You need to know something Adri. You need to know that I love you. I love you more than the words that I write down could ever describe. You're my sun. You're my world. And you need to know that I never want to leave you. But sometimes you need to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love.

Remember when we were in high school? I can't ever forget the way we met. The first time I noticed you and laid eyes on you. You are so beautiful Adrian.

Remember when I told you about my father? He was a bad man Adri. And, you know that. He was involved in things that can't be mentioned to anyone. I shouldn't even be mentioning it to you right now but fuck it, I love you. I know you could handle this.

He's involved in a top secret agency. Sort of like a gang but people know more about this agency. More people are involved in it. My father had some unfinished business with the men Adri. And, when my father died they set out to find me. I don't know why. I didn't ask for this but it happened. I was jumped on the first day.

My father owed them money. A ton of money that we don't have. I lied some nights and mornings that I has to go to work, but it was for a good reason. I didn't want you to be worried. Now I noticed I failed at that because everyday I saw you worrying for me. And Adri, you shouldn't ever worry for a guy like me.

Although, some nights and mornings I did go to my job, just to get some extra cash and give it to them. But it was thousands of dollars my father owed. And after days of giving them money they said I was taking too long. Then I was threatened. And Adri if your reading this, what they threatened was that they would kill you.

My protection over you is everything Adri. I couldn't let it happen. So, I sacrificed myself. I deserve it though baby. You can't be with a guy like me that has danger lurking in every corner ready to pounce.

Death was coming soon for me anyway.

When you read this Adri, please forgive me, please. I need you to forgive me. My love for you is the type of undying love.

Even when I'm dead and gone, my heart still works because of you.

I love you Adrian Summers. Please don't forget. I beg, please don't ever forget.

Warm tears land onto the worn out pages of the book, staining the beautiful calligraphy neatly written on the thin paper. It's already been a year since he has disappeared. My heart aches as I read every single one of these pages over and over and I wish he would have given me a small clue or sign of what was happening so I could figure it out and help him through it. Although, he cared and worried for me so much, he didn't mention it.

The first day I read this a year ago it was so surreal. I remember the fear I felt for him, knowing he might be dying or already dead. However, I believe fate works in funny ways and he might still be alive. I believe that searching for him might bring happiness all in the end. He might be suffering somewhere, unable to make it back home, but I will find him. I know I will find him. When I find him I will bring him to where he belongs. I will nurture him until he's better and treat him in ways I've never treated him before, with more love.

I put down the book and sniff as I look at my lap. The scent of the man I love fills my nose as I wear one of his black t-shirts on my body. I haven't washed any of his clothes just to keep his scent. His scent that I miss dearly. I want to feel his touch and taste his lips. I never noticed how much I loved everything about him until he was gone.

Now it's too late to justify to him that he is absolutely perfect to me.He doesn't deserve what he went through because he is a good person. He is a person that should've been cared for more often. That should've been loved by everyone around him and not just me. He deserved so much that he never had. My heart jumps in my chest when I hear a loud knock on my door. I swallow and slowly slide off the large bed, my feet landing on the ice cold floor below me. I don't take care that all I'm wearing is Harry's shirt and some worn out jeans. I answer the door and three men, all in suits stands on our porch, looking nothing but serious. I sigh shakily. "Yes?" I manage to croak.

"Ms.Summers. Hi." one of them speak to me and smile. "I was wondering if I could do a little questioning about the disappearance of Harry Styles." he speaks lowly, trying not to break my tender heart that aches for him. I nod my head, breaking my gaze from him to look at the ground sadly before moving out of the door way to let them enter the flat. One by one they enter and stand on the tiled flooring that the man I love used to walk on. "Do you have any evidence of where he might have been?" The Journal. The book is the first thing I think of. Should I give it to him? It's a sentimental book that was meant only for me. I hesitantly shake my head, giving him his answer.

"I'm sorry, no." I say quietly. He nods and pauses to write down something on a small notepad he holds in his hand.

"Well, we're going to have to ask you to come down to the station. We are not accusing you of anything but we are going to pull out items. And you just tell us if they look familiar or not, okay?" he says kindly. I admire him for the sweet tone but it's not what I want right now. It's not what I need right now. It's not what I crave right now. I nod my head and turn to walk to my room as they exit out the front door.

I slip on my Vans and glance at the book that sits on the mattress beside me. I lick my dry lips, contemplating if I should take this sentimental book just in case. My heart races from the events and thoughts going on. I still can't believe he's gone. I feel a weight put on my chest yet again as I think of him laughing, smiling, unmistakably just, happy. 

I grab the brown, leather book, sticking it beneath my shirt before quickly heading out our flat to see the three police cars outside our home. I walk to the man who spoke to me as he holds the door open before entering with shaky limbs. A large, warm hand touches my thigh. I slowly bring my gaze up to meet the gray eyes that stare at me with sympathy. A small smile finds it's way to his thin lips. "It's going to be okay, Adrian." I grimace. Only Harry could call me Adrian. I swallow and nod my head, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Thank you." I answer quietly. With that he begins to drive away to where I will be questioned about my first loves disappearance.

Later 8:40 p.m.

I remember his laugh.

his smile.

the way his emerald irises lit up whenever the sun hit them.

his unruly brown hair that was always messy, but i loved it anyway.

I loved the softness of it. The way I could run my hands through it.

he was so kind

brave.

heroic.

humble.

lovable.

careful

so many things.

and I remember the first day I met him, he was shattered. his broken pieces all over the place, and I was determined to make him better. to fix those pieces.

I knew all his secrets.

he knew all of mine.

we shared everything.

and when I knew what he has been through, I was even more determined.

I fell in love.

my heart suddenly belonged to him.

I had to fight to get him to love back.

it was worth it.

definitely worth it.

However, when there's a couple,there are still secrets.

Secrets that are untold.

It took exactly fourteen days for this tragic story to play out.

I remember he wasn't himself.

I never noticed it much at the time.

I thought too much of my own worries.

and now, it's too late.

Since this day I can't find this man that has disappeared off the face of the earth.

I've been searching and searching.

but now

he's gone.

Gone from my life but still in my memories.

I place his notebook onto the pillow that lays beside mine, touching closely. The pillow case still smells of his intoxicating scent, and some nights, I sleep on it. Not too much so I won't wipe away his fresh smell.Although, tonight, I lay down onto the case, instantly taking in the smell. A tear slips past my eye, sliding down my cheek and lands onto the soft, feathery pillow.

I know he wanted to protect me. Although, I wanted to protect him too. I cared about him as much as he cared about me. And, where ever he is, I know he's still loving me as much I'm loving him. Because I know him.

I know he's kind.

Brave.

Caring.

Lovable.

Unforgettable.

Sweet.

I know he's all those things even if he won't admit it to himself. And I'm still going to search for him no matter what the police say because I'm determined to find the love of my life.

And even if he is, dead. He won't be gone forever because he's in my memories that replay through my mind like a roller coaster.

He's not gone. He will be here forever.

Forever. Forever. Forever. Forever.

Forever.

(Omg. This is done.

PIC ON THE SIDE.

I had fun writing this tbh.

Sometimes I smiled.  

Othertimes my heart hurt.

But it was fun.

Yeah.

Really fun.

Anyway I was thinking I shoud so do a prequel to this.

Just for Harry and Adrian's back story.

That would be amazing.

I don't know. 

Anyway, bye :]

Ily.)