dream about his goals and troubles he got for trying to reach them all night. when he dreamt about what he wanted to achieve or was already achieved, he would sleep with a big smile on his lips, giving no shit to the world where he could live in a dream all day. but when it came to dreaming about the stress and trouble he was suffering at the moment, he would seek for anyone's presence just to hug them and encourage them words that were actually meant for himself. it was usually taehyung the one he came to. the younger was so cuddly and smitten at namjoon to willingly cuddle with the elder like an obedient puppy. yet since taehyung hadn't been at home, what could namjoon do but dream about those horrible things alone?

namjoon was desperate to have taehyung in his arms again when he cried as he recalled his failures and mistakes. he was restless in the dorm so he was now standing in front of a sleeping taehyung, stupidly daydreaming and wondering when on earth had taehyung looked so pretty so suddenly. blame his longing and desperate urge of having taehyung's presence by his side, the younger's charming sight was enticing and affecting him so much that he immediately moved closer to hold taehyung's face between his big hands.

he once dreamt about taehyung beautifully turning into a snow white, he looked just as bright and cheerful like a ball of sunshine he used to be. his happiness radiating onto namjoon and it was the most beautiful dream namjoon had ever had. he wished to see that dream again, yet there were only the bad ones haunting him. the real taehyung now laid helplessly on top of the hospital bed with skin as pale as a ghost and expression so blank, no trait for happiness that namjoon so wanted to have the courage to wake taehyung so he could invite him and bring him into that beautiful dream together. if taehyung wasn't happy, then how could he be happy as well?

he didn't know where this feelings came from, when his heart pumping so fast just from him being so close to taehyung, hands trembling when they held taehyung's face. namjoon wasn't stupid, hell he was one of genius people in korea. but even as genius as he was, there was still many he needed to learn, such strange things for a young man like him. as of now, the signs and clues were left unnoticed by him as if he was caged inside a sandcastle that he made himself like a little boy.

he was lost from the reality as he kept staring at taehyung. comparing the real taehyung to the happy-go taehyung inside his dream helplessly, wanting so bad to step inside that vision once again. he wanted taehyung to wake up and smile at him again. he wanted taehyung to fall inside his arms again. he wanted to find out what had been bothering taehyung to the point he could no longer smile freely anymore. he wanted to win taehyung's heart--and namjoon flinched as his thoughts reeling to that question. for what exactly did he need to win taehyung's heart? right, to be the favourite hyung taehyung could lean on, of course.

"taehyung-ah, please wake up soon... hyung needs you so much," namjoon said defeatedly, his forehead on top of taehyung's. "i dreamt about you, and i want you to be back at there soon with me..."

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jeongguk watched rigorously as sejin, one of bts's managers cooked his meat and pushed a glass of soju in front of him. he was persevere to find the right time to finally arrange a meeting with the elder man between their hectic schedules. they were now sitting together in a small soju tent with heavy disguise (mainly himself). languidly he reached out for the small glass to gulp down the liquid in one go, having no mood to eat at all. his pathetic state seemed to be extenuating sejin as he soon gave his whole focus towards the young idol, encouraging him to tell his problems.

if joungguk had to be honest, he prefer to keep this secret to himself yet he had to regurgitate the problems to solve them. he gulped down another glass of soju before clearing his throat.

"I--" he began hoarsely, "--i think taehyung needs help."

they were quiet for minutes, with sejin gingerly scruntinised jeongguk's serious expression as he stared at the elder with determination. "what kind of help does taehyungie need, jeongguk?" sejin asked calmly.

"taehyung is sick..." jeongguk said, adverting his eyes to his glass as he poured soju for himself. he braced himself to recount those horrible memories. "he is sick mentally. his state had been at worst since a few weeks ago. i didn't tell you this because he begged me not to. long cuts, bruises, eye bags, overwork, malnutrition--it was horrible to see him like that. lately he turns to be taciturn and gets lost in thought many times. i am the only one who found out that he's been cutting so i confronted him until he broke down in tears." jeongguk's sight turned blurry with tears as he poured another glass for him again. "he said he didn't know what happened to him, he looked so lost and surprised and vulnerable and sad--i didn't even know how to treat him, he looked just like a glass that's already broken, hyung. and a few days later, jimin also noticed that tae had been acting weird and then he just fucking shouted at tae, blaming him, cornering him--i was the one who brought tae to the hospital as soon as i saw him passed off from the shock because of that midget," jeongguk growled.

sejin nodded understandingly, patting jeongguk's shoulders when the latter trembled upon the overwhelming feelings of the memory he recalled. he sympathised jeongguk so much, the problem was not easy and he was so disappointed at himself for not noticing what had happened sooner.

jeongguk's breath hitched as he gasped after gulping down another glass of soju. "i visit tae yesterday. he hadn't noticed i was there behind him, he was on the balcony, gaze so focused on whatever down there. then something seemed wrong with him." sejin tightened his grip on jeongguk's shoulder in nauseating worry. "he looked so lost, like he was not inside his own body. i called him a few times yet he still didn't realise i was there. then, he started to move forward to the railing a-and--" jeongguk coughed with how dry his throat was felt. he didn't think he could finish the story, yet sejin encouraged him by holding his hand so he continued.

"he almost k-killed himself, hyung. it was horrible. he was so skinny that wind could have pulled him down to fall. one leg was already dangling. i-i was fucking scared, hyung, i p-pulled him inside. he didn't put any fight luckily.

"then i asked him what did he do. guess what, hyung? he fucking lost it! he didn't remember what did he just do! w-what if the same thing happened again and i w-wasn't there to protect him?" jeongguk sobbed. "something is going on with tae and we need to find out, hyung."

sejin inhaled sharply, he felt devastated. he didn't realise it was that bad. first thing first was to calm down jeongguk who was having a mini breakdown with how irregular his breath. jeongguk must've felt so terrible experiencing and seeing that, after all sejin knew how much jeongguk cared for taehyung.

"now jeongguk. i need you to calm, drinking is NOT the solution--put down that glass!--right," sejin sighed, finally having jeongguk listening. "i agree that this is a serious problem, that taehyung really does need help. but may i ask, why did you come to me first? you could've discussed this with namjoon?"

jeongguk scoffed mockingly. "they only make everything worse. they hurt tae with their words. they don't care."

right, everything was doubled worse, it was such a mess, sejin thought. once again he felt so disappointed with himself to be a very bad manager. "i see," he said, unsure. "let's take this problem just between ourselves first, then. from what i heard from your explanations, taehyung seems to be depressed badly. the signs are mostly what are common for depression. there could be any possibility for other disorders but i will focus on the barest assumption i could think of. there must be something that triggered taehyung to be like this. do you happen to know, guk?"

jeongguk shook his head. "i guess not. taehyung told me he didn't know about it, so did i."

"well then this is what we do first, then," sejin said. jeongguk raised an eyebrow questionably.

"there must be something that caused tae to feel depressed. it can be from works, coworkers, fans, and family. we shall find out about that before deciding to clumsily move forward for what would just turn to be discrepancy."

"we are just fine at work... army's are being as sweet as ever... except," jeongguk forwns, trying to recall as much as possible. and then, "oh! speaking of family... taehyung had never once told us about his family, hyung. i just realised now... whenever we talked about our hometown, he is gone to do who knows what or change the topics. it's... wow,  i really really just realised that."

"that is highly suspicious, indeed." sejin nodded. "we'll dig up that one for sure."

to be continued