Derek's POV

Antonia pulls the collar of my shirt and I bend to pick her up. She immediately giggles when I place her on the kitchen table.

My hand travels to her thigh and I run it up to her hips, with my other hand grabbing the back of her neck.

She abruptly kisses me and I play along, feeling nothing more than a growing sensation in my pants.

I keep thinking about her. I hate it, I don't want to think about her at all, but everywhere I look, she is there. I cannot do even the simplest things without her popping into my head.

I know I am supposed to be over her, but when Antonia pulls the shirt over my head, I imagine it's Veronica for a glimpse.

I slightly furrow my eyebrows, trying to distract myself away from Ronn- Veronica and I let Antonia take off my shirt. She throws it on the floor and she slightly parts her legs allowing me to position myself in between them better.

Antonia breaks the kiss and she lowers herself to my neck and starts sucking on it.

I haven't done anything in over a year, but it all feels so wrong. Intimacy was always easy to me, it never felt wrong. I never craved emotional connection during sex, not until I met Veronica.

Anything intimate feels way fucking better with someone you love-

"You seem so absent," she mutters against my skin. "Come on. You asked me to come here."

I nod.

Yeah, I asked her to come, she has always hit on me since I was released so I thought it was time to move on. I also told her I don't do serious stuff anymore, she was okay with it but I know it's a dangerous game.

She continues sucking harshly on my skin in several places, she seems proud of the red hickeys she gave me and it's like she cares more about them showing off through my clothes rather than fucking.

She stops for a few seconds and looks into my eyes, then she gently pushes me back which throws me off guard.

Did I do something wrong? I let her take initiative and I was barely reacting.

She gets off the counter and walks to me again.

"I want to do something for you," she says as she grabs the belt of my jeans, and rips it quicker than I can speak.

"Antonia..." I breathe hard as she runs her fingers to my crotch through the jeans.

She lowers herself a bit and I quickly grab her wrist pulling her up.

"Get up."

"W- what?" The hurt in her voice is obvious. I don't think anyone ever rejects anything from her, especially a blowjob.

I know I'm crazy for rejecting her, but I can't do it. I just don't feel it with her.

"We can fuck, but you aren't going to suck my dick."

She looks up at me confused, she is a bit taller than Veronica.

Fuck, I don't want to think about her. I don't want to compare Veronica to anyone. Because no one would ever be good enough.

"I am confused... I just wanted to do something nice for you."

I stay silent, not knowing what else to say.

"Let's take a shower together," she suggests after a few seconds, seemingly forgetting that I rejected her.

Perhaps it will wash away my sins.

I agree and she doesn't take long to take off her dress, exposing her full body beside her underwear.

I take a long look at her exposed breasts, and she presses her body against my chest hard. I grab her by the neck and kiss her again. She slightly moans into my mouth as my fingers slightly press below her jawline.

I guide her to my bathroom and I lock the door—which she finds weird but she doesn't complain.

If they come in, at least I will have time to react and protect Antonia.

Thirty minutes later

The doorbell rings and my mind immediately goes to Dominic or Shanice, although I warned them to always text me before coming here.

"Ohhh, your side piece?" Antonia says and she immediately laughs.

I laugh knowing that she is the first woman I've been with since I was arrested.

I'm not worried about them, they wouldn't ring the bell. It's not me who they want dead, at least not right now.

"Strange," I mutter as I walk to the door with her.

"Were you waiting for someone else besides me?" she asks playfully.

"I'm not expecting anyone," I explain, noticing the doubt on her face.

She looks through the peephole. "There is no one."

"Let me check," I say as she makes room for me.

I open the door and I look ahead to the elevator. It's stopped at this floor. Clearly, the person who came to ring the bell hasn't left.

"Let's go back to our fun," Antonia flirts and she kisses my neck but I don't react.

There is something wrong.

Before I step out to check the hallway, I get surprised by the sudden person stepping into my way.

Veronica.

Fuck.

Her red and glossy eyes are widened as she stares at Antonia who is hugging me from behind and she is barely covered by my towel. Then Veronica's eyes slightly glance at my naked torso.

I've never seen her more hurt and disgusted and it's making me sick to my stomach. I didn't think I'd see her again after what happened at the college dorm.

I didn't want to see Veronica anymore. Not because I don't miss her, because fuck, I-

"No..." Ronnie mutters through cries and I feel so gross close to Antonia, knowing what I have done.

I distance myself from Antonia and she seems a bit hurt but she doesn't even seem to understand what is happening.

It's hard to look at Veronica. I feel so damn guilty, even if I know it was the right thing. I had to distance myself from her. It was for the best.

But it fucking hurts, man.

She seems lost, I knew she was never at her best but I never wanted to be the thing that makes her feel worse. I wanted to be something good for her.

Now I just want her to be as far away as possible from me, that's what is good for her.

I have no idea what to say. I want to apologize but there is no reason to apologize. We aren't together... and I told her to stay away from me. But does she ever listen? Fuck, it is going to get her killed.

I hate to think this... but perhaps it's better she saw me like this. At least she will think I'm a piece of shit and go back to Alexander and be relatively safe.

"I-"

She cuts me off and I don't try to talk over her. It's the least I could do.

"I came here... I came here to tell you the whole truth. To tell you I haven't been with anyone this year, Alex was the first time someone kissed me since you were arrested... and I didn't want to kiss him. He forced me. I wanted to tell you I've been crying over you for the whole past year. And how much I fucking-"

I wait for her to finish but I realize she won't.

I stare at her in shock, regretting that I ever thought that she would be better off with Alexander. For fuck's sake, she would be better far away from any of us. We are all bad for her.

"I wanted you to know the truth, I didn't do drugs, I kept my promise. But you know what, Derek? Fuck that promise. You never believed me, you left me to carry the weight of your decision. I didn't ask you to take the blame for me. I didn't ask you to not trust me." Her tears fall down her cheeks and I get the impulse of walking closer to her and hugging her but I stop myself.

She thinks this is the worst thing that could happen to her, and I promised myself that she will never see the worst that will inevitably happen if she doesn't stop coming to my apartment. It's not safe, it's never safe here. But I don't have enough money to leave.

"So don't act all angry with me. Don't pretend you are mad at me as if I put you in prison, I wanted to admit it was my fault many times and you told Dominic to stop me. Don't pretend Alex kissing me hurts you, or that my feelings for you were never real."

I sigh. She will never know the true reason behind all of this.

"I believe you, I always did, Veronica. I know it wasn't your fault with the drugs-" I explain with a compassionate tone and she seems confused.

"Was it a cruel game just to ignore me and have everyone torture me for a year because you lied it was my drugs?"

"No! You don't understand. You don't know even half of it-"

"Fuck you, Derek, fuck you. Go to hell and tell your stupid friends to stop bothering me."

I gulp down hard and I try to hide how much it hurt me.

"I didn't tell Shanice to do that to you, I tried to fix it!" I raise my tone in defense but she shrugs.

"You should have fixed it by telling them the truth. You knew- you knew it wasn't my fault and you let me suffer for a year with no response."

What is she talking about?

She presses the elevator button.

"I did r-"

The elevator comes and makes a loud noise cutting me off. She gets inside, pressing multiple times so it closes.

I want to get inside the elevator, and tell her the whole truth, kiss and embrace her but I feel gross, guilty, and helpless so I let her go.

I squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds and then Antonia pulls me towards her.

"She has gone completely nuts," Antonia says.

"Just... don't talk," I mutter annoyed as we walk back to the apartment.

I have the impulse to go to the window and check on Veronica, I need to see if she is safe and if she came alone.

Antonia pulls my hand and she kisses me without saying anything.

I don't kiss her back.

"Wait a minute," I stop her as I walk to the large windows by the living room.

"I thought it was over between you and Veronica. Why did she come here?!" Antonia asks alarmed before I look out the window.

"I don't want to talk about that."

"But I want to. She told me you were ignoring her-"

I turn towards her, pissed off, "were you friends with her or something?"

"Kind of, more like friends with her other friend, Nicole." She takes off her towel and replaces it with the previous dress. I don't look once at her naked body.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

If she had told me they were even remotely friends, I would have never invited her here.

I free my hand from her hold and I walk to the windows, peeking down.

I don't see Veronica anywhere-

She shouldn't drive like this, she could get hurt. I know she has a tendency to not care what happens to her when she is feeling shitty.

"Derek!" Antonia yells to get my attention and I immediately turn towards her, alarmed. I let go of the curtains.

I know it was the right thing to do, but I still feel like the biggest piece of shit there is.

"I want to go home," Antonia says in a whiny voice as she puts on her heels.

"Okay. I'll take you home." I grab the keys to my car and apartment.

"Nah. I'm going alone." She is livid, but she knew it was supposed to be just a hookup.

"I'll drive you, it's not safe."

"What's not safe? You are always so weird." She walks closer to me. "And... you say it's just a hookup then you say it's not safe and you will bring me home. What's next? A goodnight kiss? Meeting your parents?"

My parents are dead, and Antonia will be too if she doesn't let me drive her home.

"Don't worry, you will never meet my parents." I put on my shoes. I'll take her home whenever she wants it or not. "You think you don't deserve decency just because it's a hookup? I don't fuck and treat you like shit after."

She stares at me in shock and... amazement?

"Weirdly, that's the sweetest thing a man has ever said to me."

"You need to fuck better men." I laugh in disbelief.

"Yeah." She chuckles.

I take my jacket and I walk her to the door.

Did Veronica make it home safe?

"Where's your car?" I say as I am looking at the red and dirty car parked near the entrance. The whole front bumper is sagging and the car looks like it's in terrible condition.

"I took a lift." We walk to my car and I realize I've seen that red car before... could it be-

"Wait a sec," I say as I walk to the ruined car and I look through the windows.

"What are you doing?!" Antonia yells at me.

I press my hand onto the dirty windows and I try to see something through it but it's blurry.

Jesus, who drives this car? You can barely see through the windows. At least the windshield looks cleaner.

I look at the steering wheel... then at the box storage and then at the paper note stuck to the window inside the car. I squint my eyes to see better.

Atlanta university - suspension appeal

Hold on... this has to be Veronica's car... but where is she?

I know she is not very careful so I try to open the door, which takes full force to grip and pull, but it eventually opens.

Her car is literally falling apart. She shouldn't drive this. It's dangerous.

"Oh my god, why would you do that?" Antonia yells as I get into Veronica's car.

If Ronnie is around here and sees us near her car... she will probably freak out. But I have to check.

I take the note and I look for her name on it but the note it's ripped and I can't see the name. I look around and I notice the letter in came in.

Receiver: Veronica Reeves

It hasn't been long since she came to my door, maybe she just went to the 24/7 store door at the end of the street.

She should lock her door.

I get out of the car, maybe I can get Antonia to wait for a bit in my car at least until I see Veronica going back to her vehicle safely.

"Why would you do that? It's Veronica's car. Hasn't she left?!" Antonia asks exasperated.

I did all of that when I could have just asked Antonia if it was Ronnie's car?

"Let's wait a bit-"

"No, Jesus Christ, Derek, do you hear yourself?"

"I don't think I need to explain myself to you," I say annoyed. I barely know her. We only talked a few times and we hooked up once.

She scoffs. "I came here to have a good time but all you care about is her. It's all you think and talk about." She looks around and I don't say anything. She is right. "You know what? Go home. I will take a cab."

"Are you s-"

She rolls her eyes.

I'm just trying to help.

"Yeah. Bye." She cuts me off as she walks away from my car.

I was going to leave but Veronica isn't here yet. A part of me wants to see her again, but I know it's better for both of us if we don't see each other.

It's easier to forget someone you never see.

I take out my phone and text Dominic.

Me: Can you give Veronica a call, just check up on her?

Dom: why

Me: She came here and kinda saw me with Antonia.

Dom: kinda?

Me: Shut up and call her.

He sees the message but doesn't reply anymore. I walk to the flat's main door and I sit on the stairs. I put my head on my knee and I look at Veronica's number on the screen of my phone.

I changed my number out of prison but I memorized hers a long time ago, she never changed it.

Would it do any bad to call her? Would I just seem like a dick? Could it put her in danger?

Fuck. I'm so worried.

It's still so late and she isn't here. Maybe she just took a cab, and she will get her car later.

My phone starts ringing and for a second I think it's her. It's dumb, she doesn't even have my number.

"Is she ok?!" I ask Dominic on the phone.

"I called and Nicole answered. She said Veronica left a few hours ago after you went to her dorm and she forgot her phone. She hasn't come home yet," he explains.

"Fuck's sake. Her car is in the front of my flat, I don't think she would have left it here and get a cab. She was so upset."

"Do you want me to come?"

"No. I'll check at the nearest store. She must be in there," I say.

He agrees and I hang up. I sprint to the 24/7 store and I look around the parking lots. Only one car and I can't see anyone but the cashier through the large windows of the store.

I walk to the store and I get inside, frantically looking around. The woman working here looks horrified.

"I am... just looking for someone-"

That sounds worse.

"Did a girl with mid-length black hair come here?"

"No. No one came here in the past hour."

"Okay. Thank you."

She still thinks I'm a creep, it doesn't help that I'm looking for a 'girl' at 1 AM.

I walk back to my apartment and I sigh deeply, trying to release my worry.

I wait by the curtains, still looking at the empty street. A few cars pass sometimes but I don't see Veronica.

I put myself a glass of liquor and I chug it down. The nerves growing with each hour that passes.

Me: Let me know if you find out anything about Veronica

Sent to Dominic.

3 AM.

I'm an idiot, there is no point to wait here. Maybe she just called Alexander- or any boy to pick her up, but why is she not at her campus yet? It's not even far away.

I suddenly receive a message and I unlock the screen fast, hoping that they found her and she is okay.

The number is private and they sent me a video with no text attached.

My heart starts racing as I click on the notification, knowing that it will only go downhill from here.

The video's thumbnail is blurry and it seems like it's a basement. I click on it and it starts.

The camera pans to a man and he laughs.

"This is fun, we should do this more often, don't you agree, Forster?"

I recognize the man. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Don't tell me it's what I think it is-

The camera turns to the man holding it and he grins at the lenses.

"We have such a little nice surprise for you. But patience, patience, Derek. This is just the beginning."

They both break up in a laugh and the camera suddenly spins to the third person.

Veronica tied to a chair in a basement with dim lighting. Her whole face is bruised and swollen, almost unrecognizable. Her clothes are the same but ripped and dirty. She isn't looking at the camera but she looks lost, confused.

I punch the wall next to the window, not even thinking once about what I'm doing.

I leave a hole in the wall and my knuckles are broken and filled with blood, but I feel nothing but anger.

Her hair is covered in her blood and half of it is on her face, she can barely see through it.

The other man walks to her and lifts her chin slowly. Her nose is still bleeding and her eyes are dark, no longer the bright blue they were just a few hours ago.

I squeeze my eyes shut, ignoring the video playing and I push back the tears as I run to the stairs. No time for the elevator.

I sprint down the stairs and I don't even close the video. When I look at it again, I close my fist wanting to punch the wall in the lobby too.

He takes off the duct tape over her mouth and lowers himself to see her face to face.

"Say something to your sweet Derek."

Veronica looks at the phone but it's like she isn't even seeing anything, she doesn't look at the camera.

"Say something!" he yells at her and she winces, her bloody eyes suddenly looking at the camera.

I gulp down hard, my chest hurts, and I feel a wave of anger and sadness vibrating through my body. I don't see anything but the door of my car, everything else is blurry.

"I'm going to fucking kill them, fuck!" I yell not even bothering that someone can hear me.

Before I drive, I look at the video again. The video is three minutes and sixteen seconds long.

"Say something, you fucking whore," he yells again and she starts crying harder.

"I-" she tries to speak but the other man pushes her chair and she falls back, hurting herself again.

The video ends.