"I mean I could wear my sexy black dress but that's a bit sluty for a first date.Nikki didn't tell me where we're going! What if I wear the wrong thing and he changes his mind about going out? What if I bore him!"

Rachel was pacing in my room biting her nails going over the if's of tonight. I layed on my side on my bed smiling at her. She has been pacing for a while balbbing the whole time about the possiblities of what could go wrong. It was halrious how many crazy idwas have popped into that golen blond head of hers.

"What if Nikki regrets asking me out? If he rather have one of those girls who are constantly throwing themselves at him than plain ol' me." she said her voice barely a whisper

Rachel stopped pacing dragging her crystal blues eyes up to me, she sat at the edge of my bed never breaking contact.

"Oh Lily I don't think I can go through with this if he does that."

Immediately I sat up, I don't like this in secure Rachel. Usually she is bursting with confidence that even I envy. Rachel has never let those desprate skanks stand between her an Nick. Nick hasn't even looked at any of those sluts. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder pulling her into a sideways hug.She leaned against me with a sigh.

"Rach you are a beautiful, smart, funny,caring person and Nick lo-likes you for all your flaws as well as your perfection." I said gesturing to her perfect body.

Rachel was a tiny thing, she is 5 feet exactly with a tiny waist you could wrap your hands around. She has a tiny bump she calls a butt, a perfectly sized chest. Due to her height her legs are stubby but toned and she has a natural tan glow. She gave me a weak smile. I would kill to look like my best friend and here she is thinking the guy that loves her beyond her looks would leave her for some sleezy sluts!

"Your beyond goregous Rach. Besides Nick only has eyes for you and everyone knows it."

I saw a blush creeping up her face. Poor things have liked each other forever and I am not going to let anyone get in the way.

I walked over to my closet full of clothing I despise. Annabelle is condtantly buying me clothes that are too tight or too slutty. Like mother, like daughter. I dug through the horendous clothing before spotting the perfect dress. I pulled it out to show Rachel.

"Oh Lily I can't take this." she gasped

I held a black strapless gown that could outline any person's chest and hips perfectly before opening slightly lower than the hips in to a cloud of black ruffles. A slightly low cut chest that dipped low enough to keep men wandering. To top it off crystals covered from the chest down to where the gown opens. This was a beautiful dress and perfect for this occasion. I placed it in Rachels arms with a smile.

"You go out there tonight and blow what is left of his mind." I said with a smile

Rachel giggled before squeezing the life out of me. For a little girl she sure had some strength.

"Thank you so much Lily." she said her accent heavy

I pulled away barely able to breath. I really do wish them the best. I love them both, they're my best friends and the only people I truely trust.

"Stop this mushy stuff and go get ready."

Rachel gave me a warm smile before standing up. We both headed down the narrow staircase by the kitchen. Annabelle didn't like Rachel for some insane reason. She says Rachel is cheap country slut which she is anything but. Personally I think my dearst stepmother is jealous of Rachel.

We were by the door when Rachel turned to me face full of concern.

"What will you do tonight?" she asked

Sadly I only hung out with Rachel and Nick but since they are going out I am alone. I have other friends but they are more of "hey how are you,bye" friends. What can I say I have high standards for everything.

"I'll be fine.I could actually use a break from the two of you." I joked

She beamed happy with my answer. Rachel is a good friend and would cancel her date for me.

"Bye Lily,I'll tell you every detail tommorow."

Yeah for me,note the sarcasam. I waved not trusting myself to say something stupid.

After Rachel left I went to the kitchen to find it empty as usual. It was half past five and no one was home. But I knew for certain in less than an hour everyone would come at the same time looking for dinner. Annabelle should have been home by now. My stepmother works at a law firm about an hours drive from here but as a secratary which I love to point out just to piss her off.

My dad owns a mechanics shop that his father use to own called Johnny's Boys after my grandfather's kids. None of my uncles wanted the shop so my dad took it which is the reason it is successful now. Jake works there now afterschool, Jake is suppose to take over in a few years when dad thinks he is ready.

The day Jake takes the shop over is the day the shop goes out of business. My stepbrother is the most laziest person you'd ever come across.

God only knows where Melissa is. She works at a boutique at the mall but I dout she actually gets any work done.

I opened a few cabinets trying to get an idea of what I should make for dinner. Annabelle hates when I cook but I am not going to starve. After a little digging I decided to make beef lasagna with a side salad so Annabelle can actually eat.

I swear I'm suprised she actually knows what real food tastes like. Annabelle is a averaged size women with dark brown hair and beady brown eyes similair to mud. For a women in her thirties she is a nice size with absolutely no butt or chest. She is like a freakin wall. Annabelle is about the same size as Melissa but I am a couple sizes smaller than both of them. Because I am smaller Annabelle is constantly buying clothes she likes but would never fit her and giving them to me. What a wonderful person she is.

Forgetting about the witch of the west I took out the things I'd need to make the lasagna since it would take longer to cook.

In no time the lasagna was in the oven and the salad done. For desert We had some stupid fruit cups that Annabelle prepares before she leaves so the" flavors can properly mix".What a load of crap she just doesn't want me to make a desert she can't resist and gain three pounds from.

I sat at the kitchen table starting my homework while I waited for the lasagna to finish. I started with my chemistry because if I didn't do it now I'll never do it. It was quiet as I finished that last of my homework and set the dinner table. It was almost six thirty where were they?

I took the lasagna out to cool and waited. When the food was ice cold and my stomached growled angerily I decided to call dad.

His phone went straight to voicemail as well as everyone else's phone. That's odd?

Finally an hour later I decided to eat and save the rest for whenever they came home. I cleaned my plate as panic rose. What if something bad happened? No they would have called me, I dismissed that thought immediately. Maybe they're just ruining late, all of them?

I shook my head and watched t.v. not really sure what I was actually watching.

I don't know when but I fell asleep on the couch to be woken by laughter. I stood up to see the front door open. My family walked in as if nothing were wrong which was a relief.

"Oh come on mom you were so mean to that waitress and you know it." Melissa said pointing a finger at Annabelle

She shook her perfect little head "I was not." Annabelle said her high pitched voice invading my ears

Waitress? I looked down to the doggie bag Annabelle held. They went out without telling me! I felt hurt that I was left out and pissed as hell that they could walk in all family like.

I jumped to my feet ending their laughter. I was pissed and they could see it.

"Lily what's wrong sweetie?" dad asked

I gave him a WTF look. Was he seriously asking me that.

"You went out without telling me and come in like the brady bunch. Yet you ask what's wrong." I said in disbelief

Annabelle walked to my dad wrapping her arms around his shoulder. Oh shit she is going to put that goodie act on.

"Lily I called you but you didn't answer so I left you a message saying where we were." her voice calm and cool

Which I was anything but! She is lying I had my phone on me all day and she definetily did not call me.

"That's a load of bull and you know it." I blurted

Dad looked at me shocked I didn't act like this around him.

"Lily your mother called you and you didn't answer so we went out without you. There is no reason for you to speak to her that way." he said angerily

"Oh shit." Jake mumbled under his breath

My eyes widened at the word. I felt my chest tighten with pain that only mom could bring. I felt my breath quicken as memories I tried to bury from long ago. My mother's dazzling smile flashed through my head. The warm summer day that haunts me every night. My dad demanding my mom to stop. Screams piercing the quiet summer morning. The metallic smell of blood. My unheard pleas to my mom. The screams. The tears. The blood. The pain.

I felt a lump in my throat as I tried to gain control of my thoughts. I closed my eyes to rid my mind free of that day. I felt two arms around my shoulders.

"Lily!" dad shouted from beside me

He had that same terrified tone from all those years ago. I heard people mumbling from around me.

"Oh shit she's dead!" I heard Jake shout from beside me.

"No she is breathing you idiot, she just fainted. Look her eyes are opening." Melissa said her voice low

Fainted? My family came to view in front of me as I layed on my bed. I looked around at their concerned faces. Dad sighed in releif, he rubbed his face.

"You scared me sweetie." he said with a faint smile

Jake stood up straight.

"I'll say I just lost a year of my life." he joked

Melissa hit him lightly on the shoulder. From the corner of my eye I saw Annabelle let out a breath of relief. She cared?

I sat up confused just as my mind caught up with my body. Mom! I felt my chest tighten again as I gripped my sheets tightly.

"Shit Lily calm down." Jake said

He had a hand on my shoulder shaking me gently. I was forced to stare him straight in the eyes. His dark brown eyes holding me down.

"Relax. It's over your safe." he whispered pulling me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms around his neck hiding my face in his chest. Jake holding me reminded me of when we were younger and I would cry about my mom. Jake would barge in my room at any hour of the night and hold me til I fell asleep. Sometimes he spent the night but no one knew. Jake is a nice guy he just doesn't want anyone to know.

Melissa cleared her throat causing Jake to tense before pulling away. Although I wanted to pull him closer I pulled away as well.

I gave Jake a smile that he returned barely before looking down embarrassed.

Dad looked between Jake and I curiously. I wanted to yell at dad, when they looked at us like that Jake would ignore me. He use to be there for me, he promised to protect me but what other people thought and said came between us. During middle school I had a moment similiar to this and Jake held me in the middle of our math class. By the end of the day there were rumors that Jake and I were together. After that Jake hasn't comforted me until moments ago.

"I'm fine guys just light headed." I lied

Melissa took that as an excuse to leave without a word. Jake whispered good night and followed. I looked over to my dad and Annabelle expecting them to yell at me for myoutburst earlier.

"I'm sorry for before maybe I did have my phone off. I shouldn't have overreactted."

I know for sure my phone was on but I don't want to fight. I just want to be alone. Annabelle rubbed my arm a warm smile on her face. I wanted to tear my arm away, I didn't though. Instead I returned the smile.

"It's alright sweetie no harm done. What exactly happened back there?" he asked

If I tell him than I have to explain those dark, lonely nights. The nightmares, Jake everything. I bit my lip.

"I'm really tired dad, can we talk about it another time."

He nodded although I could tell he wanted to press on about it. Dad stood up and kissed my forehead.

"Good night sweetie."

"Sweet dreams Lily."

I gave them a smile before pulling the covers up over my head. I took a ragid breath trying to hold my tears back. After a while I let the pain consume me. It is easier to be pulled in then fight. To fall into the warm familiar arms of the dark. For my senses to be numbed to the extant that I feel nothing. Out of all of this pain that was the best part. The sensation to feel nothing.