CHAPTER 5

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"get the hell out of here,"

hoseok's piercing glares almost seemed as something that could kill. taehyung felt like a knife just sliced through his heart into pieces. he stopped breathing because his chest tightened painfully. everything just hurt.

"if you can't get this one single move right, then you're no longer needed in this group," jimin added coldly. there was no usual sparkling on his heart eyes whenever he saw his best friend, taehyung, before.

"you're bringing us down. if you know what's best, I think you should've just left us alone," this time it was seokjin. his shoulders tensed and a disappointed glare was thrown at taehyung who stiffly sat on the wooden floor right where Hoseok had pushed him onto.

"you're even worse than me," namjoon sighed. he looked bored and aloof, as if this situation was just a child game where they were all the bullies that played with their "punching-bag" playfully. nothing serious.

yoongi who was keeping his silence suddenly stood up and walked painfully slow towards taehyung who was still overwhelmed by shock and fear. he grabbed the younger's collar roughly which elicited a loud gasp from the said boy. the grip was deathly and it was suffocating taehyung.

the elder then dragged the poor boy towards the entrance door of their practise room. he pushed taehyung out after opening the door.

he sneered, "listen to your hyung. hoseok clearly told you to get out, you useless piece of shit." yoongi removed his grip and left taehyung there with tears already dripping from both his eyes.

if taehyung's heart was sliced, it was crushed by now.

taehyung let out a whimper and then a sob, couldn't bring himself to utter even a word. he didn't know what to do and where to go to. it was like there was a void that drown him inside helplessly.

he was completely alone. he had no one.

except... jeongguk.

taehyung looked up and frantically, desperately, searched for the younger. he must--no, needed--him now.

jeongguk was standing on one of the corner of the room, far from where taehyung was. his head was titled downwards whilst he leant onto the wall. his bangs covering his eyes, making taehyung panicked because the younger hadn't said or done anything, let alone helping him.

and when jeongguk finally looked up, what taehyung saw had made his blood went cold. there was no expression as jeongguk blankly stared back at taehyung. it was so cold, the way the younger looked at him, sending shivers down taehyung's spine.

why hadn't he done anything?

"just let him be. practise won't continue itself," jeongguk said coldly then turned to replay their song.

when the door was closed right in front of taehyung's face, that was the moment when he knew that his world has crumbled under his feet. it was too much—

taehyung woke up in a jolt.

his shirt was soaked in sweat as he tried to control his ragged breath. his chest felt so tight and a lump closing his throat.

right, it was just a dream. yet, it felt so real.

but there was no way in hell they would do something so cruel like that to him as taehyung thought, pushing aside every negative thoughts before they make their ways into the deepest, smallest corner of taehyung's brain permanently.

they were too kind, far away from the monsters in taehyung's dream just now.

it had been such a long time since the last time taehyung had nightmares that provoked panic attacks. this was dangerous. he could've died because of the pressure that he got from his anxiety, portrayed in an illusion of something that didn't even happen in a shape of a mere dream.

taehyung had never wanted to deal with a therapist, he knew he needed one but somehow he was scared. of what? he didn't know. it just made him felt more helpless and weak. he was okay. definitely okay.

low confidence happened to anyone. just because he was left by his members one night and had to be taken care of because of himself triggered his anxiety again. taehyung was exaggerating. another fault he did.

if he continued to be like this, all weak and dependent like a crybaby, he wondered if the other members would leave him without having a second thought.

why taehyung had to be like this? it was always him, him, and him. oh how taehyung hated himself.

taehyung walked down the stairs. after deciding that he felt better, he planned to thank jeongguk. he desperately needed companions right now, contemplating the idea of asking jeongguk for some cuddling, he headed downstairs.

there were sounds of chatters that could only mean that the other members had arrived. this lightened taehyung's mood and a smile already plastered on his pink plump lips as he moved faster, like a child being promised of a candy. not wanting to miss the chance of seeing his second family.

"hyung!!!" taehyung shouted loudly, barely trying to contain the happiness bubbling inside of him. he immediately hugged the closest person which was yoongi.

"I really missed you guys!" taehyung cheekily said, not noticing the distaste glare that was thrown at him by the very person he was hugging.

the room was suddenly too tranquil to be comfortable. taehyung looked up to see wide eyes looking at him all surprised. no one had uttered ant words to him.

"where were you guys yesterday?" he pouted cutely. little did he know, he just annoyed yoongi and the others in the room who were not expecting his sudden appearance.

a laugh was heard from the end of the table. it was jimin. a fake smile was present alongside a frown on both his brows. the laughter sounded no fun but awkward. "er—hey, taehyung."

"hi, jiminie!" taehyung replies cheerfully, completely blinded by his happiness to feel the tense atmosphere around them.

"did you guys have fun? y'all look so happy right now!" taehyung added. his cheery expression was ten times brighter.

no one answered but yoongi who wriggled out from the hug with an annoyed huff. "yeah, we had fun." the elder said gruffily.

"I was lone—"

"are you feeling okay?" jeongguk cut in.

taehyung nodded reassuringly and thanked jeongguk happily. this somehow added some questioning gazes from other members.

"uh, what happened with taehyung?" namjoon asked.

this time jeongguk furrowed his brows and shrugged. "I thought I told you that he was sick?"

realisation were clear on the other member's faces.

"ah I see... I hope you get well soon," said jin awkwardly. it was not only taehyung's condition that they forgot, they even also forgot the boy's present. jin felt slightly guilty that he didn't cook for taehyung as well as the rest. it wasn't jin's fault, as he thought, that the boy rarely had dinner with them anymore.

"oh, jin hyung! I'm sorry I accidentally broke one of your glasses..." taehyung said guilty, brushing his nape sheepishly. "the headache was too strong so I wobbled and fell."

it was a lie if jin wasn't pissed off hearing that. he wanted to forgive taehyung but a part of him was mad because the younger didn't even recognise the glass. he should've not used that special glass in the first place. but he didn't want to be petty so he let taehyung off, "it's.. okay. be careful next time, please."

"I shall, hyung! trust me!" a blinding smile once again was shown.

taehyung proceeded to sit on one of the seats but something caught his attention as he halted. there were only six seats and each one was occupied. the last chair on the left corner of the table, presumably claimed by him, supposedly his chair.

"um, I thought there were seven seats? where was the last one? where did it go?" taehyung asked curiously whilst the others suddenly felt bad.

"we forgot to tell you. I place the chair in my studio because the last one broke," namjoon said, smiling apologetically.

taehyung felt sadden. he wanted to sit with them so bad. "oh its okay! we can take turns!" he covered his sadness with overload joy.

"let's spend time together! its been so long since we had dinner together," taehyung chirped and stood behind jimin, silently asking the elder to share his seat with him, but the replies coming out from the members had shocked taehyung.

"we were just finished, tae. I'm sorry but we're so tired... can you please let us go to rest?" jimin asked softly and the others nodded alongside.

in this moment, taehyung finally felt how tense and awkward the atmosphere was. it was like a bridge was present between him and the hyungs. they laughed and smiled at him but taehyung knew they were forced.

taehyung felt bad and guilty.

"sure... I'm sorry for holding you on..." he couldn't hide the crestfallen expression he had on his face.

after the rest of the group left, with jeongguk being the last after muttering a soft "get rest" to taehyung, he fell down onto one of the seats. all happy mood was drained dry from his body, leaving him alone again in his own thought.

taehyung was always one to care what people thought about himself and the member's action not only scared him but also made him anxious. he felt like doing something so wrong that made the others mad, as if he wasn't good enough and even worth to be there at the moment.

taehyung mournfully stood and went to his room again, not planning to go out anymore for the rest of the day, wallowing in the pit of his pathetic sadness.

writing angst is hard when you're feeling happy.