Cold sweat trickles down your forehead and you vision blurred. Everything is spinning quickly like in a movie, where the people rush around and you stand there, in normal speed. You take a deep breath and everything is clear again. George O'Malley's eyes met yours and you smile, just staying there.

A bus suddenly rams into him and you let out a scream as he falls to the ground and the bus just went on, like nothing happened. As he was crushed, George flew to your feet and your heart almost stopped. His bloody was face tensed up and the only thing you could set your eyes on was the smile on his blood-stained teeth.

"Hey (Y/N)." He croaked before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and the creepy smile was still there. You scream uncontrollably and you back up into another bus, a crushing pain enveloping your body. You scream again and this time you when you open your eyes, it's dark and someone is holding you.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N) wake up!" Someone shakes you awake and you restrain yourself from punching him. He holds your stomach tightly as you struggle to get away. "It's just a dream ok?"

You nod and sigh. "Sorry Alex."

"When are you going to get over O'Malley? It's about time." He suddenly changed his temper and you glare at him.

"Well I'm sorry I can't get over the fact that my best friend died but you're gonna have to get used to it."

"Well what do you want me to do? You take more interest thinking about Bambi than your own boyfriend."

His words his you like a wave, crashing over your whole body and freezing you in shock. You redden and tears well up to your eyes. "You respect him. And your own wife left you and sometimes you say her name instead of mine while having sex so I think I can scream his in my nightmares. We never had anything going on."

Alex grabs your wrists and you can barely see his brown eyes staring back at you, which are red with fury. You flinch under his grip and he only holds your wrists tighter. He was hurting you, but you couldn't choke that out at the moment. Instead you look up to try and blink the tears away but they only slip out as you see George's eyes in your mind, his smile creepily staring back at you. The blood to your hands cut off, and your fingers drop limply without feeling and you shrink away unable to meet his eyes anymore.

"You didn't just say that."

"This might not work Alex, we're not over any of it." Your hands are leaning in weirdly towards him now, becoming redder and redder. "And I would appreciate if you gave me back my circulation."

He abruptly lets go of your wrists and glares at you. "Look I may scream someone else's name in bed but-"

"Your dead wife's name. You aren't over her death. I'm not over George's death. That makes us even. However you aren't over her body on yours. Which means that you have been the taker in this relationship and I-" your voice cracks as you break down. "I'm sleeping with a guy who doesn't love me like I love him."

You start crying uncontrollably and wipe your tears off with your sleeve when you get out of the bed. You fling on your trench coat and shove on some pants, then grab your phone, your wallet and your pager. "The least you can do was let me scream from a constant nightmare."

"Where are you going?" He asks, flipping the blanket off his bed and walking towards you.

"Out."

He chases after you, you just keep walking, but he never catches you, almost like he's afraid do touch you. You lightly open the door to your car and close the door, plugging your keys into the slot. You rest your head back and sigh, turning on the radio so you can distract yourself from the heartbroken look on his face as he stands by the door, watching you pull away.

Finally losing it, you jump out of the car, and stomp up to him, who's face is hopeful in confusion.

You slam your lips into his and envelope your mouth in his, cupping his jaw tightly because this was probably your last kiss. He reacts slowly, but wraps his arms around your waist firmly. You feel his stubble rubbing against your chin as you tilt your head to the other side, gasping for breath but diving back into his familiar embrace. Finally realizing it's time for you to stop, you pull his bottom lip with your teeth lightly and look into his chocolate brown eyes.

He opens his mouth but no words come out.

You drop your hands from his face and softly lip the words "I'll come back one day" because you know he can read lips. Then you take two small steps back and turn around, running back to your car and driving off to a place you almost never go anymore.

---

When Izzie's treatments failed less than a month after George died, you didn't know if you could live anymore. That's when you and Alex flew into each other's arms and helped each other for the majority of your trauma. It was all coming together again until you had your reoccurring nightmares. Then the towers you built were being pulled apart like a jenga tower. You'd take pieces of each other and throw them onto the top part until you pulled so many pieces out that you until you collapsed completely.

It had been a month, you had used your leaves for two years already and it was time to go back. You had a good time to say the least, you went back to Vancouver, only an hour drive away and went camping, saw your old Canadian friends and completely forgot about practising medicine. As you entered the hospital, Bailey yelled at you but you handed her a huge jar of your favourite maple syrup and a couple crepes, completely shutting her up. You knew she loved maple syrup, so how convenient that you just came back from Vancouver?

You flung on your lab coat and greeted all the people like you just took a super nice one day vacation and everyone was extremely surprised to see you. You brought Meredith and Derek a late wedding present, which happened to be a pair of stuffed moose, wearing a Royal Canadien Mounted Police uniform, one moose holding a fishing rod, the other holding a Canadian flag.

"Is that me." His infuriated expression changed as he noticed the fishing rod in the moose's hand.

"Yup, I even made them a mini lab coat in my spare time." You handed them another package despite the lack of communication form Meredith. "Mer?"

"You come back now? Alex had gone under alcohol poisoning from drinking too much!"

You gasp in shock and drop the other souvenirs in your plastic bag. A bottle opener for Cristina shaped as a maple leaf and the snow globe for Lexie roll out but you ignore it.

"How could you just leave him!"

"Mer-" Derek attempted to stop her but she continues yelling at you.

"He can't live without you!"

"I can't be with his ok? He's not even over Izzie yet! It's complicated but I don't regret a single minute of leaving because we broke each other for a while and I, yes I chose to heal myself coming back to my family. He chose to indulge himself with three beers and a scotch then a little sex but I chose to go camping, canoeing, and living, after he bruised my wrists for two weeks and made my nightmares worse. I don't regret this Meredith, now maybe I'll drink your bottle of hand-crafted Canadian beer instead." You snap and undoubtedly bring out the bottle of beer and use Cristina's bottle opener to open it.

Taking a swig, you stuff it back into the bag and go find Lexie to give her a snow globe. You look around to see if anyone's near the elevator and thankfully press the button. Once you step in, a person rushes towards you and you hold your breath, recognizing the footsteps. Alex throws his hand in between the door and it reopens. He hesitates and you sigh, reaching into you bag and handing him Canadian whiskey you spent 30 dollars on.

"I bought you liquor while I was back home. It's really good, I think you'll like it."

The elevator door was about to close but he reaches his hand in again and steps in, slowly taking the liquor.

"I missed you." He told you, as the elevator went up.

"I know, if you didn't you would have just been mad at me, slammed the liquor in my face, stomped on the elevator, and been a douche."

He stayed silent. "That never works out the way I want it to anymore, and you bought me liquor so you must have thought about me too,"

"I did." You say softly. The silence is back again and you sigh. When it dings he steps off. "I missed you too."

He turns back and you give him a weak smile. You heart breaks a little to see that he changed so much for you, not to lose his temper and go crazy. He did that for you. It was kind of painful.

You sigh and watch the others get on the elevator, when you get off, Alex is waiting for you again, with a confused expression on your face, you give him a look.

"I want you back. It's been a month, and I can't look at you without wanting to bang you on a wall right now." Says Alex.

"Well hello again to you too Alex, and yes it is a lovely morning isn't it?" You reply cautiously. "And there's no good walls here and maybe you should have cut off that last part because now I feel like a toy."

"Oops, anyways, I want you back."

"Ok. On-call room?"

"What?"

"On call room, I want you to bang me on a wall too so this works, however I don't like being walked in on or heard so how about on call room tonight." You tell him.

"Actually I was suggesting we go on a date or talk or something because I've been a douche to you and that was too easy." He says, chasing after you as you scan your patient's charts.

"It's kinda painful." You tell him, stopping yourself from walking. "But if you're suggesting we get back together I have few suggestions. One, you don't call out Izzie's name during sex because if you say you can't prevent it, I will go back to Canada for good. Two, you let me have my nightmares because I love George more than I love you, not in that way of course, but I can't prevent it either. Three, you let me love you because right now we're both in a lot of pain and I wanna love you so freaking bad it's heart-wrenching. So it's a little painful Alex, but I want you back too."

He smiles and cups your cheek. "Ok. Just ok. And I promise I won't let you down."