Derek stands up and I don't understand why he is reacting this way? Isn't he the one who is ignoring me and is letting Olivia touch him all over?

I told him to stop hanging out, not to ignore me. I know it's my fault but he can't get angry at me for a stupid truth question.

He grabs his drink and I chug down more alcohol and I shortly follow after him, while everyone is looking at us.

I needed that alcohol for more courage. I will confront him.

I run after him but he is quicker, he finally stops and he turns around, surprised I came after him.

I walk closer to Derek and he chugs down the whole drink.

"What's your fucking problem?!" I yell at him and he throws the cup on the grass, irritated.

He heavily exhales. "My problem? Just... just leave me alone, Veronica. You caused enough damage," he says in a calm tone and it angers me even more. What is he talking about?

"Were you p- pretending this whole time?" I ask him as my lower lip is shaking.

I'm hurting because I feel like he lied to me the entire time. He never cared.

"What are you even talking about?" he asks slightly raising his voice.

"Olivia-" He cuts me off.

"For fuck's sake, you don't get to be jealous. You pushed me away. You can't be the one mad. You can't be the one staring at me and Olivia all day as if I'm the bad guy," he snaps at me.

"It's true, I pushed you away. But I didn't think it meant nothing to you the whole time, why lie to me?" I mutter as I try to stop the tears threatening to come. He walks closer to me and I wince. He is only six feet away.

"You sure make a lot of accusations when you are the one causing everything." His tone is harsh and I don't understand what he is saying.

He searches in his pockets and he holds something in his hand.

He opens the hand. It's my necklace.

Why does he have it?

"You pushed me away so you can screw Alex. Is that so?" he asks with evident rage in his voice. He doesn't have the usual look he has on his face when he looks at me.

No, he seems deeply hurt and disappointed.

"You are out of your mind, Derek. I'm not fucking anyone. It was just a stupid game."

"It's not about that shitty game. I found the necklace in his bed, also not to mention you cuddling him up today," he yells and I look at him still confused.

I slept in Alex's bed a week ago, after that party but nothing happened. I can't even defend myself because I don't remember anything.

"Alex said n- nothing happened..." I stutter and he seems even more furious about my answer.

"Do you even hear yourself? You don't remember?" He looks away, irritated.

"Just go. I don't want to see you," he spits and I look at him, hoping to see a glimpse of what he felt for me before but it seems replaced by anger and disappointment.

He throws the necklace on the ground and I wish I could take it back. It was a mistake, it fell.

I turn my back to him, wiping away my tears as I walk back to my tent.

My vision gets blurry while I enter the tent, and I'm relieved I'm alone here so I can let it out.

I let the tears roll down my cheeks and soon they become unstoppable. I cry until I get a headache.

This trip was the worst, I wish I could go back in time and stay home.

Starting from Nicole, then their kiss, then Derek.

Everyone is sick of me. I know I deserve it but it still hurts.

I need cocaine right now. I need to forget about everything for a bit.

Pain is temporary, and so is cocaine.

Alex told me he has no coke, but I know he lied so I grab his backpack not even caring what he is going to say.

I search through everything but my cloudy vision doesn't help.

After a bit, I find a bunch of joints, underwear, and some condoms. Gross.

Then I see it.

He has a couple of cocaine bags, he hid them in a food lid.

I smile and I wipe away my tears.

I take only one, I'll just call him out for lying and then ask him for more tomorrow.

I just need a little bit of happiness, it doesn't matter that it's temporary.

I press a bit on the bag and I notice it's already chopped really fine, I guess, it's good enough.

I don't have anything to chop it with, anyway. I'll just snort it like that.

I put some of the cocaine on the lid and I take a dollar from my wallet and I roll it, so I can make it easier to snort from there.

I recently learned this trick from Alex, now I'm going to use it.

I bring the lid closer to me I keep the dollar roll near my nose.

I pinch one nostril and I deeply inhale the cocaine through the rolling paper.

Just like I said, the cocaine is already perfectly chopped and I smile as soon as I feel it in my nose.

My throat starts burning just like the first time I did cocaine. I wait for a few minutes and my throat goes numb.

I lay down for a bit, overwhelmed by the feeling. It just feels a bit different but it must be because of how dehydrated I am from crying.

I truly lost Derek... I could see it on his face.

I'd continue crying if I could but I don't think there is a single tear left in my body. I didn't even bother to drink some water.

My head is throbbing and the tent feels like it's spinning but I get a hollow and euphoric feeling.

I sit up again, I take the second line all in and I cough for a bit, confused. It just feels different.

"So different..." I mutter and I look around for a bottle of water but there is nothing. I don't feel like going out right now.

I look at the third line, I'll do this one too as I always do, it's just the best for maximum results. My body is getting more and more used to the cocaine and soon not even three lines are going to be enough.

Nothing is ever enough. I'll always look for more ways to hurt myself and be temporarily fine.

But never happy.

I snort the third line and my nose and throat feel like they are catching on fire. Weird.

My heart starts racing and I feel a slight pain in my chest so I put a hand on my chest, pressing hard on it so I can alleviate the stress, which helps for a bit.

I take a few deep breaths in but I fail, I feel like I can't breathe. I press again into my chest and I pant shallow and faster but the pain grows even more and nothing I do helps.

My vision darkens and my body feels like it's sweating cold; my hands, my forehead, neck feel like they are dripping from sweat.

What is happening?

I look around but my vision gets even more blurry, my eyes are getting heavier.

I start getting tremors in my feet and I panic not understanding why I'm feeling this way. I always did three lines.

I can barely look at my legs but they are uncontrollably jerking and my chest pain is getting worse and worse as I try to breathe.

Then it moves to my whole body. I start shaking without any way to stop it and I try to scream for help.

"D- Derek," I repeat his name over and over again but it comes out as a whisper.

I'm slowly losing my senses and even my head is slowly shaking.

"D-" I try to call out his name again, but nothing comes out. My heart is beating so fast and I see random colorful flashes of lights.

I take short breaths in and I feel like I'm gasping for air while I get a sharp pain in my chest.

Foamy saliva comes out of my mouth, streaming down my chin and everything turns dark.