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𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐓𝐖𝐎 

𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍

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𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 and it'd been a week. There'd been such a focus on getting Hershel up and moving that I'd almost forgotten the pregnant elephant in the room. I was busy running back to the infirmary for crutches, moving bodies out into the courtyard to burn, avoiding Glenn and Maggie's many trips to the guard tower for alone time, and trying to explore more of the prison.

Now, I was stuck moving cars into the field with Daryl, Carol, Rick, and T-Dog as Maggie and Glenn, once again, got their time in the tower. If I wasn't so annoyed they weren't helping, I would've been envious. Instead, I was sweating in the field waiting for them to come down after Daryl had embarrassed them. Okay, maybe he hadn't been the only one to embarrass them because I'd called them 'lovebirds' before they'd even decided to pop their heads out for us. Glenn had been sheepish and buckling his pants, and thoroughly flushed from Maggie, who hid behind him and the door to probably glare at us.

I wish I could've smacked him, both of them.

Instead, I was waiting for the prisoners to arrive. Rick wouldn't have been happy, but between me running around for the group, I was also busy visiting Oscar and Axel in their cell block. Maybe I was addicted to people who were bad, but these men weren't as bad as Rick had painted them out to be. Yes, they were convicted criminals, but the justice system didn't always do what it was told. I knew that because they'd let John go free. He'd had his prison time but it wasn't enough, it would never be enough.

"Hey, Rick," said T-Dog, his eyes on the horizon of the prison. We were in a gully compared to where the prison sat above us. Even though the sun glared down into our eyes, we could all still make out the prisoners' heads coming up to the fence in the courtyard.

Rick's smile from teasing Glenn faded when he saw the inmates. "Come with me," he ordered, marching up the path and to the yard. We followed, leaving Carol to finish the cars the best she could alone.

When we reached the gates leading into the yard, Rick barked, "That's close enough." Axel and Oscar stopped walking. They wore their filthy jumpsuits and I told them I would've washed them if they'd just handed them over but they insisted they wear them until they were finished with the bodies. "We had an agreement."

"Please, mister," said Axel. "We know that. We made a deal but you gotta understand..." Maggie and Glenn came out of the tower door behind them. "...we can't live in that place another minute. You follow me? All the bodies...people we knew. Blood, brains, everywhere. Sam came to help but there's nothin' we can do. There's ghosts."

We'd had a few conversations about the ghosts of Cell Block D. Axel, holding himself on the stairs, Oscar with his arms crossed and leaning against the wall, as they explained how haunted the cells were. It felt like we weren't alone there, like there were eyes watching us from behind corners or through walls.

I'd felt a presence while inside their cell block. I understood what it felt like to be haunted by a past we didn't like. Or a past we were trying to hide.

"Why don't you move the bodies out?" asked Daryl.

T-Dog nodded. "You should be burning them."

"We tried," said Axel. "We did."

"The fence is down on the far side of the prison," explained Oscar. "Every time we drag a body out, those things just line up. Dropping the body and just running back inside. Sam, you saw it, you even tried to help but you know what it was like."

"Oh, Sam knows, huh?" said Rick, his head slowly turning to look at me. I noticed Carol heading up the path behind us, done with the cars for now.

I gave him a little smile, one that read shit, I've been caught, and said, "I told you I was explorin' the prison, I just didn't tell you where I had been lookin' yet."

"Look," said Axel, "we had nothin' to do with Tomas and Andrew. Nothin'! You tryin' to prove a point? You proved it, bro." I had advised him not to call Rick 'bro' but it looks like he'd overlooked that advice. "We'll do whatever it takes to be part of your group. Just please, please...don't make us live in that place."

Rick was already shaking his head. "Our deal is not negotiable. You either live in your cell block or you leave."

Axel sighed and Oscar muttered, "I told you this was a waste of time. They ain't no different than the pricks who shot up our boys. You know how many friends' corpses we had to drag out this week? Just threw 'em out like..." He shook his head. "These were good guys. Good guys who had our backs against the really bad dudes in the joint, like Tomas and Andrew." He glanced around and I nodded, urging him to continue. His eyes found Rick's and he spoke again. "We've all made mistakes to get in here, chief. And I'm not gonna pretend to be a saint, but believe me...we've paid our due enough that we'd rather hit that road then to go back into that shithole."

Rick looked at Daryl and the other man shook his head. I visited the prisoners a few times and suddenly I wasn't the right hand man anymore? I guess you had to be a man for that, as Rick so clearly proved by instructing Daryl to take the prisoners outside the gate where we'd just driven our cars in through.

"You gotta talk some sense into them," said Oscar as I leaned against the other side of the gate. We were separated by metal, both men looking desperate. "We don't actually wanna be out here. We got nothin' to protect ourselves with."

"Please," urged Axel. "We want to help y'all, we want to do some good."

Behind me, I could hear the group bickering behind the bus on its side. They were using the bus as a shield, as if the prisoners couldn't hear them. I looked back at them and offered a sympathetic smile and headed to the others.

"Are you serious?" Rick said, leaning against the bus and getting into T-Dog's face. "You really want them sleepin' in a cell next to you? They'll just be waitin' for a chance to grab our weapons. You–you want to go back to sleepin' with one eye open?"

"I never stopped," said T-Dog, shaking his head. "Bring them into the fold. If we send them off packing, we might as well execute them ourselves."

Glenn looked away, sighing. "I don't know. Axel seems a little unstable."

"After all we've been through?" said Carol. "We fought so hard for all this, what if they decide to take it?"

"It's just been us for so long," added Maggie. "They're strangers. I don't–" She lowered her voice more. "–it feels weird all of a sudden to have these other people around."

T-Dog stared at her. "You brought us in."

"Yeah, but you turned up with a shot boy in your arms. Didn't give us a choice."

Glenn took a step forward, eyes wide. "They can't even kill walkers."

Carol nodded. "They're convicts, bottom line."

"Those two might actually have less blood on their hands than we do," said T-Dog. "Sam, you spent time with them."

I nodded, rubbing my arm. "I've gone to see them a few times, yeah."

"Which you shouldn't have done," said Rick, brows pulled together like he was trying hard not to snap at me. "Those men are dangerous and you went off to, what? Have a playdate? Chit chat while you do their work for them?"

"I seriously don't get the problem you have with them," I said back, a little louder than intended. I brought my voice down as I continued with, "They're two guys wantin' to do some good. They ain't the guys you think they are."

"I get guys like this," said Daryl, his voice making our heads turn. He had a way of speaking that made everyone turn to listen and look. "Hell, I grew up with them. They're degenerates, but they ain't psychos. I could have been in there with them just as easy as I'm out here with you guys."

T-Dog seemed to be hopeful. "So, are you with me?"

Daryl scoffed. "Hell, no. Let 'em take their chances out on the road just like we did."

"What I'm saying, Daryl–

Rick interrupted him, shaking his head. "When I was a rookie, I arrested this kid. Nineteen years old, wanted for stabbing his girlfriend. The kid blubbered like a baby during the interrogation, during the trial, and suckered the jury." I knew what he was trying to get at here with this story and it made my fingers curl dangerously into my palms. "He was acquitted due to insufficient evidence and then, two weeks later, shot another girl. We've been through too much. Our deal with them stands."

I understood him and his reasoning. It was my reasoning with John. If he'd just stayed in, he wouldn't have caused so much harm coming out. I couldn't explain why I was so attached to these two men but I had this gut feeling that they weren't bad. Yes, they'd done bad things, but I had a good feeling.

Was I a hypocrite now? After everything with Randall, a kid, and now I was ready to throw my life on the line for two men?

But you don't understand what they know. You need them for answers, you need them to feel a sense of peace.

"You don't understand," I urged, trying to unfurl my fists. My nails were digging into my skin. "They're good guys. I've spoken with them, gotten to know them, and I have no problem sleepin' in a cell beside them because they wanna live just as badly as we do."

"Then be my fuckin' guest, Sam," snapped Rick and my hands dropped to my side. "Go wander the world with them if you're so certain they're the types of guys you wanna be around."

My mouth had fallen open as he spoke and I shut it slowly, pressing my lips together. Rick's jealousy over my time spent with other men besides him was evident in the way he was glaring at me. He'd been jealous over Daryl and he was jealous about Axel and Oscar. Unless I was reading the situation wrong, but I didn't think I was.

"You wanted Randall dead and he was a kid," continued Rick with still the same fire in his tone as before. "A kid, Sam. It doesn't matter if those men were saints because look at where they are right now."

I breathed in deeply and hissed in a low voice, "I don't think I appreciate how you're speakin' to me right now."

"Oh, come on."

"Yeah, I really don't think I like it." I put a hand on my hip, fingers digging into my holster. "Come speak to me when you have a better tone, thanks." I turned to leave and Rick's hand reached out for me and I swatted it away with a scowl. I whirled on him, pointing a finger. "I get it, okay? I get that they're prisoners here, I get that they did bad things, but they aren't the bad things you're thinkin' of. They are not Randall. What Randall did, what he told me and Daryl 'bout his men doing, is nothin' compared to Axel and Oscar. They are good men lookin' to repay the world for what they'd done."

I took a step closer, snarling, "You might not get it, bein' a cop an' all, but I grew up with a man like Thomas, like all the degenerates y'all are speakin' 'bout. Axel and Oscar are not them. I know you won't get it and that's fine, but why can't you fuckin' trust me?"

That's what it always came down to, I think. For me, personally, it had to boil down to trust. Why wasn't I the one asked to watch Shane on the farm? Why wasn't I the one Rick went to when we needed help? Why didn't he, or anyone, look to me first when there was an issue? I knew I was the first to speak up, the first to take action, but no one looked at me and said, I need you to tell me what to do here.

Had they? Had they and I'd overlooked it through my insecurities?

"Because if they decide to take us for everythin' we got," snarled Rick, harsher with his tone, "and if they decide to kill us, then it'd be on you, Sam. You really want our blood on your hands?"

"You'll do whatever you want regardless of what I say anyway," I said. "If you'd just trust me–"

"I can't trust you with this because you've been goin' behind our backs with them, with everyone! We're your group but you've picked them!"

"What do you mean with everyone? Huh?"

"The farm, Sam," said Rick. "You went behind my back then and you're goin' behind it now. I can't fuckin' trust you with this."

I stumbled back a step, shocked that he'd use that against me. It'd been months since I'd gone back to the farm, not just to gather supplies we'd left but to look for traces of Andrea. Yes, going behind his back had been wrong and even coercing Daryl into going too wasn't my brightest choice, but it'd been all for the right decisions.

I'd gotten crucial medical supplies for both Lori and, inevitably Hershel, when I'd gone back. It was all things I hadn't grabbed when I left the first time. I didn't think Rick was still mad, considering all that I'd done for the group. But for him to not trust me? Daryl and I had been gone barely a week, four days at the most, and he was acting like I'd gone off to war and left him home alone with the children for months.

"I did what I thought was best," I snarled under my breath, "and I'm doin' it now, too."

"This isn't a matter I think you should be considered on," said Rick, hands folded in front of him. He stood like a man in charge, someone who's opinion wouldn't budge and his word was considered law.

I pressed my lips together firmly and took a step away from him, from the group. "If that's how you see it, then fine."

Rick narrowed his eyes. "Fine?"

"That's what I said, didn't I?" I pulled my badge from my holster and tossed it to him. "Clearly I don't need this anymore. Do what you want with it. Hell, give it to someone you really trust." My eyes narrowed and I spoke as I turned my back. "Maybe Daryl will look nice with some pretty new hardwear."

I didn't wait for his response or to see if he'd picked the badge off the ground. It had hit him in the chest, his hands and arms completely unmoving as he'd watched me.

Had I made questionable decisions before? Yes. Would I make them again for the sake of the group and our survival? Yes. Was Rick being a dick? Yes. Was he unreasonable for being upset? No.

I'd disobeyed him. He told me he wanted us to stay together and I gave him an invisible 'fuck you' and ran off with his true second in command. But it hadn't ended up jeopardizing anything. If anything, it brought me and Daryl closer together and maybe that was why...maybe...

Still, it didn't mean he had to hold a grudge, right?

"You know this ain't the right call," muttered Daryl.

"You said it yourself, we'd go when it was right and, well, now is right. It's the only time we'll get to go."

I headed inside the prison, trying to figure out a way to keep Axel and Oscar here just a little longer. Glenn was trailing behind me, no doubt ready to scold me for wanting to keep two people alive but even then, I knew who Glenn was. I knew he'd never want people here that could hurt Maggie or the family he'd found within the Greenes.

"Rick's being hard on you," said Glenn as he marched alongside me to the cell block. "The group backed your decision to go back to the farm."

He was right. No one had been mad, not like Rick had.

"You had to make sure Andrea was safe," he continued. "Better to go back and find a body or–"

"–not find anythin' at all."

"Right," he said, nodding in agreement. "Rick will get over it."

I frowned. "He's pretty good at holdin' grudges."

"Yeah, well, so are you."

"I could say that same 'bout you too," I said, not forgetting how distant he'd become over the winter. So many had been upset because of how quickly I backed Rick. How could I stand with him when he couldn't even stand to look at me now?

Inside the cell block, I was happily surprised to find Hershel up and standing. Tucked under his arms were the crutches we'd found for him and he seemed steady. He smiled when I approached.

"Just in time," he said. "Here to watch my first steps."

"They feel good?" I asked, gesturing to the crutches. "Comfortable?"

He nodded, taking a few more steps as Lori, Beth, and Nancy flocked either side of him just in case. Carl came to stand beside me, watching Hershel as he moved. It was a jerky step since he wasn't used to hopping on one foot to carry himself forward.

"Hurts under the arms a bit," he said, stopping to breathe.

"That's expected," I said with a nod. "We'll grab some towels to wrap around them once you get the full hang of usin' them." I mentally made a note to look for stuffed animals to put under his arms after bolding the letters in my invisible list for a prosthetic leg. "How's the pain level today? No phantom pains or itches?"

He shook his head, crutching down the cell block and back at a slow pace. Glenn scurried out behind me, carrying some supplies for the prisoners. I ignored how it hurt me as he left.

"Just the occasional itch where the wound is," he said, gesturing down. "The bandages feel good, got some new ointment lathered on now. Skin is takin' its time regrowin', of course."

"I expect it to be fully healed in a month, maybe more," I explained, dropping down to one knee to roll up his pant leg so it didn't drag. "I'm still sorry it was so brutal. If we'd had time..."

"You did what you must," he said back. "I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Would've been nice not to have happened at all but..."

"At least he's up and walkin'," said Beth, touching her father's shoulder gently.

"And breathing," muttered Lori with a little smile, her hand finding her belly. We were past her due date, so far past I'm sure the baby would pop in the next day or two if things went well. I wanted to check her out with Carol but the older woman was still moving cars with T-Dog and Daryl.

"How 'bout we go outside?" offered Nancy. "Finally get some sun? Heard Maggie mention it's a beautiful day."

"We can finally try those stairs," said Beth, her hand on her father's back.

Hershel smiled, hands pressing down firmly against the crutches. "Let's go for a little stroll."

I opened the door for him when we made it through the common room to the little tunnel that would lead us outside. The sun was near blinding as it shined brightly through the little metal bars. Outside, Carol was backing up our red SUV near the gate within the prison yard so we could have a quick getaway vehicle if necessary. It was only a few feet away from the doors, parked between the basketball hoops.

Hershel struggled down the first step, trying to gain his footing as both Lori and I walked backwards to break his fall if necessary. When he got down them all, still with a little smile on his face, he gestured with a crutch to the yard.

"You cleared all those bodies out?" There was hope in his eyes. "It's starting to look like a place we could really live in."

Lori watched him with a critical eye. "Hey, you watch your step. Last thing we need is you falling."

We made our way to the fence to look out over the field where Daryl, Glenn, and Rick were bringing in firewood from outside the prison fence line. From down there, we heard Glenn's echoing yell of a congratulatory, "Let's go Hershel!"

The old man continued to move around, grateful for the sun on his face.

"You're doin' great, daddy," said Beth.

Carl grinned. "You ready to race, Hershel?"

"Give me another day," Hershel smiled, "then I'll take you on."

Maggie stopped moving cars with Carol and T to watch her father. The sun was bright, her eyes shielded by her hand and to me, it felt like a beautiful day. We were all looking at each other, pride in the group's eyes and I wanted to feel the same because we'd finally gotten Hershel standing again but I'd felt sour all day. I didn't even want to look at Rick.

I turned my back on him and the rest, scowling. I went to cross my arms like a damn pouting child when instinct kicked in. My heart plummeted into my stomach and I thrusted my left arm out to keep Lori behind me as I snapped out a command.

Rick be damned. I was still a leader around here.

"Guns, now!"

Walkers were spilling out from the courtyard I'd hooked shut our first day here. I tried to count how many I could see but they kept stumbling out from where they'd once been trapped. I hadn't heard a fence fall or the sound of bodies pushing into each other. It had been sabotaged and the only people who the group would have considered doing it were stuck outside the fence line with the rest of the cars.

I pulled my ax free from my belt as Carl cried, "Walkers, look out!"

"Lori, get to the doors," I said, pointing. "Beth, take Hershel with you!"

The pregnant woman had her gun out, refusing my command. She was shooting at the closest ones, taking them down one by one. It was slow, but she was stopping the worst from getting close enough as Carl began the same.

"The gate's open!" I said, pointing to where the walkers were coming in from. "We gotta close it!"

"On it!" I heard T-Dog, but I was too distracted grabbing Lori by the arm as Maggie rushed to help us get her inside.

We couldn't follow Hershel who was already headed into a little fenced alcove with Beth, keeping walkers out through the fenced walls. Maggie ushered Lori, Carl, and Nancy towards our cell block and I followed behind.

Kicking back a walker that tried to follow us, it crashed to the ground. From where I stood, I could see people racing up the gravel path towards us but we couldn't wait any longer. We weren't sure what the state of the interior would be and if it would be any safer but we couldn't sit and stand outside too much longer. The walkers were coming at us in a herd of at least a dozen, more filing out from the other yard.

I slammed the door shut behind us, making sure no other walkers tried to follow as we entered into the prison. "We gotta close all these doors in here, keep them out–"

"Not this way!" cried Maggie, turning Carl around abruptly as a herd came charging at us through our own cell block.

They were moving fast, like they couldn't believe they'd found a snack after so long. We went down the hall towards the cafeteria, but I didn't have my map and I hadn't had time to memorize the pathways yet. I let Maggie lead us, letting her take charge because we needed to keep Lori and Carl safe above everything else.

We didn't make it far inside before alarms began to blare. Nancy let out a shriek before clamping her hands down over her mouth. Even Carl jerked with surprise, bumping his shoulder into the wall and forcing Lori to steady him with a guiding hand.

We turned another corner and Lori braced herself against the wall, her breathing sharp. She hunched over, clutching her stomach with one hand while her other hit the wall in a fist. Oh god, please not now!

"Can you keep up?" asked Maggie, desperate to get us away from the walkers on our trail.

Lori shook her head. "Something's not right."

"Are you bit?!" Carl gasped.

She shook her head again. "No, no, no. I think the baby's–coming."

"...mom?!"

The alarms were so loud we hadn't heard the walkers until they rounded the corner the way we were going. I pushed past Maggie and Carl to protect them from the front. I swung my ax at the closest walker, cutting through its neck, its body toppling to the side and in the path of the others.

"No, there's no time," cried Maggie. "We have to go back!"

I motioned for them to move. "We gotta go down the fork we passed, there's a door we can enter through!" I was trying to remember the map, the one I kept in my backpack but everything was happening too soon. We weren't prepared. "There–there should be a boiler room!"

I wasn't sure how we made it there with two herds closing in on us from either side but we had the door shut and locked and the room cleared in the matter of minutes. We hid ourselves deep within the room as the walkers passed by the door, their bodies running into the walls outside and stomping down the floors.

Lori gripped the pipes along the walls, grunting through the pain. "What are those alarms?"

"Don't worry about it," said Maggie, trying to calm her down.

"Are–are they from an old security system?" said Nancy, chewing on her bottom lip. The gun strapped to her hip remained untouched.

"What if it attracts them?" said Carl, feeding off the frantic energy.

Lori paced the room, her breathing like a labored dog. I followed her a few paces behind, not wanting to intrude but knowing what was going to have to happen soon. I knew what it meant when she closed her eyes and braced herself for the pain. I knew that the weight was shifting within her, begging to finally be free.

"Lori, let's lay you down," offered Maggie.

She shook her head. "No–the baby's coming now."

"We have to get back to our cell block and have Hershel help," urged Carl, glancing back towards the door.

Maggie was already shaking her head. "We can't risk getting caught out there. You're gonna need to give birth to this baby here."

"Great," said Lori before she began panting. Her breath came fast through her mouth. That pain would feel worse than getting eaten alive, like something was trying to tear itself free. No amount of breathing would bring her any relief.

"What's wrong?!" cried Carl. "Can she breathe?!"

I pulled Carl aside as Maggie instructed Lori to pull her pants down. "Hey, hey, Carl," I whispered. "Everythin' is okay, but you gotta calm down. We've got her safe with us here, okay? This is just...part of the process."

"I'm gonna have to do an exam to see if you're dilated." Maggie had Lori's pants off, her hand pressed between her legs. "Sam...I–I need your help here." She looked at Carl and said, "You're gonna need to help deliver your brother or sister. You up for it?" I pushed Carl gently towards Nancy as he nodded so I could drop to my knees between Lori's legs.

I took up the spot where Maggie's fingers had been, feeling the wetness. Maggie muttered to me, "I couldn't tell." I pressed softly, because my fingers weren't sanitized and I was afraid that if I entered her anymore, I would pass on some disgusting infection from working out in the yard all day.

"I gotta push," moaned Lori and I shook my head.

"If you push now, you'll tear yourself apart," I hissed, clamping a hand down on her knee. Her legs were wobbling. "You and I both know these things take time. If you try to rush it, god, Lori, you'll hurt yourself."

Her water hadn't even fully broken yet, her pants had been dry.

"If you push too early, before you're properly dilated," I muttered, still feeling and finally gathering a bit of information with the pads of my fingers, "then your cervix can swell and the whole process will slow down. It'll be more painful to wait and wait." I pulled my fingers away. "You're not fully dilated but you're getting there."

"I have to try," said Lori, bracing herself for another round of contractions.

"Honey, I think you should wait just a little longer," said Nancy, coming to stand huddled with Maggie. "We can go get Rick, bring him back–"

The alarms finally stopped blaring overhead.

"I have to push!"

I shook my head. "You'll exhaust yourself!" And you know that no amount of pushing will save you here.

Lori struggled to her feet and Maggie obediently helped her. Lori braced herself against the wall, her feet kicked apart in a shoulder width stance and screamed as she tried to push. She tried a second time, sweat shining off her face as I helped her hand with an arm around her waist.

I wasn't sure how long she tried but she fell weakly back against both me and Maggie, forcing us to lay her against the ground. Blood trickled down her legs and I cursed myself for allowing her to continue straining herself for so long. Her face was deathly pale and her skin felt clammy and hot against my hands.

"Mom," whimpered Carl, "look at me, look at me. Keep your eyes open."

"We have to get you back to dad," said Maggie, taking Lori by the hands.

I shook my head as Lori did, the other woman speaking faintly, "I'm not gonna make it."

"Lori," said Maggie, emotion seeping into her voice, "with all this blood, I don't even think you're fully dilated yet. No amount of pushin' is gonna help."

I touched Maggie's shoulder, pulling her a step back from Lori as we crouched down on our knees. "Maggie, I need you to go back with my mom and get Rick. Bring him to us."

"Wha–what?"

"If you go now, the two of you, you might be able to make it back in time," I whispered, feeling something thick form in my throat.

Lori's eyes met mine as my bottom lip trembled. "I know what all the blood means," she said to us, "and I'm not losing my baby. You've gotta cut me open."

"Maggie, go now."

Maggie gripped my arm, shaking her head. "I can't leave you here alone–"

"I'm here," said Carl, taking his mom's hand in his. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Please," I begged, not for my own peace of mind but for Lori's sake. I knew we wouldn't make it but I couldn't have Maggie shoulder this burden, of witnessing what I was going to have to do. "If there's a chance we can get Rick here in time..."

Maggie nodded, wiping a bloodied hand over her face to smooth back her sweaty hair. She got to her feet and Nancy pulled her gun from her holster. My mother looked at me and I thought she would say something but she kept her mouth shut and followed Maggie swiftly from the room, Carl following to let them out.

When I heard the door open and shut, I turned to Lori and whispered, "Just us now, okay?"

She nodded, breathing in deeply. There were no more contractions but I knew she was in pain. I knew it would be hot, like something on fire and wrong.

"Do you want me to do this?" I asked her, my hands on her knees as she laid against the ground. "If we wait..."

"I'm not risking my baby's life," she said back.

Carl came back. "But dad will be here–"

Lori ignored him and kept her eyes on mine. "We need to do this. Now."

I squeezed her knees. "We have no equipment here, Lori. No antiseptics, no fluids, no pain medication. What you're askin' me to do will kill you."

"Carl has a knife," she said in return and I bowed my head with a sigh. "My baby has to survive, Sam. Please, my baby...for all of us. Please!"

"Can't we wait? Five more minutes?" begged Carl.

Lori held out her hand and Carl came to her side. He was crying, his cheeks streaked with tears. "Baby, I don't want you to be scared, okay? This is what I want. This is right. Now you–you take care of your daddy for me, all right? And your little–" Her eyes met mine for a moment before smiling. "–sister, you take care–"

"You don't have to do this," sobbed Carl as I pushed Lori's shirt up to reveal her old c-section scar.

"You're gonna be fine," said Lori. "You are gonna beat this world. I know you will. You are smart and you are strong, and you are so brave, and I love you."

Carl sniffled loudly. "I love you too."

"You gotta do what's right, baby. You promise me, you'll always do what's right." She blinked tears out of her eyes and I reached up to brush them away from where some had trickled down the side of her nose. "It's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world. So, don't–so if it feels wrong, don't do it, alright? If it feels easy, don't do it. Don't let the world spoil you." Lori reached up and wiped Carl's tears away. "You're so good. You're my sweet boy. You're the best thing I ever did. And I love you."

Carl threw himself over her into a hug and they clutched each other tightly.

"I love you. You're my sweet, sweet boy, and I love you so much." She allowed herself one loud sob before kissing the side of his head and gently pushing him away from her. "Okay, okay, now. Sam, when this is over, you're gonna have to–"

My eyes went wide. "Lori, please–"

"You have to do it! It can't be Rick."

I nodded, bracing myself against her legs as Carl pulled his knife free. It was as clean as it would ever be, not something he used for walker kills.

"Sam, Sam, look at me," said Lori and I brought my eyes away from Carl to meet hers. "You and I both know Rick can't do this alone. He can't–he won't survive this without help. You–you take care of this baby, okay? You take care of her and you take care of Rick." My mouth fell open, ready to protest. "Sam, please, I know you can do this. I know, alright? You take care of my baby for me, you protect her, you protect her and Carl, please, Sam. Please, you can do this, you have to do this."

I nodded, blinking away my own tears as Carl placed his knife in my hand. She needed comfort only a mother could get: the promise of her children's safety.

"You keep my babies safe. You keep them all safe." She was nodding to herself, like this would make it all better. "You know how to do it right? You see my scar, you know because you've..." She shook her head. "I know it was different, but you know what to do because that's why you're so good with me and with Carl."

I held the knife up and took a deep breath. There was no more delaying this because there was blood against the knees of my jeans, warm and seeping through the fabric.

"I love you," whispered Lori as I brought the blade down to her skin. "It's all right. It's all right." She took a deep breath. "Good night, love."

"Carl, keep your eyes on your mom's face. Don't...don't look down. Just hold her hand and keep her eyes on yours." I steadied my hand because I knew what to do, I've always known and the practice had been nearly as perfect as I could get it down to with Carol. "Lori, I'm sorry."

I gave her no other warning before cutting through her flesh. Lori's head flew back as she howled and I continued to press the knife down and slice. I knew how deep four to six inches was because I'd been measuring it out with my fingers and I felt along the grooves of muscles and tissue as I cut through her as Carl screamed for me to stop.

"What are you doing to her?!"

Lori trembled and shook, but ultimately her head lobbed to the side.

I cut through another inch and that's when I stopped. I peeled back the two flaps and dug my hands inside and through her womb. Her blood felt like warm syrup against my hands and arms as I pulled on her body. I did my best not to manhandle her, gently pushing my way inside so I could grip the baby in both my hands. I didn't need to drag her out, I just needed my hands on her head.

There was a final squelching noise, like a release, when I finally pulled the baby free. The umbilical cord followed her out as I cradled her in my arms. An emotion I hadn't felt for so long found its way past my lips. She wasn't crying so I had to work fast, pushing past the feelings. I held the baby against my arm, exposing her back with her head hanging off the end of my arm with her face facing the ground.

I rubbed her back and gently patted before the baby spluttered and let out a soft cry. It was so soft it made a rush of tears come streaming down my cheeks. I moved her into my arms, holding her head softly to look in her eyes as Carl pulled his jacket off for me. Her brown eyes were wide and blinking, there was so much life for her to experience.

"Will you...will you cut this for me?" I asked him, offering him the blade. I pointed to where he needed to do it. "Right here."

He did it in trembling hands but the baby was finally cut free from her mother.

"Take her, so I can–"

He knew what I was going to say and he shook his head. "No...no...I–I want to do it. It has to be me."

"Carl, please," I whispered, holding the baby to my chest. "You–you shouldn't have to do this, please–"

"She's my mom," he cried, shaking his head.

"I can stay with you–"

He shook his head again. "Please, Sam."

I nodded, stepping away and up the little stairs to the door. I knew he needed to do this himself and I couldn't baby him. I couldn't follow him back through the room and hold his hand as he held his gun in the other. Instead, I braced both me and the baby against the wall and waited for the gunshot. When it sounded, I flinched and the baby let out a cry. I didn't realize Carl was behind me until he touched my back.

When our eyes met, it was hard for either of us not to cry. I took him by the back of the head with my free hand and brought him into me.

"We're gonna be okay," I whispered and he nodded fiercely against me. I allowed us to cry, truly cry, before finally making our way out from the tomb. I made sure the door was shut behind us, knowing that if a walker caught Lori's scent, well...

Carl led the way with his gun raised, forcing us back towards the cell block and following a trail of dead walkers. I could hear the commotion outside before we'd even opened the door, Maggie's frantic voice.

"Rick! Rick! Thank god you're here! You've gotta come with us–"

Carl opened the door and the sun nearly blinded us as the baby sniffled and let out another gentle cry. She wasn't a screamer, yet. Rick turned at the sound of the baby's cry and the look he met us with was haunting. He stumbled forward, brows furrowed.

"Wha–?" It was like he couldn't believe his eyes. "Where–where is she? Where is she?"

It was the first time in my life that I didn't know what to say. I was covered in his wife's blood and her baby cried in my arms, her little feet and arms kicking. What was I to say? It was obvious what had happened but I couldn't speak, I couldn't form a coherent sentence.

"We tried–waited–but–she–"

Rick let out a wail, dropping to his knees. It was a broken sound as he sobbed and I couldn't stand to look at him. Attached to his hip, as he fell to his back, was my badge. I turned away from him and Carl came to my side. He shouldn't have had to go through this, we could've waited just a little longer for Rick to come to us but it wouldn't have mattered.

Her death would've been just as painful either way.

I got a quick look of who was outside with us as Daryl came to me swiftly, one hand going to the side of my face and the other bracing against my shoulder to keep me steady. I finally found my words, whispering, "Where–where's T?" I hadn't seen him or Carol. "Is he–is he still inside? And Carol?"

Daryl bowed his head with a heavy sigh.

My mouth felt weird, like it was trying to move on its own even as I spoke different words. "No."

Daryl's hand brushed into my hair and let me rest my forehead against his shoulder. It was hard not to cry after all the crying I'd been doing but I let out a few tears through clenched eyes. What were we going to do without them? Without T-Dog? He was integral to our survival, one of our strongest and kindest. He'd been my friend and in minutes he was gone. How was that fair? This place was supposed to be safe, it was supposed to be a fresh start.

"Let me see the baby," said Hershel, drawing our attention back to what mattered. It wasn't our dead but our new member, who's little hands were curled in fists.

"What are we gonna feed it?" asked Daryl, marching forward.

"Her," I corrected as I bent over to help Carl take the baby into her arms. "What are we gonna feed her?"

"We got anything a baby can eat?" he asked.

I shook my head. "We need formula."

Carl presented his sister to Hershel and the old man pulled back the jacket wrapped around her and smiled as he spoke, "The good news is she looks healthy. But Sam is right, she needs formula and soon or she won't survive."

"Nope, no way," grunted Daryl. adjusting his crossbow over his shoulders. "Not her. We ain't losin' nobody else. I'm goin' for a run." He looked at me. "Sam?"

I looked towards Carl and the baby and I found myself unable to speak. I couldn't leave for a run, not now. Carl was just a kid, he couldn't take care of a baby and neither could Beth or Hershel. Lori had begged me and I found myself taking a step away with a shake of my head.

"I'll go," said Maggie.

Glenn nodded. "Me too."

"Okay, think where we're going," said Daryl before pulling Beth aside. I didn't hear their conversation but I had an idea it was about Carl. When they were done speaking, he motioned to the group to listen up and pointed to Axel and Oscar. "You two get the fence. Too many pile up, we got ourselves a problem. Glenn, Maggie, vámonos."

Behind us, Rick stood and we watched him march into the prison with his ax in hand. Maggie called out to him but he didn't listen.

Daryl ignored his leader and snapped, "Get the gate. Come on, we're gonna lose the light!"

I couldn't decide what I needed to do. I needed a hug, maybe. Or something else, I wasn't sure. I could still feel Lori's warmth on my hands and arms. I could still feel the inside of her against my finger tips. Before I could even stop thinking of how warm and wet she'd been between my fingers and against my wrists, I had to cover my mouth.

I raced to the side and threw up near the fence.

I'd known she wasn't going to survive this birth from her scar alone. We didn't have the proper medical supplies here for something that serious. I thought back to Carl's surgery and how it'd been done internally for the most part. We weren't equipped for a c-section with the little supplies we had. The environment wasn't sterile enough for something of that nature.

I'd had to peel her open. Her flesh was like hardened pieces of thick rubber. I threw up again as Lori's screams battered around in my skull. Warm hands touched my back and I shuddered as Daryl helped me stand straight, turning me to face him. He held my face in both his hands, forcing our eyes to meet.

"I will be back," he said and I nodded. "When I do, we talk. You tell me 'bout it and we shoulder it together."

I licked my dry lips and nodded again. "Get diapers and clothes. Baby bottles, a pacifier like one of the cute binky ones, rash cream or baby powder, lotion–"

"Sam, Sam," he was shaking his head at me, "I know, I'll get it all."

"And-and maybe a toy, like–um–a bunny or a doll?"

His fingers brushed through my hair and he nodded. "Sweetheart, I'll get it all." He cleared his throat, as if he'd caught himself like I had with his term of endearment. I hated how it made my chest feel warm and how I didn't want him to leave at all. "We gotta go. Glenn's gonna stay behind, help watch over things with you."

"Okay." My mouth was horribly dry. "Be safe."

He left me without another word and I watched him ride off on his bike with Maggie. It should have been me leaving with him but I couldn't drag myself away, not yet. I gave myself a moment to bring myself together as Nancy walked over, holding her arms to her chest like she was scared of what her hands would do.

She approached me slowly and looked like she would reach for me but thought against it. Instead, she kept herself a few feet away and whispered, "You could've waited just five minutes–" She caught herself, shaking her head and then pinching the bridge of her nose.

"She didn't have five minutes."

"You killed her." My stomach dropped. "We were goin' to bring back her husband and you couldn't wait."

"You know better than to speak to me like that," I snarled, feeling either emotion or bile rise to my throat once more. "You know what it's like havin' a baby and yet, you think you know better than me? You have any idea what kind of pain she was in? Huh?" I pointed a finger at her. "You were doin' so good, mom, and you ruined it all by comin' over here and sayin' all this shit."

Nancy turned her head away, unable to meet my gaze.

"The baby wasn't cryin' when I got her out," I hissed. "If we had waited five minutes..." I shook my head, unable to even speak the consequences. We got lucky getting her out when we did. "I know you're upset over Carol," I said after taking a deep breath to calm myself, "but do not attack me for makin' the right decision."

"Sam!"

I looked past Nancy and towards Carl who called my name. He motioned me over with a smile on his face and I thanked everything that he could still smile after all of this. When I came over, leaving Nancy to wallow by the fences, Carl showed me his sister in his arms. She held on tightly to his finger and, for a second, everything felt right.

───── ⋆⋆ ─────

𝐈 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 with what we had as we waited for Daryl and Maggie to come back. We washed her little face with a washcloth and clean water. We needed moisturizer, to keep her skin from cracking, but we had to wait to see what they'd found once they hurried through their scout.

Carl and I washed between her toes and we counted each one twice for good measure. I cleaned where he wasn't exactly comfortable cleaning yet, even though I explained how he'd be taking care of dirty diapers for a while.

"Why are you so good at this?" he asked between running a little finger over her hand and toes.

"My..." I swallowed, watching her as she dozed off. "...Conner was born when I was fifteen, I took care of him a lot."

"You're really good," he said as I showed him how to support her head. "You think I'll be good too?"

My smile felt wobbly as I nodded and said, "You'll be amazing."

Behind me, I felt that someone else had entered the cell block where Nancy, Hershel, Beth, Carl, and I had been hiding out with the baby. Axel and Oscar were outside digging graves last I checked and so was Glenn, but I was surprised to find him in the doorway with a grim expression.

"Hey, Sam, I need you over here for a minute."

I followed Glenn into the common room. He was covered in dirt from digging graves but there was blood on his shirt. He wiped a nervous hand over his forehead and whispered, "Rick's lost it." My brows furrowed and he continued with a hasty, "He attacked me in there. Threw me up against a wall. It was like he didn't even know who I was."

"You know where he was headed in there?"

He nodded. "Towards one of the boiler rooms, where you said Lori was."

"Ah, shit." I backed away from him, pointing back towards our cells. "Listen, I'll go find him but it might be a while. Watch over things while I'm in there?"

"Sam, no, I don't think it's a good idea going in there with him–"

"I made Lori a promise," I told him. "I'm not gonna go breakin' it now. I don't know how long I'll be but I'll try to make it quick."

I grabbed two sheets from one of the cells, balling it up in my hands and going off to find the cart we'd used to bring Hershel back on. If Lori's body was still intact, I'd need it to bring her back. I had some rope we'd gotten through a scouting of the prison earlier thick week and tossed it onto the cart with the bedding. I pulled my ax free and pushed the cart down the hall and into the prison. I knew where the boiler room was not only because I'd been there but because there was a trail of bodies.

Except, when I entered, I didn't find Rick. The sun was setting outside, an orange glow casted through the dark room and it was empty of all life. The door had still been firmly shut when I went in, closing it behind me. I brought the sheet down with me and it was simple finding the body.

It was exactly where I'd left her with Carl. The only difference now was the blood splatter across the ground by her head. Her skin was paler than before, nearing an eerie gray. The blood spilled out below her waist and stomach was chunky and thick against my boots. I allowed myself a moment to wipe my tears before setting off to work.

I moved quickly inside the room, draping the sheet over her body and tucking it under her legs. I used the second sheet over her body as blood instantly seeped through against the white. Once her body was wrapped as best as it could be, I used the rope to tie it into place at her knees and over her chest. I would need help getting her onto the cart. I couldn't lift dead weight on my own.

I tried but even with her arms and legs pinned with the rope, there was no way I could get her up. I wanted to leave her there and take the cart to go find T-Dog. Axel and Oscar had mentioned they'd found what was left of his body somewhere in the halls, deeper and near where they'd gone to shut off the alarms. Apparently, Thomas had survived in the courtyard filled with walkers and had been plotting to set them free on us ever since Rick had chased him out there.

Whatever had happened, Axel and Oscar proved themselves. No longer would they be cast out, especially not since we'd lost a third of our group in one day. Surprisingly, the only thing found of Carol's wasn't a body but her head wrap. It gave me hope that she was somewhere in the prison waiting for the herds to pass.

As I prepared to try moving her body again, the door opened. I dropped her feet and brought my gun out. I was unsure who or what could've been entering and I didn't want to waste time thinking it over. I was horrified to find that it was Rick, covered in blood and sweat with his ax raised. When he saw it was me, whatever trance Glenn had mentioned before didn't entirely die down, he lowered his weapon only a smidge but his dead eyes tracked me in the room.

I wasn't scared to be alone with him but I took into account that if I screamed, no one would hear it. His eyes stopped following me as I shifted towards the cart. He narrowed in on the body and he gestured his hand forward as if to ask, is this her?

I nodded.

He crouched down on both knees, laying his weapon on the ground by his leg. He worked the sheet off her head just enough so he could see her hair before stopping himself. With his eyes clenched shut, I noticed how hard his shoulders were shaking and his hands were in tight fists.

When he spoke, I shuddered in return.

"Walk–walk me through it."

I cleared my throat. "She began contractions when we entered the prison during the attack." Could I even call it an attack? "When we entered here, Maggie and I both checked to see how dilated she was." I kept the facts simple and to the point, knowing since he was a cop, this was how information was laid out sometimes.

"And was she?"

"Not enough." I rubbed my neck. "She insisted on pushin'. She strained herself, fell into exhaustion, and had begun to...to bleed." He had no idea how much blood had begun spilling out from her and I was thankful he didn't have to. Carl shouldn't have either but we didn't always get what we wanted. "Lori instructed us on what to do, explainin' that we needed to give her a c-section. I took the lead."

"You sent Nancy and Maggie away."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see with his back to me. "I had hoped we had more time, so you could come and..." ...have your last words together. "We couldn't wait."

If I had waited, you wouldn't have a daughter.

"I did what I thought was necessary," I said, hoping to take any blame he felt Lori needed to have and pushed it onto myself. "You can be mad at me, but it was the right call." I had to believe it was the right one, even though a little part told me I should've waited but I knew what would've happened.

"Will you come back with me?" I asked. "You need to talk to your son, you need to see your daughter."

"No. Not yet."

"Then help me lift her up."

"No, you leave her here–"

"Help me lift her or so help me Rick..." He didn't move from his crouch and I went to her legs. I bent down, wrapping my hands around her bundled up ankles. "I'm not leavin' her here. We bury her, like we bury T-Dog–"

He rushed me, knocking me back against the ground. War flashed behind my eyes and after everything today, it was no surprise that I froze under the weight of his arm on my neck. I saw Rick's face above mine but I also saw John. I saw my father staring down at me, ready to beat me bloody.

Rick pressed his arm into my throat and growled, "Don't fuckin' touch her!"

It was hard to breathe but he wasn't pressing down hard enough to hurt me. I knew he was grieving, completely sick with it. He'd attacked Glenn and now he was attacking me, trying to scare me and god dammit, it was working.

I had my hands free so I slammed my fist against his arm as I wiggled my other hand down for my gun. I pulled it free and pressed it against the side of his head. My arm couldn't reach up to his forehead as he kept me down, his elbow in my shoulder, but the side of the head was enough. It got the point across.

He slowly released me and stood, a look crossing his face like he hadn't been sure what he'd just done. I kept my gun trained on him, his hands shaking.

"Sam...I'm sorry, I didn't think–"

"Help me get her on the cart," I said, ignoring him. "She's leavin' with me."

"You can't take her, please–"

"Think about Carl!" I cried, standing. "Think 'bout all the people who loved her and want a place to remember her by. I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry 'bout my part in it but she can't stay here and rot." Or get eaten by the walkers still roaming this place.

He bent down slowly and took her by the shoulders. I lowered my gun enough to get a grip around her ankles and lift her body onto the cart. I tucked my gun away only when Rick was standing across the room and out of charging distance.

"I know you need time and that this whole situation isn't what we hoped for," I murmured, "but you can't forget about your kids. Grieve for her but remember to come back to us."

I couldn't tell him how long to grieve because there wasn't a time limit for things like that. I knew that, I knew it as well as anyone how easily it is to lose yourself in grief. If I'd thought Rick was going to hurt me, I would've put a bullet in his head. At least, I hoped I could've if it came down to it. Would I be able to hurt someone like family?

"I know you don't want to hear it," I said, "but she loved you more than anything. There was so much she wanted to apologize for and she understood your anger, but she knew you loved her. She always knew."

I pushed the cart down the hall and towards the courtyard entrance, heading for the field.

It was dark by the time I was knee deep in a grave. Sometime between digging, Daryl and Maggie had returned but I wasn't finished yet. I kept shoveling, throwing dirt into a pile beside me where I would need to push it all back in again once I got her body inside. I know I was straining myself when I was exhausted and needed to sit down and drink water, but I couldn't stop until she was in the ground. Same with T-Dog, who had been brought out and buried with Axel and Oscar's help sometime before the others came back.

I just couldn't stop, not when I had caused so much of this. I understood it wasn't technically my fault but the fault of nature taking its course, but if Andrew hadn't attacked and we'd gotten our chance to fully prepare, I believed things would've gone very differently.

It was easier to get Lori's body in the grave than onto the cart, maneuvering her slowly off one end and lowering her down. She would forever be encased by the cold earth rather than a hot belly.

I didn't like her at times but it didn't stop me from crying when I began to shovel dirt back over top of her. Maybe it was because she'd died so violently that it made me break down, or perhaps because Carl had to lose his mother so early in life and that her daughter would never know the woman who carried her for nine months and found a way for her to survive against all odds.

A baby would not survive here but Lori had made sure her child was put into good arms. The kid had a whole group to rally behind her.

Or, maybe, it was because she'd made me promise to take care of her and Carl. Maybe it was because I had been given a second chance, not only with trust but with love. I'd held that baby in my arms and felt nearly whole again, even if she wasn't mine.

Oh, but you wish she was.

You can do it right this time.

I heard footsteps approaching me in the grass and I turned, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Daryl let his crossbow rest against the cross stake Glenn had made and he gently took the shovel from my hands.

"Baby took to the bottle well," he explained to me. "Thinkin' her name should be lil' ass kicker."

A smile wobbled to my lips.

"Got her a doll, like you said."

"And the clothes?"

"All frilly and pink."

I nodded, pleased. I went to take the shovel back but he tossed it behind him. He was looking at me hard and I wanted to turn from him to keep his eyes from seeing me for who I really was. Who even are you? I didn't deserve his patience or his kindness.

"You gonna tell me 'bout it?" He waited a beat before repeating what he'd told me earlier. "I told you, we shoulder this shit together. We ain't gonna beat 'round the damn bush." He reached out and brushed a dirty strand of hair from my face. "Tell me what's botherin' you."

I shuffled my feet, wringing my hands together. I didn't even want to speak, my mouth so dry it felt like I was chewing cotton balls. Would he shame me? Would he think less of me? I'd never been a good girl in childhood or adulthood, John had told me so. But who was John, anyway?

"It's hard," I whispered, "to talk 'bout it."

"You don't gotta tell me anythin'–"

"I want to." I reached out and took his hand. "I trust you with it but you shouldn't have to shoulder this."

He pulled me forward and away from the open grave. "Sam, what happened in there with Lori?"

"I had to..." I blinked tears away. Why was it suddenly so hard to speak about it? Hadn't I just been with Rick, telling him everything? "I tore her apart." I balled my hands into fists, stepping back away from Daryl. "I shredded her like she was–was raw meat. She felt everything."

"You had to."

"I know that, but her death was so painful," I said, shaking my head, "and I caused that. I know if I hadn't done what I did when I did it, the kid would be dead but you weren't there. You didn't hear her, the sounds she made..." Her wails echoed in my ears like phantom siren calls, screaming out to me your fault! Your fault!

"You know how painful that is to begin with?" I continued in a whisper. "Givin' birth? It feels like somethin' is tryin' to tear you apart from the inside. You can feel it shiftin' around, all over you. In your sides, your thighs, your back, like–like waves. Obviously it's different for everyone and sometimes it can be quick and only achy or feels like pressure and some discomfort. But Lori felt all the pain, and she also felt my–my knife. She felt everythin' until she just...wasn't there anymore."

"Sam..."

"She made me promise her, you know," I said, shaking my head as tears streamed down my cheeks. I felt them roll off my chin and jaw, dripping into my shirt and down my neck. "She made me promise that I would take care of her baby because she knew. She knew."

Daryl frowned. "What are you talkin' about?" His brows unfurrowed, like realization dawning upon him. It seemed like he already knew.

"Lori knew I'd be able to take care of her baby," I whispered. "She knew because I have experience. She knew and begged me...how could I say no?" I didn't bother wiping my tears as a sob burned its way through my throat and nearly past my lips. I felt like I could keel over and heave, but I kept standing. "When I finally got that baby in my arms after fuckin' dig–diggin' her out of her mother..." I shook my head and laughed, the sound wet. "I looked–I looked into her eyes and I just knew."

She was mine, until her father could step up. She was mine to protect, for as long as I was allowed.

Daryl took a step towards me and I let him. He took my face in one big hand, forcing my head back to fully meet his eyes. Even then, the tears wouldn't stop.

"I–I had a baby, before all of this," I whispered. "I have a baby."

Daryl's eyes softened and he bowed his head against mine, whispering back, "Conner?"

"I was fifteen." I clenched my eyes shut. The confession was like a weight lifting from my shoulders. I suddenly felt like I was free. "They made me sign papers, he's not legally mine. I was just...an incubator for my parents."

He pulled back. "They say that?"

I nodded. "I was gonna go to court, take him away from all this bullshit but...the world ended."

"He grew up as your brother."

I nodded again. "Easier for my parents to keep their perfect image. My mom...she hid herself away, pretendin' she was the one pregnant. She pulled me from school and when I had him, they took him from me."

I only got to hold him once I was finally alone with him. He'd been so small, so wrong but so right. I never wanted to bring him into this world, knowing what I had been going through at home but Nancy found out and suddenly my secret was out.

Conner was no longer mine but theirs. It didn't matter what happened to get him there because he would always be theirs to take.

Daryl pulled me against him and hugged me tightly. It was so reassuring, to finally have someone hold me like this. His reaction was the same as Him, who'd held me close and told me how we'd get Conner away from all this. That we would save him.

"We'll find him," whispered Daryl. "We'll get him back to you."

I buried my head in his neck and breathed in deeply. He was earthy and sweaty, but so was I. "I don't want anyone to know, not yet. I'm afraid they'll look at me differently."

"I'm not lookin' at you any different." He pulled back again to wipe my tears with both hands. "Childhood ain't pretty, you know 'bout mine and I know yours. We've both seen the scars and whatever happened, I ain't one to judge."

"My childhood ain't a fairytale," he told me as we tended the fire outside the farm. We'd gotten there late, the moon had been our only light. "My father ain't no saint."

"Mine wasn't either." I let him trace his fingers over the scars left over my back and he showed me his.

"For now," he muttered, "come inside and see the lil' outfit I got the kid. Carl approved one but I think you'll like 'em all."

He'd been right. Inside the prison, surrounded by my family, even with Nancy lurking in the corner, I felt suddenly so at home it felt like my chest was warm and my body content. The baby was so cute I nearly started to cry again. Bundled up in a little white onesie with pink frilly bits up the buttons, she looked like a princess.

I held her in my arms, feeling her breathing against me. She was a bundle of warmth and I cupped the back of her head to support her against my chest. Daryl wrapped an arm around my shoulders, his other hand coming up to play with her little feet.

Conner would be coming back to a home, one that could no longer hurt him. He'd have a place here, with two new kids to call siblings and an entire group willing to fight for him.

It was almost perfect. But it would never truly be. If only I knew the storm that was coming.

AUTHOR'S NOTE━━ummmm yeaaaaaa......lotta unpack here eeeeek.......

major reveal in this chap...how did we feel about the sam+conner lore drop?? how many of you caught on from earlier chapters?

next chapter is going to be....probably insane too compared to this one soooooo hang on tight yall