Nicole hesitates to speak so I stare at her until she does. Her hair is much longer now and it looks like she re-did her highlights.

She seems tired and her skin isn't as flawless as it used to be.

"Derek told me everything-"

I cut her off confused.

"Everything?"

"Our first party, last July- He said you defended me and James threatened you."

I look at her confused, it's been so long since that night and I frankly don't care much about it—I hate James—but that wasn't the only thing that made me hate him, nor the last time he threatened me.

She pulls me into a hug and I let her do so, for a few seconds until I pull away.

"I'm so sorry, now I know why you ignored us for months. It's my fault," she speaks so fast that I can't even stop her.

"We can go back to how everything was, I'm not seeing J- James anymore." Nicole struggles to even say his name and I know how much she still loves him. I'm happy she gave up on him.

She again tries to wrap her arms around me and I finally speak up.

"Nicolle, stop, it wasn't because of him," I mutter and she pulls away, confused.

"Then... w- what was it about?" she asks with a slight hint of annoyance in her voice.

"I don't understand, I'm tired. It's been almost a year and you can't f- fucking explain," she yells and I almost take a speak backward shocked by her cursing.

I have never heard her curse before.

I pull myself together and her reaction enrages me, she has no right to know why or get mad at me.

I don't care that she was my best friend, it's not her business and it was never about her. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

"You have been nothing but a terrible friend to us- to me," she continues and my hands start shaking.

"What? Are you fucking with me?! I did everything I could for you, I was always there when your stupid ass couldn't get over James, he never gave a shit about you, and yet-"

She cuts me off by shoving me.

"I got harassed by James, again, and again just for you," I spit, I am losing control and she doesn't give a shit.

"Oh, please, it was because you were an insecure bitch who kept going back to my ex-boyfriend," she hisses at me and I push her back, she almost loses her balance.

"Ex-boyfriend? Do you hear yourself? Do you realize how fucking pathetic you sound? He used you. He fucked you and left," I say through gritted teeth and tears form around her eyes but I couldn't care less right now.

"You know he forced himself on me? Do you know that? Just because I defended you. Can't believe I cared about someone like you," I yell without even caring that someone could hear me.

She is silent and her eyes are glossy but I won't let that get to me, she started this and I hate her.

"You are nothing but a judgmental bitch. You always have been," I mutter and she wipes away her tears.

"You aren't better than me. You are just as pathetic as I am, maybe even more," she spits, and before I can even get to say something she runs back to her tent.

Louis was looking at us.

He runs to Nicole, pulling her in for a tight hug and I put my hand on the tree, pressing my skin into it until it scratches and burns.

I fail to stop the tears and I look at my hand, it's bleeding a bit.

Not again.

"What are you doing?!" Alex runs up to me and he seems worried.

"Just go away. I need to be alone right now."

"Are you sure? You hurt yourself," he asks and I nod.

"Just go," I mutter and I'm glad someone at least listens to what I need.

I walk into the forest, just a little bit further than where they are. I won't get lost because I can still see the fire pit and hear that damn music.

I sit behind the tree and I put my head between my legs.

"For fucking once, can I be happy?" I mutter while looking at my arm.

I aggressively wipe away the tears with my wounded hand, not even bothering to check if I left blood on my face.

I wanted to come here to have a good time, some cocaine, alcohol, anything. This is what I get for bringing Nicole.

After some time I walk back to my tent, which Dominic set up.

"What happened to your hand?!" Dominic asks concerned and I roll my eyes, so he grabs my arm.

"What happened?" he repeats his question.

"I just fell," I answer and he doesn't seem convinced at all.

"Because of James?" he asks putting more pressure on my arm.

"No?" I reply annoyed and he lets go of my arm. He grabs some napkins and a water bottle to clean the dried-up blood.

Shanice comes to us and she looks away as soon as she sees the blood.

"Oh my God, so much blood!" she overreacts while she covers her eyes with her hands.

"You are so sensitive, it's just a bit of blood," Dominic says while putting the napkins in a trash bag.

"She said she fell," Dominic mutters and Shanice looks at us, confused and... amused?

"Alexander didn't say that," she replies and I want to kill Alex.

"What?"

"After a heated discussion with Nicole-"

"Shut up. You are all such gossipers." I roll my eyes and Dominic gives me a worried look.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes and no."

"You are so difficult, Veronica Reeves," he says and I stand up.

"Who is sleeping with me in the tent?" I ask changing the subject.

"I'm sleeping with... someone," Shanice says and I immediately understand that someone is a girl, particularly the girl she was kissing when I accidentally caught her.

"Okay, I'll just sleep alone."

"Sorry, I'm also sleeping with someone. This girl has been hitting on me and I bet tonight is the night." Dominic always overshares.

"We didn't ask for details." Shanice points out and we both laugh.

"Details? This is nothing, wait for tomorrow morning. I will tell you everything," he jokes and we laugh again, my hand is also feeling slightly better, just a bit numb.

I look for Alexander and he is nowhere to be seen, just like Olivia. Oh, hell, I just know they are together.

Is James sharing her? I chuckle at my thought and I continue looking for Alex, hoping he is just alone, smoking a joint.

I hear some cries and I instantly recognize it's Nicole so I walk a bit deeper into the woods.

I shouldn't eavesdrop but it's stronger than me so I hide behind the tree and I peek through the bushes.

"I'm so sick of her."

"I know but-" I recognize Louis' voice and although I can't see him, I can see they are very close.

"She is going through hard times-" Louis defends me and I'm glad at least one person doesn't assume and point the finger.

"We are all going through hard times-" She cuts him off.

He pulls her in for a hug and I hate how she talks about me. I can't recall a single time she was there for me without being judgmental. She constantly asked me why I ignored them, not because she cares about me but because she always needs to know everything. It's just curiosity for her.

She slightly moves so it cuts my view, I try to move a bit closer so I can have a better look and my heart skips a beat when she pulls him in for a kiss.

"Oh... my-" I mutter and I cover my mouth, how can I be so stupid to speak right now?!

He takes some time to answer her kiss but soon after he deepens the kiss and I look away.

"What the fuck?" I whisper to myself and I quietly walk away so they can't catch me because everyone knows how bad I am at hiding.

Is this the first time they kiss? Has it been going on for a while, when he kissed me back then?

No, it can't be true. It cannot be true.

I'm not jealous, it just feels like betrayal. She always said friends should be just friends and now she is breaking her rule.

I guess rules only apply when it comes to other people and not the fucking Nicole Gilbert.

She is an entitled, judgmental, bitch.

My heart is beating fast and I try my best to calm myself by taking a few deep breaths in but it's useless.

I'm angry because I feel betrayed, I'm left with so many doubts.

I can't trust these people. Derek was right. They aren't my friends.

My heart aches at the thought of Derek, how much I wish he was here, holding me.

I quickly brush away the thought because it's all my fault. All my fault and I don't get to complain.

I continue my search for Alexander and my mood lightens up when I see him sitting near the fire pit.

"Looking for this?" He waves around the whisky bottle and I sit near him.

"Yeah," I mutter and he gives me the bottle.

"What's wrong? I brought you here to have fun."

"The complete opposite. It's a disaster," I say and he frowns.

I drink straight from the bottle and once the liquid lingers down my throat I scrunch my face. It's so strong and bitter.

"It will get better because I am here," he says and I laugh, then I take another sip from the whisky bottle and hand it back to him.

"I miss Derek," I admit it aloud and I'm surprised by my statement, and that I actually told Alex this and he also seems surprised.

I try to touch the necklace Derek gave to me but I notice it's missing. I probably forgot it at home when I took a shower.

I know I told him to stay away but I couldn't stop wearing it. It made me feel better.

"You can tell him this, you know, he ain't dead." He tries to make a joke but it doesn't really work.

"I don't understand you two," he mutters and I lay my head down, trying to stop the tears.

I don't want Alex to see me crying over Derek.

"I'm scared," I say and again, I can't believe I'm being so open. It has to be the whisky.

"I think I have feelings for him. Not just attraction. I genuinely care about him and whenever he isn't around, I feel so empty."

"Don't you remember what I told you last week?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Don't fall in love. It's not worth it."

"I don't want to. How can I stop it?" I ask him and he sighs.

I'm not even seeing Derek anymore and my feelings are still there, no matter the distance.

"I used to be so in love with this girl, a few years ago... I don't think I'll ever love anyone again," he says and I listen carefully.

"What happened?"

He looks away and I patiently wait for his answer.

"She died." My mouth's agape and I look at him for any reaction but he is still looking at the stars.

The stars always reminded me of people who passed away.

What would my father say about me? What would he think of me right now?

I put a hand on his arm to comfort him and he looks at me. His eyes are glossy and I have never seen him this vulnerable.

"It never gets better," Alex says and I nod looking at the stars.

Looking up at my dad.

While he is looking down on me.