Author: bothersome16

Reviewer: daniellie802

Title: 9/10
Writing style and flow: 7/10
Pace: 8/10
Grammar: 5,5/15
C. Development: 5/10
Beginning/Hook: 3,5/10
Book cover and summary: 6/10
Originality: 4/5
Plot: 10/15
Total: 58/100

Overall, this story isn't bad. It's not that good either, but not bad. However, it feels bland. The same plot again, the same weaknesses again.

You shouldn't put too much stuff in blurbs. What you need in them is a short, intriguing text to entice your readers to read your book.
The first part is decent, but you shouldn't put the descriptions of the main characters' personalities.

No, actually, don't do that at all. Try to describe your characters' personalities by showing their actions.

For example, your character Asher is a troublesome bully with terrible attitude. You can introduce him to the story with something like:

"The news reporter said, "Several drunk teenagers have been detained by the police for causing a severe bar fight. The fight destroyed most of the bar, prompting the owner to sue the teenagers. One of them has an illegal gun in possesion."

Asher McCradle's furious face is shown uncensored in TV. The same Asher McCradle who got into a serious bar fight last week. Becca squints her eyes, wondering why on earth someone would do such things."

You can use this method to show your characters' personalities instead of flat out stating them. This is a book and your readers must enjoy what they are reading. You can't hand out information too flatly like that.

You also need to work on the language, especially the usage of comas. For example,

"Aww man, did I miss something again?", Ellie asked.

No, you don't put a coma after a quotation mark. You put it after, and that is assuming the sentence is not a question. If it is, don't put anything except a question mark before the quotation mark.

So the correct one would be:

"Aww man, did I miss something again?" Ellie asked.

A capital after a quotation mark is necessary. For example:

"stupid asshole" I muttered.

The correct one:

"Stupid asshole," I muttered.

Also, in referring to oneself we use "I" not "i". This is not a consistent mistake, but there are some scattered.

"Am i really weird?"

"Am I really weird?"

Also, differentiate "its" and "it's"

Example of usage:

"It's fun."

"My dog has its fun."

The plot is, well, classic teen fiction plot. Try to mix in some spices in there. For example, put some murder cases and have them pinned on Asher, who is actually innocent. This will show that although he is a bad boy, he isn't evil.

Oh, and I noticed some inconsistency regarding grammar. You seem to use past tense, but several sentences wrongly use present tense.