It’s one of those feelings that are unbelievably surreal and agonizing that it’s scary.  One in which it can be scary to accept, let alone express.  How do people make it seem so easy?  They look so happy and act as if this feeling is something that can be played with in a snap of their fingers.  They would hold hands and make stupid jokes only those two would understand.  The sound of their voices is like music to each other.  They could look into each other’s eyes and see their future with them, despite any difficulties in their road ahead.  They don’t care if the world is against them, because they have each other and that’s all there is to it.

                But what if that person one sees their future with doesn’t see the same thing?  What if that person only views the other simply as a friend or a brother or sister?  Will they be able to see the heart-breaking pain in their eyes or be oblivious to that agony?  If they do notice it, do they go into denial or believe that the other person deserves someone better than them?

                What does one do?

                Oh Sehun is in his last year of college.  He’s had plenty of girlfriends and plenty of naughty nights, but they don’t patch up the true feelings within him.  None of those girls meant anything to him.  They were simply one-night stands, and it always surprises him when they believe that they were really a thing.  He could care less if he hurt their pride.  He only wants one thing in this world, but for nearly twenty years, he could never have it.

                He could never have Luhan.

                He’s developed feelings for his best friend since their sophomore year in high school.  Sehun was in deep denial and didn’t understand that of all the people he could have fallen for, it had to a man.  It had to be Luhan.  Why him? Why couldn’t it be one of the hottest girls he managed to get in bed with? Every night is the same—torturing.  Sehun knew for a fact that Luhan could never return his feelings for him.

                Why in the world would he fall in love with a guy, let alone Sehun?  Luhan is as straight as a parallel line.  That thought has been haunting Sehun for six years, and one would think that anyone would get over their first loves by then but…no.  The feelings never fade away because they make you feel complete for the first time in anyone’s lives. 

                As Sehun’s best friend, Luhan has made him the happiest.  No one-night stand, party, or anything worth millions could compare to how happy Luhan has made him.  The simplest things like soccer and playing video games make him feel content.  They know every little about each other down to the bone, but not the heart.  Sehun’s kept his one-sided love a secret, and he plans on to…even if it eats him up on the inside.

                They’ve promised to be brothers forever.  Brothers. Why Sehun made that promise makes him want to hang himself or go to a guillotine and behead himself.  Sehun doesn’t want Luhan as a brother.  He wants Luhan.  He wants his perfect milky skin, adorable deer-like eyes, angelic smile—all of him, to himself.   

                Along with that promise, they even decided to attend the same college together.  The most torturing part of being in the same college?  They’re roommates.  Luhan is always less than a foot away from Sehun, but it feels like he’s a few light years away.  He’s possible to reach, but the distance is too risky to take.  Sehun can’t imagine getting hurt and losing Luhan. 

                Surprisingly enough, Luhan has never been with a girl here in college.  Sehun’s had multiple nights, as previously explained, but Luhan has been conserved.  During high school, he and along with Sehun and a couple of his friends, were the biggest playboys and considered sex as a nice past time.  It never truly meant something to them until they meet someone worth meaning something to their lives.

                Sehun never bothered asking Luhan about it, though. He knows for a fact that Luhan wants to have a successful future, and sleeping around with girls is a big no-no is college.  In a more realistic world, there is just no time for sleeping around.  Luhan has to work for his college tuition and the same goes for Sehun, although he manages to land a night or two at least every other month.  

                But do any of those nights make up for Sehun’s one-sided love? Hell no.             

                Has Sehun ever wondered if Luhan has the same feelings for him? Hell yes.

                Throughout their three, now four, years of college, Luhan has suddenly stopped hanging around girls.  He can’t handle them.  Sehun remembers Luhan confessing that the college girls here are too clingy and are too easy for his taste, so he’d rather stay in their room and study when he doesn’t have work.  Maybe some days he’ll go out and play soccer, possibly practice because he’s on the college team.  Adding to his isolation from the female kind, Luhan has gotten significantly shy around Sehun.

                Sehun figured that Luhan is already beginning to notice that Sehun has deep feelings for him, but Sehun hasn’t done anything of the sort to make it blatantly obvious.  It’s natural to throw small birthday parties and buy presents with what money they had on their birthdays, and of course give each other Christmas presents.  That possibly can’t give Luhan any ideas right?

                Well, Luhan does the same for Sehun so it’s mutual.  Except Luhan does it in a more cute manner, and it secretly makes Sehun really, really happy.

                Fuck, Luhan breathing makes Sehun happy.

                Even so, Sehun still doesn’t feel complete until he can consume Luhan entirely.  He can’t feel that happiness until he does so and in return Luhan will do the same.  Sehun would go against the world for Luhan to realize his feelings and hopefully feel the same, but the chances…are low.

                Sehun loves Luhan so much that it scares him.

                He prays to God every night that Luhan, who sleeps less than an arm-length away, loves him too.  He prays for a miracle.  He prays for his happiness. He prays that Luhan will feel the same feelings Sehun has for him. 

                But what can prayers do?  He’s prayed for six years, and not one has been granted.

                Unless they can.

                Can they?

                ___________________________________

                I know Luhan's real name is Lu Han, but I added Xi for the purpose of having Luhan just being his first name. 

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