Braylee

         The four of us spent the night at Warren's townhouse. None of us cared about our classes the following day, all of us only wanted one thing and that was to stay with each other on one of the darkest moments of our lives. 

        "Please stop this," Warren said as he stopped stirring his coffee. "Stop mourning, i'm not dead yet," he adds. It's already morning but the four of us looked as if we are already mourning.

        The four of us looked at each other, exchanged glances without uttering anything. All of our eyes were swollen from crying and none of us were exchanging jokes and banters compared to what we were used to. And then it hit me... Warren's having such a hard time and here we are, making things harder for him by looking so sad and depressed.

        "I suddenly remembered one of the craziest moments of my life," I broke the silence, making them all look at me in confusion.

      "What?" a smile formed in Warren's face as he anticipated for my answer.

       I leaned forward to the table and chuckled. "When I was in highschool, I was inside the restroom when this guy suddenly entered. I called him a pervert, but it turns out, I was the one in the wrong restroom." 

       Warren laughed but Riley, Lucho, and piper didn't. I sighed as I was looking at Warren. "Tough crowd," biro ko nalang. Ano bang katangahan ang dapat kong gawin para magtawanan ang mga 'to?

****

         Gabi na nang makabalik kami sa Filimon heights. Hindi na sumama si Warren, nanatili siya sa townhouse nila kasi sumama raw ang pakiramdam niya.

          Gabi na pero wala paring pumapasok na ideya sa isipan ko kung paano pasayahin ang mga kaibigan ko. 

        "P, your phone is ringing again," sabi ko kay Piper nang mapansing nagri-ring ito pero hindi niya ito sinagot. Sa halip ay nanatili siyang nakahiga sa tabi ko. Ganito lang kami mula nang makabalik sa dorm, nakahiga sa iisang kama at hindi nagkikibuan habang magkahawak-kamay. We're both taking Warren's condition it pretty hard, actually all of us are.

        Makalipas ang ilang sandali, bumangon si Piper kaya napabangon din ako. "Let's go the boy's dorm. Let's help pack Warren's things," aniya kaya agad akong tumango.

         ****

         The four of us were silent as we sat on the floor of Warren and Lucho's room. Warren's suitcases are lying on the floor but none of us had the courage to put his things inside. None of us are ready to see him leave. Lahat kami, walang kabuhay-buhay.

        "May magagawa pa tayo para sa kanya diba?" Riley asked, emotionless as he stared blankly ahead. His eyes are just as red and swollen as ours.

         I looked at Piper's direction and I couldn't help but grow curious when I found her looking at me like she wants to say something. "P?" I asked.

         "B, are you in love?" Piper asked and in that moment, all of their eyes were on me.

         "I.. I don't know," I said, shaking my head.

         "Warren's in love with you, B." Piper said while Lucho and Riley nodded in agreement.

         "I-- I know." I nodded. "Warren told me earlier."

         "Can you love Warren instead?" Lucho said, shocking me. My eyes widened and I could only look at Lucho in disbelief. Did I really hear him right? Did Lucho just really said that?

        "W-what?" My mouth was left open.

        "Baby Bray, Lucho's right. Hindi ba pwedeng maging kayo ni Warren? Sigurado kasing sasaya siya oras na maging kayo. Malay mo, gumanda ang kundisyon niya," Riley pleaded as he looked at me with his swollen eyes. All I could see in his eyes are sadness and desperation.

        Piper held my hand, making me look at her. Her eyes were begging as they were tearing up again. "Braylee, we've known Warren for years. We witnessed how kind and loving he is. We saw how much he loved you all these years. Can you give him a chance?" Piper took a deep breath and wiped her tears. "Warren isn't hard to love. And besides, mas kilala mo siya compared dun sa taong nagugustuhan mo. Warren won't hurt you. At least with him, we'll know that he won't break heart because we all know that he really loves you." Piper said gently as if she was being careful with her words. 

         I was at loss of words. I looked at each of them and all of them looked at me like they were begging for me to love Warren. The look in their eyes are suffocating. It wasn't long until I felt my tears on my cheeks. 

         "B-but I... I don't love him," I cried, disappointed at myself for not being able to give them what they want. Disappointed at myself for not loving my best friend back. And disappointed because i'm letting them down. But what can I do? The truth remains that I only see Warren as a brother and my heart flutters for his brother.

         "Can't you just pretend?" Riley blurts out. He doesn't look mad, instead he looks worried, desperate.

          I was taken aback with what he said. I looked at Piper and Lucho and they seemed to agree with Riley's suggestion.

          "B-but... B-but.. I don't want to lie to him. I'm not going to lie to him," I shook my head as my tears continued to stream down from my eyes. My heart feels like it's being ripped into bits. 

           "Braylee naman! This isn't the time for your virtues!" giit ni Riley.

           "B, please think about this," giit naman ni Lucho.

           Dumako ang tingin ko kay Piper at nakatitig lamang siya sa sahig, hindi makatingin ng diretso sa akin. 

          "Piper?" I uttered her name, hoping that she will defend me, the way she always does.

          "Th-there's no harm in giving him a chance, B." Piper said, tears brimming as she looked up to me.

          My heart was beating so loud and I felt so heavy. All my life I've always wanted to do the right thing but right now, I don't know what's right anymore.

          "I..." Shaking my head, I wiped my tears with my palms. "I have to go," I said, standing up and running out of the room as fast as I can.

           Next thing I know I was already running in the busy streets of Filimon Heights, along with the passing vehicles in the middle of the night. I saw a bus stop not far from where I was and I all I could think of getting away from Filimon Heights as fast as I can.

****

         The bus kept running and all I can do is stare out of the closed window by my side. I want to go to where my family is. I want to hug my Mom. I want to hug my Dad. I want to hug my brother. Back then, whenever i'm in distress, all I have to do is hug them to feel better but now how can I if we're not even in the same country?

         I just want to go home. I want to go back to my family. I want to go back to when my life was still not complicated. I just want it back.

         I heard the bus stop and continue, moments later someone was already sitting beside me.

        "Ano na naman bang ginagawa mo rito? Akala ko tinigilan mo na 'tong bigla-biglang pagsakay ng bus," sabi ng kundoktorang kilala na ako dahil sa lagi kong pagsakay sa bus sa tuwing napakabigat ng kalooban ko.

       Imbes na kumibo, pinunasan ko na lamang ang luha ko at nagpamalas ng isang ngiti. 

       "Nag-away ba kayo ng boyfriend mo?" tanong ng kundoktora pero hindi ko magawang itama ang sinasabi niya dahil sa sobrang bigat ng kalooban ko. "O naglayas ka na naman?" tanong niya ulit pero hinilig ko na lamang ang ulo ko sa direksyon ng bintana.

        "Para!" narinig kong sumigaw ang kundoktora at nagulat ako nang hinigit niya ang kamay ko.

      "M-may pera po ako," katwiran ko sabay hawak sa bulsa ng pantalon ko pero tuloy-tuloy padin niya akong giniya palabas ng bus. Namalayan ko na lamang na nasa huling baitang na ako ng hagdan palabas.

        Sa pagbaba ko ng bus, agad kong natagpuan ang sarili ko sa ilalim ng isang waiting shed. Wala na akong lakas para ipagpilitan ang sarili ko pabalik sa loob ng bus kaya mas pinili ko na lamang na maupo sa bakanteng hilera ng mga upuan ng waiting shed at panoorin ang pag-alis ng bus.

       Walang katao-tao, napakalamig, at hindi ko alam kung nasaan ako. Nakakalungkot pero hindi nakakapanibago. 

        I looked up at the sky and not a single star could be seen. All I can see is darkness. All I can feel is emptiness. 

        All of a sudden a motorcycle stopped right in-front of me. The driver got out of his motorcycle and ran up to me as he took off his helmet. All I could do was stare at his worried face as he knelt right in front of me. 

        "Alam mo bang kung saan-saan na kita hinanap?!" He sounded pissed, really really pissed. 

         "Who did that to you?" I asked instead. My voice is cold and nasally from crying all day and night.

         "'Wag mong iibahin ang usapan! Pucha naman, Braylee! Naiintindihan ko kung ba't kagabi mo pa hindi sinasagot ang mga message at tawag ko, pero ang balewalain ang tawag ng mga kaibigan mo?! Braylee akala naming lahat kung napano ka na! Alam mo ba kung anong oras na?! Alam mo ba kung gaano ka-delikado ang mundong 'to sa taong gaya mo?!" Denver was screaming out in anger and frustration but for some reason his anger doesn't scare or make me sad.

         "Warren just told me he's in love with me and my friends want me to be with him." There's no point hiding this from him. He should know. He has to.

         The tense in Denver's face eased. His eyes looked so shocked as it avoided mine.

         "W-what do you want to do now?" He asked, his voice as cold as ever.

          I want to be with you. "I want for this pain to be gone," I said instead, as I pointed my heart.

         Denver nodded, his eyes are still full of shock and confusion as it looked straight ahead, avoiding me. "D-do you want to see Moo? H-he makes you feel better right?"

        All I could do was nod.

        Denver nodded again as he put his helmet on my head.

****

        Denver and I were silent the entire ride. I could tell he was deep in thoughts just as I was. We've never been this silent to each other before. I've never been this scared and confused before. 

        As we reached his house, Denver and I were still silent. Denver didn't say anything, he just gently took  off the helmet I was wearing and guided me inside the gate of his house. 

         We went inside the door but before I could even call out Moo, my eyes darted on the people in the living room. My heart dropped when I realized that Piper, Riley, and Lucho are in Denver's living room. Piper and Riley looked so mad and devastated seeing me with Denver while Lucho is just standing there, looking down on the floor.

         "Y-you told them?" I whispered underneath my breath as I looked at Lucho's direction.

        I looked at Piper and Riley, the way they looked at me was heartbreaking. I could feel their anger and disappointment just by looking at them.

          "G-guys," I was out of words as tears fell from my eyes again. It was as if every ounce of strength I had was gone in an instant. It felt as if everything I have was snatched in just a blink of an eye.

        "H-how can you do this to Warren, Braylee..." Piper's voice was filled with anger, anger that she's trying to bottle up. "Of all people, why does it have to be Denver Hawthorn?!" Piper added, her voice raised.

END OF CHAPTER 48!

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