Veronica's POV

I fell asleep while crying after he left. My hand is throbbing and looks bruised and swollen. I feel so disgusting.

I swallow the knot in my throat and I try to lift my hand and move my fingers but I groan out in pain, letting it go.

Then I remember, I hurt myself with cigarettes. I look at the scars and they are even more visible than before.

What kind of person have I become?

I need cocaine, so badly. It would help me forget everything.

I put on a hoodie that covers my arm and I leave my room.

As soon as I step foot outside, the whole house looks like a mess. Bottles of vodka spilled on the floor, a broken vase, and food everywhere.

Some people are still asleep on the couch, one of them is napping on the floor.

What the hell? No one took care of this mess, I shouldn't have slept. Fuck, now I'll have to clean up everything alone.

Dominic is laying on the couch, still asleep. That's when I check the time on my phone.

9 AM. Oh my God, I also have to buy plan B.

Maybe I should tell Dominic so he can drive me there, I don't feel like walking.

I try to wake up Dominic but he is unresponsive, still stinking of alcohol and weed.

I go to the bathroom, trying to take a shower but my hand hurts too much, I cannot wash correctly. I let the water run on me and then I dry out myself with a towel. I brush my teeth and clean up the leftover mascara.

I put on some black jeans and a sweater, I take a second look at myself and I wish I didn't. I look horrible.

I walk back to Dominic but he is already up, having breakfast.

"Oh, hey, Ronny," he says while pulling out the chair for me.

I sit near him and I give him a bitter smile.

"What's wrong?" he asks visibly worried.

"I need a ride to the- Planned Parenthood health center," I mutter, hoping he doesn't ask for further information.

He chokes on his food, almost spilling out the cereals, and looks at me, shocked.

"Girl, the first step is protection. What did you do?!" he scolds me and lets out a small laugh.

"It's not funny. We were so high." I try to excuse myself but he doesn't buy it.

"I'll drive you there because I don't want a little Ronnie around here," he mocks me and obnoxiously laughs, I can't help but join him.

"Who is the daddy, though?" he continues teasing me and I shove him.

"Idiot," I mutter and he continues eating his cereal.

"Where is everyone? Shanice... Alex... D-Derek?" I ask him hoping he doesn't notice I just want to know where Derek is, if he is okay.

I wonder what happened to Louis and Nicole too... She was with James the last time I checked.

"Shanice left with Derek. Olivia left right after them," he says and I look down.

"What about Alexander?"

"I don't know, I was too drunk. I think he left way before them," he admits and I nod.

"I slept with him," I admit, surprised by my sincerity. Something that I seem to not be able to do, thinking back to the horrible words I said to Derek. He must think I'm a heartless bitch.

Dominic coughs again. "You are going to kill me, dropping bombs like these while I eat," he says and I laugh bitterly.

"I'm not going to judge you... but you can do better," he says and I listen to him carefully. Alex is a pretty attractive guy, also he is quite charming.

"For example, Derek," he mutters and I almost fall out of my chair.

"I'm joking, Ronnie. He finishes his breakfast and puts on a jacket, then he grabs his car keys.

As we walk out, Dominic stops. "Derek knew it was you who did that dare, he told me he knew the moment you entered, but he played along."

My mouth drops to the floor, almost embarrassed. I forgot about that dare, I also refused to remember that I sucked on his neck-

We get in the car and the whole ride I am silent, lost in my thoughts. All I can think about is either coke or Derek.

Are these my two new addictions?

"What happened to your hand?!" Dominic asks me, I immediately hide my hand as soon as I realize it was exposed and I cannot think of any good lie.

"I- I fell," I lie and he seems uncertain.

"Ehm... ok," he mutters unconvinced but lets it slide as I let a breath out in relief.

I know coke would help me forget about Derek, about everything, but I don't know where to get it from.

"Do you have any idea where I could get coke?" I ask him and he shakes his head.

"No, you shouldn't be doing that stuff. It's not helping you." I roll my eyes and look out the window.

Hypocrite. He was the one who gave me weed countless times.

We arrive at the nearest Planned Parenthood health center and I go inside, hoping they won't ask any questions.

A few hours later...

"Do you want me to sleep here?" Dominic asks and I nod, I frankly don't want to sleep alone. He will sleep in my parents' room or on the couch.

"Although, I'm not sure I want to throw other parti-" I murmur and Dominic stops me.

"No. We will. Your parents are coming in almost two weeks and then you will go back to being grounded," he says and I agree, maybe this way I'll find some coke, hopefully, I'll see Derek too.

What am I thinking? I shouldn't want to see him, it would be worse for both of us.

My phone rings and I pick up the call.

"Veronica, my dear, how are you?" my mom asks me and I remember only two days passed since they left. I need to keep the act going.

"Hey, mom. I'm doing better although- I'm still a bit sick," I say, trying to sound as genuine as I can, but without worrying her.

"Oh, do you want me to call someone to check up on you?" she asks and I feel a knot in my throat. My house still looks like a mess as I didn't have any time to clean it.

"No, I'll just rest more," I answer with confidence and she agrees.

"Ok, I'll keep checking on you. We are so sorry you aren't spending Christmas with us!"

"Me too, hug grandma for me. Now I have to eat, bye, take care," I say and wait for her to reply then I hang up.

"I almost believed you," Dominic says, patting me on the back.

"Good actress," he mocks me and I shove his hand away.

The doorbell rings and we both stare at each other surprised.

"Did they send anyone to check on you?!" Dominic whispers and I gesture at him to hide in the bathroom.

I walk to the door, and I slightly open it.

"I couldn't get your number, sorry for bursting in but we should talk," Alexander says frantically and I invite him in.

Dominic also comes out of the bathroom and they both look at each other surprised.

"I meant, talking only with you," Alex says and Dominic laughs.

"Bro, no, Veronica and I are the same person," Dominic mocks him, and we all laugh.

"Regarding that... you know-" Alex struggles to talk and I interrupt him.

"I took Plan B this morning, you have nothing to worry about," I reassure him and he seems relieved.

"Alright, so what are you guys doing?" he says, sitting on the couch.

"Nothing, we are kinda bored," I reply to Alex.

"Maybe we should throw a party again, it's Saturday night, anyway," Dominic suggests.

"We didn't buy alcohol, also we didn't invite anyone, and the house is still a mess," I remind him and he shrugs.

"If I call them, they are gonna be here in ten minutes, with alcohol and weed. I'll handle it."

~

Exactly as Dominic said, the house is already full and I have a terrible headache from last night. I don't know why I accepted but if I don't get some coke, I'll be furious.

"I invited Nicole, Louis, and James too," Dominic says and I almost want to snap at him but I keep it to myself.

"Why?" I simply ask him.

"The more people the better, also James promised to bring some weed," Dominic says and I roll my eyes. I hate that he can just come to my house after what he did to me and Nicole.

James enters the moment we speak and he screams, "the party just started." While every other idiot cheers him on, and I roll my eyes at him.

"This was your best idea?" I ask Dominic and he chuckles.

"Ignore him." He shrugs and I do as he says.

I grab some alcohol and I don't even bother to take a glass, I just drink straight from the bottle.

Now some coke would be nice...

My thoughts get interrupted by Nicole entering, she is wearing a thin beige dress and she looks somewhat different, maybe it's only now that I notice but she is drastically thin, I'd say even thinner than me.

But I do coke and barely eat which makes me worried about her. I know James is a bad influence and despite everything, now I feel like I understand her.

She truly loves him, although I'm unable to see what she sees in him.

She gives me a warm smile and I exchange it. Sometimes I miss the times when we used to have sleepovers and have a cappuccino at Kaylee's Cafeteria every day, we always told each other everything and I know it's not the nicest thing to say but I was closer to her way more than with Louis, I've known her for longer too.

Alexander walks up to Olivia and they talk for a while, I'm surprised she is here but I don't mind her presence as I'm pretty sure nothing is going on between her and Derek, he came to me, even after he flirted with her, even after he saw me with another person in bed.

My heart breaks because I know he is hurting.

Olivia seems incredibly happy though, she gives me a wink and I brush it off. She has always been super flirty and snarky, but she is a really attractive girl. Long, straight red hair, and she always has makeup on and provocative clothes.

I walk up to them and they stop talking when I get near them.

"Oh, hey, Ronnie. You look so... cute!" Olivia says with a fake tone and I don't buy her compliment.

Alexander gives me a look I cannot decipher but we all decide to sit on the couch.

"Let's play truth or dare. Wait, I'll start," she suggests with a high-pitched voice and I am quite confused on why they want to change the game. Wasn't it only dares and extreme dares?

Dominic asks James and Nicole to join and I roll my eyes at Dominic, visibly annoyed but he just shrugs.

"Is it true that you have slept with everyone at this party?" James mocks Olivia before we even start the game and we all suppress a laugh. It's quite true, though.

I look at Nicole and she seems irritated by his comment, even though he ignores her.

"Actually, one of them is missing right now," she replies, completely unaware of James insulting her, as she stares at me.

"And you aren't telling us who? I thought we were friends!" Dominic sarcastically questions her and she laughs as if she was waiting for this question.

"Your friend, Derek." My face drops to the floor, uncertain that I heard his name right and she seems... happy about my reaction.

Derek? It has to be someone else. It can't be him.

"Derek slept with you? That guy hasn't had sex in ages," he teases her, and everyone laughs while I give her the death stare and I feel Alexander's eyes on me.

"Well, now he hasn't had sex since last night," she replies with a smirk while staring back at me.

Tears threaten to come as the realization hits me. They slept together after he caught me with Alexander. I can't help but feel guilty about feeling heartbroken, I deserve this.

I quickly stand up, before they notice my glossy eyes. I sprint to the bathroom as I vaguely hear Olivia and James laugh, while I can't hold the tears in any longer.

As soon as I enter the bathroom, I lock the door and make my way to the toilet, throwing up everything I drank and ate till now.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, my dark eyeliner smudged from vomiting and my hair is all sweaty and messy.

I try to keep everything inside, it's taking me so much to not break the mirror as I stare into it while not recognizing myself.

I hear a sharp knock on the door and quickly wipe away my tears, trying to take off the smudge with a tissue.

"What do you want?" I yell without even bothering to ask who is it.

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