omG im really rEAllY sorry for disappearing for months!! its just that my schedule is hellish, i dont even remember the last time ive had proper weekends without piles of works. its my fourth semester in HS and competitions are raining bullets towards us that the teachers are scouting as much students to enter. its really tiresome when u have bunch of assignments waiting whilst studying for a particular subject in advance. it actually relishes my stress; running from responsibilities ahaha but you guys deserve explanations at least :') so yeah, im sorry!! i hope you enjoy this late chapter!

CHAPTER 20

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having the closest camaraderie with taehyung could jeongguk confidently say from these past few months he passed alongside taehyung. it was mostly enjoyable but also painful, because the first time it caused this to happen, was taehyung hurting and jeongguk almost couldn't bear to see that. yet now, he had learnt which kind of smiles taehyung would have when he hid his feelings, or when he was sincere, or when he was sad, or when he was very much joyful. he had learnt some particular smiles the elder had specifically given to him when they spent their time together just the two of them, completely shut out from the reality, and only relishing the sweetness that emitted from the moments. he knew they both were so genuinely happy to stay like that, and jeongguk got no complaints. taehyung was significantly doing better with him beside him and he was happy to be always with taehyung.

it was always them both, that jeongguk got so used with taehyung's presence. but there was a time, in a lonely day when the boys were given off days, and jeongguk found himself laying down on his bed with eyes vacantly staring at the ceilings, wondering what had caused the ache in his chest. it was like he was missing something. jeongguk had always been one to be straightforward and head down to his problems without many qualms, but it was like he was forgetting or running form something... he had been happy and fine, so why now? his room felt colder, darker, and... emptier. his pillows felt hard and the bed felt too big. and somehow, his mind drifted to the image of taehyung's room; the owner squashed between the thick comforters and pillows, looking so huggable.

then it hit jeongguk; how he had missed taehyung greatly that he became this dependent. he had always thought himself as the one who supported and was leaned on by taehyung, yet he still longed to be with taehyung. funny, because never once jeongguk felt so attached to someone this much.

a loud laugh was heard from the room next to him--jimin's. it was seriously annoying, that jeongguk wanted to barge in and strangle the said male. jeongguk knew it was petty of him, but well, he was sad and lonely as fuck and yet that asshole had been nothing but radiant. jeongguk scoffed, annoyed, and proceeded to roll his body until he found the most comfortable position to sleep. it didn't work again.

a pillow was stuck on his neck, and jeongguk snapped because this shit dares to cramp his neck so he spent the next few minutes punching the hell out of the pillow. it was until the pillow had become so flabby when jeongguk heard taehyung's laugh from jimin's room. that midget must be behind this, jeongguk thought, and stood up to join the 95 liners.

he waltzed not so gracefully into jimin's room to find taehyung curling on jimin's lap whilst the elder laid his hand on taehyung's hip, a few centimeters away from his bums, and oh how jeongguk was seething with the sight. he immediately surged down to seat himself between the elders, throwing his right arm over a now sitting taehyung protectively, and set his glares on the television intensely. he heard jimin scoffing but put no mind on it, instead pulling taehyung closer to his side as the latter was still confused with jeongguk's sudden intrusion

"jeonggukie...? i thought you were asleep," taehyung warily mumbled, having to notice the tensed and angry expression on jeongguk's face.

jeongguk grunted, "can't. i wanna watch movies with you."

taehyung then beamed, hugging jeongguk back from his side. "you could've just texted me or come to my room."

jeongguk smugly enjoyed the way taehyung pressed close to him, noticing the glares jimin sending him. take that, midget.

"but this is our night, taehyungieee. we've been planning to watch movies together, cuddling just the two of us," jimin said, emphasizing the last sentence, whining childishly. he knew taehyung was soft with his whine.

"aww jiminie, but i'm here right? we cuddled, too," taehyung beamed at jimin. "jeonggukie would never bother you, he just misses his hyungs, right gukkie?" he cooed and messed jeongguk's hair. "you won't mind if we cuddle together, will you?" taehyung unintentionally gave jimin a sad puppy expression that ultimately knocked the breath out of the other two men in the room.

jimin huffed, he couldn't win tonight. "fine, only tonight, though."

and taehyung squealed, completely joyful to have a night together with his best friends like before again. he hugged jeongguk and jimin tightly, not caring the complaints from others. it'd just been so long...

---

"I know what you're doing, jimin," jeongguk quietly said, anger surpressed weakly.

taehyung had gone to pee, leaving the room for jeongguk and jimin in a very tensed atmosphere full of tension. they were sitting across while shooting daggers with each other.

jimin challengingly raised an eyebrow.

"it was that night when taehyung came back with tear stained cheeks, and the next day he completely left my side to stay with you everytime and everywhere. he didn't even tell me what happened to him."

jimin chuckled humorlessly. "what even are you trying to say, jeonggukie?"

jeongguk gritted his teeth. "what did you do to taehyung that night."

jimin laughed. "ahaha, so you think i made taehyung cry that night and then stole him from you? sounds ridiculous."

it did sound ridiculous when jimin say it like that, but jeongguk had known taehyung so well like the back of his hand now. he knew the elder was hiding something from him and jimin happened to be the most suspicious between the five of the hyungs.

he paid no heeds on jimin's words. "what did you tell him that night? why is he suddenly latching himself fully on you?"

"ahh, so little jeongguk really did miss his hyung, huh?"

jeongguk's expression was set in stone so jimin continued. "we're just simply trying to stitch back our friendship. what's wrong with that? you've had your fair share with tae's time so don't you think it's my turn to have him all by myself?"

jeongguk became angrier. 'jimin having taehyung all by himself' had never ever existed in his dictionary. he was angrier towards the statement.

"are you seriously gonna throw a tantrum right now, jeongguk?" jimin scoffed. "you're not the only friend taehyung has. you got no complaints or the right to be angry. aren't you a bit too protective of him?"

jeongguk snapped. what the hell did jimin know about him being protective of taehyung. he was doing favours by protecting taehyung from the others, especially jimin. they wouldn't know what would happen if the harsh treatment had continued and jeongguk weren't to notice taehyung's breaking point.

"take a chill pill, guk," jimin sounded nonchalant but jeongguk knew he was her much aware of jeongguk's sudden overwhelming, uncontrollable rage. jimin realised how uptight jeongguk's fists were, ready to land themselves on his jaw. "you look ridiculous right now, jeongguk. don't you think how distraught taehyung will be when he sees his closest friends fighting tooth and nails? I can get he doesn't know about these... little fights between us, does he? you look all fierce and shit, but don't you just all bark and no bite, gukkie?"

"I don't care what taehyung will feel, you're seriously such an asshole right now," jeongguk hissed, anger clouding his mind.

"fine, I admit that's true," jimin shrugged. "but I'm the angel on taehyung's side y'know? don't forget that. you're completely fucking ridiculous now."

"is ridiculous the only word in your dictionary?" jeongguk spat.

"of course you don't understand, because you only think with your fists, don't you?" jimin said. "taehyung must feel so devastated to see this side of you, jeongguk. you must have felt like some sort of hero, trying to protect him from everything, but have you tried to protect him from yourself, too?"

what jimin was saying even? taehyung needed jeongguk, he was taehyung's knight in shining timberland--or whatever it was called. he was completely safe for taehyung.

"I can see the gears working on your head. you must be wondering what I meant, right?" jimin moved to sit closer to jeongguk, voice turned down to whisper. "I know your little secret, jeongguk. your past that you've always been hiding all this time."

and jeongguk was silenced. his mind short-circuited.

"you've been way too overprotective. that's not how best friends supposed to work. you act like his guard dog, a very angry and controlling one, don't you?"

taehyung suddenly came in, cutting jeongguk's thoughts. cold sweats drenched jeongguk's shirt, and he wanted nothing but to flee from the room, because how could he forget? jimin was right, he was cunning that jeongguk fell on the trap. yet seeing taehyung beaming whilst seating himself in the middle of jeongguk and jimin, a warm comforting feeling seeped trough jeongguk's aching chest. even if the unease hadn't gone completely, having taehyung by his side helped much more than jeongguk realised.

he was that dependent, wasn't he? until time, though.

---

the changes were starting to be visible.

jin was still a bit hostile towards taehyung, and hoseok was mostly unreadable, but taehyung was okay with everything. he was beyond glad that every one hadn't been so harsh with his comeback. he was still awkward but he could see the efforts when they tried to make taehyung on ease. it was funny and endearing, that taehyung wanted nothing but forgetting every bad things happened before.

firstly, it was yoongi. taehyung was still getting used to wake up earlier since his doctor tried to make him sleep more because of his lack of sleep before. Jin always served the breakfast around eight whilst taehyung found himself waking up one hour later. he did come to the dinning room even if he knew there wouldn't be any food left, and came back to his room later with an apology from the eldest reasoning how he had forgotten to wake up taehyung. and taehyung sincerely forgave him but this happened continuously that taehyung had to make his own cereals because he couldn't cook for shit.

taehyung did succeed waking up on eight, finally. but somehow, jin had started the breakfast way earlier than usual. taehyung stopped trying, then, and silently excused himself to his room again. maybe jin had forgotten again, the schedule was starting to be hectic again he must have been so busy. jeongguk also didn't eat breakfast, having been up to jog so early and currently in diet. same went with jimin who had been competitive to challenge jeongguk who would have the longest track on jogging, and they both really treasured taehyung's sleep that they didn't dare to wake him up.

well it wasn't like taehyung didn't like cereal. there was nothing bad with cereals again, wasn't it? taehyung thought. he just... didn't have the energy to eat them today, as he laid on his bed lazily. a day without breakfast wouldn't hurt him, he used not to have breakfast since he was so young anyway.

and so this bad habit continued again for approximately a week until taehyung found a bowl of cereal and milk on the shelf next to his room. he woke up at eight thirty, much to his delight but he didn't plan to have breakfast either except coming out of the room to relish his bladder. someone had put them here, but who? taehyung wondered, could it be Jin? but he was adamant that eating cereal for breakfast was only necessary when they were in hurry. it was another of their day off, and taehyung was still so much healthy (he thought himself) that breakfast was far from crucial.

but what was the harm of not taking it? taehyung then happily brought in the tray.

it was bad habit for not having breakfast but taehyung had got so used to this. the culprit who left the tray of breakfast in front of taehyung's room must have noticed it that the tray they brought had slowly become fancier and fancier. jimin and jeongguk still didn't know about this whole thing, so they must be out of the guess. but taehyung slowly becoming more curious because, who even put a huge portion of lamb skewers as breakfast in front of his room? taehyung desperately tried to shove them all to his throat because it was just too much.

so then, this morning taehyung intentionally woke up way earlier and hid not so far from his room to capture the culprit. he had slept early but he still found himself sleepy whilst waiting. until the sound of steps coming closer erased all the trace of sleepiness from taehyung's eyes, did he see a man crouching to put a tray on the usual shelf. the man was familiar of course, but taehyung was still surprised. it was yoongi that had gone all the way to do this, the man who was so lazy that he could sleep all day without eating one bit, the man who was so quiet and grouchy which taehyung was scared of.

but maybe it was taehyung who was so dense to notice the tiny hints of care yoongi was giving him. he now realised the small conversations he usually started with yoongi suddenly asking oh so nonchalantly if he had eaten in the middle of his rant of nothing. maybe he was too scared to make yoongi pissed, busy trying to find out if he had annoyed the elder with his talking to forget the question.

he was just a big softie, wasn't he? taehyung thought when he was currently lying on yoongi's lap, hanging out on the huge sofa on their living room. the realisation just came up so suddenly when taehyung just happened to be with yoongi himself. originally, taehyung was just having difficulties on sleeping because jeongguk hadn't been home, practicing more lines and dances as the center of the group. he used to stay up when jeongguk hadn't arrived on the dorm safely so this was nothing new. he had been alone, watching the tv with a bowl of popcorn as companion when yoongi suddenly appeared out of nowhere and plopped himself beside him.

taehyung didn't ask any question and neither yoongi did, but taehyung knew the elder probably knew why he was up anyway. yoongi may sleep like grandpa but sometimes he could have no sleep at all, too busy producing songs because well, inspiration was a bitch that came whenever it wanted. so here they were, cuddling close with yoongi's hand messing taehyung's fluffy hair.

and taehyung just felt so warm inside.

---

it was an hour later when taehyung was fast asleep on his lap that yoongi was completely relaxed. he was so tense, scared that his touches would be rejected by the younger. it was his own damn fault that there was a huge distance between them again. his personality didn't help at all, yoongi knew so well, that he was the most frequent to scare the kid away.

the close proximity between them now could be a step closer, much to yoongi's happiness. he knew taehyung was suffering much but he was too stressed about himself to try to notice. but it was the past, and yoongi wanted to start anew and be patient more. being this close already made him so happy.

maybe he could have a nice few hours of sleep tonight. he hadn't got those these few months.

but how wrong yoongi was when jimin appeared, apparently not pleased to find taehyung sleeping outside. yoongi could see the surprise on the younger's face, seeing him with taehyung but he was too shy to stop it when jimin proceeded to pick up taehyung himself from yoongi's grasp.

he wanted to hold taehyung more, but he was still painfully too shy, and it was yoongi's fault again.

he made his way to his room after jimin had safely tucked taehyung on his own bed. all the hopes of those nice few hours of sleep had gone like any trace of happiness in his deep heart, yoongi realised.

---

taehyung opened his eyes early in the morning only to see a face, sleeping soundly, in front of him. then his mind finally proceeded that he had a warm lazily thrown over his waist and his hands tucked between his body who was squashed onto broad shoulders and lanky, long body.

well, second to yoongi, namjoon was also significantly changing. the thing about them being roommates was really giving him chance to have more time with taehyung, until sleeping together in the same bed. not that taehyung minded, he had passed the time when he would flinch away when someone took the advantage of him sleeping as jeongguk and jimin had so carelessly thrown themselves on him. he was fine with it because way before he used to seek comfort from namjoon, too.

the elder knew he slept better when he hugged something so this was beneficial for both of them. usually, namjoon slept with him when the day was rough that the leader was so worn down and wanted to be comforted. taehyung was also glad to help him anyway when namjoon had been nothing but so kind to him ever since he came back from hospital.

namjoon frequently brought taehyung along to his studio, either to work on their tracks, or help taehyung learn to make and write songs, or just to hang out together. namjoon's studio was very comfy and taehyung was pleased to be led in. he may already be a singer, a very humbly talented one at that, but he could feel the greatness of namjoon's works and how hard he worked just by having to be inside the room. he knew the elder spent more time inside, producing more songs than taehyung had ever dreamt of himself doing, and it increased the respect of his towards namjoon.

namjoon also often recommended many books when he saw taehyung bored on his mind. namjoon seemed to know the best though, as most of the books were fantasy novels, much to taehyung's liking. whilst namjoon read philosophy books and English classical stories, they were beyond taehyung's knowledge and he would feel embarrassed and uneasy if he were to not understand the books that namjoon would give him so kindly. so, well, taehyung was just so thankful for the elder.

like he said, the changes were nice and all even if there some parts that hadn't been better, but taehyung was content with the progress now. it was like making up a broken bridge that connected him with the hyungs. maybe, just maybe, taehyung could still wish to be with this family.

taehyung might have looked like someone who dreamt a lot because he was constantly lost in thought in his daydreams and sometimes so determined in what he wanted to have, but secretly he was only a big realistic, maybe a bit (lot) closer to pessimistic. he would never dream of something out of his reach, and taehyung's life had always been shitty that it scared him to wish for many things, not that he could help with anything. being a singer and famous idol was one of the dream taehyung never dared to hope as it just came to him like that.

as cliche as it sounded, it was the truth that taehyung only had one dream, that was to belong. to have a family that could love him as much as he did, a family that could support whatever decisions he made, and a family that could be proud of the way he was.

this alteration had him wonder if he were to be brought to a better situation or to a worse one. yet, if taehyung were to follow his heart, as he rarely did, he knew he had stayed on the right path all along.

tbc

kckskajxjsjjaaj omg I updated bye.