Hilarious Tweets For Those Who're Single This Valentine's Day

Relationship status: Nowadays, only I give a love bite to myself.😁

Bartender: Single or double?
Me: I'm. Single. As. Fuck.
Bartender: Double it is. 😵

Valentine's day
Me: I'm gonna lay here until I become attractive.

Deadly threesome planned for Valentine's: me, myself and I!

When you take sexy Valentine pictures and have no one to send them to...🙈

By the way, it's Valentine's day?
I wouldn't even know the difference if it weren't for all the heart-shaped cookies I ate today.🥨🍩🍪

I love when your family friends are always like "oh sweetie you're gonna break some hearts one day" like yea Aunt Kathy my own, 15 times.💔

ME: I'm sick of being single.
FRIEND: Want me to set you up with someone?
ME: Absolutely not, I'd have to put on pants and talk. No, thank you.👖💏

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.⏳⌛

Being single is the best. So much time to do what you want. Think and reflect. Stare into the void and try to remember what touch felt like.

What's the difference between me and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.🍫

You were the hot single in your area the whole time.🤴👸