Title: Forgive me!

Pairing: Oliver Wood x Reader

Word count: 2.9k

Published: 23 September, 2020

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

Notes: Well, this might be a bit of a dark fic compared to the rest of my Oliver stories, but let's be honest, my man can't have everything handed to him on a silver plate, even when he deserves it. Angsty and fluffy for a tumblr challenge.

1 May 1998, one of the darkest nights.

Your owl flew in through the open window with a letter in his beak. You quickly took it from him, ripping the envelope open anxiously upon recognising Shacklebolt's stamp. As you read through your letter, your jaw stiffened. It started. The war has begun.

You jumped off your bed, putting on some jeans and hoodie, whatever fell out of the wardrobe. Your head was a mess of thoughts, trying to imagine what was going on, who has been there already, how many of your enemies have been waiting, how many deaths have already happened. The whole wizarding world was struggling to think positively. At times like that, it was expected.

You headed towards the exit of your apartment, but you quickly turned back, looking at the empty flat. You wanted to say bye to him - no, you wanted to tell him that you would see him again. You wanted to lock your arms behind his neck, kissing him for what might have been the last time, but you couldn't. Oliver left the night before, throwing most of his cloths into a suitcase.

You had a little disagreement about participating in the war. He didn't want you to go, fearing for your life. He couldn't understand that your job as an Auror was just as dangerous. You wanted him to understand that you were capable of taking care of yourself, you were one of the best. But he couldn't understand. He was too lost in his worries for you.

*

"Why can't you understand? It's a part of my job, it's a part of my life. I have to be there; I have to protect the people I love." You threw your hands in the air in agitation.

"Exactly. You have to protect the people you love, so do I! I can't let you go out there and risk your life. What am I supposed to do without you?" He raised his voice, angering you further.

"You are worried about me. One person. A single human being. What about the hundreds of other people out there? Can you honestly let them die?" You shouted at him.

"Of course not, don't be silly. I will be there, the Order is going to be there, but you can't expect me to fight with a clear head, when all I would think about is where you are, what's happening to you, are you even still alive?" He tried to reason with you, but you were having none of it.

"So, you expect me to sit pretty and keep sipping on a cup of tea, whilst others are dying? You can't expect me to do that. If you do, then you don't know me." You retorted.

*

Soon the argument became heavier and harsher, both of you throwing accusation at each other that you didn't mean. The same night he packed his stuff and left.

You heaved a deep sigh, shaking your head. You needed to think clearly. Your rational and logical thinking couldn't be affected by emotions. You took a last deep breath, before closing the door behind yourself and apparated to Hogwarts.

The brightly lit spells directed towards the sky reminded you of a lightshow you have seen in muggle London when you were little. It scared you how beautiful something so dangerous could be. You started running towards the castle, hearing people shout, spells flying all around. You had to duck numerous times as a few missed spells changed directions. You ran into someone as you watched some Slytherin students fight on your side, making you frown at the unexpected event.

"Y/n!" You heard a familiar female voice. You looked up to see Mrs. Weasley with a pained, but sweet smile across her face.

"Molly!" You quickly hugged her, before letting her go. "Do you maybe know where I'm needed the most?" You asked as the elderly women nodded.

"Go up to the Owlery, my dear. Remus and Kingsley need a hand." She patted your shoulder, before giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm on it." You replied as you offered her a gentle smile. You started running up the gigantic castle, never realising how huge it was. You were never in as much rush as you were now, and you felt like the place were endless stairs and floors with countless corridors.

You reached the Owlery, wand already in hand as a Death Eater apparated inside the place, his wand already pointed at you. You quickly screamed the first spell you could recall, sending the man into a frozen state. You stood there shocked, reality hanging above you heavily. You finally started to understand how serious it's been. Now that you were in the middle of the front line.

"Y/n!" You heard your name, a male voice repeating it again and again, before you finally stepped out of your catatonic state.

"Remus, Kingsley." You nodded as you ran up to them. "Tonks!" You hugged the woman as you arrived beside them.

"Are you ready?" Kingsley asked. You hesitated to answer. Oliver's smiling face appeared in front of you, making you frown. You shook your head, not wanting your attention to be distracted.

"Can you ever be?" You asked, the man heaving a deep sigh in agreement. War wasn't ever something anyone could be prepared to participate in.

-

Colourful spells were flying around the castle, heart-wrenching screams echoing through the corridors. You felt devastated at the thought of people dying around you. You wanted to just hide in a corner and cry, but you couldn't let yourself be weak. Not now. You had to fight for those who were alive, who still had the will to go against one of the most powerful wizards and his allies.

You dodged a spell, before returning another towards the Death Eater. Your body was exhausted, your mind giving up on each and every positive thought you were previously harbouring. They were all slowly vanishing just like the people around you.

You could still vividly picture Tonks and Remus' lifeless body lying on the ground in the Great Hall, before you saw Fred Weasley surrounded by his sobbing family a couple of meters from them. You felt as if the air was knocked out of you. There were so many deaths, so many innocent lives taken.

You shook your head, concentrating on the Death Eater you were duelling with. You kept dodging his attacks with counter spells, but you weren't sure how long you were able to keep going. You couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It felt like an endless fight.

Your mind started wandering involuntarily to plans that you made for the future, all including Oliver. They all seemed pointless as you fought for your life. You weren't sure anymore if it was worth it. There were so many deaths. People who had families, whose loved ones died and here you were alone, still alive. You found it unfair.

Your thoughts took your attention away from the battle, your reactions slowing down. You missed the spell shooting towards you. You only realised it as you felt the colourful trail of light collide with your stomach, making you scream as the excruciating pain ran through your body.

You fell on your knees, screaming as loudly as your lungs let you, before there were no more air left in you. You felt like your lungs were on fire, your stomach burning, your eyes filled with tears, hurriedly rushing down your dirtied cheeks, a stinging feeling joining your abdominal pain as the salty liquid reached your split lips.

Your body was giving up, you fell hard onto the concrete floor. You didn't even feel the need to fight anymore, you just wanted to give up. Everything was painful. Your eyes remained closed, you were unable to open them, your body didn't respond anymore. You didn't want to just yet, but you gave in when darkness welcomed you warmly.

-

Oliver arrived at the battle long after it has started. Angelina and Katie were right behind him as they flew across the Hogwarts grounds on their brooms to join the fight. They landed right in the middle of the courtyard, wands out and ready as they attacked three Death Eaters fighting against a couple of fifth year students.

Oliver shot spells at the men, determination filling him up. He wanted each and every one of the Death Eaters dead so he could finally go and look for you. Right as he got the same letter you have earlier, he hurried back to your shared apartment, to see that you were long gone already. He cursed himself for leaving you so abruptly, especially in such dark times. He should have stayed, keeping you in his arms all night long, telling you how much you meant to him, how much he loved you.

He was stupid, he was stubborn and now he felt even more guilty than ever. He didn't dare to think of anything but you in his arms. He needed that feeling again. He needed your warmness, your slow, silent breathing to calm him down. He needed your mere presence beside him to calm him down. He just wanted you and he was to do anything to see you again.

He fought hard against the Death Eaters, his determination rooted in finding you and holding you in his arms. As he duelled, he remembered the last sweet moment you have spent together.

*

You were laying on his naked chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, making you smile sweetly as your eyes connected. He admired your smile, the warmness your eyes held, the loving gaze you were offering him.

"I love you." You whispered as you propped yourself up on your elbow, kissing him lightly.

"Not as much as I do." He breathed as he placed his hand behind your neck and pulled you against his lips, leaving you breathless. As he pulled away, he could see the dark blush spreading across your cheeks. You have been together for years, but he was still able to make you feel like a giddy little teenage girl and he was very well aware of it. He chuckled at your mindless state as he pecked your lips again. "You are adorable." He spoke with a playful lopsided smile.

"I hate you, Oliver Wood." You hit his chest gently, your lips pouting. He smiled sweetly at you, his fingers drawing little patterns on your arm, tickling the surface of your skin.

"That doesn't change my feelings though." He spoke in a warm tone. "I will always love you." He stated, making your eyes water.

"Even when I will be an annoying little brat and you get upset with me?" You asked with a cheeky smile.

"Even when you stop loving me." He smiled painfully as he got hold of your hand and played with the little silver ring around your finger.

"That will never happen." You shook your head with a deep frown. "I will never leave you. Please don't ever leave me either." You asked in the most desperate way you could.

"I will never leave you, leannan." He spoke lovingly, his voice enough to feel like a promise had been made. He lifted your hand and kissed your engagement ring, sealing his promise. "What would I do without you?"He looked up at you, hinting a small kiss on your forehead.

"You'll never have to find out." You giggled as you wrapped your arms around him once again, your head laying on top of his chest, a content sigh leaving your lungs.

*

But he did. He left you. He left when you both needed each other the most. He broke his promise and left you alone when you were the most vulnerable.

He screamed as he hit the Death Eater with a spell, his anger towards himself sending him a rush of power, his will growing by the second to find you.

-

The battle was over. Voldemort was defeated. Oliver was supposed to feel happy, but he couldn't find you. You weren't in the Great Hall, you weren't in the corridors, you weren't in the abandoned classrooms. He was tired, he could barely breathe, he didn't have much power to run, but he needed to find you. Your smiling face appearing in front of him, made his legs work faster, his brain realising the man was not stopping until you were in his sight.

He passed through the Astronomy tower, the place a mess of debris, not even an inch clear of the damaged walls and their pieces scattered around the floor.

He couldn't explain it, but as if it was calling him, he walked around the remains, his steps careful and calculated, searching for even a little spark of life. He could recognise some of the Death Eaters' lifeless body under the remains, a disgusted grimace taking over his face. He circled around the place, feeling as if his mind was playing with him. He was supposed to be searching for you and only you, not walking around the middle of nothing but dirt.

He was about to leave when something caught his eyes. A flash of light from the other side of the space. He walked closer, not expecting much to find, before the air stuck in him. You were laying on the ground, your body almost fully covered in the small pieces of debris, your ring shining as the rising sun's ray reached it.

"Y/n!" He breathed as he fell on his knees beside you. He felt like air was not coming to him naturally anymore. His breaths were shaky, his hand uncontrollable. He quickly started removing the little stones from you, throwing them away from your unconscious body. He wasn't sure if there was anyone who looked after them from above, but he was praying desperately for you to be alive, to see your smile again, to get scolded by you once more. He would have given anything to hear you scream at him, to see your cheeks turn red, but you seemed awfully pale.

He reached for your neck, placing his long fingers on the top of your skin, just above the purple little vein, praying for the little thumping feeling under the surface.

He heaved a relieved sigh as he felt your blood flow through the tiny little vein, his eyes watering as he finally felt like he can let go of his tears. A desperate sob left his lungs as he held you in his arms, leaving a small kiss on your forehead.

-

Oliver was sitting in the Great hall, your head laying in his lap as Madam Pomfrey finished treating the wound on your stomach. Your face started slowly gaining back its colour, your breathing taking on a more stable rhythm. 

He kept running his fingers through your dirt filled hair, while his other hand held onto yours, your fingers interlocked. He was hanging on to you desperately, wanting to see your beautiful eyes again, looking at him.

You started opening your eyes, your eyelids flattering, a light groan leaving your lungs at the uncomfortable feeling in your belly. Your eyes finally stayed open to meet the warmest brown irises you have been craving to see for a last time.

"Oliver-" you breathed.

"I'm here, leannan. I'm here. You are okay." He wanted to reassure you, but it was more to calm his own nerves. He desperately needed you to be okay, to stay by his side.

"What happened?" You asked as you tried to sit up, but he gently pushed you back.

"The war is over, leannan. Voldemort is dead." He replied, your eyes widening in surprise, a relieved sigh leaving your chest as it fell back abruptly. You understood his words, you reacted, but it didn't completely register just yet. It was too new and there were too many innocent deaths, you just couldn't be completely happy. "I'm so sorry. I know I screwed up, sweetheart. I know I was stupid. I'm so sorry, leannan." He was begging you to forgive him, but there wasn't a bone in you that needed to forgive.

"I'm not mad, love. I'm just glad you are okay." A small, pained smile appeared across your face as you lifted your hand and caressed his cheek. "I thought I would never see you again. I just wanted to look at you for a last time. I'm sorry for being so stubborn. Can you forgive me?" You asked, but he just shook his head.

"I don't have to forgive you. I love you, leannan, I love you so much. I can't tell you how glad I am that you are okay." You could see as he was fighting his tears back. "I thought I lost you, I was desperately searching for you. When I saw you lying on the ground, your skin, pale, your body-" he wanted to continue, but you placed a finger on his lips.

"I'm okay, love. I'm fine." You smiled up at him, gently pulling him down to yourself. He leaned down to you, his lips grazing yours, waiting for a confirmation. You nodded slightly, before he closed the gap. The kiss was desperate, needy, loving, but hurt.

The people you have lost, the loved ones; the friends, the colleagues, young students, teachers, allies. So many unnecessary deaths. You knew it would take time to recover, you knew you would never fully heal, but with Oliver beside you, you were sure that you would be on the right path to start your journey, the process of healing.

Notes: If you enjoyed the chapter, please don't forget to like and/or comment. Thank you :)