Author: nightravenxx

Reviewer: daniellie802

Title: 5/5
Creativity: 16/20
Grammar: 7/10
Hook: 8,5/10
Message: 13/15
Total: 49,5/60

Good job! You've made an impressive poetry book!

The messages are clear as day. Your messages relate to the current situation and brings up many issues regarding human rights.

Unfortunately, sometimes this message is delivered a bit too bluntly. For example, the poem "Blood All Over Her". The language is beautiful, but I feel like I'm reading a short story instead of a poem.

The structure is quite classic and readable, but a few of the later poems have some structure issues. Examples are "There's a lot of rage" and "I ain't a tamed creature".

Those two poems have messy structures. Frankly, they look like essays instead of poems. The beautiful language helps, but the structure simply makes it difficult to read, not to mention the lack of full stops. You may want to reorganize them into stanzas.

I notice many of the poems utilize a sizable amount of emotion. You may want to make use of the exclamation mark (!) to convey these emotions in a more explosive manner.

However, the inconsistencies and mistakes in grammar bother me the most. For example:

Name in the lights:
-You should use "whose" instead of "who's"
-Consistently use past tense. Instead of "saying he's no good", it should be "saying he was no good" or alternatively the direct speech form, "saying 'he's no good'"

Overdose at the back alley:
-Again, consistency issues.
monday
saw him chain smoke (past)
tuesday
lsd takes control (present)
wednesday
he likes weed (present)
thursday
took a shot of ritalin (past)
friday
cocaine, got high (past)

A note from me:
-False use of tag questions.
"A whole poetry book isn't enough, wasn't it?"
Correction: "A whole poetry book isn't enough, is it?"

In conclusion, the poems have strong messages which are conveyed beautifully. However, there are several grammatical mistakes that need to be fixed and a few poems have messy structures.