These past weeks I missed school so much my parents tried to ground me, but I'd still sneak out. They even considered a boarding school and I just laughed in their face.

"Go ahead, I'll cause even more trouble," I said smirking and they were beyond tired of me, they also considered sending me away to my grandma.

Needless to say, my 'grandma' doesn't consider me her real grandkid. She thinks all adopted kids are trouble.

They quickly realized she wouldn't be able to keep up with me.

I finally stopped contacting Dominic and James for coke.

I started hanging out in that bar and I found someone who could get me coke, sadly, I have to pay for it. I took everything I could sell from my room and I have a bit of spare now.

He told me his name is Felix, I know it's fake, he also mentioned what his 'friends' do to people who snitch.

I'm going to sneak out tonight to meet up with him at that bar.

It's been three days since I did coke, I'm going insane without it.

~

Sweet home. Yeah, this bar became my place, where I can be a mysterious twenty-two years old woman while snorting coke in the bathroom and doing God knows what with strangers.

Even when I'm not high, I don't feel like myself. My mentality has completely shifted.

We usually exchange the cocaine and money in the underground parking spot of the bar, before entering.

"This isn't enough. It's 100 dollars short." Felix spits on the ground and gives me a hateful look, he isn't the nicest drug dealer.

"I'll give you the other half next time. I just don't know what to sell anymore," I plead, hopefully, he understands.

He grabs my wrist forcefully.

"Listen here, little girl. We aren't playing around, if you don't give it to me tomorrow evening, I'll come after you and everyone you talk to," he warns me as he grabs my wrist harder and I let a whimper out.

Where do I find more money?!

Felix gives me only a bit of coke, he says he will give me the rest next time. It's barely enough for one line.

Fuck, what the fuck am I gonna do with one line?

I need at least three.

"Can't you give me the rest now? You know where I live. I can't even run away," I beg again.

He looks at me with an evil look for a few seconds, then he finally sighs, taking a hit from his cigarette.

"You could do something else for me." He smirks and my stomach turns upside down, understanding what he meant.

I cannot do it if I'm not completely high or drunk.

"Here," he orders coming closer to my face. What?

"W-what do you mean?" I ask him, my eyes almost watering but I try to stop it.

"Put that pretty mouth to good use, there is no one here," he says and I can feel his breath on my neck, the smoke from his cigarette invading my nose.

What the fuck? He means- a blow job? I cannot... do that. I haven't tried that not even high, I think. I don't remember. I can't even kiss someone when I'm sober.

"Okay, baby. Then no drugs for you."

"No!" I need it more than anything, I physically and mentally cannot function anymore. I'm cranky all the time.

"Can we drink before, at least?" I beg him.

"No. You either accept it now or get the fuck out of here." He spits, again.

I think about it for one solid minute and he already seems done with me.

Even if I agreed, I could never bring myself to do it. I'd wince, I'd get flashbacks, I'd get a panic attack, the sole thought of doing it to him disgusts me.

So I just leave, I look back at him and he is already walking towards his car.

I can resist without coke or the little I have.

I enter the bar. I order a few shots of vodka as usual and they ask me to show my ID again.

Dominic stopped hanging out here, thankfully.

After thirty minutes I'm almost passed out, now it's time for the tiny amount of coke I've got.

I go to the bathroom stall, and put hygienic paper on the toilet and sit on it.

I usually improvise, today I took a random small notebook, I pour the powder on it, and cut it with my fake ID, it's very tense, as I need to be careful not to spill it on the dirty ground.

When I'm finally done I try to bring it to my nose and cover one nostril to take everything in.

It's not enough, fuck. Not even alcohol can make up for this shit.

When I don't have enough I just get anxious and mad. I got used to it so I need to up the intake every few weeks.

I stand up, furious, I throw the notebook on the floor and just burst out of the bathroom.

I can't even buy more alcohol. I had everything set, two hundred dollars for coke and fifty dollars for alcohol, but I don't know what happened to that one hundred dollars.

"Hello, sexy." A man in his 30s stops right in my face.

"Get out of my way." That shitty coke didn't help and now I'm just frustrated.

"Slut," he murmurs into his beard and I roll my eyes.

It would normally trigger me, but I'm beyond irritated with how insatiable the coke was.

I also have to pay him and it's due tomorrow night.

I leave the bar, walking towards the park, it's barely midnight.

I should be scared at night but I reached the point I don't care what happens to me anymore.

~

Fuck, I have to give him the rest of the money in an hour, and I only have fifty dollars.

My legs are shaking, I don't know what to do. I could beg someone for money.

There is no one I can ask for money after I pushed them all away, I could try with Dominic...

I try to call him but he doesn't pick up, fuck.

If I just don't go? Is it worse? He said he will find me and my family.

If I go and just give him half he will be furious but... I can just hope he is happy with half and that I came.

What am I even saying? He is a drug dealer! No money means I'm a dead person.

Fuck.

But not going is way worse, he knows my real full name. I didn't even tell him which terrifies me.

I put on a black hoodie and some tight jeans, my hair is a mess, unbrushed since yesterday. I haven't even bothered to clean my mascara and dark eyeliner, I genuinely look like a zombie.

~

I'm waiting in the usual place and he is late. Maybe he forgot? Perhaps he will let it go for now?

No, fuck, I see him parking his car right in front of me.

Felix goes out dressed all in black as usual.

His car isn't a cliché black, it's grey and quite expensive, I mean, he makes money off people's addictions.

He rolls down the window and immediately puts his hand out while he lits a cigarette.

"I don't have time, give me the money now," he orders.

I begin to shift uncomfortably and he knows. He knows I don't have the money.

Felix opens the car door, throwing the cigarette he just started. He immediately puts his hand around my neck as I try to gasp for air.

"P-lease, I have," I say trying to get some air, "50 dollars!" I finish my sentence and he slightly releases the grip, while I try to catch my breath, but then he suddenly presses even harder the second time.

"You ain't playing with me, bitch."

"Now you will see firsthand what happens to people who don't pay." He spits.

I try to push his hands off my neck, but he is much stronger and it only suffocates me further.

"Let her go," a voice yells and Felix immediately lets go.

"Derek, my man," Felix says and I try to gasp for air, my throat hurts.

What...?

Derek? Felix? His MAN?

Also, why is Dominic here?!

Derek walks to Felix with a serious look on his face, and he immediately threatens him.

"If you ever contact her again, I'll make sure I'm the last person you see." He grabs his top violently.

"Man, I didn't know she was your girl, you know you left this business," he says and I gasp. What?! Business?

Derek sold drugs?

"Now leave," Derek spits and lets go of his top.

Here it comes, the prince charming saving the broken princess once again.

I don't need his help, I want him to stay away from me.

"C-can you stop?" I ask Derek while still keeping a hand on my neck, it hurts.

"Stop what? Saving you from trouble? You know what he does to people who don't pay?" he yells at me and his neck veins pop off, it scares me.

I just look at my feet.

"I still don't need you to save me," I say and slowly look up at him, he seems so frustrated and disappointed.

"I'm not stopping so you better get used to it, or you could stop putting yourself in these situations," he warns me and I'm shocked, he doesn't care if I don't want to be saved, if I want to be alone, he won't allow that.

This quite warms my cold broken heart, it's crazy seeing someone do this for me even when I give back only insults.

"They all get tired and leave..."

I don't want to get used to temporary things.

——

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