Title: You Must Remember This
Author: FranklinBarnes

Description:
This roaring homage to Catch-22 transplants dysfunctional bureaucracy to a Silicon Valley high school (aptly named Heller High School) plagued by incompetent students and even more incompetent teachers. One exploiter of the system is Franklin Barnes, who after growing tired of his peers' seeming disinterest in anything but the triviality of high school, writes a satirical manifesto lampooning all they stand for in the name of "becoming a good person." Ironically, his absurd maxims are lapped up by his peers, who see Frank's teachings as a fast track to success. After an admired teacher suggests Frank look into the Third Wave, Frank makes the misguided decision of seeing exactly how far he can take his new social experiment, his initial desire to help Heller see the light outweighed by his morbid curiosity. As Frank works on consolidating his own power, he deals with managing the angsty crises of his peers who through some miracle see Frank as a mentor, and the growing romantic attention of one of his devotees.

---

Your title isn't necessarily unique in itself, but it is uncommon enough to draw interest. Readers will take a look at it and wonder who the 'you' is, and why it is important that they remember this item or concept.

Your title doesn't give anything away as far as genre goes. I don't think that this is an issue for your story, as your summary is very quick to state the genre for itself.

Your summary gives readers a precise description of what they're in for. I also feel that, in a way, your story's description wanders a bit. It feels longer than it is, and has a sort of academic sound to it. This, in large, is because of how it's worded. I, as someone who is in academia currently and reads a lot of literature like this, saw no issue with that. However, a lot of readers on Wattpad might struggle with it. They may not necessarily find it boring, but they may see it as a bit too dense.

My advice for this: consider your audience. If you feel like your target audience won't struggle with these concerns, then I would recommend leaving it as it is. If your intended audience may, or has, expressed it as an issue, then you might have more to think about.

I want to move on to your plot next, and to begin, I'll address your primary genre.

I tend to struggle with satire, unless it is obvious. It's part of the way I think; I miss a lot of written sarcasm and satirical remarks.

I did not have an issue with that in your story. I knew ahead of time, from the description, that it was satire. This did help, but I also stepped away for a few days and came back to it. The second time, I skipped the description and jumped straight into reading. I tried to imagine what I would pick up on if I did not already know yours was a satire.

I was able to pick up on a great deal of your satirical commentary, and I feel like I understood how you and your characters were applying it. This is good, as I felt that it was understandable without being too elementary.

When I critique satires, this is one thing I look for. There should be an expectation that experienced readers of the genre will latch on to concepts with subtle hinting, while amateur readers may need more blatant examples. I think the balance of this works well, and you don't alienate your audience by making it either too simple or too intricate to follow.

Your plot, too, is easy enough to follow. The many different points of view did not alienate or confuse me as a reader; I love it when someone writes in multiple, interconnecting POVs in third person. For me, third person with only one main character gets very boring in the past tense.

Your connections between the characters, and your segways between different points of view, are both rather smooth. I understand the relationships and how the dynamics are shifting throughout. I also found a logic behind why certain characters' points of view are shown at different times. You do a nice job of showing the reader why those moments matter, and the shifts all make sense to me. I was particularly interested, early on, in the dynamic between John and Regina contrasted with the dynamic John had with Beth.

One thing I will say: someone else in your comments said something along the lines of your plotline is not as condensed as it should be. I can't remember which chapter I saw a version of this posted in, but it's worth mentioning here.

I both agree and disagree.

You give us plenty of time to learn about the characters, and to watch them form relationships.

It took nine or ten chapters to truly start seeing Frank's message being spread. I was waiting for the buildup, and I do feel like this took a bit longer than it should have to occur. I would also have been more engaged, particularly with the contents of the doctrine, if those items were mixed into a chapter instead of listed straight-out in numbered format.

While I was still intrigued by the themes and wanted to see how the school would begin to react, I felt that these slight issues took away a little bit of that anticipation for me by making me wait so long.

Aside from this, I didn't have a ton of issues with your plot. Your grammar, as well, seemed to be at a high standard. Once again, I think that your story (like your description) has a distinctly academic sound to it in terms of language. I have no qualms with this, and rather enjoy it, but I again feel that this goes both ways depending on your intended audience.

I found this to be easy to understand, despite my initial worries about the satirical elements. I also think that, as a whole, the story has an interest factor and characters who play right into some of the satirical tones, such as one who starts out looking to gain something for nothing. I see many of these connections to social settings, and I think that incoming readers will notice as well. New readers will also stick around for the dynamics between characters, and the implementation of Frank's manifesto. Maybe planting hints to aspects of the manifesto a chapter or two sooner, or including in a normally formatted chapter, could make this anticipation even more worthwhile.

Would I recommend this story? Yes, I would. Anyone who enjoys satire regularly, as well as those who are just getting into it, might think about trying this book. Teen fiction readers might also wander over to give it a look.

OVERALL SCORE: 96/100