A/N The first chapter has become too long so it is being separated into six different parts so it is easier to work on and access from mobile devices.   Thanks for your patience as this story is being constructed...AS xoxo

Within five minutes, I'm changed into a freshly laundered, ten thousand dollar, tailored grey suit and opening the door to Elena's luxurious home office furnished mostly in white and gold.  The clean, polished surfaces reduce my anxiety.

"Ah there you are Christian," Elena says taking off her coat and holding out her elegant manicured hands in a way that keeps me at arm's length.

"Good morning Ma'am," the words slip out from my lips as I lean in, bringing our bodies tight enough for her to feel the chastity devise, I'm wearing beneath my suit.  The nerve endings on my chest are on fire.  I take a deep breath and plant a chaste kiss her left cheek.  Her unique scent, Clive Christian's Imperial Majesty disarms me turning back time to when I was fifteen years old acting on the impulse, stealing the taste of erotic nectar from Elena's full, red lips.  I can almost feel her palm slap my cheek hard enough to leave an imprint.  She's taught me consent and impulse control like no one ever can. "You were going out?"

"You're here now..." she deflects allowing me to kiss her right cheek. She doesn't acknowledge our body contact.

"I ran into Zuck."

She breaks physical contact walking to the leather seat by the window.  Elena knows it hurts to be that close to her.  She gestures for me to sit two feet away on the other leather seat.  "My half a million dollar investment in Facebook, from seven years ago, is valued at five million dollars. My investment with you is valued higher of course."

Before taking the seat Elena offers, I admire the order and colour of lavish garden views from her home office.  She crosses her long legs.   It reminds me of the time Linc had cops question Elena for having a sexual relationship with me.

I remember kneeling at Elena's feet, slowly caressing her black heeled leather boots, and running my hands up her silk stockinged legs.  Telling her I was her man in all things.  Not being able to stop until the bitter-sweet, kiss of a whip on my naked skin stopped the exploration of my hands.

"A better return on your investment huh?"  I beam not betraying my thoughts.

"I'm merely stating a fact Christian.  Diversifying the business portfolio has paid off even though it has earned the wrath of competitors aggrieved you're taking away their markets and cutting into their billions of dollars in profits."

"Linc threatened to cut off the most sensitive part of my anatomy, other than that, a little bad press, nothing I can't handle."

"That's what you get for daring to foray into Don's turf, big Pharma.  Do watch your back Christian, being a mother is a full-time job even with Carmen's help.  I can just about oversee the management of the foundation and Esclava."

Each time she mentions the name of the salon, the Spanish word for slave, it reminds me I was totally at her command, a long time ago.  Being Elena's in every way, meeting her needs, her meeting mine, saved me from an alcohol fuelled implosion.

She said my destiny was in Harvard.  Holding me close, she reminded me of a trip to the Museum of Modern Art in New York City where we admired Salvador Dalí's 'The Persistence in Memory'.  Her parting words to me on the first day of college were, "Some men get the world. Others like you, make the world what it is. Be a Master of the Universe that eclipses the success of my husband."

Mom and Dad were sceptical of my whacky business ideas paying off, they wanted me to finish college.  Elena was the only person who understood why I dropped out.  She gave me one hundred thousand dollars and was by my side as I approached investors to build my business into the success it is today.  All Elena did to make the man I am today is mired by her betrayal.

"Does moving up our Wednesday meeting have to do with the new pharmaceutical plant site?"

"No," she replies,  "The decision where the new manufacturing plant ends up is yours, although talking with Mike Pappantonio, your manufacture of reasonably priced generics for the overseas market will mean millions more people in sub-Saharan African can be put on life saving treatment programmes."

"I know the attorneys are working through the FDA regulation quagmire.  Price gorging is getting ridiculous."

"Prozac has a mark up of nearly two hundred thousand percent.  That's unconscionable, working men and women up and down this country deserve better."  There's that fire that compelled Elena to save me, from teenage self destruction and as a young adult to start my business.   We have been close for over a decade, since the first time I saw her.   Elena's blonde hair, green eyes and red dress reminiscent of the doll companions my crack whore mother gave me.

"We live in the world's greatest democracy yet pay more for medication than any other country."

She unconsciously drums well manicured painted fingernails on the arm of the white leather chair,  "You and I know what it is like to live in communities decimated by intoxication, drug abuse and no real job opportunities.  We must reverse that trend in areas we have a personal or business connection to.   The number crunchers give a manufacturing site in Detroit the highest return on initial layout..."

"Let's not talk about confronting my childhood trauma today,"  I cut her off trying not to sound defensive.

"OK," Elena acquiesces leaning to the glass table.  She pours gourmet coffee into two porcelain cups. She hands me a steaming cup of aromatic coffee.

Dropping the subject without discussion, means Elena's about to throw a curve ball.  Tension is infusing my muscles when the twins burst in.  Before they launch their small bodies onto Elena, she passes me her porcelain cup and saucer.   In one move, she avoids wearing hot coffee.

"Bye Mommy, see you at bed time," Christopher says planting a kiss on Elena's cheek.  Barbarella plants one on her other cheek.

"Bed time?" She wears a quizzical expression racking her memory banks.

Barbarella rolls her turquoise coloured eyes, "Don't you remember Mommy?  Daddy's picking us up from school and bringing us back after dinner."

I grimace witnessing Elena interact with her children.

"Sure he is.   I'll read you a bed time story and tuck you in when you get back."

"I love you Mommy," Christopher gushes.

Elena holds the toddler tight, whispering in his dark titian hair and kissing his dimpled cheeks then rubbing off the lipstick smudge, "Mommy loves you more."

Barbarella pulls away from the mother, son moment.  She sidles up to me, "If you put the picture in your jacket right here," she points to my left breast pocket, "you'll not be by yourself all the time."

"Taylor follows me around all day.  He's my human shadow."

Her eyes widen in surprise, "Really?  Can I have one?"

"You already do.  Christopher is with you all the time.  Ah there's Crystal." I'm relieved to see the eldest of Elena and Linc's children.

"The rag rats don't understand boundaries, ignore them I do," the ten year old tells me.

"Crystal, apologise to Bella and Chris," Elena continues in a firm voice, "Now, or you're grounded."

"I'm sorry," she says unconvincingly, "You and Ivan are the best little brothers and sister a gal can have.  Carmen says we should go or we'll be late for school.  Race ya..."

All three of them scramble out the door.

"Don't run in the house..." Elena calls after them but her words fall on deaf ears. "I know how you feel about kids," she stares bemused at the door taking back her cup of coffee from me.

"I'm never having kids?"

"Yes, that.  Kids bring out the best in a person.  Look at Don, he was an unforgiving husband but he showers the kids with love and generosity even our adopted son, Ivan."

"How old is he?"

"Five, barely a year older than the twins."

Don Lincoln is Elena's only blind spot.  When he found nanny cam footage of Elena with me that first time, he beat her so brutally, she was in hospital for several weeks.  He then knocked her up. I was not allowed to see or be with her until after the birth.   When Elena and I went into business together, he knocked her up again a mean spirited attempt to slow her working life.

Seeing Crystal and the twins reopens painful reminders of Elena's abusive connection with Linc. There was three of us in her marriage.  She is no longer my Domme, the lighthouse that guides me safely to harbour.   My hand clenches into a fist with rising anger.

"Christian, I want to talk about three things."

"Cut to the chase," I say impatiently tapping at my 4G cell phone, sending instructions to the office. Elena hates it when she doesn't have my full attention. Right now, I don't care.

"With everything going on, you need someone to talk to.  If you cannot get to your therapy sessions with John, talk to someone we trust, Caroline can come to you any time of day or night as a platonic friend.  I have liaised with Andrea and your calendar for this morning has been cleared so you can talk over new duties with her."

"You've never interfered with my work diary before."

"Christian, I'm getting more business e-mails from you later and later at night.  You need the structure and catharsis of a BDSM arrangement.  You'll not only sleep better, it brings structure to every area of your life, lets you maintain that legendary control."

"Have I not been as controlled?"

"The demo is on Friday and the pressure shows.  I don't have to spell it out Christian, I taught you to be self aware."

I feel anger swell.  I was irritated enough to yank Barbarella off me when she smeared jam on my suit.   I haven't referred to Elena as 'ma'am' since our relationship ended.  I crave release with a submissive.  It soothes the dangerous beast inside me. Elena gives me a folder with the details of an updated security check.  I flick through Caroline's images and hesitate on the image of her in black leather hugging her curvaceous body.

I ease back into the seat keeping my legs crossed.

Elena smirks knowing I need someone to talk to. "You've worked with her, you know she can be trusted until you select your next submissive."

"What was the second thing you wanted to discuss?"

"Our mutual friend Peter Thiel was outed by Gawker.com.  Our BDSM lifestyle as you know is considered fringe. Some people think what we do is either abusive or criminal."

"Consent and communication is at the heart of what we do."

"That's right, without equating very different lifestyle choices, practitioners of BDSM, like members of the gay community, face societal stigma.  Your previous submissive partners like Leila had chequered pasts.  There's nothing wrong with that per se but it has meant keeping your short term relationships out of our social circles and the public eye.  The fall-out of a media black-out on your personal life is speculation about your sexuality."

"Ignore it, I do."

"You're a celebrity in the digital age.  Look at Zuck, he's younger than you and has been in a long term relationship with a wholesome career woman who he is regularly photographed with," she sighs looks up then says, "Then there's family, I had lunch with Grace at the hospital yesterday and she's planning to support you come out of the closet."

"What," I splutter on my coffee.

Elena laughs heartily at my reaction.  "Come on Christian, Elliott and Mia never had reason to be secretive about their relationships.  We've all met their lovers.  You on the other hand have never introduced anyone to them despite being a jock in college.   What are your parents to think?"

"That I haven't met anyone special yet?"

"Give them some credit.  Grace thinks you have not yet come to terms with your sexuality.  She isn't far off the mark.   You would not be comfortable if people found out you are into BDSM.   In this case though, she thinks your childhood attachment to dolls proves how different you are compared other boys."

"Do you think she's guessed about us?"

"No. We were discreet, although we were almost caught a few times," she smirks remembering the adrenaline rush and intense organisms we had on those occasions.  "Grace loves you enough to support your alternative lifestyle choices.   If you decide not to keep it secret, as is your right, Caroline is just the person to deflect against family and public curiosity about your personal life."

"Mom would be disappointed if she ever found out what I do to my subs."

"Like you said, we abide by the rules.  We practice safe, sane and consensual BDSM.   I am not ashamed you were my longest serving submissive but if anyone should be ashamed, it is me for not standing up to Don sooner.  Being your Domme liberated me."  She suddenly fixes her gaze on me, "I'm not proud of-"

"You betrayed me," I accuse Elena my voice lacks emotion.

"You know why-" her expression is heart achingly sad one moment then composed with a measured smile the next, "Let's not make this about us.  Right now you're dealing with very high levels of stress, without a submissive, you need balance even more.  Caroline is an intelligent, successful model turned designer who has proven herself discreet and reliable.  Our network of family and friends will like her if you choose to socialise with her."

The cool Domme facade doesn't fool me.  Elena is the second most significant person in my life to leave.   People I am most drawn to, flee when they glimpse the dark, tortured, beast inside. I am the embodiment of pain and darkness.  I let out a painful sigh, "I don't need this now.  Not before Friday."

"Trust me Christian meet with Caroline. You'll feel better. If not, I promise not to interfere again."

Elena's turquoise eyes are as steely as they are when she held a flogger marking my skin.  My rebuttal is shelved.   "Is that it?"

"Peter's experience with Gawker and the social media issue you are dealing with at the moment tells us that, a media company would be an asset to your portfolio.  One that manages negative business publicity or in a worst case scenario spinning personal disclosures."

"I'll think about it, crunch the numbers and get back to you."

She furnishes me a bulky folder.  "These initial numbers were done by PwC on the media companies in Seattle ripe for acquisition."

"You've done the initial legwork?"

"Would you have expected anything less than the due diligence I expect of you?"

I glance at my cell phone, firing off a quick e-mail to the office, "There's a lot going on this morning."  The final thing she wants to talk about could be announcing Linc and Lisa are expecting a child.   I glance at the hooded coat on the arm of the white leather chair.

"Is it the student demonstration on Frankenstein beef last weekend?"

Elena was leaving as I came into her office.  It could be Linc but then again she looks eager to meet someone.  Like fine wine, Elena's more confident, poised and attractive with age.  Since our break up, I have had fifteen submissives Elena has had two. "Nah, it was a misunderstanding about child labour at the California farms. I've approved the press office lines to take.  Were you going to Isaac?"

Elena's expression is inscrutable.

"We're taking a beat. I'm throwing myself on creative projects instead."

"Discovering and supporting creative local talent? I know you, my gut tells me there's someone new?"

"Not quite."

"The stirrings of a new relationship then, who is he?"

"It's not like that.   I'm intrigued by a young man that has diametrically opposed views on life to mine."

"Really?"

"You look sceptical," she takes a deep breath, "Why is it I reach out to and encourage relationships with your subs, yet you find reasons to criticise mine?"

"You choose self-destructive relationships."

"Were we?"

"Linc was always in the background.  He found a video of us in flagrante delicto, beat you so hard you were admitted to hospital for weeks."

"You had something to do with that."

"You keep going back to him.  I don't want to know how you got him to give you a generous divorce settlement, this house and full custody of his kids.  Whatever you did to get him to behave civilly, use it again so he backs off from my move into Pharma and interests in Africa.  If not, I will not hesitate to protect my interests by taking the father of those kids away from them for good.  Do we understand each other," I demand coldly.

Elena's turquoise eyes fix a stern gaze on me.

"We do," Elena's hand slowly reaches out towards me.  When I don't flinch, she places a well manicured hand on mine.  I endure the burning sensation of her palm on the skin at the back of my hand.

Appreciating the pain I experience when touched, she withdraws her hand from mine. "See? I can take the pain of your touch, Elena Ivanovna Lincoln."

"Everyone needs friends."

My cell phone starts to ring. "Nothing good comes from getting close to a predatory beast."

"Is that what you think it's like being friends to you?"

"Yeah, BDSM dulls the pain but there's a price paid by those who get close to me.  The relationship invariably ends badly.  You can attest to how we ended and every single one of my subs. I broke 'em."

"No one can be alone forever."

"Watch me," I scoff rising up from my seat and striding out of her home office without a backward glance.   I press the answer key of my cell, "Grey..."

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Content Warning: The fan fiction you are reading describes adult, liberal, unconventional relationships. The characters, their personalities, occupations, relationships and events in this story are not always consistent with the original stories 'Fifty Shades of Grey' or 'Grey'. Hopefully they reflect the complexities and moral ambiguities of the original. Billed as erotica with unconventional relationships accessible to a mature audience, this story develops through consensual BDSM themed sexual encounters.

If you do not want to access a multimedia erotic romance that involves extra marital relationships, same sex attraction, ménage à trios, triggers, mental health issues, flash backs of child abuse or descriptions of sexual conduct, please stop reading now.

***This story is under construction, it has not been edited and content could change***

September, 23, 2016

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