gone girl.
━━━ chapter fifteen

❀

Amaryllis had been seeing many nightmares lately.

Ever since she found out her true heritage, her dreams were almost always were as gloomy and dark as the Underworld itself. Usually they seemed to be nonsensical, her subconscious trying to process the trauma of being a demigod. Some times she'd hear voices calling out for her — her mother's, Calypso's, Percy's, Annabeth's, Nico's, Will's.

But this was different. She saw a memory of hers, one of those that she had repressed, replaying in her dream.

She was nine years old. Standing alone at the Training Grounds, she held her bow and practised her aim on a scarecrow that she had stole from the strawberry fields. It was dark outside, surely after curfew and the only light came from a small torch she lit.

A voice scared her, seemingly out of nowhere and she dropped her bow, the arrow flying away and disappearing into the darkness. Luke appeared from behind her, as if he was summoning from the shadows. He had that charming smile that he was known for and Amaryllis couldn't help but blush, grateful that the darkness covered it.

"Hey, kid," he said, ruffling her hair. "In case you didn't notice, it's midnight. Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I wanted to train," the girl said. "I'm the only one out of my siblings that uses a sword. I want to be more like them."

Luke nodded. "I get it, you want to fit in. But," he said, getting down to her height, "the best warriors are the ones that stand out from the crowd. You're different from your siblings, but that is a strength, not a weakness."

Amaryllis looked at him like he was the most wise person in the world. Catching her staring, he chuckled. "Plus, since you use a sword, you get to train with me," he joked.

She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. "Why are you awake?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I... had a nightmare."

"You get nightmares too?"

She was surprised to hear that someone like Luke had the same problems she had. Sometimes she'd forget that all the demigods dealt with the same issues, but something good did come out of it — they understood one another.

"Every demigod does," he explained. "As you get older, it gets worse."

Amaryllis pressed her lips together as she looked at him — he did look troubled. "You know what helps me after a nightmare? Ice cream!"

"Are you suggesting that we break in the kitchens and steal, Mrs Kalomiri?" he tried to hide his amused smile.

"Totally!"

"Fine, you convinced me. I could never say no to some good ol' stolen food."

Some minutes later, they sat at the empty pavillion, laughing at each other's funny stories. Luke had a much more interesting life than her, so Amaryllis was completely invested in listening to him talk. Most of his stories were after he ran away with Thalia and Annabeth, but he avoided saying the first girl's name, clearly trying to minimize the pain of remembering her.

"So why did you run away?" the girl asked him, catching him off guard.

"Like most demigods, my home life wasn't the best. My mom..." he hesitated. Amaryllis noticed his fist clenching. "It was hard living with her."

"Really?" she felt sad. Having heard many stories from other demigods about their mortal parents, they weren't always the most accepting. That was why she always felt so grateful for her own mother, even though she wasn't able to see her anymore. "Was she mean to you?"

"No, she wasn't," he was quick to defend her.

It was obvious he hadn't told many people about her mother, so the fact that he trusted Amaryllis made her weirdly happy. They were always close and he treated her like a younger sister, just like Annabeth. He was one of the people she trusted more in the world.

"She could always see through the Mist so she tried to become the Oracle. It... didn't go well. She went crazy. Always told me about my terrible fate. She was scaring me — obviously, being your age and having a mother that would tell you every day that you'd eventually die and suffer a terrible fate wasn't the best environment." He shrugged, trying to play it off like he wasn't hurt anymore. "So I left."

"Oh," was the only thing young Amaryllis could tell. She put her ice cream aside, not feeling like eating anymore.

"I'm sorry, kid. I shouldn't have told you. Now I scared you," Luke said.

"I'm not scared," she replied. "And you shouldn't be scared either. It doesn't matter that your mom was like that. Now you have a new, better family."

The boy smiled, but there was still a hint of sadness. "I guess I do."

The dream instantly changed. In front of her was now present Luke, looking just like he was the last time she saw him. He had gold evil eyes and white and gray streaks similar to the ones Percy and Annabeth had from holding the sky. His face seemed like a mask, unnatural and lit up from behind by the power of Kronos. She saw him approaching her, blood running from his mouth.

And then she started screaming.

❀

"Lilly!"

Amaryllis felt someone shake her gently and without even meaning to, she felt herself leaving a shriek. When she opened her eyes, she was met with a pair of familiar blue eyes.

Will didn't waste a second before wrapping his arms around the older girl. Meanwhile Amaryllis was standing frozen, trying to recover from the terrifying sight of Luke. To calm herself down, she looked around the cabin, but all she saw was the worried stares of her ex siblings.

The boy let go off her, when her heartbeat finally slowed down. "It was just a dream, you're safe," he reassured her.

"That's, like, the third time you've woken us up with your screaming," Kayla commented from the top of the bunk-bed.

Amaryllis muttered an apology half-heartedly and got up from her bed, walking towards the bathroom. She splashed some water on her face and stared at the reflection she didn't even recognize anymore.

Her blonde hair had gotten longer, but she had put off cutting it for a long time and the dark circles under her brown eyes were probably the most noticeable thing on her face by that point. She had lost weight, but finally gained muscle, something she blamed on the all-consuming training she was doing. She had even stopped wearing Calypso's necklace, since the sight of it reminded her of painful memories. The only jewelry she wore now were her enchanted ring and the crystal amulet Nico gave her as a birthday present.

When she got back to the room, the energy had shifted. By the looks they had on their face, she could tell they were talking about her while she was in the bathroom. It shouldn't be a surprise — she had grown quite distant throughout the year.

After she found out Apollo wasn't her father, she thought she would finally find herself but instead, she had a never-ending identity crisis. All these people that she considered family for so long weren't her actual family and she didn't know how to process that the kids she loved so much were never her siblings. It was all she could think of when she looked at them — would they hate me if they knew the truth?

Will was still sitting on her bed. All the eyes were on her and a wave of anxiety washed over her. "What are you all looking at?" she asked, the annoyance obvious in her tone.

"I think we're all wondering what the heck happened to you," Kayla said.

"Kayla, don't-" Nia tried to cut her off, but was unsuccessful.

"Since everyone else is too nice to say it, I will," the redhead started saying. "You've been acting weird lately. You barely talk to us anymore. You're spending literally your entire day training-"

"Yes, you're right, how dare I prepare for the war?" Amaryllis rolled her eyes.

"-and you've been disappearing every once in a while and no one knows where you are."

"Gods, Kayla, I really don't want to have this conversation right now."

"She's right," Will defended her. "She just had a nightmare, give her some space, Kay."

Just when the short redhead was about to continue the conversation that would quickly spiral to an argument, Austin brought out his saxophone and started playing it. When Kayla closed her mouth, he stopped playing, but when she opened it again, he continued, causing the others to burst in laughter. Even Amaryllis couldn't help but smile.

Having fun with her ex siblings had turned bittersweet.

❀

Amaryllis had been spending the past year training with Nico and their father. After Christmas she got officially invited to stay with Hades in the Underworld, having her own room inside the Palace. She had lied to Chiron, saying that she'd stay with some long-lost relative of her mother's that still remembered her and thankfully, no one questioned it further.

The practice had proven more than useful. Her powers were growing, but she managed to learn how to control and use them to her advantage. It hadn't been easy, but she was a quick learner, mastering her umbrakinesis in only a few months. The plan was for her to be the hero of the Big Prophecy and beat Kronos and that was exactly what she was planning to do, even if it meant dying from exhaustion in the process.

The only downside to her having mastered her abilities was the anxiety that the thought of uncovering herself caused her. Amaryllis was scared of anyone finding out the truth — if they did, everything would be ruined, which was exactly why Amaryllis was so stressed over fighting with Annabeth.

She was without doubt the smartest person she knew and yet, she didn't want to stop being around her. The two girls had bonded quite a lot over the summer, even more than before. A part of Amaryllis wanted to tell her everything, but she couldn't bear to see Annabeth's betrayed face — although, she supposed that part was inevitable.

She ducked as the daughter of Athena tried to attack with her dagger. "Hey!" she complained and took some steps back to avoid the second blow.

The moment Amaryllis noticed a weakness — inconvenient feet placement that caused imbalance — she attacked as well, kicking Annabeth's leg and using her sword to disarm her. Even though she wasn't successful, she still slowed her down a bit.

"Did you just kick me?" the girl said and though her tone was offended, she was smiling. They had trained together so many times that they both had memorized each other's fighting habits and signature moves, so it was fun to change it up once in a while.

"It's a classic move," Amaryllis smirked, but she wasn't quick enough to avoid the hit on the head and her helmet fell off.

It was Annabeth's time to smirk now. "Don't get too cocky now," she said, but before she could attack again, Amaryllis dropped down and sweeped the girl's legs, causing her to fall down. "Ah, well. You've certainly improved," Annabeth said. You've gotten almost as good as me."

"Almost?"

Annabeth copied her own move and swept Amaryllis' legs so quick that the girl didn't even realise what had happened until she fell down on her back. She hid her smile behind her hand when she saw the blonde's widened eyes.

None of them made an effort to get up, obvious that they had gotten pretty tired and needed a break. They simply sat there in the kind of comfortable silence one could only experience with the people they're closest with.

After a while, Annabeth dusted herself off. "So... are we not going to address the elephant in the room?"

"Huh?"

"Beckendorf is living tonight to go to this quest with Percy. That means that, if everything goes well, Percy's coming tomorrow," she said.

Amaryllis took a sudden interest at her sword, trying to avoid the grey pair of eyes that were focused on her. "Yeah, so?"

"You haven't properly spoken in a while, have you?"

"We used to write to each other and then we just... stopped," Amaryllis said. "He's too busy hanging out with Rachel," she added, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.

Of course the truth was a bit more complicated than that. On one hand, Percy had stopped writing letters after a while and even before he did, he mentioned the mortal girl a little too much for Amaryllis' liking. On the other hand, she wasn't writing at him either — not being able to tell him the truth about being a daughter of Hades filled her with guilt and felt like lying to the person that deserved it the least.

Maybe it was a way for Amaryllis to detach herself from him. After everything that would soon go down, she knew he wouldn't want to look at her anymore. The problem was that the more she stayed away from Percy, the more she realised how much she needed him. And she hated it.

Annabeth raised her eyebrow. Her friend's feelings were obvious, but she thankfully didn't feel like pointing them out.

"He's using her as a coping mechanism. Being around Rachel is his way of feeling like a normal teenager," the daughter of Athena said. "I'm not saying it's good or bad, I'm just saying that's how it is. I haven't talked to him in a while either."

Amaryllis nodded, not saying what to say. Avoidance and denial were common coping mechanisms for demigods at Camp, who were trying their best to distract themselves from the reality of an ongoing war — some part of her understood him, but she didn't have the luxury of pretending everything was okay when she spent the past year preparing herself to be the hero of the Big Prophecy.

"He's not the only one that's freaking out about the war," Amaryllis added. "At this point I'm too scared to sleep, because I know how bad my nightmares can get."

"Nightmares, huh?"

"I've been mostly hearing voices calling me out for help. Yours, Per-" she stopped herself. "Silena's, my brother's."

Annabeth most likely understood that she was talking about Will or Michael, when in reality she was referring to Nico. She hadn't heard from him in a while and it stressed her out. He'd occasionally shadow-travel at Camp and the two would meet in their secret spot, but his appearances weren't very often. Nico didn't want to raise suspicions, but according to what Kayla had said earlier that morning, it was obvious that people had Amaryllis sneaking out.

"I..." Annabeth hesitated. "Lately I've been seeing Luke in my dreams. A lot."

Amaryllis knew how that felt like and she also knew that Annabeth didn't want to keep talking about it. She took her hand and put her head on the other's shoulder. It was a simple gesture, but it seemed to be exactly what both of them needed.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

▊amaryllis having an identity crisis is pretty much this act's summary. get ready for the angst :p

▊its a small chapter but it was needed and also i really wanted to write annabeth and amaryllis having a moment because they're the definition of that childhood best friend that you love so much and they feel like home but at the same time it doesn't feel the same anymore bc you've both changed too much.

me 🤝 writing my own personal issues into my fics

▊also happy easter if you celebrate it!

❛ gone girl. ❜
( part 𝒐𝒏𝒆 of gone girl series )
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