≻───── ⋆SEVEN⋆ ─────≺

"𝐒𝐀𝐌," 𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐘𝐋 from up ahead in the caravan. "You ridin' with me."

I glanced back at him and nodded firmly before pushing my way past Rick and going to grab my bag from T-Dog's van. I loved T-Dog and Andrea but I couldn't sit in that van with Nancy in the back clutching at my hands like I was going to fly away. Besides, riding with Daryl meant, hopefully, no talking. 

I tossed my backpack onto the floor of the passenger seat in Daryl's truck as I got inside. I slammed the car door shut a little too hard but he didn't make any comments before starting the vehicle. In a few seconds, we were back off down the road and hopefully towards the C.D.C.

"Got somethin' in the glove box," he muttered after about five minutes, motioning in front of me. "Might help a bit."

I narrowed my eyes at him but opened the box anyway. I felt an itchy excitement creep down my fingers as I reached inside and pulled out the box of cigarettes. He had a couple strewn about inside and I made sure I grabbed the fullest one I could find. Slipping one out and snatching a lighter from inside, I lit the old thing and took in a long inhale as I manually rolled down my window.

I handed him the pack and he took one out for himself before throwing it back inside the glove box and closing it. He had to lean into my seat to do so and I ignored how his arm stretched, the muscles clear and profound against his tanned skin. He was chiseled out and it surprised me the more I looked at him. 

I blew the smoke from my lips and ignored the way it stung in my lungs. I hadn't smoked for a while now and I knew it was bad, I knew there were so many consequences to it but it was making my head feel less heavy and hard from what I had done back on the side of the road.

"You think I was wrong?" I asked in a small voice as Daryl lit his cigarette between his lips. "Doing what I did for Jim?"

Daryl rested one hand on the wheel, his elbow against the door as he ran his fingers through his hair. He kept his eyes on the road, the cigarette dangling from from his lips and he shook his head. "It was a mercy killing, would've done the same if I'd stuck around to ask."

I nodded, taking in another long inhale, watching the cigarette burn. I flicked the ash out the window as I said, "He was suffering, I couldn't just let him suffer all the way up until he died, you know? I get Rick not wanting us to kill people but...you said so yourself back at camp, you'd want someone to put a bullet in you if you were bit."

"And you?" he asked. "You want the same?"

I nodded again, even though the thought alone terrified me. "I don't want to become one of those things, so yeah, I'd want the same."

Daryl took the cigarette out of his mouth, resting his hand by the window as if the smoke would bother me. I let my eyes run over him again, looking at the cut off flannel he wore that exposed the muscles in the tops of his shoulders and arms. Although the little beard he had wasn't exactly my style, he made it work. It was strange, seeing how a lot of what he did worked but only for him. 

"You got guts though," he muttered and I glanced back at him again, "going up and asking him. You ever take a life before now?"

I shook my head, resting my hand against the window, the little crack in it giving me just enough fresh air to blow against my face. "I...I wanted too but never could."

Given the chance now, I would kill John in a heartbeat. I would pull his gun from my holster and aim it at his face. I'd let his own gun be his demise. To have him look at me down the barrel of his own weapon and to see the fear in his eyes at what he created, it would close up some of those wounds he left open inside of me.

"Felt that way 'bout Merle a lot," he said with a shrug. "Gets on my damn nerves."

"Yeah, he's kind of, like, a huge racist."

He nodded with a chuckle, like he'd had this conversation before with his brother. "I know."

"And sexist."

"I know."

" But you...?" I said, shaking my head softly. "You're different from him, noticed it the second we met."

He let out a soft scoff. "You mean when you took my damn knife and knocked me on my ass?" he said and I turned to look at him but he was already looking at me. His eyes ran over my face and when I smiled, I could've sworn a small smirk pulled at his lips but it vanished as he turned to look back at the road.

From down the road, I could see the city slowly come into view. I sat up in my seat and tried not to let the sight burn a trail of anxiety down my throat and into my gut. The cigarette helped but not enough. Even if I smoked the entire pack, it still wouldn't prepare me for what we could get getting into. 

I could only hope the walkers had spread out since the last time we'd been there. That they had wandered down the highway and towards other specks of life instead of the one we were now trying to call home.

"Is Merle...you know...?" I asked after a moment as we drove under an overpass. "You all came back from the city and he wasn't, well, with you."

Daryl's jaw clenched and I knew I shouldn't have asked after we had our first pleasant conversation but curiosity killed the cat. "All we found on that roof was his damn hand," he spat out, his eyes narrowed into a tight glare which he kept directed on the road. "Cauterized it himself then the dumbass jumped out a window." He shook his head and murmured, "Lot of shit went down but we got the guns and that's all that matters."

"Not really," I whispered with a sigh, training my eyes on the deserted cars we passed and the odd swaying trees that always line highways. "You lost your brother out there, you all could've gotten hurt."

"Merle cut his own hand off and killed two walkers right after," he said, shaking his head again. "He's still out there, somewhere."

"You going to go out and find him, then?"

He started to shake his head but stopped. "Depends on if this all works out, don't it?"

"You think it will?" I asked, smoking the rest of my cigarette before flicking it out the window. I didn't see the point of killing it somewhere in the car when it could just as easily be killed out the window and on the asphalt. "You think Rick's right about this place?"

"You tell me," he muttered as we entered the city. It was exactly how it was the last time I was there and as we drove, I was pleased to find not as many walkers looming about. 

There were some, spilling and trickling out of alleys and from abandoned buildings, but there weren't hundreds. There probably wasn't even fifty. They would be easily managed if we needed to stop and fight at any given moment and I prayed it stayed that way.

"I don't like bein' here," I whispered as we continued to drive, following Shane, Rick, and T-Dog in front of us. 

The further we went, the more walkers I could see poking their faces out from their hiding places. They could hear the roar of the engines from miles away, they could probably already smell us. Their ragged faces watched us drove past sidewalks and windows and I pictured them, just for a moment, as tourists and homeowners and normal people. They were waiting on the sidewalk for the bus, waiting to cross the crowded streets. They were just people wanting to get to work or to get back home to their families and wives and husbands and all their beautiful children.

But as I watched them as they watched me, it was getting harder and harder to imagine the best. This world wasn't made for it.

And I don't think we were either.

"It's not like we got anywhere else to go," said Daryl and for a moment I felt his eyes on me but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the window. "Might as well put on a big smile for whatever bullshit we're walking into."

"Yeah," I breathed, "right."

As we got deeper into the infected city, the C.D.C. slowly rose to our view. It was a normal building with a wall of windows which I could've only assumed once housed offices of people who were now no longer alive or too far gone from the city to even be remembered. The main parking lot was blocked off by old barricades used for traffic and construction work. Against the barricades there were bodies lined up, old walkers used to scare off the others and to keep them as far from the doors as possible.

It was a pretty smart type of warfare, keeping the bodies lined up as if they were alive and ready to chomp and strike. Our caravan slowed to a stop and I pulled my ax free from my waistband as I slung my backpack over my shoulders. 

I watched just for a moment as everyone began to jump out of their cars, leaving them up against the sandbags and the barricades. I opened my car door and let my feet hit the asphalt and my gut churned with nerves. I could see walkers from the distance, wandering through the streets as they fought to get closer to us.

As we looked around, heading towards the building, I could see flies circling the bodies and the bloody smears across the barricades. Someone had come out here, probably the army, in the beginning and shot up as many of those suckers as possible. Their bodies laid strewn about in the streets, collecting rot and maggots.

"Stay quiet," whispered Rick as someone cocked their gun. "Let's go."

We silently crossed the street, holding out shirts and hands to our noses to stop the intense smell of decay. It was all around us, circling in thick waves. Death was here and she would never leave this place.

We passed the military checkpoint sign which was now covered in streams of dried blood and brain matter, and the bodies were now more distinct here. Many wore normal clothes, dresses and suits and jeans, but some wore military uniforms and that only cemented the realness of how no one was safe, not even the people who were trained to be.

"Come on, keep it together," whispered Rick again. "Stick close."

The closer we got to the building, the more bodies we passed. Behind me, Carol, Jacqui, and Lori kept the children close to them as T-Dog and Glenn flanked their sides. Rick and Shane kept up the lead and I stayed back with Daryl and Dale to make sure nothing followed us or suddenly woke up. I was surprised as we rounded the parking lot to see yet another tank lying absent near the front doors. It was daunting to realize not even a tank could stop the monsters from coming.

When we neared what looked to be the front doors, I wasn't shocked to find that they were sealed like garage doors. There were at least three of them facing us, all closed shut. Rick and Shane tried to push them open but they wouldn't budge.

"There's nobody here," said T-Dog as Shane pounded a fist against the door, the sound seeming louder than anything we've heard before in the silent city.

Rick looked off his shoulder and snapped, "Then why are these shutters down?"

Daryl nudged me and I turned around as he shouted, "Walkers!"

It was just one I could see, stumbling past the bodies and Daryl raised his crossbow. I held out my hand to him and shook my head. "Don't waste the arrow."

"But it's right there–" He started to snap and I shook my head. 

"Wait for it to get closer."

He scowled and spun around to face Rick as I watched the beast. "You led us into a graveyard!" he hissed.

"He made a call," said Shane and Daryl instantly countered with, "It was the wrong damn call!"

"Just shut up," spat Shane, pushing into Daryl's chest. "You hear me? Shut up. Shut up!" Shane spun around to face Rick and said, "This was a dead end."

"Where are we gonna go?" pleaded Carol, her voice nearing sobs.

The walker got closer and I moved forward as they continued to argue, already swinging my ax back with enough momentum to need just one slash to kill it. The blade sliced through its head and I watched it crumble at my feet. It was yet another walker wearing a military uniform. Another one just dead to the cause they couldn't fight.

"You hear me?" said Shane as I walked back. "No blame."

Lori looked back and forth between the men and the dead behind us. "She's right," she was referring to Carol, "we can't be here, we can't be this close to the city after dark."

"Fort Benning, Rick," said Shane as T-Dog cocked his rifle. "It's still an option–"

"On what?" said Lori. "No food. No fuel. That's one hundred miles."

I stalked forward, standing next to Rick as he stared at the doors searching for a way in. I pushed my way to the door and pounded a fist against the metal when I spotted something. It was a small thing above us and I felt myself grin.

Everyone continued to panic, their voices rising as the horror set in that we would be trapped here but I couldn't stop from staring at the little camera. It stared right back at me and I knew there was someone in there watching. Rick was right about the reason why the doors were shut, they'd have to be shut from the inside and the only way to do that was for someone to do it themselves.

"You!" I snapped, pointing up and giving in to Rick's foolish idea because god this was all we got. It was either here or we died. It was either here or we ran for our lives and prayed we had enough fuel to make it halfway to Benning. "In there! Help us! Let us in, dammit! Please!"

"Sam, shut the hell up!" cried Shane. "Shut up!"

I heard Nancy's voice behind me, scared. "Sam, please, we've got to go! It isn't safe!"

I ignored them both. "Let us in!" I cried, pounding a fist into the door. "You're going to just sit there and let us die?!"

"We need to go," cried Lori. "Let's go!"

"Everybody move!"

"No!" I cried out as Rick gasped and pointed up and said, "The camera–it moved!"

"You imagined it," said Dale and I glanced back to see him staring at us wildly. Beyond him, I could see how dark the sky was already getting. It would be black before we'd even get back to the cars if we made a run for it.

"It moved," repeated Rick as he walked forward. "It moved–"

"Rick, it's dead, man," said Shane, shaking his head and trying to pull back on his arm. "It's an automated device. It's gears, okay? It's just winding down, okay? Now come on!"

I shook my head. "No, it moved, okay? Someone is in there, watching us!"

"There's no one in there!" cried Shane. "We need to go! We can't stay here, everything's fucking dead!"

Rick ran forward, slamming a hand against the door as he cried, "Please! We're desperate! I know you're in there!"

"Everybody get back to the cars!" snapped Shane. "Let's go!"

"Please help us," begged Rick. "We have women, children, no food. Hardly any gas left!"

Lori ran up and tugged on her husband's arms. "There's no one there–" She got in front of him but he kept yelling out, "There's nowhere else to go!" Rick pushed away from her entirely and got to the doors and began to pound on them. "If you don't let us in, you're killing us!"

I ran up next to him, shouting the same. It was the only play we had left. "You're going to kill us!" I cried out, feeling pain shoot up my hands from how hard I was hitting the doors. "You're killing us! Please! God, please, help us!"

Shane grabbed Rick and I felt someone grab me as I kicked at the door as we were dragged away. Rick continued to scream and when Shane spun him away and I'd just gotten free of whoever had snatched me up, a whoosh went through the air and the door moved. Bright lights blazed from the other side as the door slowly rose and opened, steam letting loose from the building inside.

My breath hitched in my throat as gas hissed and the door clanged. Rick reached out and grabbed onto my shoulder as he gasped. The lights died softly enough for us to see inside and Shane instantly snapped out, "Daryl, you cover the back."

Rick raised his rifle and I held my ax tightly in my fists as we were the first ones to creep forward. We weren't going to waste anymore time outside as the sun set. Inside was empty as we entered the main lobby. 

"Hello?" called out Rick as we spread out to cover more areas. 

"Close those doors," snapped Shane as Rick called out again, "Hello?"

"Watch for walkers," I said to the others behind me. "We don't know what could be in here."

I gave myself a quick moment to scan the room. There were two large staircases on either side of the lobby leading up to the upper levels and there was a front desk in the middle. From the smell, I couldn't pick up any whiffs of rot. It was like the death and decay hadn't even touched the place.

The sound of a gun cocking by one of the dark hallways caught our attention and we all turned swiftly at the sound. I slowly lowered my ax when I could see who it was properly. He was a pale thing with blonde hair that look as if he'd run his fingers through it over a half dozen times. He wore what seemed to be old pajamas and I squinted to see him properly. An old gray shirt and navy sweatpants, both of which looked too big on him.

"Anybody infected?" he called out and I slid my ax into my waistband entirely. There didn't need to be a fight here.

"One of our group was," said Rick and I elbowed him for evening saying it. There was no need, Jim was gone, it was over. His eyes glanced at me for a split second I could see the glare before he looked back at the man and said, "He didn't make it."

The man steps forward and out of the shadows, moving into the lobby light. "Why are you here?" he asked. "What do you want?"

Rick breathed in roughly. "A chance."

The man kept his hold on his rifle, even as he began to walk forward. "That's asking an awful lot these days."

Rick nodded. "I know."

We all seemed to collectively catch our breath as the man looked us over, one by one. I felt his eyes run over me and I found myself looking away, something about the way he was holding himself made me think he was just a little too much like us. Like he was defeated, too. When he finally did speak, it calmed me just the slightest.

"You all submit to a blood test," he said. "That's the price of admission."

Rick nodded instantly. "We can do that, yeah." 

The man lowered his gun and sighed. "If you have stuff, bring it in now." He pointed towards the doors. "Once this door closes, it stays closed."

Rick, Shane, and Glenn took off running back to the cars as T-Dog and Dale took watch by the doors and Daryl just outside them. When they ran in, bags slung over their shoulders and personal belongings clutched in their arms, the doors shut.

The man typed into a small alarm system and spoke the commands, "Vi, close the main entrance. Kill the power up here."

I watched from behind the class doors as the metal slowly slid down from their slots, the gate hissing and clanging as it sealed us in. It felt like I was being locked away, like I was watching myself be taken into a prison. When the metal door sealed shut, I felt a lump grow in my throat.

I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be trapped.

Rick stuck his hand out to the man and greeted him properly. "Rick Grimes."

The man nodded with a faint look of awe in his face. Was he surprised to see us or surprised he actually let us in? "Dr. Edwin Jenner," he replied, taking Rick's hand cautiously and shaking. 

He took us down the hall once we'd grabbed our things and into a large elevator. We shuffled inside and I pressed myself against one of the walls, the metal cold enough to seep through the back of my shirt. It felt good, to feel some type of cold release. After sweating and standing in the sun for days on end, it felt good to almost be in a walk-in freezer.

I barely listened to the conversations in the elevator and into a long white hallway with shut doors on either side of us until we reached the main control room. Jenner stopped on a small walkway and spoke to the room.

"Vi, bring up the lights in the main room."

A huge ring light on top of the ceiling powered on, showing us the empty stations in the center ring. There were chunky computers and sections but there were no people. We slowly entered in after Jenner and I swallowed thickly.

"Welcome to Zone Five," he said to us and I had the urge to strike him against the back of the head. Shouldn't there be other people here? Shouldn't he be telling us something?

"Where are the people?" I asked, unable to keep it to myself as I glanced around the vacant room. "Shouldn't there be doctors here? Other staff?"

Jenner turned to look at me and I could see the weariness set in his eyes and face. He was exhausted, too. He was hanging on barely. "I'm it. It's just me here," he replied.

Lori frowned. "What about the other person you were speaking with? Vi?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's a computer system," I muttered, feeling my stomach growl. "Lot's of high tech places like this have them." I looked to the doctor. "Right?"

He nodded but a small smile came to his face as he said, "Vi! Say hello to our guests. Tell them...welcome."

"Hello, guests," a robotic voice spoke around us. "Welcome."

Jenner gave us a sad look and a shrug. "Like I said, I'm all that's left. I'm sorry."

He corralled us into an auditorium, chairs and tables stacked against the walls. He pulled out a table and a few chairs before heading out to collect what he needed for the blood samples. Rick and Shane went first, then the children. Lori held Carl's hand as he gave his amount and Carol held Sophia's tightly, the other girl closing her eyes tightly and looking away.

When it was my turn, I rolled up my sleeve and laid my arm out against the table. He wrapped the rubber band around my bicep tightly and I squeezed my hand into a fist. This wasn't the first time I'd given blood. As a kid, I was in and out of the doctor's office for obvious reasons. 

When he slipped the needle in, I let out a slow breath as my lips tingled and my head felt light. It was only because we hadn't had a proper meal since the massacre in the quarry. If I hadn't of just eaten a granola bar, I would've been fine.

"Not even a flinch," he muttered as my blood slowly began to fill his little tube. 

"Used to stuff like this," I said back, hoping he didn't hear the wooziness in my voice. 

"Were you a doctor before this?" he asked, his eyes scanning my face and I could tell he was curious, curious about all of us. "Or just prone to injuries?"

I smiled softly, forcing myself to at least seem pleasant in front of him. "Was going to be, a doctor that is, but decided against it halfway through."

"Were you in your residency?" he asked as he pulled the needle free and pressed a cotton ball into the tiny wound. 

I shook my head. "Never made it that far."

"What made you stop?" 

I shrugged, easing to my feet slowly so he didn't see just how dizzy that made me. "Probably the same thing that made you want to stop, too."

His brows furrowed but his eyes were knowing. As I turned away, Andrea went next. She sat down hard in the chair and I heard when she laid her arm out with a thunk. 

"What's the point?" she asked. "If we were all infected, we'd all be running a fever."

Jenner worked the needle into her arm and she winced. "I've already broken every rule in the book letting you in here. Let me just...be thorough." The syringe clicked and he pulled the needle free as I leaned against the wall to count numbers in my head as I breathed. "All done."

Andrea nodded and got to her feet and I knew she'd done it too fast, Jacqui moved to hold her as Andrea blinked.

"Are you okay?" asked Jenner, eyeing us confusedly. 

Andrea nodded but Jacqui scowled and looked past her to say to the doctor, "She hasn't eaten in days. None of us have."

Jenner looked at all of us and nodded slowly as he gathered his test tubes. "Then I guess we'll have to change that."

Laughter chorused all throughout the empty cafeteria, the table booming with joy that hadn't been heard or expressed in days. The table was filled with a delicious pasta doused in thick Alfredo sauce. It was thick, not at all runny, and I could taste the rich garlic and cheese. There was broccoli and carrots mixed in and I slurped up my meal slowly, knowing that if I ate this all too quickly, my gut wouldn't appreciate it.

I hadn't eaten something this heavy in months and that wasn't including the baked beans or the cat food. The only thing I could really enjoy quickly was the bottles of red wine being passed around. I had my glass full and I drank half of it before the next glass had even been served, but I couldn't help myself.

When was the next time I was going to be allowed to get freely drunk?

I also knew that I needed to pace myself and continuously drink water to safe myself from a devastating hangover. I let myself feel a comfortable buzz, my head growing heavier but I continued to eat and sip at my water as people laughed and poured more wine into their empty glasses.

I watched from the other end of the table near my spot seated next to Jenner as Carl tried a sip of wine, his face contorting into disgust which sent people into more fits of laughter. I wanted to smile, to bring a laugh up to my throat and chest but I couldn't help the feeling that there was something terribly off about this place. Jenner was the last one and yet, this place held more ghosts and death than the quarry. 

"Just stick to soda pop there, bud," muttered Shane, as the laughter died to just chuckles.

Daryl grabbed a bottle of wine off the table and shook his head, pointing to Glenn. "Not you, Glenn! I want to see you shit-faced!"

Glenn gave Daryl a nervous look and laughed it off but I knew the boy would take another glass in a minutes time. He was holding a bottle of wine that was surely almost empty as he hadn't had more than one sip of the glass he'd left on the table when he went to perch on the cafeteria counter. "Haha, very funny," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

Rick grabbed his glass of wine and stood, ringing his glass with a knife gently. "It seems to me we haven't thanked our host properly."

T-Dog, already slightly drunk, raised his glass and said, "He is more than just our host."

"Hear, hear!" called Dale with a grin and I noticed this was the first time I'd seen him without his hat on. After Dale's cheer, everyone raised their glasses in salute and thanked Jenner with booyah's and thank you's. 

After everyone clinked glasses, Shane lowered his and I saw his eyes narrow as he looked at Jenner. "So when are you gonna tell us what the hell happened here, doc?" He raised his brows and stared at the man with more hostility than wonder. "All the other, uh, other doctors that were supposed to be figuring out what happened, where are they?"

Rick sighed from his end of the table. "We're celebrating, Shane. Don't need to do this now."

Shane frowned. "Whoa, wait a second. This is why we're here, right?" He looked at Rick. "This was your move, supposed to find all the answers. Instead we," he chuckled, "we found him. Found one man, why?"

Jenner wasted no time with his explanation. "Well, when things got bad, a lot of people just left, went off to be with their families. And when things got worse, when the military cordon got overrun, the rest bolted."

Shane sat back in his seat. "Every last one?"

"Think, honestly, Shane," I muttered as I brought my wine to my lips, the groups eyes going to me as I rested back in my own seat trying to hide my disdain behind my glass. "They couldn't see another way out, the military was our last option. So, they killed themselves." I glanced at the doctor and he nodded slowly.

"Many couldn't face walking out the door," he said, a slight frown playing at his lips. "As Sam said, they...opted out." People around the table grew solemn, Jacqui picking up her glass, the smile dying from Dale's face. "There was a rash of suicides. That was...was a bad time."

Andrea frowned. "You didn't leave. Why?"

"I just kept working," he said with a shrug, "hoping to do some good."

Glenn stood from his spot in the room and glared at Shane as he muttered, "Dude, you are such a buzzkill, man." He sat down in the open seat beside me and reached for the glass of wine he'd left on the table.

The chatter resumed, still subdued from the previous conversation, around five awkward minutes later. I continued drinking from my glass, I wasn't in the mood to refill it. I knew once I finished this glass, I'd be tipsy enough to feel something other than my impending worry.

"Can I ask you something?" said Jenner from my left. I glanced at him and nodded and he asked, "What made you turn your back on medicine?"

I smiled behind my glass as if what I was thinking of was fond but it wasn't. It was just another memory filled with diluted stress. "Figured I'd be better off in psychology."

"Doctorate?"

I shook my head. "Unfortunately never made it that far."

"Turning from bodies to brains," he said with an amused smile but it never quite reached his eyes. There was something powerfully dark hidden in them, like he knew something we didn't and it terrified him. "If you could've continued with medicine, did you know what your specialty would've been?"

I stared to shake my head but I stopped myself, murmuring, "Cardiology would've been the ideal but...I had a soft spot for pediatrics."

"Surgery or...?"

I nodded. "Would've ended up in a hospital one way or another."

"Probably a good thing you never continued," he said with a shrug, running his finger over the rim of his glass. "Hospitals were pretty quick to succumb to infection."

"The mass hysteria and panic probably didn't help with that either," I muttered, taking a long sip. I wasn't always a big wine fan but this was hitting the spot. At least it was red and not white. 

He chuckled and nodded. "You seem to know your way around these things more than they do, why is that?"

I learned the right place to cut to severe an artery. I knew how to prepare a survival kit before I turned twelve. I knew what guns held more rounds. I knew how to shoot, to fight in hand-to-hand combat, and fucking fish before my sixteenth birthday. I knew...I knew...I knew...

I shrugged. "I just learned over the years."

"Were you trained at all?" he asked. "If I hadn't known, I would've guessed you had a military background, some influence at least. You sought me out pretty fast when you arrived here." 

"Guess I just have a good eye for most things." I drank the rest of my glass, setting it down on the table. "So, is this the time you show us where we're going to be staying?"

He nodded and once everyone was finished with their meal and drinks, he lead us through the underground compound. The walls weren't narrow, which I was thankful for. With all our gear and luggage, we would've had to walk single file to get through the place but it was nicely spaced out, which eased Carol's claustrophobia just enough to be comfortable.

"Most of the facilities powered down, including housing," said Jenner as he lead us down the hallway. "You'll have to make do here. The couches are comfortable, but there are cots in storage if you like." We looked into each open room as we passed. They must've been just old offices, old sitting rooms because there wasn't much in any. "There's a REC room down the hall that the you kids might enjoy." He turned to look at Carl and Sophia who followed him closely like he was some magnificent god amongst men. "Just don't plug in the video games, okay? Or anything that draws power. The same applies–" He stood to glance at everyone else. "–if you shower, go easy on the hot water."

Glenn turned slowly and I could see the dazed happy look in his eyes as he said dreamily, "Hot water?"

T-Dog matched his grin. "That's what the man said."

In an instant, both T-Dog and Glenn went racing to find rooms. Nancy grabbed my arm and pulled me towards one with her and I couldn't stop her, even as she corralled me into a little room with two couches pressed against the walls. 

Each room, except for just a select few, had a bathroom paired with a toilet and shower. I let Nancy go first as I set my bag down on one of the couches and allowed myself to get off my feet. I slowly worked the knot out of my boot laces, undoing them just enough so I could slide my feet out. I couldn't remember the last time I'd taken my shoes off if I didn't count the shower at the police station with Morgan and Rick.

I slept in these clothes, I worked in these clothes, I killed in them, too. So, when I peeled my flannel from my arms, I felt the cool air touch my skin and I shivered. My arms were tanned, not as well as my face and chest, but there was color to keep me from blending in with the dull walls. I folded my shirt up, knowing I could wash it in the sink once Nancy was done. I had a fresh shirt and pants in my bag but mostly everything needed to be cleaned.

It made me curse myself for not picking out a shirt in the department store all those days ago. 

I wiggled my toes against the carpet as I waited for Nancy to be finished. I knew she'd take longer than necessary, especially after having one too many drinks at dinner. She'd gotten a hold of her own bottle of wine to take back with her to bed and I was thankful she didn't take it into the bath with her.

When the water turned off and I heard the shower door open, I gathered my clothes in my arms. She shuffled out, her skin slightly pink and the dirt and dried blood that had lived against her neck and hands was gone. She gave me a small smile and murmured, "Saved you as much hot water as I can."

"We both already know Glenn took it all by now," I mumbled and as I passed her, I heard her laugh. 

Inside the bathroom, I wasted no time quickly washing my clothes in the sink and hanging them up the best I could in the room as the shower water grew warm. I did the same with some of Nancy's clothes because I was feeling generous and somewhat kinder than usual with a glass of wine sitting comfortably in my gut and blood stream.

I stepped into the shower five minutes later and sighed happily when the warmth enveloped me in a steamy hug. It felt nearly as good as it had the first time but this was different. I was enclosed in a small space, the heat forced to still around me like a fog. 

At my feet, the water turned a light brown and I tried to ignore that but it was hard as I watched the water run off my fingers my spiderwebs, the water taking the dried blood, dirt, and sweat with it. I ran my hands over myself, rubbing at my skin with a small rag. 

Jim's blood finally left my skin and was scrubbed out from underneath my nails. I braced myself against the cold wall as images of him flashed in my mind. I'd taken his life too easily. It was like a release had been set off inside of me when I pulled the trigger and the bullet left the chamber and got lodged deep within his skull. Anger and all feeling had left me like a breath before it had rapidly caught back up with me.

I had to breathe deeply to remember what I did was the right thing. I'd set him free. I couldn't have walked away, no matter who would pull me back and force me to leave. He was still a person, he was just sick beyond healing. Nothing could cure a bite and even if we had discovered it early, there was no way to cut it out of him without bleeding him dry. There was no way around it and killing him was giving him a death worthy enough with the infection.

He'd agreed...but did I force him?

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair as I dipped my head back under the water. I closed my eyes and let the water wash away everything, even my thoughts of Jim and Conner that plagued my every waking moment.

I always had to question myself, even when I knew deep down there was a reason I did the things I did. But I had been raised to sit back and question every little thing I do in order not to do the worst. But...I barely had impulse control so you can see where this gets difficult for me.

Rinsing myself off the rest of the way, I took a moment before I turned the water off. I had this horrible feeling we wouldn't get to have this again, the hot water and soap and this moment of content peace. Whatever I had sensed when we'd entered this building was growing inside me like a steady plague.

I dressed in a large shirt and shorts I had gotten from the drawers of my home before leaving. Embarrassing for me, the shirt had belonged to Him and it wasn't something I could just easily let go of. It hadn't fit him and it hadn't fit me but I found comfort in knowing at one point, we had been so horrifically comfortable with one another that we didn't care who wore what. All that had mattered was that we were together and we were happy.

Or so I thought.

"Will you go back down to the cafeteria to get another bottle of wine?" asked Nancy as I dried my hair with a towel. 

"You aren't finished with the one you have already," I murmured, moving to hang up the towel so it wouldn't get my things wet. "And you should probably slow it down, we don't know what tomorrow will be like."

She rolled her eyes, resting back against her couch, one arm folded behind her head and the other against her stomach gripping the bottle. "It'll be just like this, sweetie."

"You know..." I sighed, leaning against the wall. "At some point, all that wine is going to run out."

"Some habits are hard to quit," she said before narrowing her eyes. "I smelled cigarettes on you earlier so don't act like what I'm doing is all that bad. Everybody's doin' it."

"Doesn't mean you have too." I sighed again, reaching up to rub my forehead. "I just don't want you to become dependent on it again."

"I won't."

I ran my foot over the carpet. I didn't have any socks on and I wanted to put them on, since my skin was prickling with goosebumps but I knew that I wouldn't have traction on the tile floors if I had to make a run for it. "Do you remember when you forced Conner to have a sip of your wine at that neighborhood barbecue?"

"Samantha..."

"And he didn't want to but you told him if he didn't you'd take away those toy trucks he always had with him?" I continued, dragging my big toe over the rough carpet. This was probably going to be the only time I could be barefoot without fear of stepping on glass or getting dirty. "And he always had those trucks, remember? That big one with the yellow stripes down the side and the blue one with the flames?"

Nancy scowled, her lips tinted a soft red. 

"And he was cryin' but you kept yellin' and sayin' that he had to drink it because he was old enough," I said, "but he was only eight and you kept goin' on and on and he just kept crying and saying no but you took him by the face and forced it into his mouth–"

"Will you shut the fuck up?!" cried Nancy, getting to her feet and stumbling slightly. "You always do this, you know that? You bring up every horrible little thing I've done." She pointed a finger at me. "I loved Conner, so much, you have no idea how hard I worked as his mother!"

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and ignored the way that comment stung. I knew that I had made her angry but I had been hoping she would throw the bottle in her efforts to shut me up. She'd done it so much as a kid, as did John, I almost expected that type of reaction from her now. She didn't need any more of that in her, poisoning her as it did us. She turned into something else when she had alcohol in her hands, just like I did. 

"You always do this," she said, bunching up her lips as if willing herself to cry. "You always make me out to be the bad guy but–but I'm trying here. I'm a good person, Samantha, I really am." There was slurring to her words and I couldn't help but notice the way she swayed slightly on her feet. "I think–" She hiccuped. "I think you should just go get me that other bottle, okay? Just...just leave me to my own until you find one."

"You know I'm not going to do that."

The tearful expression she had been fighting to bring on died on her face as it turned into something sour. She took a step forward, the bottle of wine sloshing in her hands. "Can't you just do one thing I tell you? You never listened as a kid."

I only stared. There wasn't a point in arguing, she'd always see a different picture, one she painted herself.

"Conner was perfect, he did everything he was told," she went on, shaking her head. "He was such a good boy, better than you sometimes."

"You keep saying was like he's already gone," I said, watching her carefully. 

She threw her hands up, the wine rolling like waves in the bottle. It was a good thing it was halfway gone or she'd have flung wine across the walls. "He could never handle a gun or–or a knife, how do you expect him to survive out there on his own?!"

"Isn't he with John?"

"Y–yes."

I narrowed my eyes. "He's with John, isn't he?" 

She let out a shaky breath and nodded. "He is, he is. I'm just statin' the obvious. Conner never was any good at that stuff, he was weak and John hates weakness, you know that." She ran her free hand through her hair as the other brought the bottle to her lips. "You know how wine makes me get all fuzzy," she said once she swallowed, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. I could smell the cheap grape flavoring from here.

"It's not his fault he wasn't the perfect hunter," I said to her as she stumbled forward again. "He was sick, mom, he couldn't help it."

"Sickness is weakness." She took another swig from the bottle. "And we demanded perfection, we still do."

"I think that's enough for now." When she reverted back to her preaching she did towards us as children, I knew it was time for the drinking to be done. I reached forward to grab the bottle but she swung it back. 

"What the hell do you think you're doin'?!" She lashed her hand out and struck me across the face. My head swung to the side as I gasped. "Don't ever try to do that again," she spat as I held my burning cheek.

Her hit had stung like fire spreading across my skin and when I peeled my palm away, it was clammy with warmth. Nancy took another drink from her bottle and stumbled back to her makeshift bed, lying down as if she hadn't just hit me.

I rubbed my cheek softly as I left the room. I'd let her cool off for as long as I could or until she fell asleep, so I'd have the chance to sleep peacefully without her sloshing and the comments that would follow. 

The hallway was empty and the floor was cold underneath my feet. I passed by the entertainment room, the door shut and I continued on. I didn't want to bother anyone if they were inside and besides, I had my mind set on somewhere else.

The cafeteria lights were still on as I entered, the room smelling of dinner. There were a few bottles of wine still on the table and I grabbed one as I passed, sniffing the contents before taking a small sip. 

Wine was wine, it all tasted funny. 

I drank anyway. Not enough to do anything, but just something I could hold in my hands and mouth as the throbbing in my cheek slowly died down. I was alone, for a few minutes, until I wasn't anymore.

"Didn't expect you to see you here," mumbled Daryl as he entered, a bottle of wine at his side.  It was almost half gone from what I could tell as the light hit the bottle as he stumbled in. He didn't sound drunk, just tired. He walked closer, a slight frown on his face. "Why's your face all red?"

I reached up to my cheek, my fingertips brushing the warm skin just slightly as I let out a small laugh. "Guess the wine's gettin' to me." I cleared my throat, shaking my head slightly so my hair could fall against my face to save from anymore questioning. "What bottle are you on?"

"Just one."

"Mhm," I hummed with a laugh. "One in total or this your first after the bottle you drank at dinner?"

He raised his hand as he sat down on the counter where Glenn had been perched for most of the night. "The second one you said."

"Ah," I sighed, holding up my bottle and murmuring, "On my first."

He took a long swig from his bottle, wiping his lips with the back of his hand as he said, "You told Jenner you were gonna be a doctor?"

I nodded, my lips parting as my brows furrowed. Had he been listening?

"What really made you quit?"

"I didn't quit–"

"Tell me."

I sighed, running my finger around the rim of the bottle in my lap. "If I said it was because it was too much work, can we leave it at that?"

He took another drink but didn't ask me further.

I raised my bottle to my lips and let the liquid spill into my mouth and I swallowed forcefully. It was warm as it hit my stomach and I shivered involuntarily at both the taste and feeling of it filling me. I ran my tongue around my mouth, trying to ease the taste away. "What were you before all this?"

"Does it matter?" he asked with a grunt. His arms flexed as he moved the bottle fro m hand to hand and I couldn't help but watch the muscles tense and release. There was something about him that made me want to go further, to run my hands over his arms and feel the muscles move under my palm. 

"Of course it matters," I whispered. "We were all different people before all this, it's important to–to remember that."

"What I was and what I am don't matter when there are assholes tryin' to eat us," he said with a little snap in his tone. He shook his head and muttered before taking another drink, "It don't matter."

"We were all something before this," I said with a shrug. "We can't forget who we were."

"Then who were you, huh?" he asked, his cheeks a soft rosy color from the alcohol. "Were you a preacher's daughter? Some rich bitch?"

I scoffed. "Do I look like some rich bitch?"

He shrugged. "Your mom had damn pearls around her neck when we found her, so you tell me, princess."

"My mom...she likes to put on a different face," I said, shifting in my seat to prop my feet up on the table. "Who she was and who I am are two completely different people." I gave him a sad smile as I added, "And I wasn't rich."

"Then what were you?" he asked, swirling his drink. He was sitting back on one hand, the heels of his boots hitting the cabinets below. "Because if you weren't some stuck up farm girl, then what are you?"

I narrowed my eyes. 

He continued on, "There ain't no way you came out of a family like mine with the attitude you got now."

"A family like yours?" I asked, hoping he'd tell me more but he shook his head with a strange laugh in his throat as he added, "I can't tell if you're like me or if you were one of them before all this. You got something to you that I just can't pin down."

I swallowed thickly, pushing my chair back to stand. "I'm not one of your deer that you can track and figure out."

"I wasn't sayin' that–"

I frowned, my hands on my hips as I turned to face him as I stood. "What did you mean, an attitude like mine?" I narrowed my eyes again as he stared at me, his bottle resting in both hands on his lap. "Daryl, what the hell does that even mean?" There was a hint of a laugh in my voice before I couldn't help myself from wanting to diffuse this strange conversation. It was a natural defense mechanism to let out a soft sound from my lips as if to say I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, we can still be friends.

I didn't want to tarnish what we had, especially since he'd been kind to me earlier today.

Daryl chuckled, scooting off the counter to stand on slightly wobbly feet. "I mean you got this stuck up way about you, you know that don't you?" I scowled and he pointed at me with a grin. "You know everythin' and you let everybody know."

"And is that so bad?" I asked as he walked to meet me across the room and we slowly made our way towards the door to the hall.

He shook his head. "You know, I'm only sayin' this because I'm drunk but it's kinda hot."

"Oh, really?" I laughed, leaning over to place my bottle on the counter as we walked past. I didn't need it with me tonight. "God, how much have you had to drink?"

He rolled his eyes, taking a long swig from his bottle as we stood in the doorway. I rested back against the frame as he did the one across from me, stumbling until his back hit. "I like a girl who can knock me on my ass."

"I doubt that." I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips as I let myself look him over. "You like being good at what you do, you like the control of that," I whispered, "and you like bein' alone."

"And you?" he asked, something heavy in his drunk eyes. "You like bein' alone?"

I gave him a soft smile, bowing my head down and feeling my hair fall into my face before I reached up and tucked it away. "You're gonna regret saying all of this to me come morning."

"Maybe," he muttered with a shrug. "Maybe not."

"You don't even like people, Daryl," I said with a small laugh. "Hell, you don't even like talkin' to people. You're just drunk." 

"Would you believe me if I said you were easy to talk to?"

My smile stuttered on my lips.

He shrugged with a laugh. "Maybe I am just drunk."

I let my smile flourish again, even though the tension in my cheek slightly burned as I did so but I ignored it to say to him, "Go to bed, Daryl."

He nodded slowly and as I walked away, I felt his eyes on me all the up until I found my room again and entered, soundlessly.

AUTHOR'S NOTE━━ok long one again.....how do you guys like daryl and sam so far? and yes....i realized i am def writing daryl out of character a little so i blamed it on him being drunk oops 

mmmm but im giving y'all baby tension w her and rick.....he is so focused on morality he just doesn't get it yet......

anywayyyy let me know what u think and as always pls pls dont be a ghost reader!!! <333