Veronica's POV

I sit in my wrecked car and I put my head on the steering wheel.

I don't know what to do.

I want to cry, I want to let it all out but I'm too tired of crying. Some parts of me think I'm overreacting but being told that my mom has been dishonest for longer than I ever thought makes everything worse.

Maybe it would have been easier if everyone else was honest to me, but this year consisted of only lies. I'm fucking sick of it.

I want to stop caring but it's stronger than me, I always care, I care about all the smallest details, every word people didn't mean to say but hurt me, every time someone disappoints me even when I deserved it—Alexander, Irène told me I shouldn't trust him and I didn't listen to her, maybe she isn't too trustworthy but she didn't want to get in my pants.

He just wanted fuck me and I thought he was just a friend. How dumb could I be?

Now I ruined everything with Derek, he hated me before and now he hates me even more. I don't blame him. I'm so fucking useless.

I look at the box I put in my lap.

Should I open it?

Do I really want this pain? I'm afraid of all the lies, all the time I believed something that was fake... surfacing here, in this cheap and destroyed car at 12 AM in a town that has ruined me. I don't feel safe here.

My good childhood and amazing moments with my friends and parents got wiped away the day I was assaulted.

Everything matters but nothing really matters.

I sound like I'm high... and Gosh, I wish I was high right now. I'd give anything for that fake adrenaline pumping through my veins, the way I inhaled all the cocaine into my lungs, and how much I ruined my body. Weirdly, I loved it.

I loved harming myself, I felt like I deserved it and I was paying for my sins.

It's so much easier to believe your traumas are your fault than to believe you were just a poor little victim who had an unfair life. At least it is to me.

Or maybe because you can fix something caused by yourself, most of the time. But can you really fix the unfairness of life? How do people live when unfair things happen to them? What is the point when everyone else seems to have it so much better?

"I need to tell Derek the t-truth," I murmur to myself, as I press my hands against the steering wheel with all my force. "I need to."

I rotate the key and turn on the car, I back out a little and I look both ways as I leave the street.

I'm an idiot for going there again but I need to do the same thing he did for me, he kept trying the whole year to talk to me, to be there for me and he always explained his side every time there was a miscommunication. I need to do better.

I won't open the box now, I don't care about the lies my mother held from me, I want to just throw it away...

But I'll keep it in the back of my car, maybe one day I'll change my mind.

My phone is still on campus and I hope to be home by this morning. They decide on my suspension at 9 am.

Derek doesn't live far away from my place, luckily, it will only take me thirty minutes if I go over the speeding limit.

I know it's late but I know he doesn't sleep very early.

I would have texted him if I had my phone, and also if he had the same number, but he changed it.

When I stop at the traffic lights, a black SUV comes up behind me. I look at them through the rearview but their windows are tinted very dark—more than they legally should—and I can't see much.

Suddenly they honk harshly and loudly and I wince, slightly moving the car to the right, but I turn it back straight.

I swallow the lump in my throat.

Fucking idiots, I almost shit my pants.

A black SUV with tinted windows hiking at you for no reason is scary.

When I change the street, they turn to the other which so I calm down, realizing they were just messing with me. Maybe they hated my driving skills. I don't blame them.

30 minutes later

I arrive on the familiar street. There are many cars parked near the sidewalk and I squeeze myself in between two cars, luckily my car is pretty small.

I turn off the lights and I walk to the main entrance.

Oh my god, it's unlocked! Someone left it almost closed but they didn't shut it so it's unlocked. This is my lucky day, my sign it was the right thing to come here.

I take the elevator and a few minutes later I'm on his floor. His door is close to the elevator so once I'm out I fully see his dark wooden door.

I am so nervous, I know he must hate me but I can't leave things like this, he will still believe it was all my fault but at least not that I fucked Alexander. I want him to know I never moved on, maybe it will make it easier for him to know I truly loved and still love him and his efforts weren't useless.

I walk to the door with my heart banging against my rib cage. I take a deep shaky breath when I'm in front of it.

It's so late. I shouldn't be here. It's wrong. He despises me-

I ignore my intrusive thoughts and I lean forward to press on the bell-

I suddenly hear laughter and two loud voices behind the door and I try to listen more carefully but now I regret pressing the bell.

"Ohhh, your side piece?" a girl says and she immediately bursts into laughter.

Derek laughs and I recognize it instantly. No doubt it's him.

My heart sinks to my stomach.

Is this the right door? It cannot be.

My cheeks flush and I regret I pressed the bell before listening more carefully.

What should I do?!

I want to smash my head against the wall for coming here and hurting myself further.

When I think about running away the voices get closer and I can hear them clearer. I have no time to hide without looking even worse.

I want to find out what is happening... who is that woman... why is she here.

I can't get in the elevator because it's too slow and it makes a lot of noise. They'd probably just catch me right in front of them.

I quickly move sideways, I press my body against the wall firmly and I hope they see there is no one in front of the door and leave.

My heart thumping against my chest and I try to hold my breath but I slowly inhale too deeply and shaky.

"I'm not expecting anyone," Derek says and I abruptly hold my breath.

There are a few moments of silence and then I feel one of them leaning against the door and peeking through.

"There is no one," the woman states. I hate her voice.

"Let me check," Derek says with his usual protective tone and I gulp down hard. It used to be the tone he only used with me-

Fuck, he is going to open the door and I don't have enough time to flee.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I should have left sooner, I would have had time... but again he will see my car, I doubt he even knows it's my car but if they look through the window they will see me leaving. Or I could have waited on the stairs on another floor-

Derek opens the door and doesn't step outside so he doesn't see me.

"Let's go back to our fun," the girl says in a flirty voice and I hear the sound of a smooch.

I feel like throwing up. I feel like throwing up and I didn't even eat today. I squeeze my eyes and I don't even care to hold back my tears. My heart feels absolutely shattered and if death by heartbreak existed... I'd be the most dead person in the world.

Before Derek steps out, I decide to do the stupidest thing—he would have seen me anyway—and I step sideways almost near his door.

My eyes instantly fall on the girl. Antonia. She is hugging Derek from behind and she is holding with her other hand a very short and revealing towel that is barely covering her tall body.

My eyes get clouded and I look at Derek, he is in a tank top and filled with hickeys.

I furrow my eyebrows and I can't control my slightly agape mouth and disgusted face.

"No..." I mutter through cries and I don't care how pathetic I must look right now, I feel more pathetic for ever loving him.

He suddenly distances himself from her and she seems a bit taken aback but she doesn't even seem to understand why I am here.

I don't either.

She knew everything that happened between us, how much I suffered, and I know she owes me nothing, we aren't even friends but it still hurts to know I cried to her and Nicole about Derek and she was doing this.

Derek seems at a loss for words but he takes a step forward and Antonia tries to catch him by the wrist but he shrugs it off. I take a few steps backward instinctively, for the first time ever I want to be as far as possible from him.

He doesn't owe me shit. But it still hurts. It fucking aches me. It breaks my heart over and over again. He could have told me. He could have not acted jealous and angry when he saw me with Alexander.

Was it possible he left me for... her?

"I-" he tries to speak but I cut him off because I can't stand his voice right now.

"I came here... I came here to tell you the whole truth. To tell you I haven't been with anyone this year, Alex was the first time someone kissed me since you were arrested... and I didn't want to kiss him. He forced me. I wanted to tell you I've been crying over you for the whole past year. And how much I fucking-" I take a deep breath realizing I was going to say I love him.

And god knows how much I love him, but I won't tell him that, not after what just happened.

"I wanted you to know the truth, I didn't do drugs, I kept my promise. But you know what, Derek? Fuck that promise. You never believed me, you left me to carry the weight of your decision. I didn't ask you to take the blame for me. I didn't ask you to not trust me." The tears fall like a waterfall and they both stare at me shocked, Antonia more or less annoyed. She knew all of this already.

"So don't act all angry with me. Don't pretend you are mad at me as if I put you in prison, I wanted to admit it was my fault many times and you told Dominic to stop me. Don't pretend Alex kissing me hurts you, or that my feelings for you were never real." I take a deep breath and  I wipe away my tears, I walk to the elevator but he comes after me.

"I believe you, I always did, Veronica. I know it wasn't your fault with the drugs-" he says and I look at him petrified and confused.

"Was it just a cruel game to ignore me and have everyone torture me for a year because you lied it was my drugs?"

"I did it for you. I did everything for you. You don't understand. You don't know even half of it-"

"Fuck you, Derek, fuck you. Go to hell and tell your stupid friends to stop bothering me."

"I didn't tell Shanice to do that to you, I tried to fix it!"

"You should have fixed it by telling them the truth. You knew- you knew it wasn't my fault and you let me suffer for a year with no response."

I press the elevator button and luckily it's still here.

I glance at Antonia and she is just staring annoyed against the door. I scoff.

"I did r-"

The elevator door opens and makes a loud noise cutting Derek off. I get inside, pressing multiple times so it closes.

He doesn't even try to get in, further confirmation he has been fucking with me the whole time.

The doors close and I fall to my knees, bursting into a cry.

I get up when the elevator reaches the first floor and I look at the mirror for the last time.

My eyes are puffy and my concealer is running down my face. I look disgusting.

I leave the lobby as fast as I can and I shut the door closed.

When the cold air of October hits me, I shudder. Nothing like crying over heartbreak at almost 1 AM and while it's fucking cold and dead silent outside.

I wipe my tears with my sleeves and I pat a few times with the material, hoping to dry it a bit. The sleeve gets a bit dirty from the concealer and mascara.

I know they can't see me from here if they look out of the window because I'm still standing near the door and it's covered.

I step fully outside and I walk to my car, I search for my key through my pocket, and I-

A big forearm presses against my neck and I try to scream for help but nothing comes out as the man squeezes harder against my throat making it impossible to breathe.

My heart starts racing and I hope it's a joke or anything like last time Dominic grabbed me.

I get goosebumps all over my body when the man whispers in my ear, his hard liquor breath hitting my skin, I lose all hope it's someone I know.

"Sweet little poor thing, what are you doing all alone here?" His voice is old and raspy, and my skin crawls when he runs his other hand on my hips.

I try to move my head to the other side and push him away but he pulls me back even harder which hurts my throat.

It's just like that night. Fuck. No. It cannot happen again. There is no fucking way. I would not survive this. Please God no.

I refuse to believe it is happening again, and I don't freeze as I did back then. I keep fighting, I keep trying to hit him however I can but suddenly I feel other arms on me and I realize it's two men. I can't see their faces but I know they are way taller and broader than me.

I try to scream into his forearm and I feel my saliva all over his skin but nothing but a whimper comes out.

I pray Derek was watching me over the window, or anyone for that matter and they come here as fast as possible.

The other man lifts my shirt and jacket and his hands travel to my waist. My whole body shivers in disgust.

I whimper and I try to move away from him but the other man starts pressing harder against my throat and I feel my senses slowly disappearing.

"H- hel-" I try to yell again but he forces me to walk.

The black SUV. It was them. They followed me-

When they shove me inside the car I get one second to scream despite my throat burning and my eyes filled with tears which make it impossible to see.

"Help!" But it comes out more like a whimper and the man goes to the driving seat and the other gets in the back with me.

I finally see his face. Dark hair, dark brown eyes, light skin, and a lot of beard. I don't recognize him.

"Ple- ase, let me-" my voice comes out raspy and without any tone and I gently put my hand on my throat trying to massage it but it doesn't help.

The man takes the duct tape and forces my legs straight on the seat and he hovers over me.

I am terrified, my whole body is shaking in fear and I know I'm dying tonight.

"I don't bite," he mutters against my chin, and he leaves a small disgusting wet peck on it.

"Baby, he does bite. Don't trust him," the other man says and they both laugh as I cry in inaudible small whimpers.

"Pl-" I try to speak again but he puts the duct tape over my mouth and presses it hard.

I move in the seat and I begin kicking him with my legs and my arms, I almost fall from the seat and he pulls me to lay with my head flat against the leather.

When I shake my head and I try to move again, he raises his fist, and before I process what is happening he punches me in the face.

My whole vision goes dark and my body relaxes as I fall back onto the seat, losing consciousness.