Shadow

Hi guys! This is actually a fanfic I wrote for Dan and Phil (so if there's any weird mistakes there then ignore them ok) and I submitted it to a literary competition at my school... didn't win though. Whatever- I switched around the names and I hope you guys like this! This may be one of my favorites. :) Like usual, I don't own Gray or Natsu, they belong to Hiro Mashima, but I do own my lame plot ideas. Enjoy!!

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Part 1

Somewhere in the middle of a park just off the western intersection of Parkson Road and Hickory Street, an old bench rests nearby a squeaky playground. The cherry wood bench has probably been there for years, nailed into the earth and not going anywhere since its construction. A rectangular engravement of false silver gleams, claiming this specific bench was Dedicated to William Isle, 1979.

It is nearly thirty years later now, and that bench still makes an excellent seat for elderly folks to toss bread crumbs at mallards, or for happy mothers watching their children play on the swingset not even twenty feet from her reach, or for just someone who wants to sit and be.

Gray and Natsu are the latter.

Gray shields his eyes from the soft rays of sunlight splashing against his skin, although it doesn't bother him much. It feels good to feel the sunlight's warmth, as it feels real and alive, tender and forgiving. The sunny day itself is uncommon for the typical dreary gloom of late-March Magnolia, so it's a pleasant change. Gray holds onto it, not wanting to let it go. Nightfall would be coming soon.

He turns to his best friend, Natsu. "Isn't it just a lovely day?" he chirps with an unusual cheer in his voice.

Natsu beams at Gray. "Why yes, we haven't had weather in the mid-sixties for months. Feels nice to see the sun for a change, as opposed to all those depressing storm clouds."

Natsu places his hand on top of Gray's, which is resting loosely on the bench. His thumb pads over the milky skin on the back of Gray's palm. "And how are you today?"

"I feel great, actually," Gray breathes. He's telling the truth, and it feels amazing. "Being here with you, feeling the sun beat down on my face, I couldn't ask for a better day."

Natsu and Gray share a dazzling smile, although Gray knows Natsu's will always be brighter, much like that of a million galaxies, whereas his doesn't have a single star. He doesn't even come close to the happiness that Natsu has radiating off him in effortless waves. He tries as hard as he can to be like Natsu, but it never seems to work out. Natsu will just always beat him in the joy factor.

"Too bad the day is ending, though," Gray continues, smile dropping to a frown. Although it is broad daylight at the moment, the sun is already casting over their heads and headed towards the west. "And it'll be cold and dark tomorrow again."

"Maybe it will be," Natsu tells him, "But that doesn't mean you can't find an ounce of sunshine in every day. All you have to do is look."

Gray sighs. "I suppose so."

Natsu takes his compliance as a way to shift the subject to something more positive. "Plus, we're going to see Madeline tomorrow! You love seeing her, don't you?" Natsu reminds Gray cheerfully.

"Yeah." I love you more, Gray can't help but think. He quickly shakes the idea out of his head and nods tersely before he gives away anything to Natsu in his expression. Natsu could see through him like he was a psychic and Gray was a translucent crystal ball. He smiles at Natsu, as if to assure him not to worry, and Natsu relaxes into the touch.

"Thank you for being next to me in my life," Gray grins. He is melting, melting under the warmth of the sun and the warmth of Natsu's slender fingers curling around his, because it just feels so right and he can't help but think-

"Hey, nutcase!" A voice taunts, nearly inaudible behind the cloud of momentary happiness Gray had been feeling. The cloud dispersed into the air, forgotten.

Gray's heart drops to his stomach. The previous euphoric moment fades away. He looks over at Natsu. The spot next to him on the bench is vacant.

"Hey!" The voice shouts again. "Answer me when I speak to you!"

Gray raises his head up to find three boys, all vaguely familiar from when he's seen them around the supermarket or on the streets. The one in the center, Dylan, clenches his fists and grinds his teeth angrily. He bounces on the balls of his toes, like he has all this pent up energy inside of him. Like he needs to release it.

Gray knows he's got a target practically painted on his front.

"Enjoying the sunshine, freak? Or is it cramping your normally gloomy style?" Dylan taunts, chortling. His cronies join in the laughter.

"Go back to the nuthouse you came from, you schizo," The taller one on the left adds in. They slap a high five.

Gray fights back tears, but he wouldn't dare let them escape. They brim on the edges of his red-rimmed eyes, blotchy and dark from lack of sleep. Gray only got a few hours a night, if he was lucky.

He feels a sharp, dull pain when Dylan thumps him with his thumb and forefinger, hard, on the forehead. He flicks his finger and they saunter away, laughing mercilessly and slapping each other on the backs. When Gray confirms they're out of earshot, he allows the tears to spill over fall freely, trailing down his cheeks in hot streaks of unadulterated, scorching pain.

A jogging lady slows down when she sees him and gives him a funny look. She seems to contemplate whether to say something, and eventually she opens her mouth. "You alright there?" She asks with worry.

Gray nods once. It's all he has the energy to do. "I'll be alright," He promises her, but it is an empty one. Who is he to make a promise to a stranger when he can't even hold one with himself?

The lady doesn't seem so sure, and Gray doesn't blame her, but skeptically nods anyways, gives him one last pitiful look, and takes off down the old path. She kicks up dust under her sneakers. Gray watches her go.

He sits there for a few minutes more, feeling the sunlight. It doesn't seem as warm anymore. He stands up and walks home.

Home is a term you cannot describe, filled with love and compassion and family. Gray has none of these. He lives in a simple apartment building with his foster parent, Eve. When he buzzes into the flat and unlocks the door, Eve is immediately up to greet him.

Eve is the type of woman who even in the comfort of her own bathroom looks ready for a night on the town. Her curly, silvery-blonde fluffy 'do and iconic mole dotting under her lower lip gives her the look of the starlet of the 20's, Mrs. Marilyn Monroe. Her apron is stiff and starched and her flowery sundress bloomed in frills and ruffles.

"Good afternoon, Gray," She says with just the right amount of politeness. Gray wasn't sure if her smile was genuine or out of pity for him. He wasn't sure if he cared.

"Afternoon, Eve," Gray ducked his head. "Are we having dinner together tonight?"

"Actually, my girlfriends invited me to a matinee, would you mind tucking in for the night yourself, hon?" Eve said skeptically, hesitantly.

No, Gray didn't mind. It meant Natsu could come over. "That's okay, I'm sure there's a TV dinner Natsu and I can pop in the microwave or something," Gray shoos her off. "Please! Go enjoy yourself! If anyone deserves it, it's you. It's alright."

"Are you sure, darling?" the edges of Eve's baby-blue eyes crinkle when she frowns. She looks concerned about something. "You won't be too lonely?"

"It's alright, Natsu will keep me company," Gray repeats firmly. Eve understands, and unravels her apron. She tucks it onto a hook nailed into the thin plaster walls and rummages around for her purse.

"Call me if you need anything," Eve reminds him. Gray replies as positively as he can muster and when the door clicks shut behind her, Gray whirls around to become face-to-face with Natsu.

"Hi," He grins sheepishly.

"Hey," Gray says breathlessly. He can't help it. Natsu knocks the breath of him with the bat of an eyelash. He can't bring himself to look him in the eyes, so he stares at Natsu's mismatched socks. Gray smirks- typical Natsu behaviour.

"What's for dinner?" Natsu turns away and saunters into the kitchen like he owns the joint. Gray chuckles at his unproportional confidence and follows him into the kitchen, pulling open the freezer drawer. "Ah, microwavable fettuccine alfredo, c'est très elegant," he comments bemusedly when Gray rips out the box. Rolling his eyes, Gray sets the proper time on the microwave, and then the only sound betwixt them is the whirring sound of the hot plate whirling around and around.

After the meal is prepared, it is dished into paper plates and twirled around by fragile, plastic forks. They sit on the couch like they always do, with one of Natsu's arms draped around Gray's, and Gray leaning into the crook of where Natsu's shoulder meets his arm. It's comforting and quiet, the unspoken arrangement they agree upon every time Natsu came over nothing but common routine now. It worked for them. It's nice.

As the television set nestles into a fading white-noise silence in the background, Gray nuzzles his face into Natsu and breathes him in. It was so real- Natsu, that is- the way he smiles and talks and breathes. He is completely and utterly alive.

"Did you take your medication?" Natsu asks Gray suddenly, running his fingers through Gray's dark blue tresses.

Gray's voice is muffled through Natsu's detergent-soft t-shirt. "Don't wanna," He whines childishly. Natsu rolls his eyes, annoyed but also amused at the same time. Such a difficult boy.

"You need to," Natsu says again, more urgent this time. "For me?"

Gray grimaces. "Fine, but only for you, you hear?" He waggles his finger and pulls himself up into a standing position. He checks over his shoulder one last time before he heads to his bathroom and retrieves his pills from medicine cabinet. He pops off the lid of the semi-opaque orange container and downs two of the pills. They taste bitter and chalky against his tongue.

Gray chugs some water quickly, wipes his mouth, and returns to the living room. Natsu greets him with a tender smile and holds an arm out for Gray to get under. Gray complies, snuggling closer than previous and staring at the television set. He can't focus on what's happening, however, because Natsu's breathing is so quiet and the sound of his heartbeat is merely a flutter.

_____________________

Part 2

Gray wakes up when he believes to be the next morning, sprawled out awkwardly on the couch. A budding crook in his neck aches just under the nape of his hair and he rubs it irritably with two fingers. He lies there for a minute, unmoving, eyes shut and focused on the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. The house is quiet. Eve must already be at work.

Gray remembers he is to see Madeline today, and the day has just become slightly better. He heads to the bathroom to freshen up, passing the clock in the kitchen to check the time on the way. 8:39 AM- he has to be at the elementary school in a little less an hour.

Gray wastes away in the shower under the heated water. He enjoys showers too much to get out, because for some reason, the steady stream of water relaxes him and allows the physical and emotional grime to flow down the drain. Plus, showers are an excellent place to think. Gray is always trapped in his mind. The thoughts and worries swirling in his mind are constantly battling each other. There is no escape from the mind, nowhere to run to. Not like he'd run anyways- exercise majorly sucks.

After who-knows-how-long, Gray twists the nozzle off and drapes a towel around his waist. He heads to his bedroom and looks out the window- it's raining again. No surprise there. Drizzles of raindrops race each other down the outside glass. Gray touches the window pane softly, staring blankly outside. He spots Natsu, wearing a coat that reminds Gray of astronauts and his usual black skinny jeans, waving excitedly at him, ushering for him to hurry up.

Gray can't register the fact that he is shirtless and standing in front of the window for Natsu to take in all his glory, because he is bolting for his bureau and throwing on a warm outfit: underwear, sweater, pants, socks, shoes, the works. Mega exciting, Gray thinks sarcastically.

There is no time to straighten his hair. Gray combs it down the best he can with his fingers and prays to God it won't go all curly and frizzy this time, even though in the back of his mind he knows it will anyways. Curse his natural hair.

Gray barrels down the steps, shuffling on a coat and stuffing his house key in his back pocket. The door easily slides shut behind him and Gray's off, headed towards the street where Natsu is patiently waiting.

"Good morning, are you ready?" Natsu asks.

"As I'll ever be," Gray shrugs. Their hands mold together as they take off down the sidewalk.

Wednesdays aren't too busy for London, but the sidewalks are still relatively crowded with people as Gray and Natsu make their way through the city. Skyscrapers swell up into the sky all around them, window displays twinkle with fairy lights and exciting new products, and the buzz of amiable chatter flies in all directions. A taxi whizzes by, shooting a gust of wind against Gray's face.

"Sleep well last night?" Natsu babbles. Natsu knows about the lack-of-sleep thing- he stayed up with Gray until 4 or 5 am when Gray finally nodded off into a nightmarish slumber.

"Only got five hours of sleep or so," Gray grumbles, rubbing his eyes. He doesn't think too much of it though, because the insomnia is repetitive and he's dealt with it for years.

"Three more hours than usual!" Natsu is optimistic. Gray can't help but crack a smile. A boy with his dog on a leash walks by them, and Natsu beams at the puppy. "Oh, what an adorably fluffy dog!" He coos to Gray as they keep walking.

"His fluffy levels were indeed off the scales," Gray agrees.

"I wonder why dogs can go on leashes and walks all the time but cats don't," Natsu continues on, chattering like there's no tomorrow. "Cat's deserve equal rights too you know! Maybe the millions of Mr. Whiskers want to see the world!"

"Natsu, you're overthinking this," Gray laughs. "Cats have litter boxes, and they're content with sleeping twenty hours of the day anyways." Gray wishes he could be a cat. Cats have no responsibilities, no worries, and no goals. It must be nice.

"Cats deserve the opportunity," Natsu continues to argue.

"You're allergic to cats, Natsu!" Gray raises his voice, albeit amused. Natsu laugh rings like songbirds and he shrugs.

And on that note, they approach the elementary school. It's the only one in the neighbourhood, a public academy that's prestigious as a private school, with marble columns and two stories of lemon-fresh floor cleaner and the waxy smell of crayons. Gray and Natsu check into the front office, where the secretary on duty immediately recognizes Gray and hands his visitor's pass with an inviting smile. Gray sticks the yellow pass to his sweater and heads to the kindergarten hall.

The room is already open, and Gray and Natsu head inside, finding Madeleine sitting at a small table that reminds Gray of that of a dollhouse. Her eyes are shielded by her medical sunglasses, and a retractable cane is an arms' reach away, resting on the table. She's thumbing through a Braille book, seemingly immersed. Miss Pam, the teacher, looks up from her computer and smiles.

"Gray! You're just in time for your appointment," She says graciously. Gray shakes her hand politely and Miss Pam leads him towards Madeline's table. "Maddie? Gray's here to read with you, honey."

Gray and Madeline have an arrangement where every Wednesday and Friday, Gray comes in and reads with Madeline for half an hour while the other kids play on the playground for their recess. From what Gray can tell, Madeline is a quiet, reserved girl who didn't mind her disability or the fact she is outcasted from her class. She reminds Gray of himself in a lot of ways.

"Hiya, Maddie," Gray sits cross-legged next to her. Even when she is in her plastic blue chair, they are the same height. Satisfied, Miss Pam returns to her desk. Natsu sits next to Gray, not saying a word. "What are you reading?"

"Arthur's New Puppy," Madeline responds. "The puppy's name is Pal."

Gray had seen snippets of the TV adaption during his hours of channel surfing. "Oh! Do you have a puppy?"

"No," Madeline sniffs. "But Mommy says when I'm a bit older I can get a puppy to help me walk around," she brightens up and shoots him a dazzling smile. One of her front teeth is missing.

"You lost a tooth?" Gray confirms.

Madeline's tongue swishes over the uncomfortable gap. "The other night. The Tooth Fairy brought me a dollar and I got to buy a packet of Maltesers," she beams.

"Those are my favorite," Gray comments.

"Mine too," Maddie nods. "Can I read aloud today?"

"Of course!" Gray agrees immediately. It's nice to see Madeline so open and talkative. When he first started reading with her she barely spoke two words during their sessions.

Madeline's fingers trace over the raised bumps on the page. She is hesitant, mouthing the words and going over the patterns again. "Pal jumped on the... couch, proud of his work. He was... excited to... see how his new... family would... react. "My curtains!" Mother shouted. "Bad... dog!" Father cried."

"Did Pal ruin the living room?" Gray guesses out of context.

"Yes. He is a new puppy, and he is not trained," Madeline explains. "Arthur will have to train him into having good manners or he will have to live outside in the doghouse."

Gray nods, then quickly feels stupid when he realizes Madeline can't see that. "Interesting. Would you like to go on?"

"Pal was... sent ... outside to the... doghouse. He crawled inside, resting on his front paws. He felt very... contrite. Um, Gray? What does 'contrite' mean?" Maddie looks up from her book, staring at Gray, although her viewing is off and it looks like she is gazing over his shoulder and at the cubbies.

Before Gray could answer that he didn't know, Natsu spoke up. "It means regretful or apologetic," He explains.

"Oh, thanks, Natsu!" Gray grins at his best friend. "Here, why don't you tell Maddie."

Stricken confusion and a bit of panic is evident on Madeline's features. "Are you joking with me right now?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"No?" Gray raises his eyebrows. "Go on, Natsu, tell her."

But Natsu's voice is drowned out by the gust of the mid-morning wind.

"Gray, I may be blind, but I'm not deaf," Madeline deadpans. "There's obviously no one else there."

"Yes there is!" Gray blurts out. "Go on, Natsu, say something!"

Maddie waits a few seconds. When she hears nothing, she grimaces. "This isn't funny, Gray! Who are you talking to?"

"I know it's not funny!" Gray argues. "Natsu's sitting right next to me!" He turns to look at Natsu, to plead him to speak, but Natsu is silent and motionless. He's staring at the clock, unmoving and unblinking as each second fails to tick by.

"Gray, honey?" Miss Pam calls from her desk. "I think we're done for the day, alright? Maddie needs to get to her special ed class in a few minutes, anyways," She explains ruefully. Gray abides by her words and stands up, stretching out the pinpricks in his legs from folding them so tightly before.

"Bye, Maddie. I'll see you Friday, then," Gray mutters. Madeline says something in response but Gray doesn't hear it, because he's too lost in his own thoughts to fathom anything else. He exits the classroom and rounds the corner, leaving the school and heading home, with Natsu trailing behind him, struggling to keep up. From inside the classroom, Miss Pam picks up the receiver on her class phone and punches in a number. Dial tone greets her until the other line connects.

"Hi, it's me, Pam... Yes, he's on his way home now.... He's talking about him again, I'm rather worried... You've noticed it too?.... Is he still on the medication?.... I see... Yes, yes.... Well, I wish you luck... Goodbye, Eve."

Part 3

"You don't need to get upset, Gray," Natsu soothes as he rubs circles tenderly in between Gray's shoulder blades. Gray continues to sob, covering his eyes with his hands and picking at his peeling, chapped lips with his teeth.

"But you were there! You always are!" Gray says angrily. He's not quite sure if his anger is at Madeline or Natsu or the world or himself. "You were talking and she couldn't hear you, but I can!"

"Hey, it's okay, it doesn't matter anyway," Natsu shushes him, placing the fleshy pad of his thumb on Gray's lower lip. Gray stops crying for the moment and stares into the electric green eyes only mere inches away from his face. Gray finds himself being drawn forwards, like he's a marionette puppet at the will of some omniscient force, dragging him closer to Natsu without Gray being able to stop it. It's so close, Gray can feel it all the way to the tips of his toes- the moment is here, and he doesn't understand how much he wants this until now.

His eyes are half fluttered shut, preparing for the moment, aching and craving for the contact, but it never comes. Gray's eyes open again to see Natsu looking distraught and fighting some sort of internal battle with himself. "I-I can't, Gray."

Gray is surprised, to say the least. "W-what?" He stutters, taken aback. "What's wrong? Was it something I did?"

"No, Gray," Natsu breathes out shakily. For once, Natsu doesn't know what to say. He stares at his hands, seemingly searching for the right words. "I just... can't."

"Please tell me why, at least," Gray compromises. He can feel his heart cracking and the feeling is way worse than he ever could've imagined.

"I-" Natsu begins, but he stops himself. "Let's take a walk."

Gray doesn't want to, and every fiber of his being is telling him to stay on his bed and demand a proper explanation, because he deserves at least that much, but he can't find the will to fight it and succumbs to Natsu again. He stands up, regaining his balance by driving his heels into the carpet, and tugs on his shoes. Natsu is silent and stoic, drinking in every little movement, every single expression, barely mustering a smile when Gray explains he's ready. Before they leave the apartment, Gray slings his favorite camera with the strap around his neck.

And then they're out of the apartment again, headed towards the park. The rain has stopped, and puddles are scattered in various nooks and crannies. They pass by the crossroad street signs and duck into the entrance of the park, headed towards their usual spot. At least, that's what Gray assumes.

They're walking down the path, the only ones around for a quarter of a mile, with Gray burning with questions and endless worries. God knows what Natsu was thinking. He wasn't exactly easy to read.

Suddenly, Natsu stops in his tracks. He's staring straight ahead, looking over at the horizon. Gray turns around curiously, waiting for him to explain, or to say anything, for that matter, because anything was better than nothing at this point. Natsu is never this quiet. It is unsettling.

"Natsu-" Gray whispers out. His voice barely reaches the other boy's ears, as Natsu hardly seems to register it. Gray has a million things to say to Natsu and can't seem to make sense of a single one. His brain just seems to be shutting down.

"I'm so sorry, Gray," Natsu's eyes sparkle and glisten when they water. Even when he is crying he is beautiful. "But it's time for you to let me go."

"W-what?" Gray gasps. His heart beats irregularly and his hands grow clammy with nervousness. He's not sure what Natsu is implying, but he knows it's not going to be a cakewalk.

"All I'm doing is hurting you," Natsu continues on, taking a step closer. Gray takes a step back. Natsu notices this and frowns the tiniest bit. "Every day, you're getting worse and worse and I know it's all my fault."

"You're wrong!" Gray shouts hysterically, running and closing the gap between them. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me Natsu, so don't say anything different! I need you, you can't just walk away! I need you next to me, I- I-"

"Shh," Natsu shushes him by striking his arm. Gray can hardly feel the touch, and it scares him. "I know."

"No, Natsu! You don't know!" Gray's eyes widen with sadness and frustration. "I love you, Natsu! I love you so much and if you leave me I'll never be able to be the same, because you're a part of me, loving you has become a part of me, and as much as you may want me to try and let that go, I never, ever will be able to. I don't want to," Gray begs. He's never felt more vulnerable in his life. He starts to sob again.

Natsu hugs him. "I know, baby, I know. But you have to. For your own sake. You'll never be able to let go if you wait until it's too late."

Gray sniffs, wiping his nose on his sweater sleeve, not caring if it was obscenely gross and disturbing. He tries to touch Natsu, but his hand is only met with pure absence, nothing but a chilly breeze tickling between his fingers.

"What do I do?" Gray chokes out. Natsu gives a sad, watery smile.

"Why, move on, of course," Natsu tells him, so lightly it feels like the tickle of a feather.

"Easier said than done," Gray grumbles.

"You're too good for me, Gray. All I'm going to do is keep hurting you, more and more until you won't be able to take it, and I can't bear to see you in that much pain. So please, Gray, I'm begging you, you have to move on," Natsu's voice breaks. It's the first time Natsu has ever cried.

"At least let me take one picture? To remember?" Gray holds up the vintage Polaroid Eve gave him on his 16th birthday. It was his prized possession and in top condition, a real antique.

Natsu nods almost imperceptibly. "One last picture," He agrees monotonously. His voice chokes and trips over the words.

Gray sets the Polaroid to the timer feature, giving them ten seconds. He positions it across from them, angling it upwards. Natsu scoots towards the cherrywood bench, taking a seat. His posture is pristine and his hands Graygle limply in his lap. Gray presses the button and shuffles quickly to sit next to Natsu, contemplating whether to touch him again. He's too afraid of the absence, so he decides not to.

The camera takes the photo, and an off-white photo slides out of the front. The photo inches ever so slowly into focus, fading into a clearer picture. Gray stands up to grab the photo when Natsu stops him.

"Gray."

The one word makes him stop. The whole universe stops. Everything else is pointless except this single, seemingly insignificant fraction of time.

"It's time," Natsu tells him.

"Don't you want to see the picture first?" Gray points to his camera. He can't see the photo from here. He wants to, so badly, but his feet won't carry him across the path and retrieve the picture.

"I have to go now," Natsu is desperate and urgent. "Uh... Close your eyes and count to three, okay?"

Gray takes in one last look of Natsu's silly scarf and his tousled pink hair, never allowing himself to forget the mental image. He complies after a moment and squeezes his eyes shut, waiting patiently. Every number he counts is another piece of his heart breaking, yet he is surprisingly calm. It shocks him how motionless he is standing.

"One."

Crack.

"Two."

Crack.

"Three."

Shatter.

Gray's eyes fly open and Natsu is no longer standing there. All his emotions rush back into his brain and he flies into a panicky overdrive, taking off for a run and searching everywhere for Natsu. He looks in every place possible, and every place impossible, for that matter, but finds nothing. He must've been scrambling around, bawling messily, desperate, needy, and confused. This wasn't fair. Why should he give up the lone thing that brought him happiness? Was he entitled to live a miserable existence forever?

Gray's heart rate beats wildly, like an animal's. He feels shaky all over, drained of adrenaline and sluggishly pulling himself down on the bench.

Exhausted and officially out of energy, his head dips back and he stares blankly at the sky. The clouds float by without a care in the world, puffs of white in the clear blue sky. Brokenhearted tears trail down the side of his nose and slip off his chin. He doesn't bother wiping them away.

Natsu was gone. Natsu, his sunshine, his happiness, his world, his everything, was gone forever and would never be seen again. Gray could only hope he was in a place where he was happy, because Natsu's happiness was the most important thing to Gray. No matter what, if Natsu was happy, then Gray would be happy too. That's just the way it works.

Natsu wanted Gray to forget about him, but it is almost comical how impossible that would be for Gray. Of course, he would try, as he would do anything for Natsu, but the truth is he didn't ever want to forget the single shred of happiness he felt in his life.

Natsu would somehow always be there, too close, too much, the shape of something he couldn't touch. When Gray closes his eyes, he can still see the emptiness behind the glassy blue set of eyes that crinkled with laughter lines whenever Natsu smiled ingrained into the back of his mind.

Gray opens his eyes, walks over to the camera, and kneels down. The picture has grown in focus: Gray sitting up straight on the bench, a ghost of a smile hidden behind his eyes. Nothing but a shimmery shadow remains in place of where Gray remembered Natsu to be sitting.

Gray cautiously tucks the photo into his pocket, careful not to bend back any corners. He slings the strap around his neck and heads back home, where Eve would be expecting him with lunch ready and waiting on the table. It won't feel the same as it did yesterday; nothing would anymore.

The reel of the camera clicks and shutters again and again in his thoughts.

The shadows slide as the sunlight crosses the sky.

- - - - 

Part 4

The bleached walls of the room are seemingly suffocating Gray as he shifts in his uncomfortable plastic chair. He stares out the barred windows, looking at the storm clouds.

It's a week later, and the typical rain has picked up again. It didn't bother Gray, he hardly noticed anything these days. There wasn't much point to any of it.

"It's good to have you back, Gray," A patient voice brings him out of his internal reverie. Gray turns his head to look into the eyes of the psychologist. His eyes are lifeless and gray, like he wishes he could be anywhere but here. Gray understood that, he felt that way too.

Between them rests a video camera, trained on him. Gray avoids looking directly into it. He knows what this all means.

Gray stares down at his outfit. The scratchy teal t-shirt was ugly and two sizes too big on him. The issued sweatpants were also too big, but at least they were comfortable. He gazes at his knees, waiting for the psychologist's voice to cut through the piercing, thick silence.

"Gray, can you tell me why you're here?" His voice slices the cloud.

"No... Did I do something wrong? Why am I here? I haven't been here since-"

"Don't worry! Of course there is something wrong, but it's not your fault! Eve was worried about you and brought you back here to see if everything was okay," He smiles softly. "Alright, let's begin." He presses the record button on the video camera and clears his throat. "This is Doctor Madison for the case of Gray Fullbuster," he says in a clear voice.

"Gray, would you like to know why you're here today?" The doctor says calmly. Gray nods his head slowly, bobbing up and down like a trinket.

"Your foster mother, Eve Larson, believes you're relapsing in your schizophrenic symptoms. You're medicine seems to be wearing off and not being as effective- have you been taking your medication?" He wonders. Gray nods again.

"You see, Gray, we here feel like the medication isn't strong enough to control your grip on reality, and it's causing you to slip into more vivid hallucinations," He explains slowly, watching Gray's facial expression cautiously as the words pass by his mouth. "Your thinking is becoming more unclear and confused each day, and the drugs could even be making them worse."

Gray stares at his hands, folded neatly in his lap. Doctor Madison senses the unconformity and clears his throat again. "Let's move on, shall we?"

Gray says nothing.

"Gray, can you tell me about Natsu?" He asks kindly, albeit hesitant, knowing it would strike a nerve. It did. Gray's heart lurches, whether it was from the mere mentioning of his name or the dreadful fate of what it means.

"There's nothing to tell, sir," Gray rasps out. His voice is scratchy and hoarse. He'd barely spoken since Natsu left. In fact, he barely ate or slept either. Gray could distinctly feel his ribs if he rested his hands on top of his torso.

"Gray, I'm only trying to help here," The man coaxes, voice melodic and soothing. "Your foster mother Eve told me you've been seeing him again. Is this true?"

Gray nodded a single time. "Yes."

"She also says you've been constantly crying and angry in your room, refusing to eat and bathe. You hardly get any sleep, and this 'Natsu' seems to be the cause," His forehead wrinkles as he frowns. "So tell me, Gray, who is this Natsu? Is he real or just a figment of your imagination?"

"I'm not really sure anymore, sir," Gray's voice cracks and he swallows down the lump im

his throat. He needs a sip of water but knows if he asks, he will be denied.

"Do you have anything else to say, Gray?" Doctor Madison leans back in his chair, sighing. He runs one of his temples and shuts his eyes.

"Yes, sir," Gray gulps. He may regret this in the future, but it doesn't matter right now; this needs to be said. "If Natsu wasn't real, he certainly felt more real than I could ever describe to me," he chokes up. The doctor is now upright and listening attentively, watching and anticipating every word. The video camera continues to roll and Gray squeezes his eyes shut, clinging on to the feeling of Natsu- the feeling it left inside of him, the lingering, scorching feeling that could never be forgotten. "Which is why I will always love him, no matter what."

Doctor Madison is taken aback for a moment. Maybe he wasn't expecting that to tumble out of Gray's mouth in his fragile, emotionless state. A knock on the door startles him back into reality, and a woman, who he assumes to be the escort, pokes her head in. She is dressed in similar sterile scrubs, her mop of dark hair twirled and tucked into a matching cap.

"We're just finishing up, thank you," He explains to her. She nods and slowly shuts the door behind her. Her eyes focus in on Gray, subconsciously and openly staring, waiting for some sort of reaction. Gray looks away and ignores her completely.

"I think we've chatted enough, yeah?" The psychologist concludes, pressing a button on top of the video camera. Gray stares at him helplessly, eyes wide and wild. The escort lady crosses the room and extends her hand out to Gray. Gray looks at it, then back at the doctor, seeing if he's finished talking. He isn't.

His eyes flash with an unreadable emotion. "Welcome back to the asylum, Gray."