CHAPTER 7

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warnings:

verbal & nonverbal abuse, degrading words, graphic past child abuse

the day seemed to go by in a blur and taehyung found himself struggling to keep up with its pace, his head still slightly cloudy due to his lack of sleep the previous night.

in his daze, he often found his mind wander and he would inevitably find himself thinking about his family. he wondered about his dear grandmother's health, how she should rest from working on their farm and garden; how his little lovely siblings doing on their school; how his father and mother dealt with their jobs to pay for their food.

taehyung's chest squeezed slightly at the thought of his parents working so hard just to feed them all. they might not have to struggle this much if only he could make his own money to help the family. he knew his siblings had so many things they wished to have and they were not scared to tell their parents. he never minded for his food shares in the house to be reduced for their parents to buy gifts for his siblings. he had never been one to eat much anyway.

his stomach churned painfully but he tried to overcome the pain by pressing his tummy. he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. he didn't feel any hunger since the accident last night, more like he didn't dare to step his foot to the kitchen that made him remember some scenes he wished so hard to forget.

his feelings switched and changed and merged to the point that he felt a constant ache in his chest, as if a stone had been put there. taehyung then proceeded on trying to sleep, putting his head on top of his folded hands on the table. history didn't sound so interesting to him anymore and any sounds in the class were diminished into whispers.

before he knew it, the entire day had passed and taehyung was forcefully woken up by a shoe thrown onto his head. dealing with bullies had never been the best option for him so he escaped to the place he always went after class: the music room.

taehyung had always loved singing ever since he was so young. he sang when he was working in the farm, cleaning the house, taking care his siblings and grandma, or when he didn't do anything at all. just by singing, all of the stress and anxiety in his minds seemed to dissipate. singing freed him from the reality, it brought him into a numb feelings that soothed his soul as if he was in the wonderland. it was as if he had forgotten everything as he was singing.

he only stayed up for an hour in the room. usually the bad boys smoke in narrow corridor between the music room and the field, the place was hidden enough from the teachers to find out. the sounds of slurry chattering and footsteps were clues for him to escape before he could get himself beaten up into a pulp. he also had somewhere to be right now.

"guys, look. it's the freak again. hey, freak!! c'mere! we get somethin' for ya." someone was calling but taehyung had learnt that looking back was a big mistake. he knew they were calling him so he ran as fast as his skinny legs could bring.

"oy! get right here when i call you, freak!" the shouts were slowly sinking into nothing as he distanced himself from them. happily, his run turned into jogs as he trotted to a new opened cafe in the district.

if singing made taehyung happy, working there made his stomach went mushy with excitement. it was really exhausting to work there but the manager had always given him leftovers after work and praised him for his hard works. at least he could distract himself even if it was only for a few hours.

taehyung walked until he reached the intersection near by his house. he carried on his way to the convenience store on his left, nearest to his house. he quickly grabbed everything he needed out of the store and paid it with the money he got from his work then went home to prepare it. his father had forgotten to spare him money for groceries again so he had to use his. his mother was currently working in busan but his father would probably be home in a few hours and he wanted everything to be ready when he came in.

taehyung was used to doing chores around the house. his mother's occupation required her to be out of the town often so there were only him, his father, and his siblings in the house. he learnt to cook and every chores from his grandmother so that he could learn some different dishes for his siblings' and his father's meals. usually the money wasn't enough for the four of them to eat so taehyung bought himself bread or something from outside and just cooked for the others.

tonight, his siblings were having sleepovers in his grandmother's house. his father however was getting home so late. taehyung waited until his father had returned home before eating, but sometimes this meant not eating until past 10 at night.

it was at around 11 that taehyung found himself warming up the food in kitchen when he heard the front door slam open with a loud bang! he heard his father stumbled into the hallway, tripping slightly over taehyung's school shoes. he swore loudly, roughly kicking them out of the way with a thump as he threw down his briefcase and keys.

taehyung could hear him struggling to get his own shoes off, grabbing onto the side table for support with enough force to make it rattle and shake. a picture frame slid off the table, the glass noisily shattering on tiled floor. taehyung immediately got up at the noise and quickly made his way towards his dad and saw the smashed frame lying face down on the floor.

"w-welcome home, dad." he said warily, reaching out to hold his father's arm to help him keep steady, he hadn't seen him this drunk in a very long time. his father was drinking whenever the house was almost empty, safe for him who never had anywhere to leave. he cursed himself for not noticing the situation, he was alone with his drunk father in the house tonight. "let me clean up the glass, it wouldn't do for you to hurt yourself with it."

his father jumped slightly at his touch, and tore his arm out of taehyung's grasp with a grunt.

"gerroff me, taehyung." he slurred his words drunkenly, swaying slightly where he stood, one of his shoes in his hand. "'m not an idiot, don' need your 'elp." he finally managed to get his other shoe off with one last lurch, and threw them noisily towards the entrance. taehyung winced slightly at the loud noise they made as they slammed against the doorway. he really needed to get his dad up to bed before anything bad could happen.

"s- sorry dad. i'm sure you're tired, would you l-like to go up to bed? I'll  get you some water and painkillers i-if you wait upstairs." he tried to ask kindly, hiding his stutters as best as he could, trying not to make his father any more irritable. it was like dealing with a lion in their cage.

"oh just shuddup you useless kid," his father stumbled his way to the kitchen, probably searching for the hidden soju he had. taehyung could only stand still there, his body was numb and his mind was blanked as he didn't know how to stop his father from drinking again. every attempt to stop him had always ended up as something worse. but as soon as the sound of glass shattered he rushed over to his father, taking notes on the mess on the kitchen floor from the glass of soju his father had just destroyed.

taehyung moved to his father's side without stepping on the glass, and grabbed at his arms.

"stop it, dad!! " he shouted, desperately trying to drag his father away. "there's no need for you to do this dad, please! don't drink again!"

his dad wheeled around and pulled taehyung to him. he gripped his son's skinny arms and managed to push him down to the floor before taehyung even knew what was happening. taehyung felt pieces of glass pierce his arms and legs and he gasped in surprise then cried out. "stop! dad! please, let me up!" he kicked out his legs in a feeble attempt to make contact with his father, anything to get him to loosen the tight grip he had on his arms. "please, it hurts dad! It hurts! i'm sorry!"

"shuddup, taehyung!" his father growl at him, looking like a wild animal. "shut up! always gettin' in the way! yer just a useless son, if yer not born i wouldnt have worked so hard to feed all of us. ya made 'er leave me here alone! ya bitch!"

the vice-like grip he had on taehyung's arm was tightening still, his hand shaking him slightly, pushing him further into the glass. taehyung could feel the warm slick of his blood start to trickle down his arms and legs, his breathing coming out in ragged gasps.

"please dad, please! stop! I'm sorry!" he gasped out before his father raised a fist and sunk it into his stomach.

taehyung choked out a scream, pain searing his whole body, glass crunching beneath his slight weight.

"shut up. SHUT UP!" his father yelled, his face going red as he grabbed taehyung's hair and dragged him into the place taehyung was so familiar with. "it's all bcus o' ya. ya deserved this for being a trash in this 'ouse." his father was getting close to hysterical. taehyung struggled against him, to get from under his weight, but his small frame was no match against his father's larger one. the grip on his hair was deathly painful as he was dragged until he was shoved onto a wooden surface. a closet.

no. not that closet again, the words fell deaf on the tip of his tongue.

two more blows came in quick succession before his father gave one last shove and taehyung found himself inside the closet.  his father's  face one of pure disgust as he looked down at his son quietly sobbing inside, begging him to be let out hysterically. "no! please let me out of here! i promise to be a good kid for you--"

but the door was already closed and darkness swallowed taehyung whole. taeyung could hardly take in the pain he felt all over his body as the usual ringing was heard on both his ears. he roughly closed his ears tightly. he was alone.

taehyung laid on the bottom, his body was numb and he couldn't feel anything but the void of emptiness and raw fear that were eating him. his arms were raw and bleeding, his stomach queasy and bruises scattered all over his body. he was struggling to calm himself down enough to breathe properly, but his weak attempts still couldn't prevent the panic attacks.

his mind was reeling.  taehyung was scared, something that caused his heart to clench tightly between its erratic beating in his chest. he couldn't stay here, he must get out from here. but he was too weak, too useless, a trash that couldn't do anything even helping himself.

his father was right. he deserved all of this. he was the cause that his siblings were starving and chose to stay at his grandmother's, that his mother had to leave daegu to work so hard, that his father had to stay here without seeing his mother everyday, that he was so useless that he couldn't help his poor family with any outcomes. 

his father was too right. he was just a trash.

taehyung let out a shaky breath, body trembled violently.  he could only wait until morning his father finally came back to his sense to apologise and helped him out of here. taehyung believed his father had never meant to do all of this to him, he still had hopes for his father's love to him. but deep down he knew that drunken words held truth inside. his father may not intentionally did this but his words were all true and that was the only thing a young taehyung could naively believe.

I gotta cram for the coming exams sigh my life is so sad...