Tanim thought he had given up hope, yet he knew, somewhere deep in his heart, that he still held onto it. He never said it out loud, but the feeling was there, making him carry on when he just wanted stop and let go.

The bag that the police found at the bottom of her drawer, was lying next to his study table on the corner. Being the closest kin around in the city, the police returned all her personal belongings to him. He didn't want to look inside the bag, in case he found something too private. What was the point of looking at her belongings anyway, when the owner wasn't here? Yet he knew he had to go through it, for the hope of finding any, even the slightest, clue.

'Might as well get it over with', he thought to himself as he moved towards the bag. He picked it up and put it on the bed after removing all the dust. It was a medium sized side bag with a big chain across the top and two side pockets on either sides. Seeing the the colour of the bag, pink, made his heart ache as it reminded him of a memory, from a sweet time that now seemed ages ago. He pushed the memory away, because it would only remind him of her.

Tanim opened the zip and found some usual cloths as he expected. The light blue top that she always wore, along with her favourite cream scarf was there. She always used to find a way to match that scarf with any dress. He chuckled remembering the time she went crazy looking for this scarf after he hid it. He was forced to give it back when she threatened to put his phone in the bin. She was on the verge of tears over a scarf! But at the end of each fighting session, they always made up, and soon forget all about it. Now Tanim felt guilty thinking of all the times he had teased her and made her upset.

Tanim felt relieved as there were no feminine objects in there. Close as they were, he respected her privacy. He found some more clothes, some that he had seen, and some that he never saw before. As he was going through them, he felt something poke his hand. It felt like a book. Knowing the bookworm that she was, he wasn't surprised to find a book in her clothes bag. In fact, he would've been surprised if there wasn't any.

However, surprise was yet to come as he pulled it out, wanting to see the name of the book that she was reading. Instead, he stood there frozen as he looked at the cover: because it wasn't a book.

It was a Diary. The Diary.

It was the Diary that she always kept mysterious. How many times has he tried to steal a glance at it, how many time had he begged her to let him have a peek! She kept it so secretive that it never occurred to him to look for it. Yet here it was in his hands, all for him to read. But in her absence it didn't feel right to go through it. Without opening it, he turned the navy notebook around. The outer cover was leather bound. The front and back was blue with no writing or picture apart from the right bottom corner at the front  cover where there was a small note. In black ink, bold letters, it said: "Do Not Open".

That so sounded like her.

Tanim hesitated for a moment, but curiosity got the better of him. Before guilt could take over, he turned the cover in a swift movement and found her neat cursive writing in the middle of the first page. He couldn't help but read:

"I believe that the bond that gives one the courage to start a new life with a stranger, leaving the old and known life behind, is a powerful one; it couldn't break as long as it is tightened with the knot of trust and the blessing of Allah SWT*. The name of this bond is Marriage."

It sounded so different than her usual childish self, yet Tanim could imagine her writing these very words, because he knew that within that silly persona, existed a very mature individual. Now that he started reading it, he couldn't stop. He wanted to see more of her mind.

Now he understood why she kept this diary so secretive: it probably recorded the events from her married life.
'Don't worry, I'll skip the romance part, if there is any', he said to himself, smiling, and turned the page over.

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*SWT: Subhaana Wa Ta'ala