My eyes reopen and I look around. All I see is an empty white room. It feels strange.

Where am I?

The white walls fade and now I'm in Derek's bedroom.

He is making out with Shanice and she is enjoying it.

I wave at them, I try to yell their names. But they can't hear me.

I feel the anger boil in my veins but I cannot do anything to stop them, it's as if I'm not there.

They keep undressing and I close my eyes again, waking up in another place.

What is happening?

I turn around and I see a couple.

"Veronica! My poor Veronica," a woman says and hugs me, she smells of cigarettes and alcohol.

"Who are you?" I ask as I pull her away from me.

"I'm your real mother," she replies and I open my mouth in shock.

My biological mom? Tears come rolling down my cheeks, I look at her and it feels unreal. But slowly her face fades, and I can't see anything, it looks blurred out.

I try to yell for help, but it's like it's someone else voice.

I suddenly hear a blood-curling scream but it's not mine.

"Please, help me. Where am I?!" My throat hurts. "What's happening?!"

My vision starts shaking, it's getting blurrier and the woman in front of me disappears, I try to hold her hand but it feels almost pixelated, she is slowly slipping away.

"Mom? Please, don't leave me." I let out a whimper.

My eyes get sleepier and sleepier, I try to open them but it feels as if they are shut closed, almost taped.

After countless tries, I finally open them.

I'm at Kaylee's Cafeteria. And in front of me... it's my rapist.

I want to run away, but it feels as if my feet are glued to the ground. I want to scream but my mouth doesn't open, not even a tiny bit.

I close my eyes, but I can still see him. What is happening?

My head feels like it's tearing apart.

I open my eyes again, his face gets replaced by... Derek?

But with my rapist's body.

He stares at me, without moving, even breathing as it seems. I try to rub my eyes with my fingers so harshly that I begin to see weird patches of colors.

Now his face gets switched back to that creepy man.

Every time I blink his face gets blurred out, now it is getting replaced by-

I cannot recognize it...

Louis!

Oh my god, what am I doing? What is happening?

"Please, make it stop," I scream once again but nothing happens, no one listens to me.

The faceless man in front of me begins touching me all over, with no way of stopping him.

"W-why did you steal my innocence? What did I do to you?" I ask him between cries. This is a question I always wished to ask, even though it never made sense.

"Because you were an easy target. You are unlovable, Ronnie." How does he know my name? What is he saying?

"Everyone is tired of you. Don't you see it?" he mocks me as he takes off my hoodie while I can't move.

"You keep saying you want to be alone, let's be honest for once, Ronnie, you only say it because you know they are going to leave you, and you don't want to feel as if it's their choice. But it is." He grabs my neck with his dirty hands and I can only hear the... truth.

He is saying only the truth about me.

"Why don't you end it, baby girl?" he says and grabs the knife he had that morning.

I take it, my eyes on the shiny knife. It's tempting, and for the first time, I seriously consider stabbing myself.

Is there no hope for me? Is this the right time to end it?

"Yes. It's time to end it, babe," Derek says.

My eyes fill with tears again, as they have previously dried out.

I point the knife to my wrists, but Louis' face appears and he grabs it abruptly from my hand, pointing it to my chest.

"You deserve to die, dirty whore," he hisses at me.

I feel it slowly touching my skin, penetrating my chest and a tiny amount of blood comes out. I don't even feel the pain.

I take the knife back from him.

"Do it. End the pain," the rapist says.

I do as he says.

I wake up with a knife pointed to my chest and James is looking at me disgusted.

That's when I realize it wasn't real. Wait, it felt so vivid. Was I hallucinating?

James seems scared for the first time. He tries to come closer once I throw the knife on the floor.

And I slowly look down, at my chest. What have I done?

"You are fucking crazy!" James yells at me and I ignore his gaze.

"I- I don't know... I was-" I stop myself before I say it.

"You need help, Ronnie," James mocks me and I feel embarrassed. Do I need help? Have I gone too far?

Why do I always find myself around people I shouldn't be near?

"You want to be alone cause you know no one would stay."

I said that stuff to myself, it was all in my mind. I was exposing my true reasons. I don't want to recognize that I might need help because it's going to make everything more real, and that terrifies me.

"You should leave," James threatens me.

It hits me, he saw everything and he will tell everyone, which makes me irritated.

"If you tell someone about this, I swear-"

James stops me before I finish my sentence, he takes an intimidating step towards me.

"What are you going to do?" He laughs at me and I grab the tiny amount of courage I have left, still feeling quite high.

Now that I'm a few inches away from his face, I'm going to tell him exactly what he deserves to hear.

"I'll go to the police, report you for everything," I mutter uncertain. I'd never go to the police. Heck, I couldn't even report my rapist.

James bursts out in a laugh and my previous courage gets replaced by confusion.

"You are so pathetic," he mutters and I look into his icy blue eyes.

"I'll just pay my way out, like I always do." He keeps laughing and that's when I realize that nothing I say or do scares him.

"Now get the fuck out of here," James yells at me as he violently digs his nail into my arm.

He throws me out of his house and I don't protest.

——

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