TW!! MENTIONS OF SH AND PHYSICAL ATTACK please don't read if this triggers you and I'm always here to talk <3

I bolt through the residence lounge. I'm late. And I mean like really late, like already missed rounds late. Of course I'm on Dr. Shepherds service and the one thing she despises more then me is lateness. I quickly open my locker and grab my scrubs. Usually I would change in the bathroom but the lounge is empty and I have 0 time. I take off my green sweater and hear the door open. Jumping a bit, I hastily pull my sweater back down hoping that whoever came in didn't see anything. I have worked too hard to hide my terrible habit for this to be the way someone finds out. I look over to the door and my hazel eyes lock with blue ones. I am the one who breaks the eye contact because I've seen that look too many times before. The pity, confusion, shock, and sadness all wrapped up into one fucking glance. At that moment I knew she saw. She knew and there was no way of getting out of the corner I just backed myself into. "Dr. Hudson" Dr. Shepherd says while walking towards me, taking a breath before continuing. "Samantha, who did this to you?" She asks, reaching for my sweater. Dr. Shepherd terrifies me, and in this situation she is even more terrifying. I probably have moments before she yells at me for not answering, and even when I do answer she's gonna get angry because she's not gonna like what I have to say. "Listen Dr. Shepherd, I did this to myself so I don't need your pity or your sympathy so how about you leave so I can change and we can forget this ever happened." I tell her coldly. Her eyes fill with tears "Samantha honey why did you do this to yourself?" She questions and attempts to pull up my sweater so she can see again the mess that I've made. "Take the hint and leave me the fuck alone." I snap, turning around and pulling my sweater off, not giving a fuck anymore she's already seen.
I put on my scrubs and see Dr. Shepherd has left, but there's a note on the bench with her personal number on it. I jam it into my pocket before going to find her. I don't know how I'm going to get through this day with the woman who I just snapped at. I know I shouldn't have snapped. It's not her fault but why is she pretending to care about me? I'd rather her just continue to hate me. I walk up to her office and compose myself before knocking on Amelia Shepherd's large mahogany door. "Come in" she calls and I turn the door handle. "Uh I'm your resident Dr. Shepherd" I explain, looking down at my feet. Almost embarrassed that she knows. She nods "ok sounds good Hudson we have a consult in 5 let's start heading that way." She tells me and smiles before standing up and leading me out the door. Ugh why is she treating me differently, she never smiles at me. I seriously can't do this today I would rather have Amelia Shepherd hate me than pity me. I follow her down the hallway as we make our way to the peds wing.
"Hudson present." She instructs "Gabrielle Denver 10 years old GCS 15 tumor on the ocular lobe. Tumor has caused ocular atrophy schedule for a tumor resection later today" I finish "good job Dr. Hudson" Dr. Shepherd says before smiling again. I swear I can't deal with this fake happy Amelia all day. If I could I would storm out of this room but I have to keep my composure for the patient. Dr. Shepherd does a brief cranial exam before stepping back and looking at Gabby "and you miss, seem good to go" she smiles before leaving the room. I give Gabby a high five and follow Dr. Shepherd.
"Hudson want to scrub in?" she asks and smiles at me for the third time today. I swear I've never seen this woman so happy with me. "Dr. Shepherd can you stop." I snap for the second time today "I am not some kind of sick puppy and you don't have to pretend to like me because you feel bad. I know you hate me and I don't want your fake sympathy" I continue, spitting out my words harshly "Dr. Hudson I understand that you are dealing with other things in your life but it gives you no right to talk to me this way." She responds "if I hated you then you would not be on my service right now. But quite honestly after your behavior today I am having second thoughts." She finishes smoothly. How can I be such a dick to the woman but she's still so calm and collected? It's infuriating. "Go to the pit Hudson I'll page you if I need you" Dr. Shepherd tells me, shooting daggers from her eyes.
I turn on my heel and make my way to the pit. With each step my urges get stronger but I've been clean for 5 days, which is 5 days longer than I have been in months. I can't give in. I subconsciously reach for the piece of paper in my pocket but as soon as my hand touches the edge I pull my hand away. I can't talk to Amelia. She hates me and why should I burden her? This is my issue not hers. Like I said, I did this to myself I am the one who has no control.
I finally round the corner to the pit, grateful for the distraction and burry myself in giving stitches to kids who fell in stupid ways and people who are overreacting to the common cold. I check the time and it's 6:PM. I didn't realize I skipped lunch but it's a good thing. Plus, my shift is over. I quickly change and decide it's the perfect night for Joes. Before shoving my scrubs back in my locker to wash later I grab the piece of paper with Amelia's number on it and bury it deep in my pocket.

...
"3 shots of vodka please" I tell Joe as soon as I put my stuff down "tough day?" He asks while putting my shots down in front of me. I only manage to nod before downing my shots and asking for three more. 6 shots turns into 8 and then a guy sits down next to me. He smells strongly of cologne and something in my gut twinges. I'm drunk at this point so it's probably nothing. "Three shots for her on me." He nods at Joe before turning to me "Hey I'm John" he smirks an oddly unsettling grin. "Hey John so I'm gonna go to the bathroom! Gotta pee ya know! See you in a second" I slur before standing up and almost falling on my ass. He just laughs and smiles that odd grin. As soon as I get back I grab the shots and down them. They taste a bit off but it could be nothing.
I sit and talk with John for a bit before everything starts swaying. He grabs my waist and takes me outside. "You better stay fucking quiet" he tells me before slamming me against the wall. I scream as my head makes contact with the maroon bricks and everything goes blurry. He kicks and punches me a few times and I try to stay awake "see this is why bitches shouldn't get drunk alone. This ought to teach you a lesson" he snarls, voice almost slimy before running off.
I am on the ground holding in my tears. I know I won't be able to get myself home or off the cold pavement so I reach into my pocket and take a deep breath. I dial the numbers with a shaking hand before pausing. I don't know why I'm even calling, she won't give two fucks about me. She already hated me and I treated her like shit earlier. I don't know if it's the pounding in my head and inability to get off the ground or just pure drunkenness, but something makes me press call. "This is Amelia Shepherd's mobile who's calling?" She answers her phone on the first ring "Can you come and get me now..." I attempt to get out while still sounding strong "please I need you" I finish as my voice cracks "Samantha?... Tell me where you are and I'll come get you." She replies and I hear her grab her keys. "I-im at Joes... well outside of Joes" I shakily respond. "Ok I will be there in 5 minutes I want you to stay on the phone, you don't have to say anything just keep breathing. In and out. You're doing great." She continues and slams a door. I don't have the energy to respond. True to her word, I see Amelia's car come into view less than 4 minutes later. She parks and runs over to me, kneeling down. As soon as we make eye contact the dam breaks and the tears I have been holding in start streaming down my cheeks. "Oh my god Sammie what happened?" She asks grabbing my hand, and for once I don't pull away. "I- I don't" I sob unable to make out the words. "It's ok, you're ok I'm right here I'm not leaving. Can you show me where it hurts?" She delicately asks and I just sob harder, unable to answer. She starts checking for a concussion and I grab her arm. "Please I don't want to go to the hospital just take me home" I cry and she nods "we can go home but you are coming to my house and getting checked out tomorrow. I am going to take a closer look at you when we get to my house." She replies and I nod, unable to fight her. She picks me up and I wrap my sore legs around her waist so she can carry me to the car. "I know it hurts, but you're ok I'm right here" she coos and I allow myself to rest my head on her shoulder.
She carefully places me in the passenger seat and buckles me in before closing the door and heading over to the drivers seat. She starts turning out of the parking lot when I finally get the courage to speak. "He's gonna come back for me, it's my fault I drank" I say quietly "who baby?" She asks, concern flashing in her eyes as she continues looking at the road. "John, he beat me. He said it was my fault but he taught me a lesson and I think I learned. I don't want him to come back" I start to cry as I finish. Completely letting my guard down, Amelia did come save me at 2AM. I can trust her at least for tonight. I see her wipe a tear before she opens her mouth to respond "Hey, listen to me. You're safe. Nothing is going to hurt you. I won't let anything or anyone touch you" her voice breaks and she reaches over to grab my hand.
We finally pull into her driveway and I attempt to get myself out of the car before Amelia can rush around to grab me but end up falling on a garden light, getting glass in my leg. "Oh honey let me help you please" Amelia whispers and I look her in the eyes for the first time since she found me. It is almost our silent agreement that she can help. She scoops me up and opens the door. After kicking the door shut with her left leg Amelia lays me down on the couch before grabbing a large first aid kit. She inspects my bruises in the newfound light and gasps. I know I look rough but not much phases Amelia Shepherd. she moves my leg with the part of her garden light in it and I wince. "I know, it hurts. I'm so sorry, but we have to get this out." She coos before setting up a suture kit. "Ok let's count from three then I'll remove it" she tells me. "Three...two... one..." she counts before removing the glass and I scream before covering my mouth. "I-I'm sorry" I sob as she sutures up my leg "for all of this." She continues focusing on my leg, tying the knot before replying. "Sammie honey don't apologize none of this is your fault." she says sweetly and continues to clean up all my cuts and bruises while I cry harder. "It is. I drank alone he said that's why he did this." I reason. She places the anti-septic on the coffee table and picks me up again. Holding me, slightly swaying as I cling to her. "Please" I start, not wanting her to let go. "It's alright. I'm not going to let go." She whispers, reading my mind.
She carrys me up the stairs and to her bedroom. I whine as she places me down in her bed, wanting to stay safe in her strong arms. "How about we get you some clean clothes and water?" She questions and I nod, still not wanting her to go anywhere. She grabs a water bottle, an oversized t-shirt, and shorts before helping me get changed. I see her eyes graze over my scars and scabbed cuts. The familiar pit returns to my stomach. I don't think I've ever wanted to give in more than now. "Amelia?" I say weakly. As she climbs into bed. I'm going to have the courage to speak up and help myself. "I am 5 days clean and I really want to stay that way. But I am having urges and I need you to not let me give in." I finish with surprisingly no shake in my voice. "I'm here and we're going to get you through this. Just look at me. Forget everything else." She coos. I shift over and wince, trying to get close enough to her where I can be surrounded by her safe helm. She carefully pulls me on top of her whispering soothing words into my ear. "Amelia... please don't let go I know I'm weak but please just don't" I sniff before looking up at her. I meet her blue eyes and can feel the comfort of her gentle demeanor. "You are not weak you are incredibly strong. But you don't have to be strong all the time. You went through hell today baby." She replies "and It's alright. I'm not going to let go."

A/N: ok so it's 1:00 AM. BUT I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS IN ONE NIGHT! I don't really have anything to say (I'm literally so exhausted that I am gonna fall over) this is 1000% not proofread and I know Im gonna read this tomorrow AM and ask myself how the fuck this made any sense. I hope you enjoyed! Im gonna sleep then suffer through first period history.

Love ya!

-Xx
Abby

(WC 2555)