If I stay one more minute in this house I'll go insane.

Dominic also came to check on me and he asked me a thousand questions; why did I faint, what happened, am I dying, etc.

Derek is even worse than Nicole, with all that 'I wanna help you' attitude. I don't want help.

"Has someone... touched- you inappropriately?" Derek asks and my eyes widen in terror. Why is he asking me this question? How did he understand?

What should I lie?

I stay silent for a few too many seconds, if I don't say anything he will take it as a yes.

I understand my ideas are always bad, but they work. I'm going to tell him something that he won't appreciate and I doubt he would even try to talk to me anymore, let alone help me.

How do I shift the attention from his question to something else? I am not a good liar. Fuck.

Wait.

"No. I- I have a good sex life," I say as my lips are slightly trembling, "a week ago I had sex with a stranger I met at a bar."

Promiscuous? Maybe, but at least I won't have to look into his eyes and lie.

This would turn his attention to my encounter.

He looks at me like I'm crazy, then he bursts out laughing.

"Veronica, I don't care about your sex life. I'm asking if someone ever made you uncomfortable. Did that bar guy make you uncomfortable?" he asks and looks down.

Ugh...

"No. We had a great time," I mutter trying to push it further. Am I telling him this cause I want to get rid of him... or just to make him jealous?

He just looks at me with a look I cannot decipher so I stare back.

"You weren't joking?" he asks seriously, this is the moment I notice... something different.

"Y-yes, wait, actually- no." Fuck, he makes me stutter so much.

Why is his presence making me regret what I've done? Am I going insane?

I don't care what other people think, nor if I'm doing the wrong thing.

Because it's the only thing that gives me back the freedom I lost that morning.

Will I ever be able to have a healthy relationship? A family? Intimacy without having to drink so much alcohol that I pass out and remember nothing the next day?

"Are you still here?" Derek asks waving his hand in front of my face. I zone out so many times.

"What were you saying?" I ask.

"Nothing, leave it," he mutters, looking down at his hands.

I'm so curious... does he hook up with anyone? Has he ever been in a serious relationship?

"Do you have sex?" I ask bluntly and I start laughing at my immature question. Who even asks this kind of stuff?!

He laughs at my question, unsure if he heard me correctly since it makes no sense to him.

"No. I'm a virgin," he answers, and my mouth's agape.

"I'm joking." He bursts out laughing. Ugh, I hate him. He never gives me any answers without first teasing me.

"Why do you care?" He turns the question back to me. Fuck.

"You k-knew about me... so, I thou-"

He interrupts me.

"I didn't ask about your sex life," he says with a serious face.

"Then why do you care if I was touched inappropriately? Why would it be your problem?" I sigh annoyed. "Also, how did you even get that idea?"

Fuck, I sound too defensive.

"You keep flinching every time someone touches you. It was just a random question that went through my mind, but I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

"For the first question, I care about you, Ronnie." My breath is cut short by his words, I did not expect it.

He comes closer to my face. I freeze when I think that he is about to kiss me but he moves his mouth to my forehead and gently places a kiss. I can only imagine how red I look right now.

~

Monday

I'm starting school again after a long break. People think I'm insane. Most of them know what happened at the hospital and last Saturday's party.

I need to stay away from Derek, he is no good for me. I can't trust anyone. I'm letting my guard down too much and I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I have no coke, weed, or money. I could ask my parents for some spare... but, I doubt it would work.

Before I enter, I see James with his friends.

I haven't seen him in a long time. He doesn't even look at me anymore, which I'm grateful for but he is my only chance to get what I want, and I'll do anything I can to get it.

Coke has been the only thought that runs through my mind. At any time. I cannot handle my emotions anymore.

So, I do something stupid. I'm going to regret it. Not even him almost taking advantage of me matters anymore if I can't have cocaine.

"Hey, James."

He turns to me slightly surprised but he immediately smirks.

"I knew you'd be coming back." His eyes almost penetrating my soul. "You should keep that idiot away from me," he spits.

Ugh, I hate him, his stupid smile, his horrendous style, his snarky voice. Everything.

But he is the only one who tries to 'help' me by actually giving me what I need.

"Oh, cut it off. You know I only come to you for coke," I blurt out.

"That's what you tell yourself, sweetie," he says as he touches my shoulder.

"Don't touch me," I emphasize every word.

I said this phrase countless times yet he still doesn't get it.

"We can skip school and go to my house. My parents are always away... anyway." His tone shifts and I could feel a slight sadness coming from his voice at the end. James can feel any emotion other than lust?!

Proves how shitty parents make shitty children.

"Sure," I mutter without even thinking about the consequences.

After he drives me there, we enter his villa again, I never expected to come back here, not after causing that scene.

"I know you can't even snort coke."

"Yeah? Then don't bring it up, or you will say bye to your drugs," he hisses at me and I roll my eyes.

"Did that idiot tell you that? That fucking pussy is always in my business," he spits furiously.

His words kinda annoy me, it's almost as if I care if anyone insults Derek.

But looking back to what Derek did for me, it makes sense. Am I grateful? Yes. Do I ever want him around me anymore? No.

I shrug at this question, hoping he would let go.

"I'm going to have a bit of alcohol, though," he adds, waving around his inhaler.

So basically, he risks his life for a bit of fun? That sounds like what I do.

"Why do you always have coke on you then?" I ask him.

He leans in and whispers in my ears, "Because I knew you'd come back."

I get shivers down my spine hearing his stupid voice this close to my ear.

He chops the powder and makes a few lines. I used to only do one at first, but as I kept going I needed more.

It feels like it's never enough.

I snort the first line fast. It's a habit now, it doesn't even burn anymore.

I snort the second one straight away and I instantly feel euphoric. It's so good. I missed it way more than I want to admit.

"Do the third line to get the full effect," James encourages me and I don't feel euphoric enough so I do as he says.

I lay down on the floor almost as soon as I do the third line, I never went this far. I close my eyes for what feels like too long.

———

Thanks for reading and please don't forget to vote and comment! I love you (: