"I don't think after this there is anything left to say," he jokes and I chuckle still surprised by our kiss, which I would repeat right now, and every day.

"Do you want to stay with me? Or I can take you home if you want," he asks and I shake my head.

"I'm not ready to go home... my mom-"

"I think you should, eventually, your mom could get her custody taken away and she is suffering so much, from what Nicole told me," he explains and I wince when I hear Nicole's name, still slightly jealous, I need to talk to James about this.

"Who told you I slept with Nicole?!" he asks annoyed and I look away.

"James."

"That stupid jerk. You know what he is like-"

"And Olivia." I cut him off and he looks down, which makes me even more jealous.

"I sle- slept with Olivia, right after you told me you didn't care," he admits and I look away, I know it's my fault and he doesn't have to explain why he slept with Olivia.

Nicole is just a different story, because she is my friend no matter what happened, and she was the only one to know about my real feelings.

"I regret it," I admit.

"I regret everything too, but what matters is that we are here now, together," he says and I wince, realizing that now I'll have to deal with the thing that scared me the most.

"But- I know you are going through something, which you don't want to tell me," he continues and I wait for him to finish.

"That's okay, just- please, come to me if you need someone to talk to. I'm here for you, Ronnie." His tone is so sweet my knees almost go weak all over again.

We go to his car and we just chill in it for a bit, trying to absorb everything that happened tonight.

He takes my hand into his and kisses it while I stare at him in disbelief. Someone should just wake me up already if this is a dream-

Fuck, I forgot about Felix. I have all my stuff at his house, I can't even enter my home without my keys...

"How's Alex-" I stop myself the moment I see Derek's expression change, regretting the question.

"He will be fine. Felix probably left already," he says looking ahead and I caress his hand with my thumb, which seems to make him relax for a bit.

If Felix left how am I going to get my stuff? He must be furious right now, he will murder me. I'm so much in debt with him and I'm ashamed of how high I was when I paid the debts in an unethical way. I would never tell Derek this.

I also don't have any money to pay him which scares me.

"What's wrong?" Derek asks and I look into his eyes.

"Uhm, nothing," I lie and he keeps staring at me.

"I promised to not pressure you, so, I won't," he says and I let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll drive you home," Derek says after a long silence and I shake my head.

"No! I- I need to go somewhere else first," I admit and he seems a bit hurt.

"I'll take you there, then. Where is it?"

"I'll take a cab," I mutter and he sighs annoyed but doesn't question me.

I leave his car and he gets inside his house, while I pretend to call a cab on the phone.

I don't even have any money, I lied to him because I know how wrong it sounds.

I immediately dial Felix and he picks up right away.

"Hey, could you-"

"Where the fuck are you?" he yells through the phone and I start shaking. I just need to grab my stuff and leave, that's it.

"I'm still at the party," I say and he hangs up.

~

I'm waiting for Felix to arrive and all I can think about is Derek, how he is inside there and he doesn't know I haven't left, how we kissed and everything changed now.

Felix parks right in front of me, so close that he could have hit me with the car.

He rolls down the window and I look at him. He is so bruised but it's nothing compared to Alexander.

"Get in the car," he orders and I do as he says.

He drives off without saying a word, he always drives so damn fast.

"What h- happened in there?" I dare to ask him and he clenches his jaw.

"Shut the fuck up," he spits and I wince once again, turning my back to him.

I want to tell him I'm leaving but I should wait until he calms down. I'll just quietly grab my stuff.

We get to his small cabin and he goes to take a shower. I search for my stuff which I have no idea where I put because I was too high.

I hear the shower turn off as fast as it turned on and then I hear the door cracking.

"What are you doing?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"I- I want to l- leave," I stutter because he terrifies me.

He laughs and he comes close to me, grabbing the keys out of my hand.

"You aren't going anywhere, you still have to 'pay' for the drugs," he says, giving me a dirty wink and I look away disgusted.

I'll always be in debt with him, if I sleep with him I need to be high, if I don't do drugs I can't sleep with him.

That was the only way I paid him.

"A lot of cocaine," he says emphasizing the word 'drugs' while he grabs my face, forcing me to look at him.

"Understood?" He forces me to reply and I nod out of fright.

He reaches into my hoodie's pocket, taking away my phone and I try to stop him but he snatches it before I react.

~

I have been locked in the bathroom for hours, refusing to get out no matter what. All I can think about is Derek and cocaine. I wonder if he knows I didn't go home...

I want drugs so badly but I don't want to stay here anymore. I need coke to the point it irritates me that I cannot have it.

No one can save me, no one knows where I am. Derek probably thinks I went home, Dominic too. My mom has no idea where I am, and I have no idea where he put my phone and I'm too afraid to look for it.

I lit the cigarette as I hear Felix's voice. He is looking for me. He is gonna break down this door to get to me.

It got to the point I don't even smoke it anymore, I just use it to mutilate my body so I can forget about what I'm thinking, for a little bit.

I lift my top and I put the burnt cigarette on my tummy, pressing hard into it, I cover my mouth with the other hand as I try to suppress my sobbing.

It hurts so much, it hurts like a bitch but I cannot stop.

This is my last resort when I can't have cocaine.

I press my hand against my mouth harder as I burn myself again.

"Open the fucking door!" Felix screams through the door, interrupting me while I was almost going at it again.

I wobble getting up, and I let my top down but it sticks to the irritating burns.

"I'm not coming out," I say, surprised by my courage.

He hits the door so harshly I take a step back.

"Open it, bitch," he yells again and I get so scared of him. What if he bursts in? What is he going to do to me?

I tremble as I slowly walk up to the door, and he is still smashing it, I slowly touch the handle.

"Please, don't hurt me," I say as I open it but he grabs my wrist forcefully, pinning me against the door with his hands around my neck.

I try to gasp for air but he doesn't let go.

"If you do this again, I'll ruin you," he spits and I nod, even though I can barely breathe.

He lets me go and I walk to the couch, putting my head between my legs, silently crying.

"God! Stop crying. You are so annoying," yells at me and I try to stop but I fail.

He goes to his bedroom and I notice the open window.

If I sneak out of the house and he catches me, what will happen to me?

I have nowhere to run away because this cabin is a bit far from the street.

Then I notice his phone. He forgot his phone.

What if it's a trap?! Why would he leave it here... how can he forget it?

I grab it nonetheless and I want to smash it on the floor when I notice it's locked. Wait, I can call the police anyway.

I dial the emergency number.

"Georgia Police Department, what's your emergency?" The woman questions me and as I'm about to speak, Felix bursts into the room.

"Put the phone down," he quietly says and I wince. What do I do?!

"Are you there?" the woman asks.

"Don't do anything stupid," he warns me and I mute the call.

"They will have my location in seconds, let me go or they will still come here," I say courageously and he sighs.

"Tell them everything is fine, and get out of here. But you OWE me money," he spits, walking towards me.

I unmute the call.

"Sorry, I called by mistake."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you," I reassure her and hang up.

He hands me my phone and shoves me out of his house before I can even say anything.

I badly want to dial Derek but I know I shouldn't keep bringing him into this, I know I shouldn't rely on him all the time.

So I call Dominic, he could drive me back home.

"D- Dominic!" I say through sobs as I'm walking to the nearest street.

"What happened?! Are you okay?" he asks worried and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"I need a ride home. I'm at Felix's house," I say while I wipe away my tears.

"Derek told me you'd go home days ago?" he asks disappointed and I sigh.

"I wanted to but I also had to grab my stuff, and then he didn't let me leave," I explain and he changes his tone.

"He didn't let-"

I cut him off.

"Please, just come, it's cold," I say.

"Ok, we will talk about this," he says and hangs up.

After thirty minutes of extreme coldness, he finally arrives.

I walk to the car and I sit in the passenger seat.

"Do you want a hoodie?" he asks and I nod, giving me one of the hoodies in the back of the car, I immediately recognize it's Derek's hoodie.

"Why do you have Derek's hoodie?" I ask and he looks at me, smiling.

"How do you even know it's his?" He gives me his usual 'know it all' smirk and I want to smack his face.

"Fuck you, Dominic."

"I wish," he jokes and I force myself to not laugh.

"You aren't funny," I say almost laughing.

"Then why are you laughing?" he mocks me while driving slowly.

"Although, I have his hoodie because he forgot it here last time he was drunk," he explains and I nod.

"Did Felix do anything to you?" He changes the subject and assumes a serious face.

"He threatened me, he said I owe him money," I explain and Dominic looks unsure.

"I'm not gonna ask how you paid him before-"

"Dominic!" I yell at him and he laughs.

"He is a jerk, worse than James."

"No one beats James," I say laughing and he joins me.

"He does, Derek told me some stuff they used to do."

"They used to-" I repeat, uncertain.

"Derek is nothing like he used to be, he was fucked up," he explains and I look outside the window.

"What did he do?"

"He sold drugs with Felix and some other friends, he beat up people several times because they didn't pay and they threatened their family, friends-"

"That's- that's horrible," I say, shocked to know about the old Derek. How can a person change so mu-

Then I remember how much I changed, how bad I became. He is a better person, but I'm not.

"In his defense, he was always drunk and high, Shanice helped him get out of that vicious cycle."

"Oh," I say and Dominic laughs.

"If you are ever jealous of Shanice, don't be, honestly, they are great friends. Almost siblings, disgusting," he says and I laugh.

Well, she likes women, but maybe she likes men too since I saw her with James. It's not my business, anyway.

We arrive at my home and a sense of embarrassment invades me, I'm going to see my mother for the first time since my dad d-

"Do you want me to come with you?" Dominic asks, putting a hand on my back.

"I have to do this alone," I admit, even though I wish he would have entered too.

I ring the doorbell since I don't have the keys anymore as he kept all my stuff, which worries me. He could easily enter my house... I'll tell my mom to change the lock.

I look around and a sense of melancholy and sadness flood my mind. This house used to look so happy, now it looks gray, messy and depressing, the grass also looks unkempt which is so unusual for us.

My father always took care of it.

I ring it many times and I finally hear the door cracking open.

"Oh, Veronica!" my mom exclaims in tears as she wraps her arms tightly around me and I exchange her hug. I only now realize how much I missed her.

How much I missed a parental figure in my life.

"I'm so sorry, mom." I sob and she wipes away my tears.

"Don't be, I'm just happy you are alive and well. Let's eat something. I missed you so much," she says while holding her arm around me.

"Of course," I say and I squeeze her hand tightly.

"You look so underweight. Where were you?" she asks and I let my head down and she immediately takes back her question.

"It doesn't matter- wait, let's order a pizza. I haven't cooked anything," she says and I nod.

I still can't shake the feeling of emptiness this house has, my dad, I miss him so much. It's my fault-

No, I can hurt myself later.

I wipe away my tears while my mom calls pizza delivery.

——

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