CHAPTER 12

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if there was one thing jeongguk was good at, it was not caring for other people. jeongguk was basically a very shy guy and he was never one to thirst for exaggerated attention, always pushing people away because he was scared of them clinging to him nonstop, weighing him with responsibilities, and requiring him to take care of them all the time. jeongguk always prided himself for being an independent person that stood for himself, doing anything and caring for himself. his personality had slowly made him used to be by himself only and that was why he had prioritised himself over anyone, let alone caring for them. he may be close with the bangtan members and his family, but he'd never been the one to tell his problem or just simply share anything that was in his mind for them.

but jeongguk realised then, that he was no longer like that ever since he met this particular person, sitting closely in front of him with eyes downcast, sweater paws covering his hands on both his sides, like a lost cute little puppy.

he had never claimed himself as a sappy person but whenever he was with taehyung, his mind always raced with so many colourful thoughts that screamed all sweet things that he didn't knew he was capable too think, almost making him puke disgusted by himself. he wanted to buy all the strawberry ice cream taehyung loved from around the world, he wanted to find the bunnies on the moon where taehyung believed it were at, he wanted to capture every single moments of taehyung, he wanted to hug taehyung and protected him from any evil in this world, and he wanted to kiss the hell outta-- okay, okay, slow down, jeongguk might not want that. (yet )

he slapped himself inwardly for having such a dirty mind just because taehyung's pink plump lips had been so tempting tonight, well hadn't it always been so pink and luscious before--fuck, jeon, stop it. this was not the right time to be thinking like that when taehyung had been this pliant and vulnerable. the elder had always been a playful boy, always putting a fight whenever jeongguk was at, and a (precious) little shit too, but every comical image of him previously had been wiped out with how he behaved right now.

even after taehyung begged him to shut his mouth and never told anyone about this, that taehyung was okay he had just missed his parents so much, jeongguk knew the problems was more than that. taehyung was not okay at all, with how many red cuts he had on his tights, how many bruises he oh so brilliantly planted in hidden places, how big his eye bags were, and how skinny he was. jeongguk almost cried again when he was picking up the limping taehyung to treat his wounds onto the table because how light he was, as if picking up a little child with ridiculous lanky long legs and pretty, sad face.

taehyung had never shut up his mouth before, always spurting his ridiculous stories and make fun of himself but now he realised that it'd been months taehyung never talked more than ten words in a day when he was in the dorm. hell, he barely talked at all. he noticed taehyung's weird behaviour but not to the extant where he stalked taehyung to the practice everyday, or found his habits of cutting inside the bathroom of the said building. taehyung's changes should have been so much noticeable that jeongguk blamed himself for not knowing and punching his hyungs with how much of assholes they'd become way sooner.

taehyung's condition was so bad that it was so pitiful to see his state, when the light in those doe caramel eyes had stopped appearing, what could jeongguk see on those again? it broke his heart so hard when taehyung just sat there emotionless as he treated the cuts, as if there was no hope for taehyung to reach or purpose for him to live to. but as taehyung looked up to see him, giving a soft oh so sweet smile, jeongguk could feel that his heart had revived and now was blooming with uncontrollable thumbs that was so dangerously warming him.

thank you, was what taehyung's eyes that had always been so full of expressions said. he was grateful that jeongguk was here.

and if taehyung asked him for decades to wait for him to tell his problems, then jeongguk would give taehyung eternity.

---

it was two in the morning yet sleep hadn't caught both of the boys. they were currently walking aimlessly on the banks of the han river, like they and jimin would usually go on 'maknae nights' while eating ice cream. but now there were just the two of them with remaining comfortable silence blanketing the air as jeongguk's strong arm hugging taehyung's thin waist, pushing his lithe body onto jeongguk's hard one, emanating endless warm and protection to the elder. taehyung had never felt contented this much for a long time but as much as he was happy right now, he couldn't stop his mind from thinking about those days where they were supposed to be here with jimin. he had absolutely no clue that jeongguk and jimin had been fighting like mad men over him for days. he missed jimin and the hyungs but jeongguk's presence had been more than enough already.

they sat on the grass, basking under the moonlight, staring onto their reflections on the clear water of the river as soon as jeongguk felt taehyung's legs couldn't hold his weight anymore. the younger had been nothing but sweet and kind to him when the others had just lent him their cold shoulders, jeongguk had always been there for him, defending him from any bad things thrown at him, praising him in everything he did, helping him even if he never asked, and mollycoddled him. taehyung felt bad, though. jeongguk wasn't supposed to do all of those to him. he wasn't worth any single of the praises, protections, or helps. he deserved all of the harsh treatments because it was his fault for becoming such a worthless, waste of space. and he hated himself because even how much he tried to ignore jeongguk by coming home less, he still couldn't stop himself longing for jeongguk's cares and warmth.

he was scared about how much today would change whatever coming on the future. no one had ever cared this much for him, and this affection jeongguk had been so generously given him was too much of an amount taehyung could contain within his fragile heart. he didn't want to be a burden for jeongguk, he didn't want to make his worthless self to bring down jeongguk, and he never wanted to acknowledge his worthiness for receiving jeongguk's attention. but as jeongguk's teary big eyes looking at him with so much agony and shock back then in the practice room, taehyung had been desperate to feel jeongguk's arms around his body to protect him from those voices that constantly told him how off he was and also protected the maknae from any sadness dragging him down as they cried together. taehyung never wanted to see those expression on jeongguk anymore, so whatever guilt he felt right now must he forcefully gulped down and let himself be engulfed inside jeongguk's protective shelter.

he knew jeongguk deserved explanations after all of those worries towards him, but taehyung wasn't ready. he didn't know what was bothering him, all he did know was that this had been a constant thing for him ever since he was young and forced to take care his siblings and grandmother without parents to support him wholly. he felt better from time to time but lately it had come crashing down on him. he didn't know where to explain but if it was to make jeongguk smile proudly at him again, everything was worth even if it was only a single word.

"back then when you asked me if i was okay, i didn't make up lies to answer you, guk," taehyung started, opening the thick walls he'd built around him. "it wasn't like i was really okay per se, but i never acknowledge what's been bothering me and what's been making me to be like this. i really think that i am okay but there's still this pain i feel in my deepest heart that never wants to disappear so i have to find solution if not to erase it, then distract myself from feeling it. the cuttings are successful because it makes me forget the aches and the voices inside my head. but then it slowly becomes addictive because the ache wouldn't go but remained stronger as times passed. it isn't that much of a deal when i don't even know what's up with myself." he finished with a bitter chuckle. the words were complete and raw truths but taehyung still felt there were something that was left untold.

"you should have told me sooner, tae," jeongguk was looking at him with wide eyes full of worries and cares, as if he was looking at the most fragile glass in the world that he loved so much. "or anyone. i could've helped you and you would've not started the cuttings."

"i don't want to be more of a burden than what i already am. it's better to hide the pain than to bother anyone with this childish problems i'm having."

"well, you hide it and hurt me at the same time, taehyung," jeongguk tightened his grip on taehyung's right bony hand. "your problems are not childish and you have to know that i care so much about you. you are and will never be a burden to me so i want you to be open as much as possible to talk to me. i swear i will help you to dispel those growing pains, we're in this together, we're partners in crime you got that, tae?" he brushed taehyung's bangs from his beautiful rich brown eyes with his unoccupied hand.

"even if i'm not worth it--"

"you're so much way worthier than you claim yourself to be, taetae," jeongguk ruffled taehyung's fluffy hair affectionately. "i will stick by your side whether you want it or not. just count on the golden maknae, hyungie."

taehyung realised that there were many moments that couldn't be spoken with simple words, just like now. the indescribable warmth seeping inside his stomach and chest made him want to jump over a cliff without worries from the world, knowing there would be someone who would catch him and prevent him from getting hurt.

the loud thumping of his heart might be enable to be heard by jeongguk, but taehyung couldn't be more careless as he registered the feelings a soft, plump, warm lips touching his cheek. they were cold but as soon as it touched his skin, the place was tingled with warmth and taehyung had never felt like he wanted to stay there forever but now.

---

jimin was mad. the kind of thing when you felt like you wanted to pull your hair out of the roots and make yourself bald, or beat anything until they lose their original shape, or destroy whatever in front of you. yeah, jimin was absolutely feeling it.

it'd been a week since the night jimin spotted jeongguk doing whatever it was on taehyung's tights and the maknae had planted himself next to taehyung 24/7 like a loyal dog to its owner. jimin was pissed because jeongguk had always lost his chances to talk to taehyung who looked significantly better. truth to be told, jimin was happy with taehyung's progress but what made him flaming with uncontrollable rage was the reason that made the younger's condition better.

it wasn't him, the best friend, to be the reason. it should've been his place since the beginning to solve whatever problem was bothering taehyung. he hated being left out, and it was jeongguk's fault that the relationship between him and his taetae was slowly drifted apart. now he came to fix it, whether jeongguk would be happy or not be damned.

taehyung was alone. jimin saw the maknae leaving him a bit in excuse for bringing their lunches over from their favourite shop nearby. the second youngest was huddled on the corner with attention completely focused on his phone, not noticing jimin who had walked towards his direction.

taehyung was dressed yet once again in a black turtleneck and poofy sweatpants. even with how intense and tiring their choreography was, he always wore baggy clothes which covered almost the whole body. jimin dragged his eyes up and down taehyung until it landed on taehyung's unusually bare feet that were tattered and bruised. far beyond what was normal as a result of their dance practices. jimin couldn't believe the younger did the entire practice with feet like that.

"taehyung?" jimin called out, concerned.

and taehyung jolted because of the shock. he looked up with wavering eyes, as if he was scared of something but quickly covered it with a blank face.

"yeah?" Taehyung asked, tilting his head to the side. and jimin could see taehyung's attempt to cover his feet by making himself smaller and pulling his baggy turtleneck shirt over his feet.

"i--uh--are you okay? your feet... you've been practising with that condition," Jimin tested, gauging taehyung's reaction.

averting his gaze towards jimin, taehyung still managed his signature poker face, revealing nothing. "it only hurts a little. i'm used to it by now."

"that must hurt like hell, tae. just walking must be--" jimin raised his voice as his concern did as well. there were way too many things taehyung hid from him.

"ah i need to go help jeongguk, he might've forgotten his wallet again," taehyung changed the topic, standing up to avoid jimin. but the elder was faster as he grabbed taehyung's arm and pushed him back to the corner he previously leaned onto.

"why are you like this to me, taehyung?" jimin asked angrily, too anguished to notice how taehyung had flinched quite violently over his outburst. "everything is always jeongguk this and jeongguk that! what's up with you and him?!"

"w-what do you mean, jimin? i don't understand," taehyung cowered in fear. he had never seen jimin this furious.

"of course you understand! there must be something going on between you and jeongguk. you leave me out now, not caring about my feelings. have you totally forgotten who's your best friend here?!"

"what are you even saying, jimin?! i'm not forgetting my best friends, you and jeongguk are my best friends! i never leave you out," taehyung frantically said.

and man, was that only pissed jimin more. "you're hiding things from me. you're not smiling that sweet rectangular one to me again. you're not telling me your funny stories anymore. you've changed, taehyung! don't give me that innocent shocked expression because i absolutely don't take bullshits anymore."

"i haven't changed!" taehyung exasperatedly declined, the urge to flee was alerting him aloud inwardly. "i don't know why you're so mad, jimin, but i really need to go to jeongguk right now." he tried to loosened jimin's strong grip on his arm as it started to hurt now, but it was useless because jimin was definitely way stronger than him. and he just made the elder angrier by mentioning jeongguk.

jimin grabbed taehyung's shirt because of the rage, accidentally revealing his tanned stomach with bruises littered on it. jimin let out a startled gasp as taehyung felt his heart had jumped onto his mouth.

he eventually pulled his eyes up to meet jimin's shocked gaze. jimin's eyes were locked on his body. ashamed and feeling violated under such a fixated stare, taehyung lowered his head once more, covering his chest more with his arms. but jimin's hand took hold of his wrist, forcing his arms away to reveal his battered chest. taehyung gulped, too scared to fight back. he didn't want to anger the elder more.

calloused fingers rubbed over his chest, grazing the fading bruise on his chest and stomach. taehyung let out a gasp, flinching away from the touch.

"why didn't you tell me... they must've hurt..." jimin whispered, fingers touching the bruises ghostly.

deciding to stay silent, taehyung willed away the humiliation and tears, feeling sick to his stomach at the feeling he was experiencing. it was terrifying. it felt like hours with them standing like that. his heart almost exploded from its rib cage, and he felt cold engulfed his body. not realising his body was staggering, he heard jimin shouted his name before everything darkened.

yo, long ass chapters just because i felt emo after reading a super nice and angsty vkook fanfic.

welp, i hope you like this because i cRINgE @ how sappy this chapt is. please gimme feedbacks bcus i love whatever your comments are, whether you wanna curse my characters or complain your cries or cringe about this ugly fanfic w me :')

random question : who you think would confess first, jk or tae, if they were to fall for each other?