Shanice's POV

I turn on the hot water and fill the bathtub, then I add a bit more cold water.

I light some scented candles and I take my iPad so I can watch a show.

It's me time.

I also have to call Derek because it's been almost a week since I last heard from him.

I test the water temperature with my hand and then I completely submerge myself under water. I pick up my phone from the corner.

When Veronica asked me if I heard from Derek, I just had no other choice but to lie. Not even Dominic knows anything.

Derek asked me to lie and he is my best friend before anyone else. It was his wish to keep Veronica away from him even though it wrenches him.

Derek saved my life and I'll always be grateful. I'd be dead without him.

I dial him at least once every week, even more often, just to check up on him and make sure he is okay and not too lonely.

He picks up the call quite fast this time.

"Hey, you're alive," I exclaim on the phone. I didn't call him for a week since I was so busy with Irène.

"Alive and well, mostly," he replies.

"What happened?" I ask as I put my left arm into the hot water and try to relax.

"I have to visit Felix in the prison."

This is a huge thing... which means he will have to come back to Atlanta. I'm not sure it's very safe to pay visits to Felix, that dude always finds a way to hurt people.

And I will never forget what he did to us.

"But why?" I question him.

"We have some unresolved things."

Always so mysterious.

"Veronica kept asking if you are okay," I confess.

"Just tell her that I can take care of myself."

"You want me to lie?" I joke and he laughs.

"You should see Veronica too since you'll be there anyway," I suggest.

Lately, she's been growing on me, I don't see her the same way as I used to but that doesn't mean I'll be her friend. Just that I won't be rude to her.

Someway I feel sorry for what she's been through and I don't see the point of Derek staying away from her anymore.

"No. That is not going to happen," he replies coldly. "I promised to stay away from her so she can move on. She is better off without me."

"What a bunch of fucking bullshit. You are such a fucking coward, Derek Forster," I spit annoyed.

One thing I cannot stand is nonsense and people lying to themselves to fit their narrative.

He doesn't reply for a few seconds. "I'm just doing what I think it's best."

After an uncomfortable long silence, I don't want to insist. It's just not my business. "So, you are coming for Felix? Is it safe?" I ask.

"He is in prison. The people who work for him are in prison too, so yes. I'm going to be okay."

"I'll call you to check up on you. Answer right away, Derek," I tell him assertively.

"I will."

~

I lay back on the pillow and Irène sits on top of me, taking off her top slowly.

"It's gonna take you three years," I joke as she grabs my face.

"Then help me," she flirts as I help her take off her top, revealing her signature red lace bra.

I've been with one woman before but it didn't last long and it was only cuddles and kisses, Veronica kind of interrupted us. I like men too but there is something different about women. Their softness, voice, style.

Everything a man does, a woman does it better.

"I knew you were submissive," she stares at me while slowly taking off her bra.

"Fuck off," I laugh.

"You are, though..." she whispers as her bra comes free and she throws it on the floor.

Breasts are the greatest thing on a woman's body, mostly because I don't have them.

Irène bites her lower lip as she moves her hips against mine.

"Did you lock the door?"

"Don't you live alone?" she asks noticing how I try to derail things. I always do. I'm not uncomfortable because of her, I want her just as much as she wants me, but I'm terrified of my parents.

"Yes, but you never know. My parents visit sometimes."

With men it was easy, they did most of the work and it's so hard to accept myself, it's different with a woman. That level of intimacy, vulnerability and it feels like we are against the world. My parents didn't make me conservative at all, but I still feel uncomfortable about who I am.

Hating them would be the right choice. They are homophobic, they are against me and what I love. They don't respect my choice. How can they love me like this? It's so easier said than done. I want to hate them, I really do.

But I want their approval more than anything. I want them to understand and love me regardless. I'd die for them.

"Focus on me. Your parents are not here," she says as I take a deep breath.

Sex is sex regardless of who is done with.

I sit up with her moving slightly on top of me. I take off my bra and I cup her breasts with my hands.

My long fingers grazing over her nipples.

I've never touched boobs before, we stopped at just making out.

Massaging someone else's breasts is better than touching mine. Hers are quite more formed and bigger but compared to mine everything is big.

When she starts moaning, I hear a weird noise behind her.

I immediately stop what I'm doing and I try to look past her at the door opening. I grab my bra and try to cover my breasts.

My mom gasps terrified.

Oh no, no, no, no. What did I do?! The door wasn't closed...

I put a shirt on quickly and Irène doesn't turn around while she looks for her bra.

My mom leaves the room and I run after her.

"Mom! Wait, please!" I yell through cries.

She finally stops and looks at me as if I am the most disgusting creature, as if what I did is so disgraceful and illegal.

"M- mom," my voice shakes. "Please, don't look at me like that."

Irène didn't come out of the room, it's for the best. She would only worsen things.

"How can you do something like this?" my mom asks with confusion in her voice as if being gay is such a sin.

To her it is.

The worst thing is that I'd rather kill every part of me before I give up on my family.

"I swear to God, it's just a mistake. It will never happen again." My hands are shaking and I'm crying uncontrollably, begging for my mom to accept me or at least forgive me.

I turn around and I see Irène near the door, dressed, with a devastated look on her face.

Her family always accepted her, she was out before she could even finish middle school. She never had to go through this. Kids in high school would make fun of her in the first year but she always, always made them pay. Her dad was the most powerful too, he could close the school at the snap of his fingers.

By the end of the year, no one laughed anymore. They were terrified of her.

"Are you... h- homosexual for god's sake?" my mom starts crying and I try to comfort her but she denies me.

"I'm not. Mom. Please, trust me."

Irène stands at the door frame, she looks livid. She wants to do something but I don't want her to.

"Mrs. Jennings, it was a mistake..." she says through gritted teeth. Irène would never say this out loud but she does it for me anyway.

My mom looks shocked and repulsed that Irène even looked at her, let alone talked to her. "I'll tell your dad about this. You are sick. You will go to hell."

"No... mom, I beg you, don't," I plead as I get on my knees, grabbing her hand.

She snatches her hand out of my hold. She looks down on me. "You are not my daughter anymore."

I whimper harder as I try to grab her hand again but she walks away. I collapse on the cold wooden floor and I cry out for her to come back and forgive me.

My mom doesn't look back once as she slams the door.

Irène comes to me and she sits on the floor, wrapping her arms around mine. I cry on her chest for what feels like hours, while she whispers encouraging words.

"They will accept you."

"It will be okay."

"You don't deserve this, baby."

But all I can think about is how I lost my parents because of my sexuality, and I wish Irène was right but I know them and they won't ever change their minds. I'm a disgrace, an embarrassment, a sin.