soundtrack: Breaking Benjamin: The Diary of Jane

SEB

I feel so terrified to hear from her saying she's dying. How did her daughter take the news? Why isn't she here?

"We both agreed not to tell our daughter yet, not until tomorrow, but I know she'll hate me for this or her dad, Seb" she pauses, so am I going to break the news for her? I never met that woman, never even see her once. Mike and Catie seemed to be good parents and if their daughter got the looks from both of them then she is beautiful.

"Seb, I want you to promise me something" she takes a long deep breath, my palms turn cold clammy, I hold my breath.

Why I feel like I don't like the next words will come from her mouth. In my twenty-five years of existence, I've never been in this position, making promises to a dying woman and I know I can't say no, so I have to do whatever she asks me to.

"Whatever Catie, I'll do everything you want me to." I start sweating even the room is cold and I feel claustrophobic.

I open one button of my shirt and loosen my tie.

"I know you're contented with your life. You're supposed to be the last person I asked a favor for but I don't trust anyone besides my husband. I've known you long enough to know what's underneath that bad boy and playboy image, you have a good heart, Seb. You have reasons why you choose that life, you haven't met the right one for you, yet." she takes a breath.

So that's it, now I'm getting more nervous.

I swallow constantly, is this what I think it is?

Jesus!

Good grace.

Hallelujah!

This can't be happening, did I just promise? Yeah

Can I take it back?

No.

I think I'm gonna faint.

When the worst day of your fucking life facing you now, everything is flashing back to you, this is what is happening to me right now, from the fucking tabloid that starts ruining my life to the fucking meeting that gave me a fucking headache to the last words of my dad.

I'm still in front of a dying woman.

"Before I came here I finalized my will, even my husband doesn't know most of it. Only me and my lawyer, Atty. Timothy Sanders. I made a copy for myself and I want you to have it. You don't have to be there during the reading of the will but make sure you secure it safely, for you."

She takes a deep breath "and you'll know when the right time to open it, Seb."

I sigh, so it's not that bad after all.

Oh, thank God.

I'm overthinking a little bit

I finally found words say "Thank you for the trust you gave me, Catie, I promise you to keep it safe and I'll make sure you'll not come to haunt me."

I want to see her smile at least so I continue 

"So you'll trust me for your daughter too? I mean I... maybe we can be good friends. I'm not that asshole and I'll keep my hands off of her, Promise." I raise my right hand. She laughs at the lamest joke I can come up with because I'll never forget this moment for the rest of my life.

She motions to the drawer. I stand up, pulling the drawer in her bedside. I notice a manila envelope, so I pick it up with my still sweating palm, it was light but there is something inside other than documents that catches my attention.

"That's my engagement ring and the necklace she gave it to me, with a pendant. A tulip, our favorite flowers. My daughter like red but I like purple. So don't you ever give her purple unless you want to annoy her." I smirk, I don't know why. I fold the envelope and tuck it inside my jacket suit.

"So, she doesn't like purple, huh? I keep that in mind." She smiles.

"Thank you so much, Seb. I know I can't repay you anymore but I know my daughter will. Please take care of her, promise me Seb."

All of a sudden she becomes too weak, too pale, breathing hard and labor, I panic and shout for Mike who comes immediately.

All I can hear is her last words "Tell her I love her so much and I love you so much, my love."

The beep from the monitor echoes in ears.

I promise Catie
_______

I'm still in shock, all my energy drained from me. I look down to the delicious food in my plate and suddenly lost my appetite. I push it away.

After keeping the envelope Catie gave me I strip all my clothes off and head to my bathroom. A long hot shower might help to calm my nerves. I stand in my shower room until I couldn't take anymore.

I think of going out and pick a willing woman for a release. I grit my teeth,

for fuck sake Seb you just witness a woman died in front of you and all you can think about is your dick!

I feel ashamed. My good friend is mourning for the loss of his wife, her daughter just lost a mother and she definitely has no idea until this moment.

I'm such an ass.

Fuck!

After calling my dad about the sad news I dial my cousin/ my best friend, Patrick, after the third ring he finally picks up.

"Hey, Seb you left early from your office today, 'sup?" He asks

I remind myself to play cool but I can't tell him family emergency, he'll know I'm lying.

"Got some errands to run, so..." I lost words. he knows me too well and he'll know when something bothers me. I'm not good at lying and I never lied to him and neither to Trixie. Our family treated us as triplets.

"Seb, what's wrong? you never left the office without telling me first, ever." I can hear the worry in his voice.

That's what I said he knows me too well. After a long breath, I give up. I know he'll definitely find out. I already told my parents. I'm sure the news spread fast.

"Yeah, I received an emergency call today so I had to leave soon," I explain briefly

"Wait, what emergency? is Aunt Jules okay? or your dad's? I don't think it's about work 'cause I should've known before I left."

I cut in before he can continue "Pat, they're okay, don't worry. why don't you pass by and we'll talk and I don't want to talk over the phone."

He knows that I never invited anyone in my lair. I never bring anyone here or throw a party. I stay here during weekdays, it's near to my office and spends my weekend at my house.

"On my way, Seb, are you sure you're okay? you didn't impregnate that starlet, did you? did you really have sex with her? she isn't your type. You prefer blonde, tall and long-legged. She just wants your pocket while you're buried deep inside her Seb, I can tell it."

I groan, rubbing my eye, but I know he's just trying to annoy me.

"For fuck sake Pat! I didn't have sex with her and I'm 101% sure I didn't get her pregnant. She isn't definitely my type and all she had is my picture and before you can come up with an idea that I have sex video with her, don't go there." I pause

"I'm sure my future wife is not yet even conceive. Get in here before I change my mind and go to sleep." I hang up.

I hear a knock. I stand up and walk to the door, here he is, still in suit one button open, loosen tie, with a huge grin on his face telling me that he just gets on my nerves.

He's already inside before I can even say a word. He sits on my black leather couch. I continue walking to my mini bar and pour ourselves two glasses of whiskey. I give him his glass then I drink mine instantly. It burnt my throat but I don't care, I need this.

I collect liquor and Wine but I'm always responsible when drinking. I sit on his opposite side and rest my head back rubbing my temples.

"Long day, huh? are you trying to kill me from anticipation man? Or you'll keep me guessing? I get it, it's bad news."

He talks while I'm looking at the high ceiling of my penthouse. I can feel his gaze on me like he could see through my soul.

I blurted out before he can say about my scandal

"Catie is dead."

Then I look at him, he looks shocked, eyes wide, mouth gaping. He closes his mouth then swallow.

"What?! How? when? I mean how did she die? are you sure? How did you know? you're not kidding, are you?"

"I was there."

I told him the entire story minus the envelope. He didn't ask anymore. We drink another shot.

"Poor Mike. Poor daughter. Did you know anything about her daughter?" He asks me. I suddenly feel a twist in my stomach.

"Nope, I've never met her, why? do you know anything about her?" I ask

then add slowly "Yeah, poor Mike. Catie still young though, he'll call his daughter tomorrow. I'm sure she'll be here soon."

"Just asking. She must be hot. You know? Mike and Catie are good looking."

"Jesus! Pat she just lost her mom and all you can think is she's hot?" I'm pissed at him

"Jeez, I'm just saying, it's not that I'm going to bang her, she probably had a boyfriend."

My chest constricts. why do I feel this way? I don't fucking know.

"Just have a little sympathy, Patrick. You're such a whore sometimes." I glare at him

"And what are you, huh? didn't just your face appeared all over the news lately? with a drunk woman?"

I groan and pressing my lips together.

"Thank you for reminding me? I think I should lie low." but I know it's impossible.

"Don't let that woman gets into your brain Seb, it'll be over soon. That's your life and you should enjoy it. Come to think of it, we don't know when will be our turn and you'll only live once." he is right, it's not new to me anyway but dad's words stuck up in my brain.

"Yeah, you're right." I agree

He says "To hell with those sick bitches and assholes."

I give him a toast "Don't get drunk idiot, you're driving home. I'm not going to drag your ass to your apartment. You'll not sleep here. You might puke your guts out everywhere."

"Yeah, I should probably go. You look like you need a long rest." he stands up grabbing his keys.

"Are you going to the funeral?" I ask

Why did I even bother asking him?

"Sure, I guess we have a funeral to visit." He shrugs.

"Yeah, I guess."

I keep turning in bed and think about what Patrick said, yeah maybe she's hot or maybe she's.

Fuck!

Patrick, you're such an evil!