Throughout my life I've changed.started out as good,bad,and now OK.i hate myself yet it took me the time to realize when I'm OK(now)as a human being(being happy and feeling better than when I was depressed and "bad").I've wished I realize when I was good(pure innocents)that those are not my friends,the only thing I wished I knew.

Throughout the school year I'm leaving to high school the same way I entered middle school;no friends.now that I'm OK I'm alone(which I've gotten use too).ive only had three friends,by heart,and I've never used the word friends.at first I thought they taught me value,comfort ,and loyalty.little did I know the loyalty taught me that once youre doing good they will abonded you,and the comfort is to think they'll be with you no matter what,a blind side I've shouldve seen.as for the value it taught me to value true friends and know what they are,now ik to value two more people in my life.And maybe I changed for the bad but I want people to realize I hate myself.No matter what I hate myself ,maybe more than you,which leads me to being insecure.

I don't need people to bring me down as I do that to me enough anyways.I don't care how sensitive I am because the weak ones have no "empatheticness",I should know.Besides people react different to surtain situation,but what will always matter is how you survive it.

For the past months I've been "bad" .It hurt everyday that I cried every hour,and that I was so unsatisfy with my life I acted different.A lesson learned was that don't consider friends when your in the wrong set of mind.For all you know when you change for the good of your health they'll neglect you and compare how great you were.

Instead of putting your feelings and metal state first they rather have your lost dignity,and the "cool" version of you.Now I've feared no one will know the true me or ever want me,am I not worthy enough no matter what?

I've changed three times and the last time I've changed(now)I feel good happy and glad that I'm willing to wait for them,as I'm satisfied with my friends(even if its just the two).

I wrote this as a way for people to see that I'm not here for attention but to learn from my mistakes.Without no wisdom of sorrow no one would learn from right or wrong.I want everyone to know on wattpad I'm not abdoning anyone,I'll always wait and be left.But now its time for me to go(maybe I'll come back when I've finished my life goals;to change to someone I actually like).As much as it hurts to be left,nothing feels more as a betrayal of me leaving without a proper exclamation,truly I wanted to give everyone something special as a gratitude as me being able to count on here to be happy.Now I must grow and leave for another haven.

All I asked is to wish me good luck and that one day I'll be all there and hopefully I'll understand everyone.

Goodbye ,I'll always remember the memories Throughout middle school.The only thing great about middle school was giving the opportunity to be on this app and I've use this app to keep my memories to see how I did ,and may I say I failed.

I love all tc <3

                         Love ,Carissa (no matter what every one is special)