Nicole's POV

I crumble hearing the doctor's words, knowing how much she cared for him.

He had a long life ahead of him, he should have seen Veronica graduate, get married, and have children.

The doctor explains he had untreated heart disease and we are all left shocked at this revelation.

He seemed so healthy.

I try to push back the tears so I can comfort Veronica but as I look at her, I notice she is staring into the void, completely lost and numb.

She doesn't even want to see her dad for one last time.

I don't see any emotion on her face, she doesn't seem heartbroken either surprised. She seems empty, truly, and beyond words lost.

As if it was her last ounce of hope, and now she has nothing, and it hurts to see her going through so much pain. It hurts to know I can't comfort her.

I try to pull her in for a hug, cautiously but she doesn't respond, instead, she just stands without hugging me back so I eventually pull away.

"Give her some time," Louis suggests and I nod.

How much time for someone who has lost her dad and herself?

I turn around to search with my eyes Dominic and he is nowhere to be seen.

After a few minutes, he comes back and offers to give us a ride home.

Veronica hasn't spoken a word since she heard her father died, she didn't cry, she didn't flinch, nothing at all.

We all look at her with pity, we don't know how to talk to her, what is the right thing to say or do.

"Is it okay if I stay here until your mom comes?" I ask and no response.

"Just stay with her, she needs someone," Dominic says and I nod. He walks back to the car with Louis.

"Do you need anything?" I ask Veronica after some time while we are in her bedroom. I haven't been here in so long.

She again doesn't reply and just stares at the wall as if she isn't even here.

"If you need someone to talk to, you know you can count on me," I say. I hope this would give her some comfort but she doesn't listen to a word I say. I understand her pain so I just lift the blankets, getting inside while she just sits on the edge of the bed, doing nothing.

I want to ask her if she is going to at least try to sleep but it would be pointless. She would never be able to sleep, not after what just happened.

I turn off the bed lamp and I fall asleep instantly because I'm tired from the previous party.

~

I wake up and Veronica is gone, I look all over the house for her and she is not here.

I walk to her closet and I see a few clothes missing, also in the bathroom her toothbrush and toothpaste are missing.

I realize in horror that she left, and God knows how worried I am that she might hurt herself.

I hear the entrance door cracking and I immediately go downstairs to check.

It must be her!

I see a petite woman with short brown hair and make-up all over her face as if she has cried all the way to her house.

Veronica's mom looks like she hasn't slept in days and is probably too tired to even check on herself.

"Hello..." I mutter, uncertain on how I'm going to explain what happened to Ronnie. This poor woman can't take any more of this. She looks exhausted.

Lillian's eyes wander around and I follow her subtly. We forgot to clean the house, it's still a mess since the last party. She seems disappointed and like she just wants to lay in bed and sleep.

"Where is Veronica?" she struggles to talk but she still thinks of her daughter, even though her husband just died. My mother would straight up ignore I even exist.

"She left. She took her things, everything," I say as my lower lip trembles. She frowns and before I can do anything she bursts out crying which makes my heart break into a million pieces.

"I'll look for her," I reassure her and she seems to calm down, maybe it's time to leave now.

I grab my bag and I walk outside, I have no one to get a ride from and also no money. I dial Dominic's number and he picks up after a few times.

"I'm sorry, I'm so busy right now."

"How's Veronica?" he asks and I don't know what to say.

"She left..."

"She left?" he repeats scared. It frightens me that he thinks the same way I do. Ronnie is not sane, she should not be alone right now.

"She took her stuff and left but- I'm sure she will come back." I sigh. "But I didn't call for this, I was wondering if you could give me a ride home?" I ask, feeling a bit selfish to change the subject but I can't help Veronica if I don't even have any money to travel.

I should call Louis too. Maybe she talked to him.

"I can't right now. Let me ask Derek," he says and I don't protest. He seems to be a decent person.

Shortly after a blue car parks in front of Ronnie's house and I walk slowly toward the car to check if it's Derek.

I see a very different Derek from what I've seen back when he helped Veronica.

His beard seems a little bit too grown and he looks like he hasn't slept much these past days.

He looks with melancholy at me and at Veronica's house, which makes me uncomfortable.

"Hey. Thanks for coming," I simply mutter trying to shift the subject.

"No problem," he barely replies and I just look out of the window, in complete silence.

After several minutes, he breaks the silence. "Do you have any idea where Veronica could be?" he asks, unsure if he should even think about her, let alone care about her.

I think back to what Ronnie told me, they both hurt each other but it's obvious how much they care about each other.

"I don't know. We aren't that close anymore."

"She might be looking for cocaine." I look at him shocked. What is he even talking about? She stopped taking coke, it was a one-time thing with James.

"And where w- would that be?" I ask doubting his words. Would he lie about something like this?

"James." My mouth drops to the floor when he says that and I want to defend him but I know it could be true.

"Let's go there, then," I say and he immediately turns the car.

~

We are in front of James' villa and now I'm unsure if I should be here with Derek. I'm still with James and he is so jealous and possessive. He hates seeing me with other guys, especially Derek, but James doesn't hesitate to hang out with every girl in our high school.

I ring the bell and James opens the door almost naked, his eyebrows frown the moment he notices I'm not alone.

"You are with this... idiot?" he asks and Derek seems impassive to his words.

"I am here for Veronica," I say annoyed at his slight accusation.

"Oh, sure, you are. She isn't here," he says and seems already so angry.

"Don't worry, she is probably fucking some random guy, just like you do." He spits on the floor, coming closer to me while I look at Derek for comfort.

I feel Derek's tensing up as he hears those words and I can swear he is fighting everything inside him to not defend her.

"Wasn't Derek Ronnie's toy? Oh, I get it. Sluts hang out with sluts, right?" he mutters in a bitter voice and my mouth drops to the floor, for the thousand times today. His words seem like daggers to my heart and I'm not sure I can take any more of his spiteful actions. Not today.

If I don't say anything, I think, Derek will just straight up punch him.

"You are spewing nonsense," I say and take a step back.

I look at Derek for reassurance but he ignores me, giving James a death stare.

"Let's go," Derek says and I nod, taking a last look at James. He is fuming and he slams the door as soon as he sees us entering in the same car.

"You let him treat you that way?" Derek asks me with pity and I look at him embarrassed.

"He is a- angry. He isn't always like this," I say and he looks at me weirded out.

"Do you think Veronica is with another- another boy right now?" he asks me and it slightly amuses me. Why are they like this when it's so easy just to confess your feelings?

"I don't know," I admit. I'd love to reassure him but I don't even know the new Veronica anymore.

"Are you jealous?" I let my mind talk before I think and he doesn't seem offended by it, it's the truth.

"She just doesn't feel the same way, now I understand I've misunderstood," he explains.

I think back to what she told me and I want to tell him everything, maybe he could even help Veronica. She needs him right now.

"That's not true at all," I confess to him and he looks up at me and I finally see a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"It's not my place to tell you this but from what I know, she cares about you," I say, but immediately regretting it. Veronica would murder me if she knew. This is something she told me in confidence that it was only between us.

His face seems to lighten up and I smile bitterly.

Why does James never look at me that way?

~

I get home soon after that talk, still thinking of where Veronica could be.

As I reach the door, someone calls my name.

"I want to talk," James hisses at me and I know it's not going to be a peaceful talk.

"Not inside, my parents are h-" He drags my arm to his car, interrupting me.

"You fucking- stupid bitch," he says grabbing my face forcefully so I can look at him.

I wince and try to pull away but he is holding me tightly, I feel the corners of my eyes watering but I don't try to stop them.

"Now you are fucking Derek too?" he asks me laughing bitterly and I shake my head.

"Haven't you seen yourself? Do you think an ugly, fat pathetic whore like you could ever get with someone?" I don't fight the tears as they come strolling on my cheeks and he grabs my neck.

"There is no one who will love you like I do. You aren't worthy of it."

"Now get the fuck inside," he spits.

He pushes me and I fall uncontrollably, bruising my knee on the cold hard ground. I struggle to get up as I feel lightheaded, and the tears don't stop coming.

James gets in the car and drives off quickly.

I look up to my house and I notice my mom looking at me from the window. She has a disappointed expression on her face.

I wobble walking to the door but it opens before I even touch the handle.

"I didn't raise stupid children. Is this how you defend yourself?" I ignore her and I try to walk past her but she gets in front of me. "You deserve it for being so stupid," she scolds me and I try my best to not show how affected I am by her words. She takes pleasure in seeing me cry.

I sprint to the bathroom, as I can still feel the knee bleeding but I ignore it, as I get on my knees near the toilet and put two fingers in my throat, pushing a bit until I gag and throw up.

Again, and again until I throw up all the yogurt I ate this morning and water.

I did this so many times these weeks that it becomes automatic, the moment I am near the toilet I feel the instinct to throw up.

I started for the weight loss, now I just punish myself with it.

——

Would anyone be interested in reading a book from Nicole's perspective? Her toxic relationship with James and bulimia?

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to vote and comment!