How Shakespeare once said: " Hello"

And welcome to the Addams Family 

We beginn with some logos and spooky Jazz music playing in the background. 

And then we see a young woman called Morticia, getting ready, using her parents ashes for make-up 

*sighs* Classic. 

She takes some dead roses and then she goes to the woods because, it's her wedding day. 

All the villagers are scared and run away from her, but she takes it like a queen and doesn't care. 

Then we see her fiancée Gomez. He panics for a second, because he lost the rings but a hand called "Thing" has his back and  gives him the jewelry. 

They start the ceremony and drink from coconuts but before they can kiss, the STEWPID MOTHERFUKAS called humans destroy everything. 

Because the Addams are different than "normal" people and that's why they are treated like monsters. 

Gomez and Morticia get away thanks to Gomez' brother Fester, while the villagers get their asses beaten by a grandma. 

The two of them want to find a new home. "Somewhere horrible and corrupt. Somewhere that no one in their right mind would be caught dead in!"

And it's.... 

New Jersey. 

Wow. Thanks a lot. 

So they drive there, Gomez kisses a dead fish, and they flirt a bit when suddenly, they hit something. 

And it is: Frankenstein! He escaped from an asylum. They choose to live there and use Frankenstein as their buttler. 

Also, the house is alive and so is the tree next to the house. 

Time skip: thirteen years later. 

It's a lovely morning with storm and thunder. 

*Thor has entered the chat* 

Morticia gives the house some coffee,  tells Frankenstein -who's name is actually Lurch- to make some breakfast and asks Thing to wake up the kids. 

Lurch dusts the house, Morticia feeds her deadly plant and the tree called Ichabod wakes up the kids: 

Wednesday: the oldest daughter of the family. 

And Pugsley: her younger brother, who tries to kill her all the time as a fun occupation, who is played by Finn Wolfhard. ( I'm pointing this out because Richie Tozier) 

Wednesday is depresso because " Life is boring n' stuff" but then she hears a bisycle bell ringing. Outside of the gate. 

We see a girl, curiously checking out the forest -who is surrounding the house- but she drives off, when she hears the gate opening. 

Gomez searches for his son, because it's time for sword training. But Pugsley tries to blow his father up with grenades and rockets. 

Pugsley crashes and Gomez talks about his Sabre Mazurka, which is a traditional ceremony where he has to show, that he can protect his family. 

But Pugsley isn't really good at sword fighting and rather likes explosives. But that dosen't matter, because the whole family comes together after thirteen years and Pugsley needs to train. 

They have dinner, uncle Fester flies through the window but he's two weeks too early. 

Wednesday wants to know what's behind the gate, because they've never left the house.

Fester talks about the places he's been banned from like the mall or a zoo but also Europe or China.

Seriously WTF has this man been doing?! 

In the TV, we see a woman with so much hair, you could stuff a whole blanket with it. She has a name but imma call her plastic bitch. 

She talks about her job, that she builds houses and now she's build a whole town with her "perfect"  standarts. 

She may be a perfect house designer but she absolutely sucks at being a mom, because her daughter Parker -the girl on the bike- tells her about the creepy Addams house but plastic bitch doesn't listen to her.   

Parker is pissed and drives away and we see *gasp!* a red balloon! 

Yo Pennywise where you at? 

Back at the house, Pugsley is being annoyed by his sister. She throws him into grave but then, she sees the red balloon and shows it to her parents. 

They find a pice of confetti and are shooketh.

 When they step outside, the fog lifts and the family sees the town. So Gomez wants to explore it. 

They do that, we see some kids dancing and singing so Fester does the same and flashes everyone by suddenly opening his coat. 

But it's okay, a thousand batmans fly out and the people get scared and run away. 

Plastic bitch want's to give the Addams house a makeover so they show her the house a bit. 

Morticia shows them her sick spider skills and the " normal" people are some massive pussies. 

Parker and Wednesday have a little chat. They tell eachother about their life and how terrible it is.  

After plastic bitch get's trown out, Wednesday wants to go to Parker's school. 

She get's there and everyone is staring and judging. 

Some stupid whore bullies Parker so Wednesday talks to her like: " Now listen here you little plastic coochie bitch. You don't mess with mah friend. Because I can make your life a living hell. Fuck off you stupid pink mannequin or else..." 

Cut to the other plastic bitch. She has a secret room, where she puts shit about the Addams Family on the Internet and because everything on the Internet is real, everyone belives it. 

Back at school, Wednesday brings frogs back to life and lets them attack the Barbie whore.  Just a queen doing queen stuff. 

The Addams play some family games when Gomez' mother, the ass-kicking grandma comes to help Morticia with the Mazurka . 

Suddenly, Wednesday comes home and she has a pink unicorn clip in her hair. 

Morticia is shocked and " ooOoh the drama of a teenage daughter and her mother~" 

She wants to have a séance with Wednesday, to spend some mother-daughter time but Wednesday doesn't come, so Morticia is sad. 

But her parents give her some advice. They tell Morticia to give Wednesday some time and space. So soon, she will find her own way. The right way. 

Wow. That's really smart. See MOM? Take some advice from the kids movie! 

Pugsley is still bad at the Mazurka, Gomez panics and they're both sad. 

Wednesday, as the rebellious Teenager, wears pink and dances and Parker, as the OTHER rebellious Teenager, wears black and is super gloomy and edgy. 

Wednesday runs away and Frankenstein suddenly starts singing and ... * Cries* it sounds so wrong hearing a high voice from a large monster. 

They're all depresso espresso and plastic bitch want's to break down the Addams house. 

Next scene

We see the cool, rich Cousin arriving with a car and Snoop Dogg playing in the background 

Absolute SWAG 

His name's IT

So many Pennywise references! *small, happy bounces* 

IT is basically a hairball with feet and a hat. But he's super chill. 

While searching for her phone, Parker and Wednesday find plastic bitches secret room. They find out, that she's been watching all the people in town with hidden cameras. 

So she's been sitting there, watching people eat, poop and probably fuck?! My holy mother Teresa what in the shit?! 

Plastic bitch finds them and locks them in the attic. 

While planning the grand finale of the town, the Addams have arrived. 

Plastic bitches assistant panics and calls her and says:" they're Here! The Addams Family!" 

* Points* : He said it! He said the name of the movie! 

Plastic bitch assembles an angry mob so Parker and Wednesday escapé~ to save the Family

Back at the house, two grandmas almost fight , Auntie Sloom is an old, angry turtle and the Mazurka starts. 

Pugsley grows a beard but sadly fails at the Mazurka. 

Suddenly, plastic bitch destroyes the house by fucking hurling rocks at it. Like seriously, what is wrong with this woman?! 

Pugsley saves everyone by blowing up the rocks, but just when they are about to escape, he's out of grenades. 

They almost die, but Wednesday saves them just in time, thanks to Ichabod.  

They have a sweet family reunion and that's when the others realize: Oh... They're just people. They're also a loving family.... Well now I feel stupid. 

AS YOU SHOULD YOU FUCKING PANINI HEADS! *breaks into rant of rage and accidentally steps on a frog* 

Plastic bitch get's called out and looses her job but doesn't get any punishment. 

And once again, I need my own, personal rage room because you can't tell me, that this motHERFUCKING BARBIE FAKE ASS WORE GET'S AWAY WITH WHAT SHE'S DONE! 

GOD! 

Now anyways... the villagers want to apoligize and help rebuilding the house. 

The Addams move into the city, Fester is in a relationship with plastic bitch, everyone is proud of Pugsley, the house comes back to life and they have a happy end. 

I godda say that: I love this movie. Because it's about a healthy and happy family. They all love and respect eachother, and that's something not every family can do. And I of course love the IT references. 

Ten outta ten.