What do you say to someone who’s supposed to be dead? 

What do you say to the person who put you through 6 years of the worst kind of misery, yet whose name is still the very beat of your own heart? 

He said my name. I remember it. He said my name and I said nothing. 

I said nothing because as he stepped towards me everything went black and my body fell, limp, to floor. 

What happened while I was blacked out, I don’t know, I just know that I awoke on my couch and looked up at that beautiful face again. 

Mitch.

It wasn't a dream.

MY Mitch was there sitting on the edge of my couch next to me. His hand was on my cheek, his thumb caressing my face gently. I felt it, it was really him. I knew it was as soon as I looked into those eyes. 

“I told you I’d come back for you.” He said softly, almost as if he was afraid he would scare me if he spoke any louder. 

“But..how?” I was still in shock. Nothing had quite sunk in yet. This couldn’t really be real. Could it? I sat up and felt the tears start to form behind my eyes. I had prayed night after night just to look into those eyes one more time, for just one more moment with the man I loved. After 6 years of pain, heartache and torment...  there he was. 

“I don’t think you’re ready for the entire truth all in one day. Just know that I’m here and I never wanted to leave you for a second, but I didn't have a choice.” He was speaking to me like he always did when I was upset, soft and reassuring. His eyes showed nothing but honesty and the faint glimmer of tears. 

“Why couldn’t you tell me? You have no idea  what I...   when I heard you were..” my voice caught in my throat, as I remembered every moment of that endlessly painful day and that devastating phone call. Every terrible thought, every horrible emotion i'd felt since then seemed to make itself known yet again. I felt it all. 

I took his face in my hands. I needed to touch him  I needed to be sure this wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me again. It had to really be Mitch. 

My hands were trembling as I let my fingers run over his face, down his neck. His skin felt baby soft as it always had. I ran my fingers through that beautiful hair, slid them over the stubble he'd let grow along his jawline. He looked older, a bit more angled, yet still incomparably beautiful. I still felt humbled next to him. 

The more it sank in, the more the tears fell. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, not even for a moment. I even tried to postpone blinking in fear he would disappear. 

But he didn’t. He simply sat there, letting me look, letting me touch. As my eyes met his once again, the tears slowly began to fall from those dark eyes and I could take it no more. I pressed my lips to his with such a desperation I’ve never felt before. I needed to feel him  I needed that one kiss. I’d been praying and wishing for that kiss for 6 long years and now that I could actually have it I practically attacked him. 

I felt like I needed it to even breathe again. 

I held on to the back of his neck as I kissed him. I had to have as much of him as I could. I felt his arms move around my trembling body and we shifted a bit to get more comfortable and to move closer. 

I don’t know how long we stayed like that clinging to each other, mouths moving as if it would be the last time they’d meet. 

I was the one to lose it. I was always the weak one. I didn’t mind, as long as I had Mitch there to be strong for me. Now he was. 

I caved inwardly and I just buried my face in the crook of his neck and clung to him as I cried, my sobs shaking both my body and his. I felt a warmth that I hadn’t felt in so long as he held me in his arms. He was whispering, telling me that everything was going to be okay now, that he would never leave me again, not for anything. 

My fingers drug his shirt into my fists, holding onto him for dear life. 

I couldn’t lose him. Not ever again. The first time had come so close to killing me. I couldn’t take it if I lost him again.

“I love you, Scott. I told you, we would never be over. I will always be yours. Forever. That’s a promise.” 

I suddenly felt like I should be angry. I felt like I should push him and hit him and take out every bit of anger on him and his gorgeous face. He had been the source of my pain, he had been the thing that had been dragging my heart down for six long years full of tears and anguish. 

But I couldn’t. Not when I had just gotten him back. I would do nothing to make him consider leaving me again. I was the weak one. I needed him. 

I turned my eyes up to meet his and I answered his declaration. 

“I love you, I always have  I never stopped.” 

His face brightened and I could spot the relief easily. He looked younger again, like I’d just relieved him of a ton weight that had been sitting on his mind. He held me close again, his arms tightening around me.

Eventually we moved to lay down on the couch, our arms never moving from around each other, our bodies pressed as close as we could get them. Not a lot was said, but we weren’t really ready to get into specifics yet. I wanted to know everything, a million and one questions sat on my tongue, but I wasn’t ready to fight with him. 

I knew there would be one. I’m sure he did too. 

But we weren’t ready for anything more than existing with each other. 

Then I remembered something. “Where’s Zoe?” 

His lips turned up in a smile. “She went back to her apartment. She thought we’d want to be alone for awhile. She told me to call when I’m ready for her to come get me.” 

I shook my head and tightened my hold on him. “You’re not going anywhere!” 

He grinned and pressed his lips to mine and again I felt Heaven. 

We were pulled out of our moment as my door clicked open. I didn’t even have to look up to know it was Kirstie. She was the only other person that I trusted to have a key.

“Scooter!!! I bought you somethi-“ She stopped as she realized I wasn’t alone. 

I sat up. She turned bright red. “Oh, shit. I’ll just ... I’m...I didn’t ” 

She had a brown bag of groceries in her arms and looked like she wasn't quite sure what to do with it.. Sometimes when I slipped into my depressed state I’d be too preoccupied to remember to buy food, or even eat. She took care of me a lot when that happened.   

“Kit, it’s ok. Just let me-” I didn’t want to separate myself from Mitch at that moment, but he moved to sit up too. I stood and walked over and took the bag from her arms and put it on the counter. 

“I want you to meet someone.” 

Mitch looked wary. I could tell he didn’t know what to make of Kirstie, especially with her just waltzing into my apartment and all. But he stood politely. 

Kirstie is smarter than she lets on sometimes and I could see the slight confusion in her eyes as she tilted her head slightly to look Mitch over. She’d seen plenty of pictures of him. I had thousands. 

“But-” 

“I know he’s supposed to be dead  I don’t really understand it either, but he’s not and he’s here. This is Mitch. It's really him.” 

He shifted his weight a bit from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable with her scrutiny. 

“Mitch, this is Kirstie, my best friend.” 

“It’s nice to meet you” he answered with a short nod. He was quite a bit nervous. I could see it. 

“But that doesn’t make any sense ” 

“I know, but for me just please don’t ask anymore questions right now.”

I could see she was boiling inside. She wanted answers. She’d been by my side for years watching me deal with the turmoil that man had put me through. She’d visited his grave with me. She’d seen me cry, she’d seen me throw tantrums, she’d even seen me when I was on my bathroom floor, frantically searching for a razor or something sharp because I just needed to be with him. She’d seen it all. 

How could he put me through all of that and then just show up like it was all ok? 

I could see it all there in her eyes. She was practically drilling holes right into his skull with her gaze. 

“Thanks for the groceries. I’ll give you money for them tomorrow, but I just kind of wanted to spend some time with Mitch for a bit...alone.” 

I didn’t want to be rude, but I could tell she was about to blow, and Kirstie's temper was nothing to be trifled with.

“Scott!” She looked at me in disbelief. I didn’t want to see that look right then. She was ruining my one moment of happiness. 

“Kit, please just go. I’ll call you.” 

She stood for another moment, a million words just begging to be released, but finally she turned and walked out, closing the door with a tad more force than necessary.

Mitch didn’t meet my eyes when I looked at him again. 

I needed him to. That day I needed him to look me in the eyes, I needed to see him. 

I walked over and lifted his chin. I felt like he was shorter now, or maybe I’d gotten taller. Maybe things were exactly the same and I just hadn't stood next to him in so long that I'd forgotten. 

It all felt so familiar, and comforting yet different and new. Still, I got lost in his eyes the moment they met mine again. 

“I’m so, so sorry Scott ” I knew he was.  I could see it all over his face, feel it in his motions. I knew him so well and yet I felt so far away from him right then. 

I kissed him again. We just needed each other like we needed oxygen  

I held him against me, for once dominating his mouth. His head tilted back to allow me complete access, which I took advantage of. 

I needed to feel every part of him again. I needed to be a part of him again. 

At some point in my complete desperation I lifted him and his legs wrapped around my waist.

No words were spoken and somehow, I’m not sure how, we made it into my bedroom without running into anything. 

Just looking into his eyes after I laid him out on my bed, I knew everything was going to be ok. No matter what tomorrow brought, no matter what the truth held, and no matter how horrible the past had been  we were going to be ok. 

I know that seems like a strange notion. How do you just let someone who disappeared for 6 years just walk right back into your life? How do you forgive and how in the world can you still love? 

I don't know. It's always been special with Mitch, he's always had a different kind of hold on me. I don't know how to explain my actions, only my feelings.

I needed him. I always have. 

I always will