vote/comment and fan please!!

critisicm is welcomecas long as I don't cry -laughs jokingly- also pass along the story :)

well hope you like it enjoy!!

Some drug use just to warn you.

Enjoy

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With my head resting against my palm I watched as Ms.Quin's lips moved and her hands jestered to the board. I didn't hear or understand a single thing she said, it was like that in all of my classes. During chemistry I spilled a blue liquid all over my lab partner earning myself detention. The girl totally overreactted so what it was cold and itchy suck it up.

I turned to see my classmates making faces which was probably caused by whatever Ms. Quin assigned. I need to get a grip. I have been feeling like crap all day. My mom was no longer haunting my thoughts but I have this dark cloud I can't shake off. I feel so hallow and cold. I don't understand why I feel this way. It is hard to keep my "I'm normal" act up. Rachel and Nick -who by the way are a couple- noticed my gloomy mood. I tried hiding it but I had no strength to fake it today.

The bell rang, I collected my books and shoved them in my bag. I am usually more careful but I don't care. I was the first one out of class exiting into sworms of people catching on the last hour they have bern apart. They need hobbies or better yet lives! I pushed through the crowds getting a few dark glares.

I could care less if I pissed these idiots off. I entered the noisey cafeteria heading to get some lunch then over to my friends. With their fingers intwined and Nick's head buried in Rachel's hair they didn't realize I was there. Nick said something that caused Rachel to go scarlet. He chuckled his deep laugh and kissed her cheek.

"Well isn't this surprising." I said sarcastically

They both looked at me with wide grins. Rachel nodded frantically at their hands. I knew they'd get together in time. I took a bite of half of a french fry pointing the remaining part at Nick.

"If you hurt her I'll have your manhood on a platter and give it to you as a gift." I threatened

"Hey you've known me longer." he said taken back

I ate the fry before speaking " Rachel isn't that kind of girl." I stated

I knew he couldn't hurt Rachel, he loves her and vice versa. I was justing pulling his leg, I gave him a smile showing I was only kidding. Or was I? Rachel gushed about how amazing the date was and how wonderful "Nikki" was. How he acted like a gentleman and even asked her permission before kissing her. I stared wide eyed at him. Obviously I embarrassed him and decided to let that go.

"Anything for you Rach." Nick said pecking her cheek

"You were absolutely stunning in that gown. The men in the restaurant were drooling like dogs."

"That was all Lily. She let me borrow it." Rachel gave me a grateful smile

Nick took a handful of my fries. "Thank you Lily." he said with an innocent smile

I ignored his theiving hands and took a bite of my turkey sandwich. The couple somehow forgot about me and began getting touchy feely. The occasional hand on the thigh, a peck here, a smooch there. I didn't say anything not really caring. They are together and eventually end up doing this.

"Get a room." Hilary a blonde bimbo said from behind us

Rachel turned red staring at her hands. Oh no no Rachel has waited too long for this to happen. I turned to Hilary who has tried and failed to get with Nick. He only has eyes for Rachel.

"Oh I'm postive you've gone farther in front of a crowd." I stated dryly

The people around Hilary ohed including Jake and his friends with Cindy clinging to his arm. They are cute together.

"At least I get some unlike you. Who seriously doesn't want to kiss Danny?" she said shocked

Word traveled fast seeing how it happened yesterday. No biggie I don't care if anyone knew. I saw Danny look at me with a smug smile expecting me to feel humilated like I normally did. Not this time Danny boy.

"Anyone who doesn't want the contagious diseases he got from you." I replied

Danny's smile dropped as people laughed at the meat head and skank. Hilary sucked her teeth mumbling whatever. I smiled victorious. Rachel stared shocked with a grinning Nick beside her.

"Well aren't you a firecracker." Nick exclaimed

I shrugged taking a bite of my sandwich. When I heard my name being spoken.

"Lily acts as if she is above us all. Like some saint." I heard Hilary say

"She is a tease too. All she wants is to get a guys attention then toss him aside like a toy. I mean she is not as innocent as she seems." Hilary continued

"I think she is a slut to be honest and not a very good looking one."

I saw Rachel staring daggers at Hilary who by her tone was smirking. I don't know what posessed me to stand and walk over to her. With everyone watching me with a puzzled look.

"The only slut here is you. You have every kind of disease out there as well as a few undiscovered ones. So keep your legs and mouth closed before I close them for you."

She stared dumb found which didn't surprise me. Everyone was quiet until a deep loud laugh broke the silence. Jake's laugh was followed by a few others.

"You got owned!" someone shouted

I didn't want to humilate Hilary but she was asking for it. I am not leading anyone on. Guys ask me out I decline or go just once because somehow Annabelle hears someone asked me out. Melissa is her source, I think it's to get her mom distracted from her slutty ways. I didn't want male attention,I don't like men. I am not on the other team. I am kind of screwed up from an early age. Before any memories claimed my thoughts I tossed my food out and left the cafeteria.

My classmates entered the class that I have been sitting in since the scene at the lunchroom. There is a substitute sitting at Mr.Dublin's desk going through our history textbook. The woman waved her hand telling us to do whatever as long as we were quiet. Every arranged their desks into a circle trapping some people in the middle. Including me. I groaned knowing they are going to play some stupid game.

"Let's play my first." Rachel squealed before anyone could suggest anything else.

I love Rachel but damn her and that stupid game. She just wants to know your embarrassing firsts. I hate this game but Rachel would make me play. If I didn't love her like a little sister I'd really hate her now.

"When was your first date?" I brunette asked

Going around the circle everyone told their story. Mine was to a ice cream shop when I was thirteen were the boy ate peanuts and had a allergic reaction. I only mentioned the ice cream shop though. Some people had an embarrassing goodbye kiss, some were ditched. I laughed at some girl who said the guy tried getting her to pay for there dinner and she snuck out sticking him with the bill. Haha cheap guys are funny.

"What about you Andy?"

I hadn't even realized he was in this class. Sure enough Ethan sat to my left, sitting on the top of the desk. I hadn't realized he was that close to me. He is right on top of me practically. In a black tee and faded gray jeans. I stared awe struck at his face. His tousled chocolatey brown hair brought out his emerald eyes. He smiled at a something private.

"I was thirteen and we went to see a movie. She kept groping me.She seemed shocked when I told her to get her hand out of my pants." he said bemused

It took all my strength to hold in my laugh as an image formed in my head. It escaped anyway. Rachel gave me a look that said stop laughing you idiot. Ethan gave me a smile that stopped my laughter. I mumbled an apology.

"It's fine. Her face was halirious." he added

"I bet you that's the only time you've ever declined." I said regretting that I spoke

"You'd be suprised at how many girls I decline." he said smuggily

I could hear the cockiness in his voice. I hate the cocky tone and his pride in saying no to those girls. He waited for my response his eyes hinted with mischef. Ahh I missed the evil look he would get before we fight. For a spilt second it felt like we were kids again.

"It doesn't count if your dreaming." I replied

He gave me a toothy grin revealing his slightly crooked yet white teeth. "Your part of the dream." he added

"I wouldn't even touch you in your wildest dreams."

He bent his head to my ear. I felt his warm breath against my ear. "After a bit of coaxing I think you'll be more than willing." he said seductively

I suppressed a shudder but I couldn't stop the blush that warmed my cheeks. He chuckled in my ear and I shivered this time causing him to chuckle again. He picked his head up with a grin. The game continued while we spoke. I answered with my firsts which weren't much. I replied no to just about everything. Questions began getting sexual and I answered no with red cheeks. Guys winked when I refused to answer my first time doing it. I spent all period blushing.

"First kiss, I know you have atleast done that." some blonde girl said obviously upset with the attention I am getting.

My heart sped up. Oh no, no, no!!! This is worst than the virginty questions. People answered the question gushing about how wonderful or disgusting it was. They were also naming the people!!!!! I looked around for an exit. I am trapped inside the circle. I saw it was almost my turn. Crap! I was panicing.

My first kiss is weird but a good memory one I don't want to share with anyone. Not even Rachel knew, no one but my first kiss knew.

"Lily." someone said

No!! I gulped feeling it tighten. I looked around at the staring eyes that were on me. Ethan looked at me with a smirk. I turned to Rachel who was just into this as everyone else.

"I don't want to answer that, its personal." I said

"No way you can't skip two questions." someone said

I am not allowed to skip one but they made an exception for the virgin. Crap! I really don't like my best friend right now. I licked my dry lips at lost with words.

"Umm... well my first was good."

"Who is it?!" Rachel asked all gidy

No I loath my best friend! I licked my lips again searching the crowd. "His name is umm.. its.." I studdered

"Just say his name Lily."

I turned to Ethan giving him a dark glare causing his grin to widen. I mentally cussed him. I opened my mouth to say his name. It's no big deal, it meant nothing. As his name was about to leave my mouth no sound came out. It's my first kiss no one should know but me.

"Just say his name unless he is a she?" a guy with blonde hair said raising his eyebrow

Thinking it was better than exposing my speacil kiss.

"Come on who is it?" someone asked

They aren't sure the gender of my first kiss. I can easily come up with a name. I tried thinking of a name. Nothing!! I wanted to slap myself.

"I'm Lily's first kiss and she is mine."

I turned to Ethan shocked, angery, relieved. All my emotions mixed leaving me confused. He did not just tell them about our kiss. Rachel turned to me wide eyed mouthing what the heck. I felt my cheeks burning.

"Whaoo hold it you and Andrew are each others firsts? When, where,?" Racheal asked her voice high pitched with excitement.

"At a party when I was thriteen." I mumbled

I didn't mention it was Jake's slumber party.I also didn't mention that it was also my first make out as well. That would be too much. I brought my eyes up to Ethan's. That douche told everyone without hesitating.

"Was she good?" the same blonde guy from before asked

I bit my lip at the memory of Ethan's lips on mine. How his hot breath against my skin intensified the moment. I felt tingles at the memory. I bit my lip harder. This is insane it happened four years ago. Soon enough a metallic taste filled my mouth. I sucked my lip tasting more blood. Eagerly awaiting Ethan's answer. Was I good?

"I'm not one to kiss and tell." he said winking at me

I turned beet red mentally groaning disappointed that he didn't answer. Wait what if he didn't answer because I was horrible! The sound of Ethan's moans filled my ears as I remembered his hands pulling me closer to him. A chill went down my spine as my body tingled at the memory. God I'm such a loser it was years ago. He was a hormone crazed teenager. But he was acting like that sweet boy that has been Jake's friend since grade school. He was Ethan back then a nice boy who would play pranks on the boys and always defended the girls.

I remember once a girl with red curly hair named Amber use to be teasesed by a mean boy in third grade. The boy made Amber cry once during recess he called her a weirdo for having red hair which personally I admired. Amber cried as the boy tugged on her hair. Ethan pushed the boy to the ground threatening to yank all his hair off his"monkey butt head" if he didn't leave Amber alone. Ethan was always known as the tough kid who took no bull from anyone even at an early age. He actually met Jake because they fought at the playground when they were seven. Violence brought those coconut heads together. From than on all the girls saw Ethan as the bad boy / night and shining armor.

He is still that little boy I idoled but instead of pranks he fights guys. Everyday he is in trouble for fighting with someone but due to his father's generous donations he gets suspended or some sort of community service. I think his father only makes those donations to keep his son in school. Ethan still comes to girl's rescue but he will most likely suck her face at some point. He isn't a man whore -I think- he makes out alot that I've seen and girls claim to have gone all the way with him.

I felt a pang of jealousy. Maybe he is a whore. I felt disappointed at the thought of this dirty teen pushing that sweet innocent boy away. Wait why should I care? After mentally shaking some sense into myself I brought myself to the present. Ethan's little outburst seemed to have died out for now but I had a feeling it would resurface later on.

***********************

Dragging my body to my locker I leaned against it feeling drained. I managed to catch what I missed in class from other students. I didn't do much except during study hall where I caught up with a days worth of work. I told coach I wasn't feeling well and was excused. Coach knew I wouldn't ask to sit out for no reason. I closed my eyes as people passed me occasionally bumping into my limp body.

I heard people cussing at me to sleep at home. I just stuck my middle finger up too exhausted to speak. Soon the noise died out and I was alone in the hallway. I slid down to the ground with my knees against my chest. I needed to get home and walking is out of the question. Maybe Nick can drop me off before football practice. If I'm quick enough I can catch him now.

I stood up ignoring my body's request to remain on the ground and grabbed my coat. I headed to the feild a few feet away from the school parking. Cold air whipped against my cheeks sending a chilly shiver down my spine. The snow from last night was almost all gone due to the bright sun. Between the sun's rays and the bone chilling wind it is a pretty nice day. Making my way across the bare ground that was usually covered thick with grass and beautiful flowers volunteers planted at the start of spring. Last year I helped plant some lilies -the principle thought it would be funny to have a Lily plant some lilies- and liliacs. I did my mandatory community service as well as did something I loved. I always loved gardening, in the backyard Annabelle allows me to have a section for my plants. I can't wait until spring!

The football field came to view as the players sat on the fake grass stretching in sweats. I ran over to Nick as soon as I spotted him on his butt reaching for his toes. He had his back to me which I took to my advantage. Placing my bag down I pounced on to his back pushing him down to the ground. He grunted against the ground cussing under his breath. I laughed in his ear at his reaction.

"Lily you hooligan what are you doing. Get off of me." he said surprised to see me

I sat up in to a sitting position with a smile as Nick sat up with an annoyed look on his face. "I thought I could catch you before practice for a ride home." I saw I was too late, oh well.

"Sorry Lilz but if you stick around til practice is over I'll be more than happy to give you a lift. Who knows I just might take you out for a bite."

I saw his eyes brighten as I jumped up and down before knocking him over again. Lately Nick has been busy between football and his studies that we barely spend time together. If he isn't busy I am. Not today. Today my best friend and I are hanging out.

"Easy girl. Down before I change my mind."

With that I stood up quickly pulling him with me. Nick chuckled as I stared at him with a wide grin. I am feeling better already.

"Sit up on the bleechers." he said with a grin of his own

"Maybe I can be your personal cheerleader." I said kicking my leg up imating the cheerleaders practicing on the sidelines. Nick chuckled mimicking my movement nailing it unlike me.

I pouted my bottom lip "Hey your putting me out of a job."

Nick grabbed by bottom lip with his fingers.

"Ewww!" I screeched wiping my lip on my coat.

He howled at my response. "I am just making sure it doesn't fall off."

Nick knew how much I hated it when he held my lip. He claims to be holding it in place well that's what he said when we were little. I punched him in the gut that day.

"Well don't." I protested angerily

"The lucky man who gets you will be more appreicative than you."he joked

I punched his arm earning a low groan as I walked to the bleachers. "Bye Lily."

he shouted after me

I waved not turning around indacating I wasn't mad. I sat in the first row close to the feild that I could see perfectly without being tackled. Chants were being yelled to my left as girls in sweats kicked their legs shaking blue and white pom poms in the air. They aren't that bad I thought as I watched their routine. Two guys tossed a girl in the air catching her after she did a split in mid air. I watched amazed at her talent.

I took turns watching the football players and cheerleaders. I cheered for Nick when his team got a touchdown. He would flash me a smile as I got the hang of my kicks. For the full effect I shook imaginary pom poms whooing like I saw the cheerleaders. The players laughed hitting Nick on the back asking if they could borrow me. Nick would smack them telling them to keep theirs eyes off of me. After that I decided to stop shaking around continuing to yell out encouragement.

"Go Nick go!!" I yelled as Nick tackled the guy with the ball heading to the end zone. When the guy was down I jumped out of my seat screaming caught up in the game.

"Lily?"

I turned to the sound of my name, no one was there. When I heard my name again I walked to where I heard a few voices.

"That shit got to your head Melissa your half sister isn't here."

Under the bleachers Melissa and a couple guys and girls were sitting on old milk crates a thick fog between them. Melissa was sitting on a blonde guy's lap that I reconized as the guy from my history class. Her tight mini - mini skirt was hitched up revealing her red thong and her coat open missing a button. Melissa was facing the guy her long legs wrapped around his hips.Her eyes red and confused.

"Why'd you stop?" the blonde asked upset

With that Melissa stuck her tongue down his throat literally. The blonde moaned his hands roaming her body stopping at Melissa's bare bottom. She yelped grinning kissing down his face to his neck sucking his skin. The blonde pulled away not letting her continue instead he was sucking her neck causing her to moan.

My eyes widened at the sight of Melissa's neck being devoured. That is disgusting. I felt what little of my lunch churning in my stomach threatening to make its way back up.

"That's for amatuers I'll show you what the big boys do." a deep voice said in my ear

I groaned internally. I cannot get a break can I? "No Danny that's nasty." I said backing away from him.

He gave me his flirtly grin expecting me to melt. I scrunched my nose in disgust showing him other wise.

"Hey Melissa you were right." a brunette from my right said taking a long puff of what was being passed around.

Melissa's head snapped up obviously confused until her eyes landed on me. Her eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with an attuide

I'm not the one getting high and sucking faces with -what I'm guessing is- a stranger. I wasn't going to say that. "Waiting for Nick to give me a ride home."

Danny wrapped his arm around my shoulder trying to pull me closer to his chest. I squirmed away standing by the brunette from before. "Why the fuck are you always with that douche, he's a tool." Danny said anger in his voice

Judging by his eyes he had a puff before I interupted. High or not he just called my best friend a douche and a tool.

"You wish you are half the man Nick is. If anyone is a tool its you."

"Defending your boyfriend?" Danny replied in a mocking tone

He damn well knew Nick is with Rachel. I felt my blood boil at the smug look on his face. My hand itched to slap it off. As I was going to reply with a witty comeback when the blonde Melissa was sitting on spoke.

"No you idiot Andy is her boyfriend they were all flirty in class today."

At his words I wanted to pull Melissa off of him and punch him in the face. Stupid boy can't he just continue stucking Melissa. Danny's jaw clenched at Ethan's name. I fought the smile that slowly spread across my face at Danny's last encounter with Ethan. Ha now I wish I let Ethan beat the crap out of him.

"No one is with me." I said stermly giving the blonde guy a dark glare.

If he saw us talking -not flirting- I wonder who else saw. I really hope I don't hear any rumors tommorow. The rumors are childish and people belive them.

The blonde shook his head. "I know what flirting is and you two were flirting."

I loath this guy, if looks could kill he would be out cold. "No way goodie two shoes Lily with badass Andy." the brunette said before taking a long puff again.

She blew the smoke in my face. I coughed heavily at the horrid smell. Why did they like it? When I caught my breath I waved the smoke away before I suffocate.

Melissa pulled her skirt down and stood up angerily. "Andy would never be with you he wants a girl with experience. One who can please him not a freaking nun." she spit.

I am not a nun! I felt angery as she spoke as if I wasn't even standing right in front of her. As angery as I felt I knew Ethan would prefer a girl who knew what she is doing which I have to admit disappointed me a bit. Again with feeling down because of Ethan. Get if together Lily.

"I'm sure he would like experience not stds." I replied

Melissa rolled her eyes ignoring my comment as she took a big puff of what little was left of the joint. She passed it to the blonde who declined. Melissa shrugged handing it to Danny who gladly took it.

"Andy is a bigger douche than Nick." Danny said in between puffs

"Your just mad he almost beat the crap out of you for kissing his girl." the blonde replied with an mischiefest grin

"I could take him on he is nothing compared to me." Danny said flexing his arms.

I rolled my eyes unable to hold a laugh in. "As if anyone stood a chance against Ethan." I blurted with realizing it

The brunette girl gave me a aww look as the blonde pointed at me his grin widening. "See she is defending her man."

Melissa snorted "Please Ashton, Andy wants nothing to do with her when he has exclusive access to this." she motioned to her body

Skank! "Its not exclusive if everyone has seened what little you have." I mumbled

Ashton laughed nudging me playfully "Your not what I expected you to be."

I gave him a smile, Ashton isn't that bad.

"Stop with the games Lily its not funny any more." Danny said draping his arm on my shoulder

I pushed against him but that made him tighten his grip. Soon I was pressed to his chest.

"Dude let her go." Ashton screamed as I desprately thrashed against him.

"Shut the fuck up!" Danny shouted

I flinched at his tone feeling panic rise in my chest. There was no sound or movement after Danny shouted. Ashton was probably scared of Danny I mean he is huge. His arms thick as tree trunks and legs well defined and long. His fists large and wide. His chest which I could feel against me hard and toned. Crap I am scaring myself.

With no Ethan here either, I thought. Danny roughly tugged my head up his bronze thick fingers under my chin. His hard brown eyes surounded with dark red viens. His lips in a tight line. I surpressed a shudder, Danny would just love to see my fear. Not in this lifetime.

I forced my face to harden with my own anger. "Get your disgusting hands off of me or else." I said through clenched teeth

Danny bent his head back and howled in laughter "Or what Andy isn't here to save you."

"I don't need Ethan to kick your ass."

Using my elbow I jabbed him in the ribs as hard as I could. His grip loosened on me. Freeing my arms I pushed him roughly putting a foot between us.

"Don't touch me." I said through clenched teeth

Danny had a amused look on his face

"Whatever there are girls who are willing to back up the flirting." he said causally

Danny has a screw loose. Time after time I have told him I don't like him. I kicked him in the groin for kissing me! If that does say I am not interested noting will.

"Well you have fun than."

With that I left the potheads under the bleachers. What a douche, I thought heading to where I sat before. The players were taking their belongs off the sidelines. They're done, I was disappointed. Just when I was getting into the game too.

"Over here Lil." A waving Nick said from the parking lot.

I ran over to him forgetting the little run in with Melissa. He opened the passenger door, I hopped in putting my seatbelt on. Nick came in doing the same.

"Where were you before? On minute your shouting like a maniac than your gone."

I shrugged answering "around". Nick eyed me suspicously.

"So where you taking me?" I asked switching topics

Nick started the car pulling out of the parking lot."Riley's diner."

"Not La Bella."

I loved Riley's but wanted to pull his leg. Nick chuckled "You want to go there instead?"

"No way I want real food not crumbs."

Nick laughed pushing me lightly as I grinned. This was more like it.