012 ━ roses
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𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐄𝐓. There was a gentle fog across the horizon and over top the fields were glistening droplets of morning dew. It was beautiful here, with the soft sound of crickets and birds in the trees. The swaying of the branches full of leaves, the coolness in the air that coated your skin and the sun's heat still warming your cheeks.
It felt like a warning, like something awful was to come.
I guess I wasn't so wrong.
Shane shaved his head. He's limping. It all feels prophetic, like some bad omen.
I bent down, picking up a few of the rocks brought down to the front yard's patch of trees near the fence line and began to pile them with the others. Beth and Jimmy, who is Beth's boyfriend and not her brother like I had originally thought, passed me rocks as Shane limped around dumping debris in the wheelbarrow a few steps behind me. His head was freshly shaved.
To put the kicker in, Shane was still wearing Otis's clothes and I couldn't help but glare each time he passed me. He left him there to die, shot him and left him there bleeding only to be torn apart like some animal. But Shane was the animal. The monster.
Down the road, I began to hear the distant rumble of a car's engine and I glanced up just in time to see the R.V. breach the horizon.
"Those your friends?" asked Beth in a soft voice, coming to stand beside me as I dusted my hands on my pants.
I nodded and butterflies erupted in my stomach at the sight of a motorcycle weaving across the pavement. "Must've finally decided to find us out here."
A little sliver of me wanted to run back into the house with Hershel, Rick, and Lori to watch over Carl but I held my ground. I had to face my mother at some point and her arrival was better now than later. But that wasn't what was captivating me still. It was the motorcycle coming to a skidding stop on the driveway with the man in leather stomping a foot down into the gravel, his eyes searching the small approaching group.
He shook his head once before getting off of the bike and his eyes didn't leave mine even as he scowled and walked over. Glenn met them halfway as Shane limped over with me following them as Rick came down the porch steps followed by Lori, T-Dog, Patricia, and Hershel.
Dale was the first to speak from the arriving group. "How is he?" It was a simple question, one that must've been brewing amongst them for the past day and a half. Or had it been two? Three? Time was becoming more like an emotion than something real and passing.
"He'll pull through," said Lori with a soft smile, "thanks to Hershel and his people."
"And Shane," added Rick before glancing towards me with a warm smile that hinted something dangerous in his eyes, "and Sam. We would've lost Carl if it weren't for them."
Dale's mouth was parted in shock and awe before coming to Rick with his arms open. Carol did the same with Lori, rushing over to embrace her and as my eyes searched my friends, I looked over Nancy and found that Daryl was already looking at me.
"You do somethin' reckless?" he asked in a low voice as he approached me. I didn't even need to respond for him to know I had.
"How'd it happen?" asked Dale and our attention was pulled away from each other and towards Rick.
"Hunting accident," said the police officer. "That's all. Just...just a stupid accident."
"We lost someone," I added as Daryl's hand brushed the small of my back as I stepped forward. "Otis, one of Hershel's men here. He...he went with me and Shane to get supplies..." I felt the burning eyes of evil against the back of my neck and I almost found it amusing to know Shane was worried. "He was killed on our way out."
"We were preparing somethin' for him," said Beth in a soft voice, gesturing a hand towards the rocks we were gathering and the small patch of trees we'd been shading ourselves under near the fence line. "Would you all like to join us?"
We stood in a semi circle around the rocks as Beth placed her last one on top. It was a growing mountain for the man who'd risked his life for Carl's. It was strange, having the rest of the group huddled there with us with no knowledge of this man who'd done what he could against the inevitable that was Shane Walsh.
I stood between Glenn and Daryl, a strange breeze coming through the trees and running against our hot skin. It didn't feel right to be here in front of Hershel and in front of God. Knowing the truth of what happened, it left a little burning pit opening up inside my chest but this was not the first secret I've been able to hold like hot coals without tongs and gloves.
"Blessed be God," said Hershel reading from a small leather-bound Bible, "father of our lord Jesus Christ. Praise be to him," Jimmy stepped up to pluck a large rock from the barrel, "for the gift of our brother Otis, for his span of years, for his abundance of character; Otis who gave his life to save a child's, now more than ever our most precious asset. We thank you, God, for the peace he enjoys in your embrace."
Torn to shreds by the beings even God couldn't stop.
"He dies as he lived," continued Hershel in a steady voice, "in grace. Shane," the other man looked harshly over, shocked to hear his name, "will you speak for Otis?"
Shane looked away. "I'm not good at it. Please."
Patricia made a croaking noise, sniffling. "You were the last one with him. You shared his final moments. Please. I need to hear." She was looking at him, tears streaming down her contorted face. "I need to know his death had meaning."
"Okay," said Shane with a nod, swallowing hard and shifting his weight off his injured ankle. "We were about done..." I hope your lies choke in your throat. "Almost out of ammo. We were down to pistols by then. I...I was limping, it was bad...my ankle all swollen up." You're a liar. "'We've got to save the boy.' See, that's what he said." Did he say that as you were blowing a hole in his leg? Leaving him to die? "Sam had distracted the majority of the herd but we knew...we knew we were too slow. He–he gave me his backpack. He shoved me ahead." You shoved him to the ground. You shoved him into the dead. "'Run,' he said...he said 'I'll take the rear, I'll cover you.' And when I looked back..."
He stared at Patricia as a deafening silence overtook the group but all I could hear was the beating of my heart and the heavy breathing of Shane as he stepped forward, limping to the rocks.
"If not for Otis," he grabbed a rock, "I'd have never made it out alive. And that goes for Carl, too." You made it out because you killed him. I gave you the perfect escape but you couldn't have it that way. "It was Otis. He saved us both."
I didn't know how tensely I was holding myself until Daryl put a hand on my shoulder and my jaw unclenched.
"If any death ever had meaning...it was his."
He placed his rock on the pile and I had images of furies coming up from hell and dragging him down into the pits. I had images of myself flying at him with claws and teeth but Daryl's thumb dug into my shoulder blade and I sucked on my tongue.
The group slowly began to disperse but I kept myself where I was, rooted to the spot. The rocks were so much more than they were. A falsehood. A lie.
But also a monument for more than just one person without a body to cry over. It represented Jacqui. Jenner. Amy. Jim.
Blood on your hands. Blood across your face.
It was for Otis but it was a shrine to a lie. To a liar.
"What'd he do out there?" mumbled Daryl and I'd nearly forgotten he was still standing there, his hand moving down my arm in a soft and slow graze.
I shook my head, keeping my gaze to the ground to avoid any backwards glances towards us as I muttered, "Doesn't matter."
"It does."
"It doesn't."
Daryl humphed but didn't press further, even when his hand left me entirely. But he didn't walk away like I expected him to as people began to hover near the old pickup truck. They were pulling out maps and Hershel seemed to be interested but Daryl still didn't budge.
"Any luck searchin' out on the highway while we were gone?" I asked eventually, knowing he wouldn't be the first to speak.
He shook his head, rubbing his chin. "Nothin' out there but us and them."
I ran both hands over my face, pressing my hair back from my face as I let out an exasperated sigh. We weren't ever going to find her, I knew that, but wasn't there still a bundle of hope wishing and praying for her safe return?
You can only hope she isn't torn to shreds when she returns home.
"We'll find her," muttered Daryl, his voice causing me to look up. His eyes met mine and there was a deep understanding there, he knew there wasn't much of a chance just as I did but he kept with the hope. How he did, I didn't know.
"Are you sure?" It came out of me before I could stop myself but it was the same fear I'd had rolling through me since reuniting with Nancy.
He nodded.
"How?"
His brows furrowed. "How, what?"
"How can you be so...hopeful?"
He shrugged and I read him easier than I had any book. He was thinking of his brother, just as I thought of mine. Merle's body hadn't been found in Atlanta, only a hand. That could mean anything, he could still be alive just as Sophia was.
"Just am," he muttered with another shrug.
Rick whistled from where there was a small group meeting, waving us over. He stood with Hershel, Andrea, and Shane, all huddled close as they discussed.
"How long has this girl been lost?" asked Hershel as we walked over.
Maggie came walking up beside us, holding a map of the property which she laid out across the hood of the soft tan truck.
"This'll be day three," said Rick. He was wearing his hat again, his uniform looking more crisp than it had in days and I subconsciously adjusted my badge on my hip.
"This is the country survey map," explained Maggie as she smoothed out the paper for us all to look around. It felt so normal to be all together, looking down at the lines and pictures, like we were in high school looking over someone's computer. "It'll show us terrain and elevations."
"This is perfect," muttered Rick as Maggie placed rocks on either corner of the map to keep it down. "We can finally get this thing organized. We'll grid the whole area, and start searching in teams."
Hershel shook his head. "Not you," he said to Rick, "not today. You gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out." Hershel turned on Shane next and I wanted to smile. "And your ankle...push it now, you'll be laid up for a month, no good to anybody."
"Guess it's just me," said Daryl and I elbowed him.
"And me."
"We're gonna head back to the creek, work our way from there."
Hershel gave me a long look. "You gave a pint yesterday, don't push it."
I nodded as Shane muttered, "I can still be useful. I'll drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back."
"All right," said Rick with a firm nod, "tomorrow then. We'll start doing this right."
A breeze shifted over us, drying the sweat on our arms and faces. Even with the soft lining of trees over our heads, the sun was still turning her vicious face on us.
"That means we can't have our people out there with just knives," said Shane. "They need the gun training we've been promising them."
Hershel made a face and we all turned. "I'd prefer you not carrying guns on my property. We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp."
Shane took his hat off, rubbing the freshly shaven head. "All due respect, you get a crowd of those things wandering in here..." He shook his head but Hershel didn't budge.
"Look," muttered Rick, so pale and red eyed I was afraid he'd topple over in this heat any second now, "we're guests here. This is your property," he looked at Hershel, "and we will respect that." Rick pulled his pistol from his holster and laid it flat on the map, forcing Shane to do the same. "First things first, we set camp, find Sophia."
"I hate to be the one to ask but somebody's got to," said Shane, giving us a dark look, one that hadn't quite left his face since returning from the school. "What happens if we find her and she's bit?" A strange silence overcame us, as if the birds and the bugs had all been shut out from this world. "I think we should all be clear on how we handle that."
Rick, looking like he was gnawing on the inside of his cheek and tongue, bowed his head and muttered, "You do what has to be done."
Maggie's mouth fell open and her brows furrowed. "And her mother? What do you tell her?"
"The truth," said Andrea, one hand clutching her backpack tightly.
"Do what you'd want to be done for you," I added, catching Maggie's eyes as she turned to look at me. Her short brown hair was curling at the ends from the heat and sweat and I had the strange need to run my fingers through it.
Maggie turned to look at her father and I noticed him shake his head, just barely. They were communicating something, like there was some bigger picture they were trying to discourage us from asking about but a sound turned me away from them.
Shane patted the hood of the car. "I'll gather and secure all the weapons. Make sure no one's carrying 'till we're at a practice range off site. But I do request one rifleman on lookout." He tipped his head back towards the RV sitting behind us. "Dale's got experience."
Hershel kept his mouth shut and Rick turned to look at him. "Our people would feel safer, less inclined to carry a gun." Hershel nodded, rather reluctantly and Rick thanked him.
I looked towards Shane before he could ask me for my gun as we parted ways from the truck, Rick, Maggie, and Hershel. "Daryl and I can scout today," I said, keeping a firm hand on my holstered weapon. I wasn't in the mood to give it up so quickly, which was probably the first time I'd agree with Andrea on anything. "Check out any neighboring properties, get an idea of how far we need to start seachin' tomorrow once we get to the creek."
He nodded and muttered, "You'll be back before dark?"
"Back by sunset," I said with a nod of my own. "You sure all these people will give up their guns so easily?" I didn't want to say Andrea but I knew he understood what I meant.
"We can only hope."
I nodded, taking a step back to turn and head towards the house before I left but Shane grabbed my arm. When I stopped abruptly, my glare finding his wide eyes, he dropped my arm.
"Be careful out there, we don't know how many of 'em are out there with us."
The walkers. "I know how to be careful."
"Not really what I meant."
"Then what do you mean?" I countered, crossing my arms. This was the most civil thing he'd said to me since last night. Well, it was the only thing he'd said to me since then.
He gave me a long look, like he was trying to say something else, maybe even an apology trying to come to his lips before he shook his head. "Just sayin' to be careful, that's all."
With barely another look, he limped away and towards the RV and I watched him as he went. He was, honestly, a little pathetic with the way he was hobbling over like he was trying to be weaker than he was just for show. Lori would not be so sympathetic towards him, which was probably what he was hoping for.
I turned away, getting enough from his show, to head towards the house. Carl was awake and I intended to sit by his bed until Daryl called on me to leave, which would end up being twenty minutes from now. He didn't like sitting and waiting, he also didn't like having too much company, either.
The house was surprisingly cool when I entered. Goosebumps rose on my arms as my sweat caught the cold breeze of the air conditioner. How they still had power was beyond me. I didn't notice any solar panels but that didn't mean Hershel didn't have them stashed somewhere out back or against the roof where I couldn't see.
Walking slowly to keep my footsteps from being too loud, I got to Carl's makeshift hospital room and opened the door quietly. He was resting in bed, surrounded by soft white pillows like an angel lying in snow. He was still pale but watching his chest rise and fall eased so much tension from my shoulders and back I could've gasped.
Carl stirred and smiled. "I know you're there."
Even his voice was like heaven to me.
"Sam," he muttered in an almost sing-songy voice, "stop being creepy." He opened his eyes slowly and smiled brightly as I entered the room to come to his bedside.
"Hey, kid." God, was I going to cry?
He patted the spot next to him and I sat down so slowly it hurt. He instantly grabbed for my hand once I was seated, holding it tightly as he whispered, "The deer, Sam," there was wonder caught in his eyes like stars, "I'd never seen something like that before, so up close."
"It was pretty big," I murmured back with a soft laugh. "I think it would've let you pet him if we'd gotten close enough."
"You think it's ever been that close to people before?"
I shrugged. "I think we were it's first."
He nodded, looking down, playing with my fingers and it made him look so much younger than he really was. He wasn't a kid, neither was Conner, but I wanted to baby him. I wanted him to be a kid forever.
"I remember getting shot," he said in a different voice than before, more serious, so much more himself. "I remember you being there."
I reached out and brushed the hair stuck to his face. His skin was no longer hot under my touch, he was normal, slightly chilled from the air. "I wish you didn't remember any of it." His whole room smelled like a hospital, too clean to be normal. Bleached and stagnant.
"You tried to pull me out of the way."
"And I didn't try nearly hard enough."
He rolled his eyes, sitting up slightly with only a little grimace on his face. "You were here, too," he said, motioning for his glass of water which I grabbed and gave to him. He took a little sip and it was so good seeing him up and doing things for himself that I really did think tears would start running down my cheeks. "You were whispering things to me, holding my hand." He laughed and I took the glass back from him. "I thought you were gonna start singing to me."
"Singing?" I choked out on a laugh.
He nodded, giggling. "I imagined you singing, like some–some angel."
"An angel?" I shook my head with another laugh, bringing my hand to press against his forehead. "You sure you're not hallucinatin', kid? You don't feel hot, you don't have a temperature, so you must be crazy."
He swatted at my hands with another laugh before settling them into his lap. "Can I ask you something serious?"
I nodded.
He swallowed and let out a little sigh before looking me in my eyes. "Do you think Sophia's still out there?"
My lips parted and I frowned. "Do you not think so?"
"I don't know," he said in a small voice. "I don't know what to think because...because..." I waited for him to find his words, allowing him the space to speak. "...I've seen what it can do to us. I'm scared she's–she's not okay."
I took his hand back into mine and squeezed it softly. "We'll find her," I whispered, giving him a reassuring nod. "She won't be out there alone much longer, okay?"
"Are you going, uh," he was looking for the word, "scouting today?"
"Me and Daryl."
"You and Daryl?" There was true shock lacing each word, his eyes round and his lips parted.
I nodded with a little laugh as he scowled. "What?"
"He's, like, so mean looking."
"Aw, come on," I smiled, "he's all gooey in the middle, like a marshmallow."
He shook his head with a laugh. "When he leaves you out there, I'm going to say I told you so."
I rolled my eyes, ruffled his hair, and stood. "I'll see you when Daryl and I both come back safe and sound."
He gave me a little face of 'I don't think so' and another soft laugh as I left. I closed his door softly, hoping he'll get some sleep while everyone was out and getting set up when Glenn threw open the front door and his eyes lit up when he saw me.
There was sweat gleaming across his cheeks and his hat was reared back like he'd been running. "Oh, good! You're in here," he said, out of breath. "We need you down by the wells."
I frowned and didn't move. Something about the way Glenn was standing made me question him entirely. He was a little too excited to find me, a little too relieved. "Why?"
"They need you down there."
"Why?"
He took his cap off and ran his fingers through his wet hair. "There's a walker in the well."
"So?"
"They need your help getting it out."
"Then you need to tell Daryl I'll be late meetin' him."
Glenn wasn't able to wipe the clean look of nervousness that crossed over his face when I walked past him and out towards the wells, where I was sure no good would come from it.
The walker was swollen, its skin so plump it seemed like it would burst open and seep and sag everywhere with just a gentle poke or touch. I knelt down by the side of the well opening, peering down inside. The well was a good size around but the shaft itself looked narrow. I knew if I stretched my legs out, I'd be able to touch either side of the wall.
"How long do you think it's been down there?" asked Glenn, standing behind me and casting a shadow over the opening and the walker still groping the walls.
"Long enough to grow gills," muttered Andrea.
I rested my arm on my knee. "By the looks of it, I'd say a while now. Do we know if anyone has drank from this recently?"
Maggie shook her head. "It's only used for the horses but we would've noticed him by now."
"What's the plan then?"
"A bullet," said T-Dog, hands on his hips. His arm was still bandaged but he looked like he was in better spirits.
Shane was standing on the opposite side of the well and I could feel his eyes on me from time to time, like he was worried I'd topple over and fall inside. His swift changes in mood were beginning to confuse me. Did he hate me, want to manipulate me? Or did he care?
"I'll get a rope–" started T-Dog but Maggie was shaking her head.
"Whoa, whoa, no guys."
"Why not?" asked Glenn. "It's a good plan."
"It's a stupid plan," said Andrea. "If that thing hasn't contaminated the water yet, blowing its brains out will finish the job."
I frowned. By the looks of the walker, I would guess by looks alone that its rotten body had already ruined the drinking water by a long shot. Its mouth and eyes were bloody and swollen and the water looked gray from up above.
"She's right," said Shane. "We can't risk it."
"So we take it out alive," said T-Dog and Shane nodded.
Glenn's eyes found mine and I stood slowly, feeling a strange dawning come over me. This was why Glenn needed me to come over, he wanted me to do something he didn't. Something they'd all spoken about before and hadn't clued me in on yet. They didn't want to frighten me away.
There was supplies behind them, things it seemed they'd already tried and I wanted to wring Glenn's neck between both hands.
When I met my friend's eyes, he shrunk back and gave me a sheepish look. He didn't want to be the live bait so he weaseled me into the conversation instead.
"Glenn..."
"You can handle them better!" he countered instantly and I scowled.
I held out my hand and he gave me a blank stared to which I snarled out, "Give me the damn rope, asshole, I'll get 'em out." I was going to humor them for as long as they needed, because it looked like they needed it more than me.
It won't be so funny when you're trapped in a well.
Shane helped tie the rope around my waist, giving it enough room so it wouldn't cut me half if I fell. He helped wrap it around either one of my thighs, creating a seat-like structure for me to be lowered on. I ignored the way his hands brushed the inner and outsides of my thighs, tightening the rope with slow precision. I sat on the ledge, my legs stretched out against the pole across the top of the well used for pulling pails of water out with. The well wasn't that deep, it could be easily managed if I eased my way down and kept my legs spread apart against the walls but somehow, I didn't trust that the people above me would be strong enough to lower me themselves.
They'd wrapped the rope around the water pump so they could all lower me down slowly with some friction to keep their grips steady as well as to keep me from plummeting awkwardly below.
"If they drop me," I muttered, glaring at Glenn as Shane knotted the rope, "you owe me."
"We won't drop ya," said Shane, patting my back softly once he was finished. "We'll make sure to get you out in one piece."
"Living piece," added Glenn, offering me a little smile. "Get her out in a living piece."
"Now, why am I doing this and not you?" I asked again, looking to Glenn to say what he's been saying the entire time just to give myself a slight ego boost. I needed it, especially with Shane and Andrea breathing down my back.
"Because you're the best," said Glenn and I grinned.
"Oh god, y'all are crazy," said Maggie from where she stood far off, her arms crossed. She didn't want to get in the line with the others, consisting of Shane, T-Dog, Lori, Andrea, Dale, and Glenn.
"You want this thing out of the well or not?" snapped Shane as I adjusted my grip on the flashlight I'd been given moments before as well as the looped rope I needed to drop around the monster lurking beneath me.
Dale motioned to the well, "Why don't you give us an eye there, Maggie?"
I looked at her over my shoulder and smiled. "Better you watch my back then Glenn."
"Hey!"
I watched her approach slowly as I eased myself carefully right against the ledge over the well. "It's okay," I reassured her. "I'll be fine."
This wasn't something I was scared about. I was more worried about Daryl's reaction when he wandered up here to get me. I was just glad I'd kept Nancy off my back for the majority of the day. Last I'd seen her she was by the house with Carol.
"Ready?" asked Shane and I nodded. I'd put my holster and ax somewhere off behind me but I still had a small knife on me in case I got a little too close to the walker.
I scooted myself off the edge and waited for the plunge but found that there was none. I used one hand to shine the light over the walker and realized just how high up I actually was. I'd need to be lowered quite a bit to finally reach the walker who was coming more and more alive with every inch I descended.
"A little slower," said Maggie as I kept myself still to avoid bouncing off the stone walls. "A little lower, too."
The walker opened his mouth, biting the air as he raised his little arms up and above his head. He was walking in a circle, resembling a child trying to reach for a balloon slowly floating away. The stench of rot was strong the lower I got and I prepared the looped rope in my hand with the light. I just needed to get a little closer.
I heard someone yell from above me and I jerked down violently, a strangled yelp of surprise came jutting out of my throat as I slammed into the wall. The yelp turned easily into a shocked wail. The walker's hands brushed against the soles of my boots and I struggled to kick it away while also keeping myself away from the bottom.
Something loud hit the ground above me and shadows coated the little sky above me as I rocketed between the walls, my hand gripping the flashlight scuffing against the stones as I kicked a leg out to press myself against the wall. Someone cursed from above me and I heard the yelling and screaming from my friends as something came crashing down into the well to my right, narrowly missing my body all together. A shower of dust and dirt rained down against the top of my head as I cursed.
"Motherfuckers!" I yelped, heat racing up my body from both adrenalin and terror.
If the water pump had hit my leg, it would've broken in two. I was just surprised the pump didn't take me down further when it hit the water nor hit the walker. The water splashed up against my legs and I kept myself pressed tightly against the wall.
I took the time my friends were scrambling above to get the rope around the walker, pissed that the rope that had plummeted down into the well with the pump had been the one around me and not the one they'd tied to one of the posts to collect the walker with.
My heart was hammering inside my chest like a rocket ready for take off but I was still eerily calm. This wasn't the most danger I'd ever been in for. This didn't even come up close.
"You let her do what?" asked Nancy in her own haze.
The air was thick and humid and the smoke in the living room made everything feel as if it were suffocating.
"I needed a pack of cigarettes."
"So you let her drive the car and do what, John?" I was surprised Nancy was getting upset. "You let her steal them for you?"
He repeated himself in a deeper tone. "I needed a pack of cigarettes."
"What will the neighbors think?" breathed Nancy, worry lacing her skin with red splotches. "You're lucky Douglas," the gas station clerk, "likes us or he would've called the cops on her!"
My foot had barely been able to touch the pedal.
"She could've hit someone!"
I'd almost hit a mailbox.
"She's only ten, John!"
I was nine.
That still wasn't nearly as scary as some things I'd done. Or things that had been done to you.
I closed my eyes tightly, breathing in deeply. I gave myself two seconds to recover and get over the idiocracy from above before I opened my eyes and began to move. I dropped the flashlight to the side, the impact drawing the walker towards the splash.
"Sam!" called Glenn. "Please tell us you're alive down there!"
"I'm fine!" I spat back. Anger was taking her familiar hold. She would get me through this better than fear.
"Y'all are screwed," said Maggie loud enough for me to hear. "When she gets out, she'll have your heads."
Damn right, I thought to myself as I pressed one hand into the wall I was leaning against and shifted. My other leg was already kicked out against the other side, my shoe lodged perfectly between stones as I eased myself upward until I had both feet on either side as well as hands.
"We're sending down another rope!" called Dale. "Just gonna be a minute!"
"She doesn't have a minute," snarled Shane. He was pissed, I could hear his anger like it was reverberating inside my own chest. "Give me the damn rope, now!"
The walker's hand brushed higher on my leg, over my pants and I kicked it hard. I didn't care if its skin burst open or if I'd knocked my foot into its head. I just needed the damn thing off of me as as far away as I could get it.
I moved my right foot slowly up, keeping the pressure of holding myself against the wall in my hands and other foot before doing the same little movement on the left. I was slowly working myself back up and out of the well, hooking my foot at an angle between the large stones. It was just like rock climbing.
"You sure he's never been before?" asked the man, his eyes never leaving Conner as he scaled the wall at the recreational gym.
I nodded, my arms crossed and my stance leisurely. I hadn't been this calm all week.
"He's a natural."
"He likes climbing trees," I said with a shrug. "Always been good at that stuff."
"And what about you?" He was looking at me now, his dark eyes swallowing me whole like a predator taking in a rabbit. He often liked to look at me like that, like I was this thing only he could have and he made sure others knew it too. "Are you any good?"
"Only a little." I was being humble, I was better than good. I was the one to teach Conner how to climb trees in the first place.
He held out a harness and I grinned. He said in a low voice, "We can race to the top once the kid comes down."
"Sam, we're almost there," said Maggie. There seemed to be a commotion going on up above. There were shouts, a clear argument being had but Maggie's voice was calm and soothing. "They're tying the ropes we have left together."
"Fuck you," I whispered under my breath, the sound echoing against the stones like knives cutting back into my skin and throat. "Fuck this job, fuck this walker, fuck this well."
My foot slipped slightly as I tried to move it up but it didn't propel me against the wall or deter me. The walls weren't slick but my boots were. I grunted, kicking my foot out and a little higher as I used what little arm strength I had to climb up more. My ax wielding was getting me stronger but not enough for such an extensive climb. I needed to get out. There was sweat dripping down my back and the air was so hot and sticky I felt sick.
The adrenalin was wearing off.
I dug my fingers into the stone as I moved up another few inches and then another. I was straining to pull myself up more, my left arm was beginning to shake but I could see the opening of the well. It was so close I could almost feel the barely there breeze of our stagnant day touching my face.
"Here, grab on!" said Lori and I glanced up, watching the end of the rop dangle in front of my eyes. "We'll help ease you up!"
I wrapped my wrists and hands around the rope, securing them tightly as I felt the gentle tug of my friends. Friends. I didn't let myself dwell on the fact that yes, I had friends here, and yes, I'd been saying that a lot, which terrified me.
"You're almost there, come on, a little further," said Maggie. She was leaning over the edde with her hand out reaching for me.
I moved my foot higher on the wall, feeling a pull in my legs from how far they were being stretched. I didn't limber up before this, I hadn't expected myself to be in a well climbing out like my life depended on it. Maybe Hershel had been right. I really should've taken it slow today.
But with my friends helping me move upwards with the tug of the rope, it made the pain in my forearms diminish and the ache in my legs felt lighter. It's a wonder what a little help can do.
Once I reached the top, I had one hand in Maggie's and my other wrapped around the pole lying across the opening and I let out a loud gasp of relief when I felt more hands latch onto me. I was hauled out of the well and dragged out across the dirt where I laid encased in strong arms. I was breathing harder than I would've liked and I had my eyes closed in strange relief that came out of me in a little laugh.
It'd somehow felt like I'd climbed a mile and not ten to fifteen feet.
"Back to the drawing board," said Dale with a sigh and another laugh escaped me, booming as I opened my eyes to look at the man.
"Think again," I said proudly, pointing to the rope that was strung taut outside of the well. They'd been smart to wrap it around a far post in the fence.
The body I was lying against shifted and moved until they were gone completely and I laid myself back and against the ground to catch my breath some more. The person who'd made it their life mission to get me out and drag me halfway through the dirt took me by the face, forcing me up on my elbows to meet their eyes.
"Are you okay?" rushed out Shane, his fingers digging into my cheeks and jaw. He was aggressive as he surveyed my face, as if it had been right next to the snapping maw instead of my feet. "Are you bit? Did it touch you?"
I shook my head, lips parting. Why was he acting like this? Why did he suddenly care after forcing me to keep my mouth shut?
"Who's bright idea was it to risk her damn life?!" cursed a new voice and Shane stepped back to reveal Daryl.
"There's a walker in the well, son," explained Dale who quickly stepped forward but the look on the archer's face told everyone that this would not be an easy conversation.
I sat up fully as Shane took a step away from me as Daryl approached. He was fuming, his brows so deeply set that his eyes were narrowed into a tight glare. His shoulders were tense, his jaw clenched as he stood a few feet from me to address the group.
"We ain't got the time to worry about no damn walker," he hissed, waving a hand towards the mess we'd made. "Damn things infected the water anyway, riskin' her life was pointless."
Lori spoke next. "We don't know for sure–"
I got to my feet, brushing the dirt from my palms onto my pants. "Walker's all plump and fat down there," I said. "He's waterlogged. I wouldn't drink the water either way."
Shane's shocked expression turned to anger at the drop of a hat as he spat, "Then why go through with all this?!"
"Thought it'd be some fun," I said with a shrug. I bent down to grab my holster and ax as I added, "Wasn't much fun when you nearly dropped the pump on my head, though."
"You did what?!"
I took Daryl by the arm and gave the group a little smile. "Let me know if you're able to get 'em out of there!" I pushed against him gently to get him moving. "I'd be careful, though. I'm afraid that rope will cut right through 'em."
Daryl made a move against me, like he wanted to turn on my friends but I shook my head. I was too busy pulling the holster through my belt loops and sliding my ax through another and he sensed that there wasn't going to much of a fight.
But that didn't stop him from grumbling, "Why you let them walk all over you like that?"
"Like what?" I asked as I hooked the belt of the holster, keeping it tight so nothing moved or jostled too much if we had to run.
"Like you're some–some piece of bait."
"Daryl..."
"They coulda killed you today."
We tracked down the dirt road, kicking up dust against my boots. The sun was hot here with nothing to shield us from its rays. It was being hateful to us today, just one heavy glare and I was sweating down my back. But it wasn't as bad as it had been in the well.
I sighed, "I was fine."
"They dropped you."
"Same thing would've happened if Glenn or–or Andrea went down there," I said with another sigh. I had a feeling it wouldn't have been that bad but I was expendable, wans't I? I wasn't Lori or T-Dog. I wasn't Dale or Carol. I wasn't someone who'd been with them since the beginning. I was just there, a newcomer.
You're Nancy's daughter.
I wasn't sure what I was to these people besides someone who could be risked, someone who could be used as bait.
Daryl was shaking his head as he turned to go through the grass and near the treeline. He'd seen a structure on the map earlier, something not far off we could look through. But it seemed both our minds weren't on the mission, but rather they were on each other.
"You could've gotten hurt," he said as we ducked under the fence. "You could've gotten bit."
"I was fine," I said back as he pulled back a branch for me to duck under. The trees here were ridiculously green and full. "I had it under control."
"I heard you scream."
I looked at him, slowing my step to study him better. He looked good, blanketed by the green all around him. It casted a soft hue over his skin, making him look tanner than he really was. Sun-kissed and glistening.
"You were scared."
"No, I wasn't–"
"Yes, you were–"
I shook my head with a scowl. "I wasn't scared and I didn't 'scream.'"
We broke through the brush and into a small clearing. The grass rose up to our shins and in the distance, not far at all, was a house. Surrounded by the overtaking green, it was a solid structure big enough to have a few floors at least. Or it was a very unsuspecting barn.
"I was just...startled," I finished on with a nod. "The water wasn't dangerous and I was fully capable of takin' care of myself."
"Anyone ever tell you, you don't need that?"
"Need what, Daryl?" I asked as we stalked through the field. The home was an aging beige, streaked with weather damage, and had purple roofing.
"You don't need to take care of yourself," he said. "Let someone else do it."
I shook my head, pulling my ax from my waist and clutching it tightly in one hand. There were no cars near the home as we got closer and I noted that there was no clear movement near the windows inside.
Daryl pulled his crossbow from his shoulder, yanking an arrow out to load into his weapon. I let him go first, opening the screen and testing the door softly before kicking it in. He moved on light feet, his knees slightly bent to ease more tension off his boots. He barely made a sound and I copied his movements.
When he went left, I went right into the next room. The windows were covered in thin flowery curtains, ones Nancy would've loved. There was old furniture in each room, all untouched. It seemed a lot of things here were untouched, dust coating the small coffee table in front of the withering coach. It made you wonder how long it took for things to rot naturally.
How long it took for us all to decay and ruin.
As I entered through the hallway and towards the back of the home, I noticed the back door was open and the next room was completely empty. I made a mental checklist of the things that seemed off until Daryl whistled. I followed the sound back through the home and into the kitchen. I noticed a sardine can in the trash but that wasn't what had caught his eye now.
"Someone was here," he whispered, pointing to the pantry.
Bundled in the corner of the floor were pillows and blankets, an indention of someone had clearly been curled up there. How long ago, we didn't know. I bent down, eyeing the worn pillow and how it was propped up to rest against someone's back.
"They had to be pretty small to fit in here," I whispered back. The whole thing was maybe three feet wide, two feet in heigh. Maybe.
"You notice the trash?"
I nodded.
"Smelled fresh."
"Think it was her?"
He shrugged. "I ain't sure."
"Should we check upstairs?"
He nodded. "You go up, Imma go 'round back."
I listened to him leave as I stood. He wasn't bothering much with how heavy his feet were anymore so I took that as a sign that I could do the same. I heard him call out Sophia's name in the backyard as I rounded the corner to head up the narrow staircase.
While I wanted to scout, gather potential supplies, I didn't bring my backpack with me nor did I think it was appropriate to empty out the cabinets here when someone had been living here not too long ago. If it had been Sophia, I didn't want to take her last viable can of food for myself, especially since we had the farm.
But will you stay at the farm? Will the farm be home?
By the looks of Hershel when we were discussing the guns, I didn't think staying there would be an option much longer. He'd let us use his property as base camp but nothing more. Once Carl was on his feet and healthy and Sophia back in Carol's arms, we'd be kicked to the curb.
The stairs creaked loudly under my feet. The wood felt dense but I knew if I stomped hard enough, my foot would break through. The second floor was mainly empty, the windows were propped open with old books, creating an eerie sound when the breeze would come by to move the thin curtains back and forth.
I heard Daryl call out Sophia's name again as I headed into the first room. Nothing but an old bed. No pictures on the walls, the comforter was gone, and some of the drawers were open and half empty.
The next two rooms I wandered into were just the same.
The last was empty and I felt somewhat lighter knowing we hadn't found any blood or bodies. It was just abandoned, used only by wanderers. I sheathed by ax as I headed back down the stairs and into the backyard. The house had been slightly stuffy save for the occasional breeze through a window but back in the field, shielded by towering trees, the air felt good. It cooled my skin and whatever anxieties I had earlier were slowly vanishing.
"Whatcha got there?" I asked as Daryl stood from his squat. He had been looking at something and when he turned, I noticed two small flowers in his hand. They were beautiful white things with a delicate yellow center.
"Cherokee Rose."
I walked up slowly as he held one out for me to see. "They're beautiful."
"Imma give one to Carol."
I frowned, my brows furrowing as I asked, "Do they have a meaning?"
He nodded and I could've sworn his cheeks were going pink. "There's a story, that when American soldiers were movin' Indians off their land on the Trail of Tears the Cherokee were grievin' and cryin' so much 'cause they were losin' their little ones along the way...from exposure and disease and starvation." His eyes finally lifted from the flower to meet mine. "A lot just disappeared. So, the elders, they, uh, said a prayer; asked for a sign to uplight the mothers spirits. To give 'em strength and hope."
He was twirling one of the flowers in between his fingers gently as he continued his story, "The next day this rose started to grow right where the mothers' tears fell."
"Carol will love that," I whispered, strange to feel a tightening in my chest.
"I'm thinkin' this one bloomed for that little girl," he said to me before holding out the second flower and saying, "and I think this one bloomed for your brother."
I took the flower he held outstretched for me and brought it to my nose. It was a soft scent, not as intense as I would've thought but a nice rose fragrance. When I looked up, I found his eyes still on me. A warmth spread over my chest and the tight feeling didn't let up as I swallowed. I don't know what I was thinking, but with his eyes on me and the story, it made him look different.
"I think," I whispered, holding the flower out for him to smell, "this one bloomed for your brother, too."
"My brother's dead."
"You don't know that."
He shook his head. "All we found was a hand, he ain't alive."
"Yeah, but he cauterized it," I said, watching as he eased the tension in his legs from one foot to the other. He didn't like staying still. "Said he jumped out the window, there's still a chance."
"Do you think that with your brother?"
His words shocked me, only because I didn't think Conner would be brought into this but a brother's a brother.
"You think he still alive?"
I nodded, but I wasn't sure if I believed myself. "I can't see it any other way. Merle's still out there, we just haven't found him yet." I stepped forward, ignoring the way his eyes narrowed as I got closer. I reached up, tucking the flower in the pocket of his shirt and patted it gently. "If this isn't a sign then I don't know what is, Dixon."
When we returned to camp, I watched Daryl head over to the RV where Carol was and I ignored the strange jealous pang in my heart that he was going to her and not staying with me. It didn't make sense, those weird emotions in my head and chest. I needed human contact and the slight brush of Daryl's fingers when he first handed me the flower hadn't been enough.
I hadn't even realized it until we were walking back and my fingers still hadn't stopped tingling.
"Hey," came Rick's voice over by where we'd set up our huddle of tents. He walked up slowly and I noticed how pale he was as he approached. "What'd you find out there? Anything?"
"Farm house," I told him, meeting him halfway as we headed towards the house together. "Not a lot inside but we found an old cabinet with a makeshift bed inside."
"Think it was her? Sophia?"
I shrugged. "Could've been. Only someone small would've fit, we also found food in the trash. Fresh can of sardines."
He rubbed his jaw. I hadn't seen him much at all today and while he looked less pasty, he still looked worse for wear. "Means if that was her, she's gone farther than we thought."
"Did Shane take Carol up to the highway?"
He nodded. "Left some supplies and a note on one of the cars for her."
"You think she doubled back up there?"
"No way of tellin' for sure." His hand touched my back and I slowed to a stop. I could feel the warmth coming off of him like fire. "You wanna tell me why you had to crawl out of a well today, though?"
"Huh?"
"Glenn told me you made a daring escape and that Shane almost killed you."
"Oh...that..."
"Your mother had a fit about it when she heard."
"Oh."
A smile slowly came to his lips and it almost felt like things were normal again between us. It was just me and Rick, on a horse, stuck in a tank, fighting for our lives together. There was no wife, no group, no children, just us.
"And here she comes now," he murmured, looking off my shoulder and behind me. He began to back away, but he didn't leave until he said, "You know, if I'd been there, I wouldn't have dropped you."
"Somehow," I mumbled as I watched him go, "I just don't believe that."
I was given exactly three seconds to take a deep breath and relax myself before my mother arrived. I'd avoided her for the past few days so perfectly that I was sure she'd vanished off the face of the earth but I would never be so lucky.
"Samantha Garrett," snapped Nancy and I turned slowly to face her. "You have some nerve!"
I waited for her to explain rather than saying anything myself. I was more tired than I had thought but when she began to speak, I realized just how achey my muscles and bones were. Had I even had a moment to myself since coming to the farm that didn't involve poking me with needles or searching through the woods?
"Why do you insist on being reckless?" said Nancy with a scowl. "I haven't seen you in days and all I've heard is how many times you've had your life threatened!"
"Who told you that?" Who would want to speak to you about anything?
"Everyone," she spat out. Her blonde hair looked shorter, resting just above her shoulders. It was frizzy from the heat but she still had it styled somewhat elegantly. "But I haven't heard one thing from you! You could've died, what would I have done? You know how terrible that would've made me feel?"
My brows furrowed. I was holding my tongue.
"It's so like you to do this to me," I was hoping if I let her keep going, she'd tire herself out and we'd be done with the conversation. "You did this to me all through your childhood, makin' me feel all these terrible things." She was fanning herself.
"I don't think I understand."
Her glare intensified. She enjoyed turning it all on me, making me seem as if I were reaching down her throat, forcing her to feel this way. It was my fault, I was the puppeteer of her emotions, pulling her like a string. "You could've gotten yourself killed."
"Careful, mom," I whispered, "you're beginnin' to sound like you care."
"You go out of the way for that–that boy," she pointed to the house with a scowl, "but you've done nothin' for ours? How can you just sit around, takin' after that boy and searchin' for that girl when ours is still lost?"
"He's with John." I wanted to choke on the words. "Sophia's missin' now. There's no sense in going off lookin' for Conner when Sophia is missin' right here."
Nancy pursed her lips, her eyes bulging like she was willing tears to form. She crossed her arms over her chest tightly and I noticed she was wearing a rather nice white collared shirt. She always did like being dressed the best out of everyone. There wasn't a single stain on the whiteness save for sweat peeking out from under her arms.
"Conner is missin'," she whispered in a voice that didn't belong to her. "And we aren't even lookin'."
"We will," I offered in a calm tone, "after we find Sophia."
Nancy made a face, her lip curling and I worried what she was going to say but it was only a question. "You think she's still alive?"
"I don't know."
"Kids go missin' all the time."
I nodded.
"There's no tellin' how many actually come back alive after all this time."
"It's not an abduction," I told her, "so there's no tellin' what the chances are."
Nancy nodded slowly before her eyes found mine again. It was like looking in a mirror sometimes and it scared me, knowing we were the same person just cut from a different cloth. "Why do you know so much about this stuff?"
I dragged my foot in the gravel slowly, watching dust rise against my boot. "Wanted to be prepared."
"For what?"
"In case Conner ever went missing like this, too."
She nodded slowly and I watched a small part of her shift. Her anger seemed to smoke, it was no longer catching against her skin or in her eyes. She was shifting, channeling some greater pain I'd never seen before. "I used to think the same about you. All the things I'd do if you went missin' or if you never came home." She shrugged and her tone wasn't accusatory, it wasn't looking to manipulate me, it was just a simple fact of truth. "I guess you can say it came true, didn't it?"
"I came home."
"Not really," she whispered, shaking her head. "You weren't ever fully there, not since you were a kid."
"Mom–"
"I always knew you were goin' to leave," she told me with another little shake of her head, "I just didn't think it'd be so soon." Her eyes met mine, leaving the dying horizon to meet the blue sky reflected in both our eyes.
She didn't say anything else before walking away, her arms still crossed but it was no longer in anger. She was covering herself, shame drenching her skin. It wasn't everyday she expressed herself, exposing her insides for me, the bird, to peck at.
I watched her retreat towards camp and I didn't look away until she vanished inside the RV.
I didn't see her for the rest of the night.
AUTHOR'S NOTE━━hi....long time no see <333 field hockey season ended so im more free to write but finals r coming up ah! ill hopefully get more chaps out this winter and soon
let me know what you guys thought....esp w sam/shane and sam/daryl. we got a lot of moments between them this chap eeeee
kinda want sam and daryl to kiss but we'll see.....maybe she WILL kiss someone soon........
sam in the well:
an actual picture of sam and glenn's lockscreen:
vote/comment pls pls pls!!! comments r so important to my motivation!!! <3333
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