Author: KSO3_X

Reviewer: daniellie802

Title: 8,5/10
Writing style and flow: 3/10
Pace: 8/10
Grammar: 11/15
C. Development: 12/15
Hook: 4/10
Book cover and summary: 7/10
Originality: 5/5
Plot: 13/15
Total: 71,5/100

Alright. I like the great pace! It is suitable and it makes character development fairly clear.

Your grammar is great, but there is one thing that plagues it: inconsistency.

For example:
"I forgot to check my digital alarm in my room."

This (and sentences before it) implies that the book happened in the past, hence the usage of past tense.

However, the next sentence is written in form one of conditional sentence, implying that the story happened in the present.

In another sentence in chapter two part 1, you revert back to present tense. You may want to change it.

I like the plot. It is introduced early and I know what I'm expecting if I read it further.

But-and this is a big but-it doesn't really make sense. The entire beginning of the plot seems to rotate around a mysterious email offering an adventure which may or may not be real.

This sounds very suspicious. Why would a student accept such a suspicious invitation? Hell, it could be a mad kidnapper or something.

But you can fix this easily. You can simply state that such things are common in your universe.

Or maybe make the invitation less suspicious; say, it is from an uncle/aunt/cousin/<insert family member>. Perhaps, you can insert one or two characters who oppose the MC going.

Also, some of the dialogue doesn't really make sense.

For example,
"Bye! Have you ever heard of a magical bone?"
Okay, this just doesn't make sense to me. Why would one ask such a question?

There is one answer: she knows about something else. A mysterious secret. You may want to add a scene when the MC becomes confused.

That scene then abruptly disperses, and turns to the art teacher scene. I find this very uncomfortable to read.

You may want to add some bridge from one scene to another. For example:

""Bye! Have you ever heard of a magical bone?"

I was stunned. Magical? How is it possible? Bones are interesting, sure, but that's it. There isn't any magical properties in bones.

I erase that thought from my mind, as I have to prepare for my art class."

Don't cut the scenes too abruptly.

In conclusion, this story has a lot of potential with a great plot, but the author should stop cutting scenes abruptly and make the characters' actions more believable.

Thank you for trusting Grand Review 2020 to review your story. We sincerely hope this review will be useful.