Welcome to Strangled 

We beginn with the longest fucking intro ever. (Seriously, Disney! That castle thinggy takes for EVER!) 

A man called Flynn Rider tells us a story about the sun and she cried or sm, and then a magical flower pops out of the ground. 

Apparently, she has some super healing power. Bro, that thing could've ended Cancer!

We have a king and queen of a kingdom called Corona, (Yup, you've heard me right) and they expect a bebé. 

BUT, the queen's sicko and so the king needs the flower to heal her.

 But instead, some old Bitch uses the flower to sing a song and become young again. 

The king finds the flower and uses it to save his wive. 

Bro seriously, you could've just used a bit of it, but NnooOo king fucking Frederic throws away their only chance to cure some seroius diseases.  

The queen gives birth to Blondie: a girl with green eyes and unnaturaly long, blonde hair. And her name is Rapunzel. 

(Which literally translates to 'salad' in German) 

To celebarte her birthday, the whole kingdom lights up lanterns and they're all happy and yay woho! A princess! yee.. 

But the old Bitch wants the flower-power to stay young forever, but now, Rapunzel has the power coz... yeah. 

So she breaks into the castle, and kidnapps Blondie. 

Security A+

Old Bitch takes her to a hidden tower and raises Blondie as a child of her own, but she's not allowed to leave the tower, so Grandma over here can always have the power ready. 

But each year, on Blondie's birthday, the kingdom lights up lanterns and she sees them from her tower. 

Years passed and now, Rapunzel is a young woman and her best friend is a chameleon. 

#sad

They play some hide and seek and- BITCH GET OFF THE WINDOWSILL! ONE WRONG MOVE AND YO DEAD! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! 

jeez... 

And it wouldn't be Disney without a song every two minutes. 

She sings about her life and how boring it actually is and she really want's to see the lanterns from close up. 

Dramatic cut! We're back in action with Flynn and his evil bros. 

They're thieves and want to steal the crown of the lost princess, which they successfully do. 

Wow, the guards are total losers. 

Back at the tower, Raps get's ready to ask her momma, if she can finally go out and explore the world. 

But her Mother won't take her serious and starts to sing about the terrible outside world and how dangerous it is. 

Skip to Flynn again. 

He's on the run, complains about his nose, betrays his evil friends and get's chased by the most dertemineded horse on this planet. 

While hiding, Flynn finds the tower and climbs it, in hopes of some privacy. 

He get's knocked out with a frying pan and it is love at first sight. 

Well... kind of, since Raps hits him again and lockes him in a closet. 

And idk man, but this Shit is just so funny for me, I just- *sighs* whatever. 

Blondie finds the crown, but she doesn't know, what use it has. 

She get's interrupted by her Motha, who came back from her shopping tour or whatever.

They have a fight and Goldielocks is sad, but she manages to send her Mother away on a three day trip, to buy her new paint. 

As soon as she's gone, Rapunzel takes Flynn out of the closet and ties him to a chair. 

The chameleon wakes him up, she tries to ask him some questions and he instantly flirts with her. 

And I'm just gonna copy their dialogue in here because it's gold. 

R: "Who are you and how did you find me?" *Threatens him with frying pan* 

F: *clears throat* "I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you. But may I just say...*smiles cheeky* hi" 

R: ...

F: "How you doin'? The name's Flynn Rider."

R: *internal confusion* 

F: "How's your day goin'?" 

R: *irritated* "Who else knows my location, Flynn Rider?" 

F: "All right, blondie" 

R: "Rapunzel" 

F: "... Gesundheit. Here's the deal..." 

He said Gesundheit, which means "bless you" and I love this whole scene so fucking much because of that! 

They are both very much confusion, coz Raps thinks, Flynn want's her hair. (That's what her Mother told her) and Flynn just want's his crown and go home. 

They make a deal: He brings her to the lights and she gives him back the crown. Boom. 

Fr, guys, fucking watch that Shit it's hilarious! 

They leave the tower, she sings about how happy she is. 

She has an existential crisis, where she keeps on switching between being happy and worried and guilty. 

She's scared of a bunny, the crazy horse from before eats paper and the old Bitch discovers the empty tower. 

 She finds the crown and finds out, that Flynn Rider has something to do with Rapunzel's missing. 

So she get's ready to find them and fuggin STAB him. 

Our two chaotic lovebirds go into a pub full of evil looking dudes, who want to capture Flynn because there's a bounty on him. 

Goldie tries to talk it out and suddenly, they all sing about their dreams and they all become best friends. 

The guards destroy the happy atmosphere and  the Dudes all help the duo escape. 

But the crazy horse finds the secret entrance, they used to escape and starts to follow them. 

Raps and Flynn run from the guards and manage to escape through an epic Spiderman-like parcour.

Unfortunatly, while doing so, they destroy a dam and now, they're trapped inside a cave with water slowly rising. 

Thinking, that this might be their death, they tell eachother their secrets. 

We find out that Flynn isn't actually his real name. It's Eugene Fitzherbert. (That's ridiculous) 

And Raps tell him, that her hair glows when she sings. 

They use this to get out of the cave, 3 year old me almost died while trying to hold her breath as long as they did and they all get to save shore. 

Back to sassy Grandma. 

She makes a deal with the two evil brothers, who Eugene left behind. 

She gives them the crown and they get to have revenge on Flynn Rider, If they do something in exchange.

While the evil plan keeps growing, Rapunzel uses her magical hair to heal Eugenes wound he got  from the  cave. 

They have some bonding time, until Mr. Stupid name leaves to get some more wood. 

Sassy old Bitch uses her chance to try and take Rapunzel back to the tower but she's the rebellious teenager and says "noh" 

"What do you mean No?" 

"I mean No! I'm not gonna tell you in Spanish because you stupid bitch never learned another language!" 

*gasp! "Ex-fucking-cuse me?! I'm so shocked rn, I'm gonna break into a song about me knowing more than you and then disappear dramatically into the mist!" 

Eugene comes back and talks about superpowers blablabla. 

The next morning, they get waken by the horse (I forgot to mention, his name is Maximus), Rapunzel uses her inofficial Power as a Disney princess and he becomes their friend. 

They finally discover the town and Raps is super excitied and happy. 

Some girls braid her hair with flowers, Eugene is so fucking in love with her, even the horse ships them. 

They party with some epic violin shredding and Eugene and Rapunzel dance together and all in all, everything is awesome. 

When the sun sets, they go in a boat, to see the lanterns. 

We get to see the king and queen, and they are sad because they miss their daughter so much and I can't even describe it. It's so sad, I got so fucking emotional when I saw this.

When the lanterns finally rise, Eugene and Rapunzel sing a beautiful song together and they almost kiss and make me feel incredibly single. 

But something sketchy is going on. 

The two evil brothers try to kidnapp Rapunzel. They tell her, Eugene left her, she's heartbroken. Old Bitch "saves" her and they both get back to the tower. 

Grandma of course planned this whole thing, to convince Rapunzel into coming back. 

Ok so FIRST OF ALL, ma'am there are some limits in being evil! Yes, you can kidnap people but breaking their heart like that is crossing a line! Every villain has a kind of honor but you old Hobbit have no buissnes being that cruicial, so FUCK YOU! 

Eugene get's arrested and is about to get hanged. 

Back at the tower, Rapunzel is too stunned to speak but she suddenly has a flashback-memories-shock moment, where she realises, that she is the lost princess and that her "Mother" is the bad guy. 

She has a badass-slay-queen scene, where she stands up against the old bitch. 

Eugene get's saved by the dudes from the pub and with the help of Maximus, he zooms off to rescue Rapunzel. 

He quickly climbs up the tower, where he finds her, tied and gagged. She tries to say something but suddenly, he get's brutally stabbed through the back. 

Rapunzel trashes and tries to get away from old Bitch. 

So she makes a promise: she will stay with her, if she's allowed to heal Eugene. 

She tries to heal him, but doesn't want her to be hurt and abused.

So he uses a shard from a broken mirror, to cut her hair and make the magic disappear. 

Without the magical Power, the old Bitch looses her youth. She cries and screams, while she get's older and older. 

Stumbling around the room, she winds in pain and fear, covering herself under a hood, writhing and slowly dying, when she tripps and falls out of the tower and turns to dust.

I'm sorry, bu- but this is a- a kid's movie...?! 

Eugene dies, Rapunzel cries and with her last tear, one last drop of magic heals him and brings him back to life. 

She's happy  and they finally kiss.

Rapunzel finally returns to her parents, they all hug and the whole kingdom parties for a whole week. 

And they lived happily ever after.~ 

I first watched this movie, when I was 3 years old and up to this day, I still love it and it still makes me cry. I know, it's a KiD's mOvIe, but I think it deserved more. The series is also great, check it out, if you want to. 

FUN FACT! The kingdom's name is Corona, because Corona means crown in Spanish, so basically, the old bitch kept Blondie in quarantine for 18 years.  

This movie get's a magical flower out of a dertemineded horse.